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Spoiler-Free Review of Indiana Jones

Posted by CmdrTaco on Wed May 21, 2008 08:50 AM
from the something-to-read dept.
Movies Entertainment
Following last week's sour review of Indiana Jones, Seamus123 links us to "A spoiler-free review of the brilliant new Indiana Jones film, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Much has been made of the revival of the series: is Harrison Ford too old, is Shia LeBeouf any good and can it live up to the three previous movies? All these questions — and some surprising answers — are found in Den of Geek's review." Personally I'll see it no matter what.

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[+] Early Review Calls New Indiana Jones Film Dreadful 643 comments
bowman9991 writes "Hope this one isn't true! An early negative review calls the upcoming "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" movie predictable, lacking in tension, and a fan's worst nightmare. SFFMedia believes this new Indiana Jones movie could create a similar reaction a lot of people experienced after watching the first of the last three Star Wars movies, 'The Phantom Menace': you wait for years and years, the anticipation building, and then it's so awful it taints your view of the original movies. Of course George Lucas was involved with Star Wars too." The SFFMedia piece refers to this review on Ain't it Cool News. The trailer I saw (before Iron Man) actually looked great to me, so I'm taking this with a grain of salt.
Firehose:Spoiler- Free review of the new Indiana Jones film by Seamus123 (1292630)
[+] Games: LucasArts Layoffs Spark Many Rumors, Including KOTOR 3 133 comments
It seems that LucasArts has laid off somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 employees, sparking all sorts of interesting leaks and rumors. Chief among the rumors seems to be another carrot in the chase for the LucasArts/Bioware MMO project, which according to one employee, will take the shape of KOTOR 3. "Most interesting, however, is the information they provide on how the layoffs leave the company severely short-staffed as they approach a packed development schedule, one which it appears may be increasingly outsourced. Some of the titles they report LucasArts apparently have in this stacked pipeline, whether as publisher or developer, include: KOTOR 3, Battlefront 3, 'The Official Indiana Jones' game, another LEGO based game based on the Indy universe, and 'a lightsaber game for the Wii.'"
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  • I can deal with LeBeouf in this Jones movie but I've already heard (and I hate to sound like Entertainment Tonight) that Spielberg has asked LeBeouf to carry on as the main character in a string of potential sequels.

    Could this be good? Maybe. But I sure will lament the loss of Ford. In any event I hope to god that LeBeouf's character doesn't assume Indie's role or character or name directly in the coming movies. I haven't seen Crystal Skull yet so I can't say if they're setting us up for that the end (I hope not).

    You know, I love the attitude of Indiana Jones and everything about the character but I'm going to get tired of it if you keep rehashing it. You know, it's ok to try out new things and introduce new personalities. In fact, it's almost required for the audience not to lose their interests. Hell, I wouldn't even mind if Lucas kept stealing high level plot lines from Akira Kurosawa films--so long as I don't get the same thing in 6+ movies of a diluted film franchise.

    I joked with my roommates that we're not far from Lucas re-releasing a "Special Edition" of The Last Crusade where River Phoenix is superimposed with the image of Shia LeBeouf for continuity (a la Anakin Skywalker's apparition in Return of the Jedi). I know he's not the young version of Indiana Jones but I'm so sick and tired of that kind of stuff. Where's Drew Berrymore so she can step in and convince Lucas we should take this chance to replace all the scary whips in Indiana Jones with licorice sticks.

  • Meesa gonna see it too! (Score:5, Funny)

    by Rogerborg (306625) on Wednesday May 21, @08:54AM (#23491216) Homepage

    Meesa no wait for poodoo reviews! Meesa gonna give bigsa clink-clink to franchise rightawaysa! What could go wrongsa?

    • Re:Meesa gonna see it too! (Score:5, Funny)

      by Mastadex (576985) on Wednesday May 21, @09:00AM (#23491276)
      "Meesa no wait for poodoo reviews! Meesa gonna give bigsa clink-clink to franchise rightawaysa! What could go wrongsa?"

      I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of English teachers suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

    • Re:Meesa gonna see it too! (Score:5, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday May 21, @09:15AM (#23491424)
      It's his sled. It's his sled from when he was a kid. There, I saved you two long, boobless hours.

  • RIP Denholm Elliott (Score:5, Funny)

    by InvisblePinkUnicorn (1126837) on Wednesday May 21, @08:56AM (#23491224) Homepage
    It's a shame there won't be a Marcus Brody role in this one, as the actor died a few years after the Last Crusade. One of the funniest scenes in the trilogy was from this one:

    Elsa: It's perfectly obvious where the pages are... he's given them to Marcus Brody.
    Henry: Marcus?! You didn't drag poor Marcus along did you? He's not up to the challenge.
    Donovan: He sticks out like a sore thumb. We'll find him.
    Indy: The hell you will! He's got a two day head start on you, which is more than he needs. Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the grail already.

    (next scene)

    (Brody disembarks from the train along with the other passengers, a cross-section of Arabs and Turks.)
    Brody: Is there anyone here who speaks English? Or maybe even ancient Greek?

  • No matter what? (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday May 21, @08:59AM (#23491264)
    > Personally I'll see it no matter what.

    Then the terrorists have already won

  • Spoiiler Free ...HA! (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Hankapobe (1290722) on Wednesday May 21, @09:06AM (#23491334)
    I don't know about you guys, but when I see the ending of this movie, I guarantee that I won't be surprised. Hollywood has become too predictable. The only time I've ever been surprised by a movie ending was "The Sixth Sense". Even "Crying Game" didn't surprise me because I recognized the actor from "Stargate".

    When I do know the ending from hearing it from others, it has no affect on my enjoyment of the movie. Great film making is great film making. Everyone knew the ending of "Titanic" but it is the biggest blockbuster ever.

    I want to know everything about the movie before I go a spend $10 on a ticket to see it. Nothing pisses me off more than going out with the wife and spending $20 on shit.

    • Re:Spoiiler Free ...HA! (Score:5, Insightful)

      by houghi (78078) on Wednesday May 21, @09:40AM (#23491688) Homepage

      When I do know the ending from hearing it from others, it has no affect on my enjoyment of the movie. Great film making is great film making. Everyone knew the ending of "Titanic" but it is the biggest blockbuster ever.
      I only partly agree. It depends on the movie. A film like the 6th sense rides on the surprise and thus gives you a different experience that you now will never have.
      Many other movies do not depend on the twists and turns of the story, like LotR. Many people enjoyed it even though it was clear what would happen.

      Many movies are just a trip from A to B, like LotR. You have a ring, you need to get rid of it and that is what happens. Other movies, like the sixt sense, the change of direction in the story is the goal of the storyteller.

      Yes, American movies seldom use the twist to suddenly point in a complete different direction. Most of the time they just sidestep a bit, or they go completely overboard and do more turns then a drunken balerina. One thing you often need not to do is think and that is what those plot twists need.

    • Re:Spoiiler Free ...HA! (Score:5, Interesting)

      by 0100010001010011 (652467) on Wednesday May 21, @09:43AM (#23491748)
      As far as "woa" movies go. Arlington Road was probably the one that caught me the most off guard. But so did Fight Club. No one says you have to watch NEW movies. I'll hear about an obscure older movie and see if I can find it somewhere there are a ton of Independent Films that never got exposure because they predated the internet.

      One of my favorite movies is The Man from Earth. Simple, 0 CGI and it's a great discussion and there's even a small plot twist at the end.

          • Re:Spoiiler Free ...HA! (Score:5, Funny)

            by CrazedWalrus (901897) on Wednesday May 21, @10:03AM (#23491980) Journal
            There was only one death I wanted to see. The sight of Jack's cold, dead body sinking into that dark, shark-infested ocean made that entire interminable movie worth seeing. The only thing that would have made it better would be if the sharks had lasers to cook him first.

            Even more amusing is the IMDB entry:

            Jack Dawson was a character in the hit movie "Titanic" in 1997. His love was with Rose DeWitt Butiker, a first class rich person. Jack was third class. Jack got on the boat by winning a poker game with his two buddies. While Jack was on the Titanic, he was arrested as the boat began to sink, but Rose came to save him. Jack died on April 15, 1912, after the Titanic sank because of hypothermia.


            Apparently the Titanic sank because of hypothermia. Poor ship just needed a blanket and a Cup O' Noodles.

  • CGI (Score:5, Insightful)

    by qoncept (599709) <jgould AT bellsouth DOT net> on Wednesday May 21, @09:12AM (#23491382) Homepage
    "A conscious decision in production was made to steer clear of CGI effects when possible and perform stunts the old-fashioned way"

    Thank god. CGI made Star Wars 3 one of the worst movies I've ever seen. "This chair doesn't look quite right, can you paint it orange?" "I'll just make a quick 3d model of it instead. You know -- to ensure the movie doesn't look too real."

    • Re:CGI (Score:5, Insightful)

      by esocid (946821) on Wednesday May 21, @09:40AM (#23491692)
      Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. Well, the Thank god part.
      I really think directors need to stick to using "real" effects instead of cgi simulations. We can still tell the difference, so all it does is interrupt the movie and make me aware that I'm really watching a movie. The goal should be to immerse the viewer, no matter how outlandish the plot may be, and not to make him say 'wow, that looked so fake.' And while I'm at it, I'd rather see some sort of puppet/animatron than a cgi character to be completely honest, however, LOTR did a good job with Gollum.

  • Spoiler (Score:5, Funny)

    by homer_s (799572) on Wednesday May 21, @09:15AM (#23491418)
    Indiana Jones wins and the villain loses.

  • honestly now (Score:4, Insightful)

    by X_Bones (93097) <danorz13NO@SPAMyahoo.com> on Wednesday May 21, @09:26AM (#23491528) Homepage Journal
    Personally I'll see it no matter what.

    Why? Just because of the first two words in the title? That, frankly, is a piss-poor reason to see a movie.

    Yours is the exact attitude that causes movie studios to continue producing terrible sequels and re-makes instead of movies that are worth watching. Why innovate when you can imitate for cheaper and people will eat it up anyway, right?

    • Re:honestly now (Score:5, Insightful)

      by cvas (150274) on Wednesday May 21, @10:17AM (#23492158)
      That, frankly, is a piss-poor reason to see a movie.

      How did you come to that conclusion? It is the fourth film in a franchise that has produced, at the very least, some entertaining movies.

      And if there is imitation going on, it is all the people from the first three imitating themselves. This isn't some Flavor of the Month franchise that they handed to a no name director because the guy that handled the first one moved on to bigger and better things. This is the team that brought us one of the most iconic action movies of recent times taking another stab at the character.

      In my book, that's a damn good reason to see a movie.

      Yes, even if it turns out to be crap. How am I going to know until I see it? Reviewers? (insert sounds of maniacal laughter)

      I understand what you are trying to say, and with almost any other sequel (hell, any other movie) released lately I would be agreeing with you, but in this case I think your ire is misdirected.
  • Dah-nuh-da-da!

    *whipcrack*

    *wisecrack*

    *swiiiiiiing*

    *punchpunchpunch*

    INDY!!!

    Dah-nuh-da-da!

  • Review seems forced... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by BobMcD (601576) on Wednesday May 21, @09:38AM (#23491658)
    Is it just me, or is everything WAY too positive in this 'review'? This is less a critique of the film and more of a plug for it.

    Things like -

    He's really old, but that's a GOOD thing!

    - just wear thin on me.

  • That's not a review... (Score:4, Insightful)

    by ghostdoc (1235612) on Wednesday May 21, @09:39AM (#23491682)
    that's a vomit-inducing puff piece. I only managed to read the first three paragraphs before my gag reflex kicked in and I had to look away for a while.

    I can only take so much sugar in my reading material.

  • Oh rally? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by McNihil (612243) on Wednesday May 21, @10:43AM (#23492500)
    "...Crystal Skull is an absolute triumph, and a picture-perfect tribute to one of cinema's great action franchies..."

    OMG by bullshit detector just exploded.

    • Re:My review: (Score:5, Interesting)

      by Creepy (93888) on Wednesday May 21, @09:55AM (#23491896) Journal
      Most if not all of the Crystal Skulls are fake artifacts. All of the ones tested date to the 19th century.

          The most famous one, the Mitchell-Hedges skull has not been allowed to be studied, but it was reportedly found in Lubaantun in Belize (when it was British Honduras). The problem is, no one acknowledges the finder, Anna Mitchell-Hedges was at the dig, though later her adopted father said in his autobiography (I think) the skull was at least 3600 years old. I severely doubt that it is authentic and believe it is more of a money/attention grab, but it fits well with Indiana Jones since all of the movies have been about mythological objects that may or may not be real.

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