Dave Barry Answers Alert Slashdot Readers' Questions 355
1) It's me, Dave
by digitalhermit
Dave:
You should remember me. I'm the guy that shook hands with you that day, two years ago, during the Tropic Hunt in Hollywood. You also signed the napkin I found near the garbage can. I know that it was a clue, but I don't understand why you didn't mention it when you read off the official answers to the Hunt. Clearly the contents were a reference to your many columns on boogers. I still have that napkin and will return it to as soon as you send me your home address.
Anyway, my question is:
How has your life changed since you won a Pullet Surprise? Is the fame and money and gorgeous babes throwing themselves at your feet worth it?
Kwan
PS How much do I need to pay you to get my name in one of your next columns?
Dave:
The best thing about winning the Pulitzer is, about once every ten years you can say (or write) to some jerk who is attacking you in a nasty manner: "Oh yeah? Well I won the Pulitzer." Actually, come to think of it, you can say this even if you DIDN'T win the Pulitzer. Nobody ever checks.
But there are no babes, with the Pulitzer. And the money is (at least when I won) $3,000, which is about what you spend on beer for your friends when you win the Pulitzer.
2) Humour in times of crises
by Anonymous Coward
Hey Dave,
I'm curious about what you think about humour (Canadian spelling) in times of crises. Just before 9/11, I read Bob Hope's autobiography dealing with Pearl Harbour and how important everyone thought it was to keep people laughing because a) it was important for morale and b) it was important to show the Japanese that they hadn't destroyed what it meant to be American.
This doesn't seem to be the case at all after 9/11 (and most recently the loss of Columbia), with the most glaring example being the removal of the Spider-Man trailer (catching a helicopter in a web strung between the two World Trade towers).
What are your thoughts on this and of humour in times of crises in general?
Dave:
I think we in the humor business were fairly self-conscious right after 9-11, but pretty quickly we got back to what we do, which is try to amuse people. I think we do this more to make people like us than to meet any deep national psychic need. Also most of us have no useful skills to fall back on.
So to the extent that humor changes in times of crisis -- and I don't think it does much -- it's more because that's what we think the audience wants. And pretty soon the audience goes back to whatever it thought was funny before.
3) Corruption in Miami City Government
by Nova Express
Dear Dave,
Once you characterized Miami's endemic corruption (and here I would like to note that Endemic Corruption is a good name for a rock band) was so pervasive that Miami would benefit by being taken over by the Mafia, since then at least COMPETENT criminals would be running the city. In light of that, I'd like to ask you: What's the strangest thing you've ever lit on fire?
Whoops, sorry, that was the FBI Carnivore guys monitoring my computer who slipped that last one in. (Motto: "You're Not Authorized to Know Our Motto.") No, the real question is, has Miami's corruption gotten better or worse since you wrote that, and what would you and Carl Hiaasen do if Miami eliminated its Supersized Corruption and merely went with the Small Corruption with Fries enjoyed by other large American cities?
Dave:
I think it's as bad as it ever was, but maybe a little smarter. And if Miami ever straightened itself out, Carl would become a bonefishing guide, and I would become... I dunno. Maybe a bonefish.
4) Joke Tracking Center
by long_john_stewart_mi
In "Dave Barry's Greatest Hits", there was a column entitled "Public-Spirited Citizens Such As You" where you talk about a joke that answers the question, "Why is Walter Mondale nicknamed 'Fritz'?" You ask that everybody write in to The Joke Tracking Center as soon as they hear the joke. I haven't heard the joke, and that question has been keeping me up all night for the past 10 years. Why is Walter Mondale nicknamed Fritz? Also, does The Joke Tracking Center employ bad joke/pun writers? My dad is currently unemployed, and I'm sure he would fit right in.
Dave:
The original joke -- revealed here for the first time -- is that Walter Mondale is called "Fritz" because there is no Norwegian name for "Peckerhead." That may not sound funny now, but, trust me, it was also not funny when I first thought it up. It's HARD to think up jokes. This is probably why the Joke Tracking Center didn't work out. It was supposed to be based on the hurricane-tracking center. The idea was, we would insert a new joke into the nation (I believe we inserted it in Ohio) and then track it as it spread. But the Mondale joke was SO bad that nobody bothered to repeat it, and it died. So did the Joke Tracking Center, which has no organization and no employees. But it still gets junk mail. Which leads us to the obvious question...
5) Obvious Question
by Alien54
What would be your ideal solution for Spam (as in Internet Junk E-mail?)
I've had a good response to the idea of an internet spammer hunting license or season, complete with cute orange ear tags for the spammers.
Dave:
Maybe the solution is for us to stop being so negative. Maybe we should actually buy all the spammers' products -- their low-interest mortgages, and their penis enlargers -- so they will become rich and happy and mellow, and they will decide voluntarily to stop hassling us.
Just kidding! I favor castration.
6) Who are we?
by chrysrobyn
Mr. Barry,
As a nationally syndicated author, you're in quite a high profile position. I have no doubt that, had this interview not come up, you'd be busy doing things you get paid to do.
That said, why did you agree to do this interview? Did you think it would be a neat thing to do? Is this another way for people to learn about your column, or are you learning more about what's on the minds of your readers? Are we going to get our own article written about us (no doubt that would be a funny and possibly humbling experience)? As someone from "the outside world", do you see us as a bunch of people with wide backgrounds and experiences, or are we the teenage boy group that TV tells us owns and authors the internet?
Dave:
I agreed to do this interview because I really and truly want to interact with you, my readers. Also, Slashdot is paying me $127,000.
6a) (addon/followup) by Mr Guy
Also, if you respond to this interview while drunk, is there the dangerous possibility your drinks would be tax deductible?
Dave:
That is a risk I am willing to take.
7) Personal Technology Wishes
by Nonsanity
Looking forward based on today's cutting-edge research (the sort of news Slashdot often reports), what technology do you find yourself impatient to get your hands on today, or which technologies aren't advancing as fast as you would wish?
Dave:
I'm always looking for a newer, smaller, lighter laptop computer. I want a laptop so small and light that sometimes I accidentally suck it up one of my nostrils. I also would like to have a cell phone that enabled me to jam the cell phones of people around me.
8) Hiroshima
by Bonker
Mr. Barry... I own several of your books, as well as a copy of the 'Big Trouble' movie. (I hope you're getting some kind of royalties for that...). In all of your writing, the piece that I felt was the most powerful was your segment on visting Hiroshima in 'Dave Barry does Japan' and witnessing the holiday celbrated in rememberance of the bombing. You've written a few more very serious pieces, such as the column on your visit to one of the 9-11 crash sites.
My question is why do you not do more serious columns and articles like these more often? While I think that your columns and humor articles are great (milk-through the nose funny, frequently) I can't help but feel that the Hiroshima and 9-11 articles were better.
Dave:
First, thank you. Second, my bread and butter (and of course beer) comes from writing humor; this is how I make my living, and this is what the newspapers who publish my weekly column expect from me. I sometimes like the challenge of writing serious pieces, but usually this is when I'm faced with a really serious topic -- such as 9-11 or Hiroshima -- that forces me to be somber. Usually I don't WANT to be somber.
9) When you vote....
by Anonymous Coward
When you vote, do you vote for the candidate that is going to make your job easier as a humor columnist? Or do you actually try to vote for the best canditate?
Dave:
I look at all the attributes of each candidate -- philosophy, integrity, experience -- and then I vote for myself.
10) How much fame?
by cpeikert
Dave,
are you often recognized "on the street"? What I mean is, you're obviously very famous and have tons of fans. But at the same time, I get the sense that you have more of a "cult" following and maybe aren't as well-recognized as, say, Ben Affleck or Chris Rock. Do you have to change your daily routine to avoid being swarmed by adoring fans, or do or do you enjoy relative anonymity in your daily life?
PS - you recently wrote that Michigan ranked among the stupidest states because we have an "official state soil." I heartily agree, but boy did your column provoke some angry letters in the Kalamazoo Gazette!
Dave:
I get recognized a fair amount in Miami, but it's a low-key thing; people sometimes say hello, or compliment me on a column, or fire a revolver my way, but usually they deliberately aim for an extremity. Outside of Miami, I get recognized occasionally, but it's not a regular thing, except of course in Kalamazoo, where I am a god.
Free bonus question: Is it painfull
by geekoid
Dave,
Is it painfull to read all these attempts at asking a 'funny' question?
Dave:
These questions were supposed to be funny?
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Re:Dave Barry is a booger. (Score:3, Insightful)
I'll bet ol Dave is just thrilled to finally be interacting with all his fans here on slashdot...
Re:Questions better than answers. (Score:5, Insightful)
The first questioner's detailed mention of how he met dave wasn't really funny.
It's sad that most of the questions that people asked him were attempts at "I set 'em up, you knock 'em down". If you want humor, read his column. If you want to know what he thinks, ask serious questions; if you want lame answers, ask lame questions. I thought most of the questions were lame.
Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Questions better than answers. (Score:5, Insightful)
I laughed several times reading Dave's answers. What more can I ask for? He's taking time out of his well-payed day answering questions from random strangers on a website he's probably never seen before. Even so, most of the answers were at least a paragraph if not two long.
You expected an essay? A Sunday column? When someone asks him a stupid, one-sentence question, he responded with an equally stupid one-sentence answer. Cut the guy a break.
Isn't "hate" a strong word? (Score:3, Insightful)
Honestly, the KKK hates blacks... Nazis hate Jews. But, I have a great deal of difficulty thinking you actually "hate" Dave Barry.
I only say this because, IMHO, it's a word that is thrown around WAY too often without any real thought put into its meaning. Yes, that really does sound preachy... but, honestly, given the kind of crap we're living through today (war, terrorism, racism, etc), I think the world could do with a little less hate.
Re:Questions better than answers. (Score:5, Insightful)
Was he offered questions on the socio-political implications of war with Iraq? Was he offered questions on the education system, pressing moral concerns, or religious preferences. No.
And so, his answers were in kind with the questions.
Re:Idiocy prevails. (Score:2, Insightful)
How has your life changed since you won a Pullet Surprise?
That's Pulitzer, moron.
[/quote]
You know what's ironic? You post a message demonstrating a complete lack of understanding, and you title your post Idiocy prevails.
Re:Questions better than answers. (Score:5, Insightful)
Let this be a lesson to the crack head mods to really think about modding when the next interview comes up. Ahh, who am i kidding. The mods don't give a flying monkey fucking a football.
Is there a (Dave Barry) echo in here? (Score:5, Insightful)
I assume he finds his own humor funny, because it reflects his sense of humor, but he may think Chris Rock is even funnier...
I've read a fair amount of Dave Barry's columns, and he can be very funny, but sometimes he has an off day and he sounds just like the Barry-esque questions that he was asked...forced, dorky, and painfully self-referential.
Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (Score:2, Insightful)
Stop bitching. If you don't like it, don't read it!
OT... (Score:5, Insightful)
And if this were digital media, it would most likely be ILLEGAL under the DMCA or other such bassackwards legislation. If the newspaper had their way, this would fall under some DRM scheme. It's certainly where we're headed...
Nice country we live in, huh?
Sorry for the off-topic rant... but this is exactly the sort of "fair use" thing that's worth fighting to keep in the new world of Digital Restrictions Management.
-S
Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (Score:5, Insightful)
For instance, much of his response was not 'funny' per se, but I almost hurt myself when I got to: Sure, it's not *about* anything, but it's funny in it's style, how it catches you off-guard. Thows something entirely silly into an otherwise boring boilerplate remark.
And now that I've analyzed the hell out of it, I'm not sure It's funny anymore. Dave Barry's humor is a "You had to be there" type funny.
Re:OT... (Score:2, Insightful)
However, it's fairly common for people to send one another 'clipped' items and whatnot from web pages with email.
And it's not illegal.
Nice country we live in. With people like you carping and whining, it's slightly less nice, however.
Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (Score:4, Insightful)
You loaded slashdot, saw "Dave Barry Answers Alert Slashdot Readers' Questions", clicked "Read More...", scrolled past the interview, clicked reply, typed in this moronic response, and hit submit? All this for a guy you don't like?
I mean absolutely no offense whatsoever, but I believe I speak for a great many people when I say, fuck you!
Re:Questions better than answers. (Score:5, Insightful)
The sad think dildatron, is that the mods are us. We are the mods. The mods are just regular
What i'm saying is when you tell me that the mods are stupid, you're really saying that readers of
Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (Score:4, Insightful)
Read Mark Twain's "How To Write A Story" for a good reference.
With humour, there is no pause for effect, no knock-em-dead punchline. Good humor produces a smile which gradually widens, eventually turns into a giggle that escapes when you least expect it, and occaisionally ends up as milk squirting out of your nose.
Re:OT... (Score:4, Insightful)
And if this were digital media, it would most likely be ILLEGAL under the DMCA or other such bassackwards legislation.
Actually, his grandmother gave up her original copy. Perhaps if she made a photocopy of the column and sent it, it would be analagous.
Fair use is only under attack because people abuse it. If there was mass photocopying of newspapers, there might become a corporate-lobbying stink about it. With digital media, piracy has become rampant. I agree that fair use rights are necessary, but I dispute your claim that this granny-clipping-newspaper-ads situation is at all simmilar to our current fair-use of digital media troubles. Please don't take this personally, but I feel that these knee-jerk reactions are really contributing to getting us nowhere on this front and sapping our argument of legitamacy.