Ask Internet Expert Dave Barry

This is a man who obviously knows a lot about the Internet. I am not making this up. He wrote a book about it. He has his own blog, his own Web site, and his own online alt.fan newsgroup with its own FAQ. Not only that, he is in a band and writes a syndicated humor column that often covers matters of interest to Slashdot readers. What are you going to ask him? Up to you, as long as you hold it down to one question per post. We'll send Dave 10 of the highest-moderated questions and post his answers as soon as we get them back, after which we're sure many alert readers will have much to add even if they haven't heard about Bennett Haselton's excellent automated Dave Barry column generator.

Question:

[Gortbusters.org]

In what way will the internet change daily life in the months and years to come - will we see an increasing amount of wireless access on phones with web content to follow? Online Voting? 3d porn? What are your predictions?

Big Trouble

[kin_korn_karn]

How did you feel when the studio refused to release the film of "Big Trouble" after 9/11? Did you think it appropriate to hold the release?

Childhood dream?

[coldmist]

Dave,

So, when you were a little kid, were you the class clown type, where all of your humor come naturally and you flaunted it in the lunchroom or in the halls, whether everyone else was laughing at you or not?

Seriously, did you want to become a humourous writer/author when you were a child? When did you realize it could be a viable career?

Thx,
Ryan

Dave's World

[doc_traig]

Recently it was announced that Tony Kornheiser, another well-known columnist, might be the subject of a situation comedy going into development. Were you pleased overall with how you were portrayed in the television series based on your life, Dave's World? [imdb.com] How did you feel when it left the air? Is it in syndication anywhere these days?

When you vote....

[Anonymous Coward]

When you vote, do you vote for the candidate that is going to make your job easier as a humor columnist? Or do you actually try to vote for the best canditate?

Fair Use

[Overt Coward]

What are your (as opposed to your publisher's) opinion on the subject of fair use as it applies to your weekly column? Do you have a problem with people qoting parts (or all) of it in email and via their web sites?

Hiroshima

[Bonker]

Mr. Barry... I own several of your books, as well as a copy of the 'Big Trouble' movie. (I hope you're getting some kind of royalties for that...). In all of your writing, the piece that I felt was the most powerful was your segment on visting Hiroshima in 'Dave Barry does Japan' and witnessing the holiday celbrated in rememberance of the bombing.

You've written a few more very serious pieces, such as the column on your visit to one of the 9-11 crash sites.

My question is why do you not do more serious columns and articles like these more often? While I think that your columns and humor articles are great (milk-through the nose funny, frequently) I can't help but feel that the Hiroshima and 9-11 articles were better.

What do you think of Wil Wheaton?

[Argyle]

Many celebrities present a technologically aloof public persona.

A few, like you, Wil, Bill Shatner, Moby, Adam Curry, etc. openly embrace technology and don't fear the 'geek' label.

What's your take on the state of celebrity & personal technology. Are most celebrities to dumb to run a Tivo or use eBay?

Personal Technology Wishes

[Nonsanity]

Looking forward based on today's cutting-edge research (the sort of news Slashdot often reports), what technology do you find yourself impatient to get your hands on today, or which technologies aren't advancing as fast as you would wish?

Nonsanity

So what is Mr. Chuckletrousers up to these days?

[Anonymous Coward]

What has become of Mr. Chuckletrousers, both the friend you directed that name towards and the real life Chuckletrousers?

I am typing this on the Intarnet!

Publishing in the future

[Salo2112]

Can you forsee a day where you as an established columnist will publish all of your books and columns via your own web page and not via creator's syndicate (or whoever you use)?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

[Embedded Geek]

From the writeup for this thread, you wear many hats and do many things. Although we could interpret this as an inability to hold down a steady job, for the moment we'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're still just trying to find your niche.

If that's the case, what do you want to be when you grow up?
[/tongue in cheek]

Space Shuttle Humor (seriously)

[RealBeanDip]

From your blog:

"I have an odd little connection to the Columbia: It once carried a book of mine into space."

That is very cool. I've read some of your books and columns over the years and find your work very, very funny.

My question is this; humorists such as yourself can sometimes find humor in the most horrific of events. How do you find humor in events that are obviously touchy? Do you think finding humor in something like this will help people heal?

Who are we?

[chrysrobyn]

Mr. Barry,

As a nationally syndicated author, you're in quite a high profile position. I have no doubt that, had this interview not come up, you'd be busy doing things you get paid to do.

That said, why did you agree to do this interview? Did you think it would be a neat thing to do? Is this another way for people to learn about your column, or are you learning more about what's on the minds of your readers? Are we going to get our own article written about us (no doubt that would be a funny and possibly humbling experience)? As someone from "the outside world", do you see us as a bunch of people with wide backgrounds and experiences, or are we the teenage boy group that TV tells us owns and authors the internet?

Difficult to be funny?

[sammy.lost-angel.com]

A lot goes on in peoples lives, whether it's horrible events (such as 9/11 or recently the space shuttle blowing up), or personal events (we've all had these). Do you ever find yourself having trouble being funny, and what do you do to cure this problem?

Contingency

[Bonker]

One question per post... ehehe....

Mr. Barry, as we all know, the Internet is slowly killing paper news media, along with cable news. Internet news sites can carry more material, archive it an available format longer, and can target the news to a much finer-grained audience than a newspaper can hope to do. Humour in the form of comic strips or humour articles like yours can come in a much-wider array of content, and can be targeted at any subject or audiences accustomed to any level of acceptable content.

My local paper recently began to distribute free copies in an effort to revive spiraling circulation rates. This signals to me that all but the largest papers are beginning to feel the pinch from internet news and media distribution most keenly. I suspect that in the near future, only the largest papers will survive (MH possibly being one of those) and that online news sources will be accepted as the preferred method for news delivery.

Assuming that your job as a columnist for a paper should go away, what contingency plans do you have to continue to ply your craft in a completely wired world? (I already read your columns online rather than in the print version of the MH or my local paper.)

Obvious Question

[Alien54]

What would be your ideal solution for Spam (as in Internet Junk E-mail?)

I've had a good response to the idea of an internet spammer hunting license or season, complete with cute orange ear tags for the spammers.

How much fame?

[cpeikert]

Dave,

are you often recognized "on the street"? What I mean is, you're obviously very famous and have tons of fans. But at the same time, I get the sense that you have more of a "cult" following and maybe aren't as well-recognized as, say, Ben Affleck or Chris Rock. Do you have to change your daily routine to avoid being swarmed by adoring fans, or do or do you enjoy relative anonymity in your daily life?

PS - you recently wrote that Michigan ranked among the stupidest states because we have an "official state soil." I heartily agree, but boy did your column provoke some angry letters in the Kalamazoo Gazette!

Blogs

[Mr Guy]

As a newspaper columnist, noted author, and booger specialist, is the concept of privacy a major issue for you? Do you have trouble reconciling your desire for privacy with having millions of people intimately familiar with your life (Ie Your articles on your son getting hit by a car almost brought me to tears, in the same way we all felt like we as a nation knew Bill Cosby's son)?

Opinion of television

[Anonymous Coward]

Does it make people stupid? For example, during the shuttle tragedy, you could tell who watched a lot of TV that day. Those people sounded like the news anchormen. Big fluffy, hollow, rambling, pseudo-emotional statements. Regular human beings don't talk like that to each other.

The people need to know!!

[Noryungi]

Mac or PC?

Linux or Windows?

Returning to movies?

[mcc]

Mr. Barry:

I was rather surprised and impressed by the random out-of-nowhere short story near the end of the Dave Barry in Cyberspace book, and have been kind of wondering since then what would happen if you tried to write anything in a longer format than the standard columns. ( Big Trouble sounds really cool, but I haven't gotten around to picking up a copy yet :) )

Anyway, my question is: Do you have plans to write any more fiction, and is it possible we could see any more movies from you in the future after what happened with Big Trouble?

And do you still write newspaper articles for the Herald outside the scope of the column?

---

Dear Dave..

[ackthpt]

I was greatly impressed with Dave Barry Does Japan. I had the luck to meet you and and ask if you had any plans to travel Europe and give it a similar treatment. You indicated no plans to, but I'd like to know if you have since changed your mind (or your publisher has), or if you're most comfortable in the U.S. (and/or Cyberspace) and plan to focus your creative energies there.

Regards,
A longtime reader and fan

Cliche central

[seizer]

Someone's got to ask this kind of cliched question so why not me? It'll give you a chance to untap some of those as yet untapped humour reserves :-)

If you could meet any person, dead or alive, fictional or real, then who would it be, and what would you talk about?

High Tech wizzardry

[McSnickered]

Dear Dave,

Do you have any plans to follow up your spine-tingling Man vs. Machine anagram contest with other Man vs. Technology competitions?

Very Truly Yours,
McSnickered

Question:Changing views

[h2oliu]

As you grow older, start having children, etc. Has you view on the internet adn all of these tools changed dramatically? For example, now that you have a child, does better parental controls appeal to you more?

Running for President in 2004?

[thelenm]

Will you be running for President in 2004? Every four years, I vote for you and encourage everyone I know to do the same.

Life imitating humor

[mttlg]

With so many aspects of our society bringing absurdity to new levels, have you ever written a humor article that ran the risk of the label "It would be funny if it weren't true"? Is there a point at which people will become so desensitized to humor through the sheer mass of stupidity and insanity that defines humanity that you could find yourself out of a job?

Politics & Humor

[mshomphe]

Leaving aside your occasional run for president, your columns (and sense of humor in general) are fairly apolitical. Is there a reason that your humor is more -- well, not mundane, but grounded -- in terms of subject (e.g., the pains of turning forty), rather than political/esoteric?

Tricky Business

[mr_feta]

I've kept up with your humour books for some time (I started with Dave Barry Slept Here). Out of the blue I find myself with a copy of Tricky Business this past Christmas. I looked at my girlfriend and said "You're kidding right?" I mean... Dave Barry... write serious fiction? C'mon! (I didn't know about Big Trouble until I read TB's introduction)

But, I was pleasantly surprised. I plowed right through it. Good (if somewhat light) book.

Do you have any plans to keep up with more titles in this genre? Any currently in the works? As I read it, I couldn't help thinking that Tricky Business would make a pretty good made-for-TV movie. Any plans to push this to the small screen?

fortune

[shinobiX]

I've been a big fan since I first logged into a slackware box 6 years ago.

My question:

How much royalty money do get for each fortune I see on my login? I'm also using fortune on a few websites. Do you get royalties for these? do you get money from red hat?

Soo..

[Gehenna_Gehenna]

It's bad enough that Stephen King "borrows" your "ideas" for his "books" and is now "publishing" them on "the" internet, but now you have to "put" up with that "no" talent hack in this so called "band"?

Seriously, what is it like sharing the stage with other talents like Groening and King, and do you find that more people turn out to see the band than hear them?

Your Book On the Internet

[Zech Harvey]

I read your book on the Internet long ago and found it at the same time humorous and poignant. The thing that I still remember is the story at the end illustrating the beginnings of an online relationship. Those relationships seemed to have been all the rage during the public's adoption of the Internet, do you think the Internet still has the capacity to allow people to interact in the same fashion? Or do you think that something in the nature of people or the Internet has changed to make those relationships unfeasible?

Writting About Serious Issues

[Sinjun]

As a long time fan who has read just about everything you have written, I have wondered what it is like for you when you tackle 'serious issues.' At the end of your 'Cyberspace' book you wrote a surprisingly poignant and subtly emotional look at an unsatisfied housewife experimenting with an online romance. It brought to mind, in the tone and 'feel,' some of what Louis Grizzard, the great humorist, used to write on occasion. It seems like humor columnits have some deep-seeded ability to write in a remarkably moving way at times. What is it that humorists have that can make their writing so insightful about the less humorous aspects of life?

Band Names

[Lechter]

You've mentioned a lot of good suggestions for names for Bands in your columns. What would you say are bad potential (existing?) band names? And what differentiates them?

Test Joke

[Anonymous Coward]

In one of your columns, you wanted to track the speed of jokes so you invented a test joke that involved Walter Mondale's nickname. What were the results of that study and, more importantly, what was the punchline?

Humour in times of crises

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey Dave,

I'm curious about what you think about humour (Canadian spelling) in times of crises. Just before 9/11, I read Bob Hope's autobiography dealing with Pearl Harbour and how important everyone thought it was to keep people laughing because a) it was important for moral and b) it was important to show the Japanese that they hadn't destroyed what it meant to be American.

This doesn't seem to be the case at all after 9/11 (and most recently the loss of Columbia), with the most glaring example being the removal of the Spider-Man trailer (catching a helicopter in a web strung between the two World Trade towers).

What are you thoughts on this and of humour in times of crises in general?

myke predko (not so Anonymous Coward)

PR war?

[Anonymous Coward]

Mr. Barry,

I don't read your website except for it being on /. today. At 1 of the links you were discussing an article about the first Gulf War being a based on a phony PR campaign. I am interested to know if you feel the same way about building tensions in the Mid-East.

As an American living in Europe, I am constantly bombarded with questions about US foreign policy and war with Iraq. I am personally against war but feel the US is justified in trying to remove Saddam from power and feel that it will benefit the people in the long run. Although most Europeans are anit-war (or just anti-US), a few of my friends from Afghanistan and Azerbaijan seem to feel as I do. What do you think?

Of all the people...

[InfinityWpi]

...why pick Harry Anderson to play the guy 'loosely' based on you in a sitcom 'loosely' based on you? Who were the runners-up?

Why does your column webpage have

[BattyMan]

soooo many annoying flashing things, NONE
of which have any relation to you or your
material?

Are those supposed to be of some benefit?

Scientific studies have repeadedly shown
that Netizens (particularly SlashDotters)
either:

1. Block these things in the first place
2. Hit Esc or other such to MAKE THEM STOPP!!
3. Leave a website immediately when they see so many.

Are you an AI?

[blueup]

Well, not really *you*, but have you ever let an AI do your column? For just a week, fed it your email and a selection of world news and pasted the results to your editor?

Sorry, I have to ask, it's just the conspiracy theorist in me.

Is it painfull

[geekoid]

Dave,
Is it painfull to read all these attempts at asking a 'funny' question?

When will it end?

[DirkDaring]

Dave,

I have been reading your articles and books for longer than I care to remember. I've read about your son growing up, your dogs, your relocations, vacations and everything else under the sun. When will the last article 'So Long, I Retire' by Dave Barry come up?

Re:Band names

[Mzilikazi]

Goatse & The Trolls

The Natalie Portman Project Featuring Hot Grits

Jon Katz Overdrive

Cheers,
Mzilikazi

Steven King

[fruity1983]

Is Steven King a good singer? He always seems like such an uptight guy.

Is he mellow and meek?

Or does he rage?

Peace on Earth, but No Parking

[Trevalyx]

Favorite Barry article of all time, had to plug it.
You fall a close second to my favorite author of all time, the sadly-passed Douglas Adams, author of the magnificent "Hitch-Hiker's Guide" series. It makes me wonder, who was/is your favorite author of all time? And did this person have any influence on your writings?
"Don't Panic"

We are not making this up

[Amazing Quantum Man]

Is there anything which you HAVE made up/

We are not making up this question.

chuckletrousers.com - You make the call!

[Andy Bob]

As the owner of the chuckletrousers.com domain I'm curious to hear your thoughts about what kind of Internet sites we need more of? There is currently nothing on this site, and you now have the power to influence the creation of additional Internet content. Pretend you have a desire to visit www.chuckletrousers.com. What kind of content would you like to see when you arrive?

If you do not answer this question in a thoughtful manner I will be forced to post large, outdated pictures of my children next to a blinking and hideously ugly "Website Under Construction" image. And no, I do not need your help with this so that I can complete a school project.

- - BTW, thanks for all the good "work" you do!

Second-hand Fame

[Slightly Askew]

In your articles, changing the names to protect the innocent doesn't seem to be a concern. Has this ever caused legal problems or tension with your friends? For example, do your neighbors Steele and Bobbette ever share any interesting anecdotes about running into Dave Barry fans? Thanks for taking the time to answer.

-----

My favorite sig: "...I'd rather have my appendix removed by baboons weilding unsterilized tuna can lids..." -- Dave Barry

There is hope for this country

[Slightly Askew]

2004 Presidential ticket:

Dave Barry, President

Scott Adams, Vice President

Seriously, have you ever thought about working to change society instead of just making fun of it? You've shown you have a keen sense of what is important (boogers and sex), what is wrong (kids on planes), and how to fix it (buy random parts from appliance store). I'd vote for you.

The uncondensed sig, in honor of Dave: "I'm sorry, John, but my time is precious to me, and frankly I would rather have my appendix removed by baboons wielding unsterilized tuna-can lids than spend so much as five minutes listening to you and Elaine as you once again describe, item by item, in intricate detail, the late-night buffet on the cruise you took in 1983." -- Dave Barry

Re:I have a question

[Feanturi]

Question for the parent: What makes you doubt that someone knows something when you don't even know them at all? What a question...

Everytime I read Dave Barry I think of this

[sielwolf]

... Gaping Maw.com article [gapingmaw.com]. It's number 2 on the list. And not for the easily offended.

Re:Hiroshima

[Ponty]

Good lord. That's one of the best newspaper columns I've ever read.

Rock Bottom Remainders

[SnakeEyes]

Ok, enough with the clever charade. When are you gonna get on with your *real* career? You play a mean guitar.

Any possibility that you'll be touring the Northern Illinois area anytime soon?

What's it like trying to keep that Stephen King kid in line? :)

Question

[utdpenguin]

Dave,
A frequent motif in your weekly columns has been "this would be a great name for a rock band." E.g. ``Pain and Suffering?'' and Weasel Feet.'' My question is: are you aware of any band that has taken one of your suggestions to heart and named themselves after one of them?

internet good/bad for creativity?

[wmorrow]

Hi Dave,
In your opinion, does the Internet allow you to be more creative, or does the sheer volume of stuff out there just lead you to rehash existing material? How much surfing do you do?

Long term trends?

[ronys]

Hi,

In all your years of writing:

- What changes do you find in your readers' responses to your column?

- How do think your writing has changed over time?

- What do you want to be when you grow up?

Re:Status of low-flow toilet legislation?

[Thing 1]

There was actually a King of the Hill episode where low-flow toilets were introduced, and Hank hated them because you had to flush multiple times to dispose of the waste (thus negating any environmental benefits).

Turned out the company that sponsored the law was the producer of low-flow toilets.

I wonder if this sitcom plot has any basis in reality? Dave? What has your research found?

Toilet Question

[Anonymous Coward]

Hi Dave,
Let's talk toilets for a moment. Your previous articles regarding toilets were excellent. You pointed out some real problems with our current low flow toilets.
Believe it or not, I have recently been looking into composting toilets. These toilets use absolutely no drinking water. These toilets solve the sewage waste nutrient discharge problem. What do you think about composting toilets and would you please write an article about them?
Thanks,
Chip P.
Knoxville, TN

Dave Barry's Obit

[Thomas A. Anderson]

Dave,

As a well known humorist, book author, sometime serious columnist (as evidenced by your 9/11 and Hiroshima columns), musician, father, husband, and geek (am I missing anything), what would you like your obit to say when and if (hey, who deserves eternal life more than Dave Barry, huh?) you die?

Re:Space Shuttle Humor (seriously)

[blair1q]

Sometimes, humorists attempting to comment on tragic events have made serious mis-steps.

Steve Benson's cartoon of a fireman with a baby in his arms [jfa.net] after the bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma, for instance. (N.B., The former Pulitzer winner was caricaturing a famous photo from the event.) But, as an editorial cartoonist, he often goes looking for trouble and finding it [lds-mormon.com], so his relationship with the edge of taste is rather intimate.

Have you ever had a piece that seemed right go horribly wrong when the public read it?

On Living in South Florida

[May Kasahara]

Hi Dave,

I'm a longtime fan of yours-- and I was formerly a longtime resident of South Florida (I live in the NYC metro area now). I grew up reading your columns and articles in the Miami Herald (the "Dade vs. Broward" one is a personal favorite of mine) and my family still occasionally sends me clippings of your writings from the Herald. These writings of yours always make me miss South Florida even more than I do ordinarily, driving me to visit every opportunity I get.

Thus, my question: What is the best thing about living in South Florida?

Old VW Beetle prank from high school

[EMIce]

I've heard you went to Pleasantville high school in New York, which is also where I happend to have graduated from. It is rumored that you and a group of students once dissasembled a Volkswagen Beetle, carried it into the building, and re-assembled it in senior hall as a prank. Is this true?

Bill Maher's cowards.

[mildness]

Dave,

How did the fallout from Bill Maher's infamous 9/11 comment effect you?

"In response to guest Dinesh D'Souza's assertion that people who are willing to die in service to their cause, whatever else they may be, are not "cowards," Maher said: "We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. [salon.com]".

Cheers!

Bill (a different one)