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How Not To Install Computer Hardware

Posted by timothy on Tue Oct 21, 2003 02:43 AM
from the do-your-worst dept.
It's funny. Laugh. Hardware
ssassen writes "Most computer hardware websites tell you how to get your computer hardware up and running properly and not RMA it after the first boot. Hardware Analysis takes a different approach and tells us exactly how NOT to install computer hardware. They document many of the pitfalls that'll sound familiar to many enthusiasts and have some great pictures of what could go horribly wrong during an upgrade. Very funny, and guaranteed to put a smile on your face!"
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  • Repost! But improved! (Score:5, Informative)

    by eaglebtc (303754) * on Tuesday October 21 2003, @02:43AM (#7268219)
    See this article [slashdot.org] Much improved, though, with pictures to boot!

  • reads better.. (Score:3, Insightful)

    by gfody (514448) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @02:47AM (#7268230)
    if you replace "they" with "we"

  • Everything is hot swappable... (Score:5, Funny)

    by seanadams.com (463190) * on Tuesday October 21 2003, @02:51AM (#7268244) Homepage
    ...as long as nobody's looking!

    • Re:Everything is hot swappable... (Score:5, Funny)

      by questamor (653018) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @03:21AM (#7268360)
      I seem to have the most extraordinary luck (or I only come across tough hardware). I've hotplugged just about everything except a CPU, and the worst I've had is an OS crash. That includes all connectors, ram, graphics cards, vram, drives, psus fans and speakers.

      I tried the RAM and VRAM after realising I'd done some stupid things in the last 20 years and not killed any hardware, so pressed my luck and did those too.

      I think if I do a CPU next I'll be just about complete
      • I used to have such luck. 22 years of PC building and rebuilding (and lots of work on non-PCs before that) and never damaged any hardware (except for a melted SCSI cable; boy, those ribbon cables don't last for many seconds when +5 VDC at one end connects to ground at the other end.) But my good-luck string ended earlier this year when I mistook "powered-down" for "switched-off" one too many times. I didn't even know I had done it until I received a small shock while swapping the AGP video card, (the back
      • Heh.

        Interesting note, at Netmar [netmar.com] last year, we were doing spring cleaning, and we unearthed an old sun system, the kind that looks like a dorm fridge. Well, to our surprise, it had a quad proc hypersparc board on it's backplane. We were thrilled to death, so we immediately tried to turn it on. Only problem? Even after multiple years of not being in service, the PROM still had a password on it to make it boot.

        What was the solution? After poking around google groups forever, we came across a page that h
  • Here's how NOT to install software:

    XP Knows Best [netmojo.ca]
    1. Don't install computer hardware while drunk. It'll sure be funny in the morning, but only if you haven't managed to plug things in such a way that they don't blow up.
    2. Don't install computer hardware with all the components plugged in AND on. Yeah, I know that it's good practice to keep the plug in while holding the computer case for installing components so you stay grounded, but when it's all on, I'm sure something's liable to fry. Of course, USB might be an exception, but considering how often hot-plugging USB stuff crashes my comp, it might be best to stay away from that, too. ;)
    3. Don't install components while having sex. Either your SO doesn't care, or he/she is the biggest geek ever, and you're one lucky person.
    4. Don't install components while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I tried that once. It wasn't pretty.

    5. See, you didn't need to read that article at all. Let's keep up the slashdot tradition!

  • Way back in the day... (Score:5, Funny)

    by chill (34294) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @03:00AM (#7268277) Journal
    I used to work in a retail computer store specializing in Amiga computers. The A1200 was notorious for being difficult to install expansion boards into the trapdoor slot.

    I had one accelerator try to be returned after the customer tried to install it themselves.

    I looked at the unit and the pins connecting the card connector to the board were bent and there were chips out of the motherboard.

    I told the customer that it looked like they took a screwdriver to the edge and used a hammer to try and pound the card into the slot.

    I kid you not, the reply was "I did. So what? The manual didn't say *NOT* to hit it with a hammer and screwdriver".

    We didn't accept the return. I explained that my supplier would laugh me out of business if I tried to return it with chisel marks.

    $200 down the drain because the cheap bastard didn't want to spend the extra $10 to have us install it.
    • Well there's the reason why both Amiga AND your old shop went out of business. I remember those cards, we used to install them for free just to avoid these problems. And there's your dealership down the drain just because you were such a cheap bastard you wanted every customer to spend an extra $10 to have you install it.
    • Installing cards can be tricky. Here's what my girlfriend did when trying to install a PCI-card (creds to her for trying, though):

      On this particular computer there were more openings in the back of the case than there were PCI-slots on the motherboard. She fastened the card to the case without putting it in a PCI-slot. Then she wondered why it didn't work. I had a hard time not to laugh when I discovered what she had done. I think I did ok, though, since she is still willing to do her own upgrades. :-)

    • Re:Way back in the day... (Score:5, Funny)

      by WegianWarrior (649800) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @04:16AM (#7268510) Journal

      Reminds me of the large poster we have hanging in the workshop (I work with pneumatic, hydraulic and mechanical components for military jets, as well as other related items (ECS, EPU and so on)):

      If it jams - force it! If it breaks, it needed repair anyway!


      Seriously thought, there is a reason why the users manuals for comsuber electronics has page up and down with warnings how not to use the product - my new 30" widescreen television (a big thing weighting so much you need two ordinary people or four geeks to lift it) shall not - according to the manual - be used in the shower or bathtub... Obvioulsy some people lack any trace of common sence, and need to be told every little thing.

      • shall not - according to the manual - be used in the shower or bathtub...

        That's my Stupid Sign Theory(tm). The reason that really stupid sign/instruction manual is there is because some stupid bastard actually tried it already.

        "Do not return used condom to manufacturer"

        That's *my* personal favourite!

      • Seriously thought, there is a reason why the users manuals for comsuber electronics has page up and down with warnings how not to use the product - my new 30" widescreen television (a big thing weighting so much you need two ordinary people or four geeks to lift it) shall not - according to the manual - be used in the shower or bathtub... Obvioulsy some people lack any trace of common sence, and need to be told every little thing.

        Behind every stupid statement like that in an owner's manual is a story.

      • Re:Way back in the day... (Score:5, Interesting)

        by AllUsernamesAreGone (688381) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @08:01AM (#7269472)
        "Obvioulsy some people lack any trace of common sence, and need to be told every little thing."

        Which assumes, of course, that they actually read them. My experience is that people will only look at documentation (printed or otherwise) when all other options - including helpdesks, support lines, friends, prayer and personal application to God or Godess of choice - have been exhausted. And then the read it incorrectly or misunderstand it and break it anyway.

        My opinion is that companies that provide user obsequious documentation is preventing the correct course of evolution...
    • For those who remember Acorn computers, their A5000 4 to 8 Mb upgrade has to rate as the most kludgy memory upgrade ever sanctioned by the manufacturer. I took my machine to a component-level dealer (a portacabin on four sets of bricks in a suburban back garden), and there were 3 people fitting these things. They took out the motherboard, put on the 4 layers of socket, wood, plastic, more socket, lined it all up carefully (the components on the motherboard apparently drifted by several mm), and then belted

    • Re:Way back in the day... (Score:5, Funny)

      by B747SP (179471) <slashdot@selfabusedelephant.com> on Tuesday October 21 2003, @05:07AM (#7268641)
      We didn't accept the return. I explained that my supplier would laugh me out of business if I tried to return it with chisel marks.

      I came in at the funny end of a hard disk DSAA (Dead Shortly After Arrival) story a few years back. Cuntstomer bought a new HDD from the computer story where SWMBO worked. Took it home, set stuff up. HDD went unserviceable within a day or so. Just plain bad luck in that respect..

      Unfortunately, aforementioned cuntstomer had a Friend Who Knows About Computers(tm) handy. Somehow or other, the FWKAC managed to convince him that he could recover the data by opening the disk.

      Trouble was, the disk didn't have common-or-garden phillips head screws, it used some new-fangle torx thingamy. No problem, FWKAC simply took to it with a battery powered drill, and drilled out the torx screws to get the case open.

      A bit like a dog chasing a car I suspect - no idea what he was going to do with it when he got it open.

      Anyway, the after all this, the cuntstomer brought the disk back expecting warranty replacement.

      Owner of the shop was an astute, but somewhat unorthodox HK Chinese cum New Zealander cum Australian (and last time anyone checked, living in China). He took one look at it all, and laughed. Right in the cuntstomer's face.

      And laughed. And laughed, and laughed. Funniest effing thing that any of us had ever seen. History doesn't record the cuntstomer's reaction, but it does state that he didn't get his warranty replacement.

      7+ years later, we're all still laughing.

  • 'If card does not fit into expansion slot, cut card to fit, using hacksaw, belt sander or bread knife.'

    Which may sound far-fetched, but there are tales aplenty of this kind of incompetence at the excellent TechTales [techtales.com].

  • Don't ever try this: I mounted a hard drive cage for measuring without securing it with a screw... then I proceeded to do measurements from the front of the case. I pressed at the floppy drive without thinking, *WHOMP*, my precious drives took an instant trip to the bottom of the case. Fortunately there was no data loss, but don't try it ;)
  • From the aforementioned website, with around 40 comments posted thus far:

    "There are 17 registered and 5413 anonymous users currently online. Current bandwidth usage: 1406.08 kbit/s"

    Wow... betcha they notice that real quick!

  • Mounting the heatsink (Score:5, Insightful)

    by ctrl-alt-elite (679492) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @03:14AM (#7268335)
    The scariest part of upgrading I've found is the daunting process of mounting the heatsink on the processor. Most newer heatsinks have a little latch that helps with ease of installation, but there're always those renegade heatsinks without latches that just give me the jibblies to install.

    It wouldn't be so much of a problem if the heatsinks didn't require so much force to fit over the nubs on the processor housing that you have to press on them with a screwdriver, risking the integrity of the printed circuitry around the processor and your sanity as you press down on them in hope that they'll fit. But no... they still make you press like there's no tomorrow.
    • Same thing happened to me recently. I put together a webserver for a friend and based it on an Athlon XP2100 with a crappy ECS motherboard.

      Had it working fine at home under light load but it was acting funny during software installation. Thought it was the crap CDRom drive I threw in it and ignored it. Big mistake.

      Later I took it to his office, hooked it to the t1 and got it all setup. It was working ok..until the freezups, random reboots and crashing started THE NEXT DAY.

      He finally dropped it off
  • Step 8a...

    After your webserver is configured, create a page that has technical information that geeks are interested in, and have a friend submit a story to slashdot about it.

    Step 8b...

    Sit back, and watch the blinking lights turn solid with activity, as your 14 registered users get dogpiled with 6099 anonymous slashdotters. Admire the wonderful smell of melting IC chips while looking for your warranty paperwork.

    krystal_blade
  • For some stupid reason, the pink stripes on HDD and floppy ribbon cables are on different sides (HDD to the right, floppy to the left looking at the back of the drives. Not all cables and drives have keyed connectors and you *can* plug them in upside down! Roll on S-ATA.

    • It didn't hurt anything, though, it just didn't work. Power off, change cable around, turn on, all good.

      Not recommended, though! :)

      • I once went back and forth with a floppy cable until I noticed that one of the pins on the drive itself was bet.

        Fortunately nothing was damaged, and I was able to get it working again after tooling around with a vice grips. Not that a floppy drive would have been a great loss anyway.
  • and I can't RTFM I'm going to make wild speculation and say something that may/may not be true. When installing hardware always make sure that you are wearing a nice wooly jumper to make sure that you protect yourself from all the static that will build up. Also if you are trying to install a memory DIMM and it doesn't quite work, just press it hard so the mother board creaks

    Rus

  • Upgrading is easy... (Score:4, Funny)

    by Realistic_Dragon (655151) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @03:28AM (#7268382) Homepage
    Just make sure you have done a full (or preferably 2) full backups first - then it doesnt matter what you do to your PC, nothing will go wrong. Hell, juggle the ram chips, play football with the hard disk, drop bits onto passing pedestrians... whatever the hell you feel like. It'll all work just fine.

    This state of affairs can obviously be implied from the case where you attempt to upgrade without backing up and it takes 0.0000001 seconds for something fatal to happen to your hard disk.
  • Considering their poor server is at this very moment in the process of becoming a molten lump of metal and slag, they should probably give some thought to renaming the article "Hardware Analysis: How NOT to configure a webserver"
  • How about a slashdot article explaining how to slashdot a server. And in the brief summery on the frontpage, let's have the URLs included to SCO, RIAA, and Disney...etc.
  • Don't force it. I've fried a grand total of one item, an old Maxtor 120MB drive. Was plugging it into a new comp to pull some files off it, put the power connector in upside down, noticed it didn't fit, forced it on, turned the system on, watched a pretty blue spark shoot from one of the chips, and begin smoking. Doing a postmortem on the drive, I noticed that one of the chips had bubbled from my stupidity.

    Fortunately, I had nothing that was irreplacable on the drive -- I was just plugging it in because it

  • ...I wish I were joking when I say that a lot of the stuff in that article frightens me more than it amuses me. Some of this stuff I've done, and apparently I shouldn't have. I basically taught myself how to put a system together through trial and error (and error, and error, and ERROR).

  • Dan's Data Did it first. (Score:4, Informative)

    by Gwala (309968) <adam@@@gwala...net> on Tuesday October 21 2003, @04:28AM (#7268538) Homepage
    Dan's Data: Step by Step 3: How to destroy your computer [dansdata.com]

    It's a much funnier article - and still relevant, despite the fact that it's been there for ~5 years now. :)

  • retailers: quit whining, get better products (Score:3, Insightful)

    by penguin7of9 (697383) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @05:04AM (#7268632)
    that these enthusiasts are a retailer's nightmare; the constant flow of hardware back and forth puts a considerable amount of stress on the retailer and his service personnel.

    The rate at which "enthusiasts" return stuff can't possibly compete with the rate at which regular, frustrated users return stuff for perfectly valid reasons. I suspect more than half of all new computer products don't work as advertised, have serious defects, are incompatible with systems they claim to be copatible with, or don't work at all. That's part of the business, but if companies put out so much defective stuff, the least they can do is take back the stuff that really doesn't work right without complaining. A lot of companies just seem to be outsourcing user testing to paying end users.

    • A coworker fried his motherboard with that. I think modern motherboards protect against that, but don't take that too seriously -- I stick to USB.

      Another coworker used to hot swap SCSI drives all the time. Standard SCSI, not some hot-swappable kind. It eventually caught up to him; he blew his motherboard.

      "Why?" we asked him.

      "Well, Bob does it all the time."

      "Yeah," we said, "but did you notice Bob works in a repair shop?"

      • I use SCSI equipment in my home machine and I would never *think* of trying to "hot-swap" it, or anything else apart from USB for that matter (well, I admit to sometimes switching network cable and arranging speaker cords while things are turned on).
    • The reboot is only required on Windows...

    • Re:PS2 Mice (Score:5, Interesting)

      by zakezuke (229119) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @04:13AM (#7268500)
      You wouldn't believe how many people don't realize you can fry a motherboard that way...

      I have to pleed ignorance here, never knew you COULD fry a motherboard this way. In fact... I can't think of a hell of alot you can do to the ps/2 ports that would fry a motherboard. I'll tell ya why, cause the 5volt line has a fuse on it. I can't remember the rating, something like 2amp @ 120v or some such, a pretty damn massive fuse considering the typical load on those ports.

      I can believe that you can do harm with a straight short, but i've seen motherboards survive coffee in the keyboard and my self i've shorted out a keyboard or two being foolish, and the motherboards in question only needed a replacement fuse.

    • On the other hand, I have lost count of the times where my system has had a "hard shutdown" (either because of power failure or because I knocked the plug out of the wall) and where my USB mouse wont work again untill I unplug it and plug it back in. Wierd but thats the way things seem to go.

    • Re:PS2 Mice (Score:5, Insightful)

      by jeti (105266) on Tuesday October 21 2003, @04:43AM (#7268572) Homepage
      The one that really kills me is when someone plugs in a PS2 mouse while the system is running

      The one that really kills me is that there are people who design a system that can be destroyed by reattaching a mouse.
    • Hmm, let me test that out.

      Unplug, plug, ok, no problem works fine.
      Unplug, plug, ok, no problem works fine.
      Unplug, plug, ok, no problem works fine.

      Well my PC is still working, I cant see any pr
      • I personally have witnessed two fried systems due to ps2 ports being connected while the system was running. It's not common, but it is certainly possible.
      • A friend of mine and myself have an ongoing debate on this very topic. I know I'm right because I've seen it happen, but he insists that there's no danger to simply unplugging and plugging in PS2 goodies whenever he pleases. I cringe every time he does it, but so far he's just been lucky.
      • Yeah, there never was a Y2K problem either, because my machine from 2002 never had any problems.
    • Thigs that can go wrong: when your new box gets slashdotted!

      There are 13 registered and 7025 anonymous users currently online. Current bandwidth usage: 1949.91 kbit/s
    • Well, I suppose this definitively proves that /. readers actually do RTFA. When they can.

      On a more serious note, now that the webserver has lost touch with reality... yeah. Some of the dumb things I see being done on these sites really scares me whenever I think I might want to save money and build my next machine myself... I've been doing a lot of searching for components and suchlike, and I managed to scavenge a PC Gamer feature on building it yourself from about a year ago, but I'm still apprehensiv
      • We're actually on a 100Mbit connection right on the AMS-IX, one of the fastest internet gateways in Europe. We're doing just fine actually, we just needed to reconfigure Apache to allow for more simultaneous users, the server is not even close to being taxed. In case you're wondering what we're running, I've listed the configuration below.

        - 2 x Intel 2.8GHz Xeon with HT
        - Tyan Tiger i7501 motherboard
        - 2GB of PC2100/DDR266 Registered DDR memory
        - 4 x Seagate Cheetah 15K3 HDs, 37GB, U320 SCSI
        - Adaptec 220

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