Ask Internet Expert Dave Barry 390
This is a man who obviously knows a lot about the Internet. I am not making this up. He wrote a book about it. He has his own blog, his own Web site, and his own online alt.fan newsgroup with its own FAQ. Not only that, he is in a band and writes a syndicated humor column that often covers matters of interest to Slashdot readers. What are you going to ask him? Up to you, as long as you hold it down to one question per post. We'll send Dave 10 of the highest-moderated questions and post his answers as soon as we get them back, after which we're sure many alert readers will have much to add even if they haven't heard about Bennett Haselton's excellent automated Dave Barry column generator.
Shouldn't that be ... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Shouldn't that be ... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Shouldn't that be ... (Score:4, Funny)
Question: (Score:4, Interesting)
Big Trouble (Score:5, Interesting)
Link for Big Trouble (Score:3, Informative)
Gotta love the karma whoring.
-Lucas
What does Dave think about... (Score:3, Funny)
Childhood dream? (Score:4, Interesting)
So, when you were a little kid, were you the class clown type, where all of your humor come naturally and you flaunted it in the lunchroom or in the halls, whether everyone else was laughing at you or not?
Seriously, did you want to become a humourous writer/author when you were a child? When did you realize it could be a viable career?
Thx,
Ryan
Dave's World (Score:4, Interesting)
When you vote.... (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:When you vote.... (Score:3, Funny)
Fair Use (Score:5, Interesting)
Hiroshima (Score:5, Interesting)
You've written a few more very serious pieces, such as the column on your visit to one of the 9-11 crash sites.
My question is why do you not do more serious columns and articles like these more often? While I think that your columns and humor articles are great (milk-through the nose funny, frequently) I can't help but feel that the Hiroshima and 9-11 articles were better.
Re:Hiroshima (Score:5, Informative)
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/colum
Even if you don't normally like Dave Barry's stuff, you should read this. It's quite good.
Re:Hiroshima (Score:3, Interesting)
What do you think of Wil Wheaton? (Score:4, Interesting)
A few, like you, Wil, Bill Shatner, Moby, Adam Curry, etc. openly embrace technology and don't fear the 'geek' label.
What's your take on the state of celebrity & personal technology. Are most celebrities to dumb to run a Tivo or use eBay?
Slashdot Effect (Score:5, Funny)
Band names (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Band names (Score:3, Interesting)
The Natalie Portman Project Featuring Hot Grits
Jon Katz Overdrive
Cheers,
Mzilikazi
Re:Band names (Score:3, Funny)
Personal Technology Wishes (Score:5, Interesting)
Nonsanity
Pop Tart Flamethrowers (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Pop Tart Flamethrowers (Score:5, Funny)
Mr. Barry,
Like others, I have heard of your Pop Tart experiments, and I was quite distressed by them. Since your first mention of this subject was (I believe) some years ago in
- Dave Barry in Cyberspace
, I'm curious to know whether you've since renounced your toastercidal ways. Do you now have remorse for the harm you've done and the example you've set for the children of the world?So what is Mr. Chuckletrousers up to these days? (Score:2, Interesting)
I am typing this on the Intarnet!
Status of low-flow toilet legislation? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Status of low-flow toilet legislation? (Score:3, Interesting)
Turned out the company that sponsored the law was the producer of low-flow toilets.
I wonder if this sitcom plot has any basis in reality? Dave? What has your research found?
Publishing in the future (Score:5, Interesting)
Question (Score:3, Funny)
Space Shuttle Humor (seriously) (Score:5, Interesting)
"I have an odd little connection to the Columbia: It once carried a book of mine into space."
That is very cool. I've read some of your books and columns over the years and find your work very, very funny.
My question is this; humorists such as yourself can sometimes find humor in the most horrific of events. How do you find humor in events that are obviously touchy? Do you think finding humor in something like this will help people heal?
Re:Space Shuttle Humor (seriously) (Score:4, Interesting)
Steve Benson's cartoon of a fireman with a baby in his arms [jfa.net] after the bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma, for instance. (N.B., The former Pulitzer winner was caricaturing a famous photo from the event.) But, as an editorial cartoonist, he often goes looking for trouble and finding it [lds-mormon.com], so his relationship with the edge of taste is rather intimate.
Have you ever had a piece that seemed right go horribly wrong when the public read it?
I have another question.... (Score:5, Funny)
Who are we? (Score:5, Interesting)
Mr. Barry,
As a nationally syndicated author, you're in quite a high profile position. I have no doubt that, had this interview not come up, you'd be busy doing things you get paid to do.
That said, why did you agree to do this interview? Did you think it would be a neat thing to do? Is this another way for people to learn about your column, or are you learning more about what's on the minds of your readers? Are we going to get our own article written about us (no doubt that would be a funny and possibly humbling experience)? As someone from "the outside world", do you see us as a bunch of people with wide backgrounds and experiences, or are we the teenage boy group that TV tells us owns and authors the internet?
Re:Who are we? (Score:5, Funny)
Difficult to be funny? (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Difficult to be funny? (Score:4, Informative)
Do you ever sit down to write your weekly column and just not feel like being funny? What do you do?
I often don't feel funny; I just keep at it, and eventually something appears.
People posting questions should definitely check the FAQ's first, links to the two are here [davebarry.com]
Internet supplies dwindling! (Score:4, Funny)
Contingency (Score:4, Interesting)
Mr. Barry, as we all know, the Internet is slowly killing paper news media, along with cable news. Internet news sites can carry more material, archive it an available format longer, and can target the news to a much finer-grained audience than a newspaper can hope to do. Humour in the form of comic strips or humour articles like yours can come in a much-wider array of content, and can be targeted at any subject or audiences accustomed to any level of acceptable content.
My local paper recently began to distribute free copies in an effort to revive spiraling circulation rates. This signals to me that all but the largest papers are beginning to feel the pinch from internet news and media distribution most keenly. I suspect that in the near future, only the largest papers will survive (MH possibly being one of those) and that online news sources will be accepted as the preferred method for news delivery.
Assuming that your job as a columnist for a paper should go away, what contingency plans do you have to continue to ply your craft in a completely wired world? (I already read your columns online rather than in the print version of the MH or my local paper.)
Yet another question: (Score:2, Funny)
Obvious Question (Score:5, Interesting)
I've had a good response to the idea of an internet spammer hunting license or season, complete with cute orange ear tags for the spammers.
Questions for the Expert (Score:5, Funny)
I also wanted to ask about SPAM, since you are an Expert. I got lots of neat offers for goods and services every day, from sexually adventurous women (and men, and women and men, and animals, and women and animals, and men and animals, and women and men and animals, and turnips, and - you get the picture) to desperate Nigerians who need help moving their family fortunes out of their war-torn country. But i've never received any SPAM. What is SPAM (besides a tasty treat) and why is everyone always complaining about it?
One final question. You are an Expert who is in a band and has been involved with movies. Are the RIAA and MPAA really a bunch of soul-sucking ghouls whose Machiavellian business practices enslave artists and consumers alike just so that the top executives can buy new multi-million-dollar penises (penisii?) - i mean - homes and cars, or are they a bunch of fun-loving nuts who just want people to enjoy high-quality art (like the sci-fi thriller, "Jason X", and the equally astounding, "Britney Spears' Breasts") at a reasonable price, so they can devote their much-deserved income to feeding the hungry, and promoting liberty and justice for all?
Shameless (yet really totally sincere) brown nosing: DAVE BARRY RULEZ!
Re:Questions for the Expert (Score:3, Funny)
Dave - I think you're pretty funny and i think i'm pretty funny. This is me trying to be funny. Would you please try to be funny in response to this?
Is this research? (Score:5, Funny)
How much fame? (Score:5, Interesting)
are you often recognized "on the street"? What I mean is, you're obviously very famous and have tons of fans. But at the same time, I get the sense that you have more of a "cult" following and maybe aren't as well-recognized as, say, Ben Affleck or Chris Rock. Do you have to change your daily routine to avoid being swarmed by adoring fans, or do or do you enjoy relative anonymity in your daily life?
PS - you recently wrote that Michigan ranked among the stupidest states because we have an "official state soil." I heartily agree, but boy did your column provoke some angry letters in the Kalamazoo Gazette!
Stupid newspaper names (Score:3, Funny)
The "St. Louis Post-Dispatch" (as in, "Harlin's ferret really went crazy when it got stuck in his Post-Dispatch"), and the "Portland Oregonian" (as in, "That email promised to increase the size of my Oregonian!").
Compared to those, the "Kalamazoo Gazette" sounds about as normal as The New York Times.
Blogs (Score:5, Interesting)
Question (Score:2, Funny)
Are you making these questions up?
When do you think... (Score:2)
Government (Score:4, Funny)
you've written many hilarious columns about the foibles of the Federal Government. Isn't this like shooting fish in a barrel?
Opinion of television (Score:3, Interesting)
The people need to know!! (Score:4, Interesting)
Linux or Windows?
Returning to movies? (Score:5, Interesting)
I was rather surprised and impressed by the random out-of-nowhere short story near the end of the Dave Barry in Cyberspace book, and have been kind of wondering since then what would happen if you tried to write anything in a longer format than the standard columns. ( Big Trouble sounds really cool, but I haven't gotten around to picking up a copy yet
Anyway, my question is: Do you have plans to write any more fiction, and is it possible we could see any more movies from you in the future after what happened with Big Trouble?
And do you still write newspaper articles for the Herald outside the scope of the column?
---
Re:Returning to movies? (Score:2)
If you love his columns, you'll love his novels, just be forewarned that the characters are Adult People, and use Adult Language (like Spanish).
The plots are good, the subplots are good, and the humor is both subtle and boogeresque. Something for everyone mature enough to be immature.
music with Stephan King? (Score:5, Funny)
Dear Dave.. (Score:2, Interesting)
Regards,
A longtime reader and fan
Cliche central (Score:5, Interesting)
If you could meet any person, dead or alive, fictional or real, then who would it be, and what would you talk about?
High Tech wizzardry (Score:2, Interesting)
Do you have any plans to follow up your spine-tingling Man vs. Machine anagram contest with other Man vs. Technology competitions?
Very Truly Yours,
McSnickered
Ask internet porn star Dave Bury (Score:2)
Anyway, was that - uh - you know, real? I mean, really real? Or were you all fakin' and stuff - 'cause I wouldn't feel bad if you had to - you know, fake it. It's not like it's something to be ashamed of. Just thought I'd ask.
-Adam
Breaking hearts and crashing computers since - hey, Modern Marvels is on. Cool.
Question:Changing views (Score:4, Interesting)
Question (Score:3, Insightful)
But the only thing corporations have contributed to the internet is pollution in the search engines, silly banners, spam, DNS confusion, etc.
What is you opinion on this?
DO you belive that one day in 100 years from now, history will be so twisted that our grandchildren will believe that Al Gore made the internet?
Life imitating humor (Score:3, Interesting)
Urinals (Score:5, Funny)
If there are 4 urinals in the bathroom and I number them from the left, assuming that 1 and 3 are in use, which urinal should I use to abide by the rules?
It depends. (Score:5, Funny)
a) very secure and self-confident.
b) late for a meeting.
c) about to explode.
Then it is permissible to use #4 (assuming that no toilet stalls are open). Just remember that people will assume you are:
d) not a heterosexual.*
However, if you do not fit the first three criteria, you are required to stand back and wait for either urinals 1 or 3 to open up, while not actually looking like you're waiting. It is recommended that you use either the Handwashing Feint or the Hair Check Gambit. Your bathroom peers will assume you are either a hypochondriac or really vain, but either is preferable to looking like you're too chicken to just march up into the line.
Under NO condition are you allowed to use urinal #3.
I hope this clears up your question.
* Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Politics & Humor (Score:5, Interesting)
one question (Score:2)
Tricky Business (Score:2, Interesting)
But, I was pleasantly surprised. I plowed right through it. Good (if somewhat light) book.
Do you have any plans to keep up with more titles in this genre? Any currently in the works? As I read it, I couldn't help thinking that Tricky Business would make a pretty good made-for-TV movie. Any plans to push this to the small screen?
It's me, Dave (Score:5, Funny)
You should remember me. I'm the guy that shook hands with you that day, two years ago, during the Tropic Hunt in Hollywood. You also signed the napkin I found near the garbage can. I know that it was a clue, but I don't understand why you didn't mention it when you read off the official answers to the Hunt. Clearly the contents were a reference to your many columns on boogers. I still have that napkin and will return it to as soon as you send me your home address.
Anyway, my question is:
How has your life changed since you won a Pullet Surprise? Is the fame and money and gorgeous babes throwing themselves at your feet worth it?
Kwan
PS How much do I need to pay you to get my name in one of your next columns?
Joke Tracking Center (Score:5, Funny)
Barry family dog failover policy (Score:5, Funny)
Also: Have you considered a Beowulf cluster of dogs?
Your Book On the Internet (Score:5, Interesting)
I read your book on the Internet long ago and found it at the same time humorous and poignant. The thing that I still remember is the story at the end illustrating the beginnings of an online relationship. Those relationships seemed to have been all the rage during the public's adoption of the Internet, do you think the Internet still has the capacity to allow people to interact in the same fashion? Or do you think that something in the nature of people or the Internet has changed to make those relationships unfeasible?
Corruption in Miami City Government (Score:5, Funny)
Once you characterized Miami's endemic corruption (and here I would like to note that Endemic Corruption is a good name for a rock band) was so pervasive that Miami would benefit by being taken over by the Mafia, since then at least COMPETENT criminals would be running the city. In light of that, I'd like to ask you: What's the strangest thing you've ever lit on fire?
Whoops, sorry, that was the FBI Carnovore guys monitoring my computer who slipped that last one in. (Motto: "You're Not Authorized to Know Our Motto.") No, the real question is, has Miami's corruption gotten better or worse since you wrote that, and what would you and Carl Hiaasen do if Miami eliminated its Supersized Corruption and merely went with the Small Corruption with Fries enjoyed by other large American cities?
Writting About Serious Issues (Score:4, Interesting)
Band Names (Score:4, Interesting)
You've mentioned a lot of good suggestions for names for Bands in your columns. What would you say are bad potential (existing?) band names? And what differentiates them?
Humour in times of crises (Score:5, Interesting)
I'm curious about what you think about humour (Canadian spelling) in times of crises. Just before 9/11, I read Bob Hope's autobiography dealing with Pearl Harbour and how important everyone thought it was to keep people laughing because a) it was important for moral and b) it was important to show the Japanese that they hadn't destroyed what it meant to be American.
This doesn't seem to be the case at all after 9/11 (and most recently the loss of Columbia), with the most glaring example being the removal of the Spider-Man trailer (catching a helicopter in a web strung between the two World Trade towers).
What are you thoughts on this and of humour in times of crises in general?
myke predko (not so Anonymous Coward)
Inquiring minds (Score:5, Funny)
PR war? (Score:4, Interesting)
I don't read your website except for it being on
As an American living in Europe, I am constantly bombarded with questions about US foreign policy and war with Iraq. I am personally against war but feel the US is justified in trying to remove Saddam from power and feel that it will benefit the people in the long run. Although most Europeans are anit-war (or just anti-US), a few of my friends from Afghanistan and Azerbaijan seem to feel as I do. What do you think?
Your Slashdot Profile (Score:3, Funny)
Do you have a broadband connection? Do you have a wireless network?
Do you think RMS is the messiah or a Communist? Do you spell Linux "GNU/Linux"?
Do you prefer the GPL or BSD license?
Do you think Microsoft is evil? Do you think Bill Gates is the devil personified?
BTW, the correct answer to all of the above questions is yes.
Losing mindshare (Score:5, Funny)
Of all the people... (Score:5, Interesting)
Why does your column webpage have (Score:3, Interesting)
of which have any relation to you or your
material?
Are those supposed to be of some benefit?
Scientific studies have repeadedly shown
that Netizens (particularly SlashDotters)
either:
1. Block these things in the first place
2. Hit Esc or other such to MAKE THEM STOPP!!
3. Leave a website immediately when they see so many.
Is it painfull (Score:5, Interesting)
Is it painfull to read all these attempts at asking a 'funny' question?
When will it end? (Score:5, Interesting)
I have been reading your articles and books for longer than I care to remember. I've read about your son growing up, your dogs, your relocations, vacations and everything else under the sun. When will the last article 'So Long, I Retire' by Dave Barry come up?
Steven King (Score:3, Interesting)
Is he mellow and meek?
Or does he rage?
Peace on Earth, but No Parking (Score:5, Interesting)
You fall a close second to my favorite author of all time, the sadly-passed Douglas Adams, author of the magnificent "Hitch-Hiker's Guide" series. It makes me wonder, who was/is your favorite author of all time? And did this person have any influence on your writings?
"Don't Panic"
We are not making this up (Score:3, Interesting)
We are not making up this question.
Question. (Score:5, Funny)
Mr. Barry,
There have been monumental events during which people can recall exactly where they were when the incident happened. Notable examples include:
- The JFK assassination
- The moon landing
- The Challenger and Columbia incidents
My question is: where were you when Al Gore invented the Internet?
chuckletrousers.com - You make the call! (Score:4, Interesting)
If you do not answer this question in a thoughtful manner I will be forced to post large, outdated pictures of my children next to a blinking and hideously ugly "Website Under Construction" image. And no, I do not need your help with this so that I can complete a school project.
- - BTW, thanks for all the good "work" you do!
Second-hand Fame (Score:5, Interesting)
In your articles, changing the names to protect the innocent doesn't seem to be a concern. Has this ever caused legal problems or tension with your friends? For example, do your neighbors Steele and Bobbette ever share any interesting anecdotes about running into Dave Barry fans? Thanks for taking the time to answer.
-----
My favorite sig: "...I'd rather have my appendix removed by baboons weilding unsterilized tuna can lids..." -- Dave Barry
Important question (Score:4, Insightful)
I've come to the conclusion that the single worst song of all time is "My Sharona" by Knack. Observe:
What is the best way to cope with a bad song in your head? I personally favor slapping my forehead with my palm while shouting "Out! Out! Out!" but I've heard that some people have had great success by stabbing their shoulder with an ice pick.
As an expert on bad songs, I'm sure your insights into this matter can help alleviate a great deal of human suffering.
There is hope for this country (Score:3, Interesting)
2004 Presidential ticket:
Dave Barry, President
Scott Adams, Vice President
Seriously, have you ever thought about working to change society instead of just making fun of it? You've shown you have a keen sense of what is important (boogers and sex), what is wrong (kids on planes), and how to fix it (buy random parts from appliance store). I'd vote for you.
The uncondensed sig, in honor of Dave: "I'm sorry, John, but my time is precious to me, and frankly I would rather have my appendix removed by baboons wielding unsterilized tuna-can lids than spend so much as five minutes listening to you and Elaine as you once again describe, item by item, in intricate detail, the late-night buffet on the cruise you took in 1983." -- Dave Barry
Question (Score:3, Interesting)
A frequent motif in your weekly columns has been "this would be a great name for a rock band." E.g. ``Pain and Suffering?'' and Weasel Feet.'' My question is: are you aware of any band that has taken one of your suggestions to heart and named themselves after one of them?
Just between you and me... (Score:3, Funny)
C'mon Dave, you can tell me.
internet good/bad for creativity? (Score:3, Interesting)
In your opinion, does the Internet allow you to be more creative, or does the sheer volume of stuff out there just lead you to rehash existing material? How much surfing do you do?
Dear Mr. Barry, (Score:3, Funny)
Despite my best efforts, I own many of your books, read your weekly columns, have several low-flow toilets and twice as many plungers. I also have the mp3's of your band "The Rock Bottom Remainders" from mp3.com. You might want to consider the name "The Low Flow Remainders" if you get my drift (and I am certainly tired of getting it). By the way, "Tupperware Blues" smokes - were you on vacation that day?
And (I am not making this up) I used to own a copy of the LP (note to Slashdotters-look "LP" up in your history books) by your original band "The Federal Duck" which I kept it in my garden shed to scare the spiders away. I had to get rid of the LP because my neighbors kept complaining that it was keeping their property values down so, 10 years ago, I gave it to a deeply disturbed record collector friend of mine. Ever since, the shed has been infested with spiders and my friend has refused to talk to me.
As you can see, my life is hell and most roads lead back to you. You will be hearing from my lawyers.
Now that that is out the way, I'd like to ask you the following:
Do you think that low-flow toilets are a terrorist device (possibly developed in France) and on a related note that Bush and the Saddam Destroyers would be a good name for a rock band?
OK, A Serious One Now - Copyright (Score:5, Insightful)
Recently, I looked for a specific old column to forward to a potential future fan (who had an experience that you wrote about) and discovered that is now almost impossible to find your older works on the 'net. It looks like someone has been pursuing the copyright issue. I could therefore only vaguely describe the column to him and a potential convert may have been lost.
So, in light of that and all that is going on with respect to the value of intellectual property rights and copyright vs. the marketing potential of having old works freely available, what is your view?
dissenting opinion (Score:3, Funny)
I was given a copy of the DB book mentioned above -- from a nongeek friend -- because it was 'sooo funny'. I have tried many times to read it. I know DB is a fairly popular writer, and having managed to mildly enjoy some of his short articles - i tried again recently... its just not working for me.
I find DBs humour sophomoric, trite and obvious. The smug literary equivalent of Martha Stewart, I found the work to be like the film "Dumb and Dummer" in print. Funny like a fart in church, DB must appeal to those who need their witticisms spoon fed to them.
Im sorry for having to dissent here, but to those who havnt read Dave Berry: I suggest you keep it that way.
Kevin (Score:3, Funny)
Old VW Beetle prank from high school (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:First Post (Score:2)
Which, incidentally, would make an EXCELLENT name for a music group.
Re:Dave? Who he? (Score:3, Funny)
Why are you being interviewed on Slashdot, as opposed to, say, my uncle Simon?
You think Dave should be interviewed on your uncle Simon?
Re:What do you want to be when you grow up? (Score:2, Funny)
If you've ever wished you could include HTML tags in your speech....
</Jeff Foxworthy>