Can Star Wars Episode III Be Saved?

mcwop writes "MSNBC is running a commentary asking: 'Can "Star Wars: Episode III" be saved?' It proposes changes such as ripping off Akira Kurosawa, getting the otherwise good actors to emote, and even firing Lucas. It is one year away, but is it too late to save Episode III?"

no.

[mrpuffypants]

no.

Yoda

[KeyboardMonkey]

Save or save not. There is no try!

Re:no.

[Anonymous Coward]

To elaborate on my fine friend's answer:
HELL no.

Killing off Jar-Jar

[stephenisu]

Killing off Jar-Jar in the supossed lightsaber duel while surfing on lava scene would help.

Makes sure it's a slow painful death with lots of burning from the lava. Tape his mouth shut too, so I don't need to hear his stupid voice. I say R2D2 should be the one that "accidentily" pushes him in. Cuz R2 is the comic relief pimp.

Sure fire save.

[Sideshow Coward]

Well, call me crazy, but how can surfing on lava not save a movie? Is there a better way short of two car chases in a single movie?

subjected to typing a subject

[vbrtrmn]

Maybe the thrid one will be really good and the first two were actually elaborate pranks by Andy Kaufman.

YES

[cubicledrone]

Make it a musical! Use a lot of trendy pop-culture jokes and cliched music. Obi-Wan and Anakin surfing during the lightsaber battle is brilliant! BRILLIANT!

Battlestar Wars Galactica

[Mad Man]

Like Battlestar Galactica [slashdot.org], somebody will eventually re-make Star Wars a few decades from now.

In the new version, Luke Skywalker will be a woman...

bah

[tubbtubb]

Maybe if they removed the surfing scene, or deleted Poochie altogether, everything would be okay.

(Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet)

Re:Killing off Jar-Jar

[Coneasfast]

reminds me of an old comment i read:

Episode III: The Passion of Jar-Jar

it's just 2 hours of jar-jar being beaten.

nope dept?

[aardwolf204]

Can Star Wars Episode III Be Saved?

It is one year away, but is it too late to save Episode III?"

from the nope dept.

Ahh you slashdot editors! Which one is it?

yeah right

[Savatte]

Star Wars will be saved much like how Alderaan was spared by Tarkin in Ep 4.

What an odd question...

[M.C. Hampster]

I'm assuming that no one here as seen the finished movie. So how can one ask the question "Can a movie be saved?" before knowing if it needs to even be saved.

Of course, based off episode 1 and 2, I'm guessing Jesus couldn't save the thing...

Re:Battlestar Wars Galactica

[Anonymous Coward]

I think you mean "Luke will be a man"

Re:A bright future

[The Ultimate Fartkno]

> -- "I'm no actor, but I'm crass enough to scam my way into a movie every now and then." - Henry Rollins

Your sig gives me a great idea! Why not take the article's suggestion of dropping Hayden Christiansen and replacing him... with Henry Rollins! Wouldn't that be awesome?! Lava-surfing saber battles? Hell no! Serious man-on-man pummeling! A pre-armor Vader the size of a Volkswagen stomping around in gym shorts like some heavily-tattooed punk-rock Hulk would absolutely beat the living *crap* out of what we had before! And the first time someone calls him "Annie" he could just head-butt them and start screaming into... erm... some sort of space microphone or something.

That would rule.

Re:Battlestar Wars Galactica

[bcolflesh]

In the new version, Luke Skywalker will be a woman...

Lucy Streetwalker?

Re:Battlestar Wars Galactica

[Digital_Quartz]

Was I the only one who instantly thought of the scene where Leia kisses him when they read that?

Its too EARLY!!

[Robmonster]

Its far too early to save it.

I reckon I'll be 'saving' it to a couple of CD-Roms in about a years time....

RM

I've got two words for Lucas

[Anonymous Coward]

Talking Pie.

They'll forget all the mistakes of the past if you add such a character.

Re:yeah right

[Paulrothrock]

"Mr. Lucas, the more bad movies you make, the more geeky Star Wars fans will slip through your fingers."

Re:A bright future

[Kenja]

To quote Spaced.

Jar Jar makes the Ewoks look like fucken Shaft!

Re:What an odd question...

[Prince Vegeta SSJ4]

So how can one ask the question "Can a movie be saved?" before knowing if it needs to even be saved.Because, I feel a tremor in the Force. It's as if thousands of voice cried out "Han Did not Shoot First", then suddenly went silent.

Looks Like..

[Anonymous Coward]

It may be too late for Episode III. Lets just hope Episode IV can be saved - oh wait...

Re: a bright future

[Anonymous Coward]

It didn't take a Jar Jar character in the US Senate when it voted to give Bush the power to wage war

Didn't it?

Re:A bright future

[kin_korn_karn]

"Amidala! I'm leaving you! You wanna know why??? CAUSE I'M A LIAAAAARRRRRR!!!"

omg, I went there. I filked Henry Rollins with a Star Wars reference. Someone shoot me now.

You can always do what i did with the matrix...

[Anonymous Coward]

Prentend Reloaded and Revolutions never existed. Just try to forget the fact that Episodes I,II, and III exist. If you say it to yourself enough times, you begin to beleive it.

Regarding the matrix:
" I still dont know how its all going to end. Maybe they should just stop at 1, cause they might fuck up the next one."

See? It works!!!

Sam Jackson

[Anonymous Coward]

Have Sam L Jackson say Muthah fuckah, mutha fuckah!

Re:None of our business, really

[Schwartzboy]

Note to everyone not named "George Lucus": Star Wars isn't yours.

Boy, will Mr. Lucas be pissed when he hears that.
To quote Chaka Luther King in Jay and Silent Bob Stike Back: "I think George Lucas gonna sue somebody."

*sigh*

Sure it can

[lightspawn]

You just right click, then select 'save as'.

Re:None of our business, really

[kin_korn_karn]

The Mona Lisa is painted on a wooden panel.
You must be a real badass.

Re:Battlestar Wars Galactica

[Patrik_AKA_RedX]

Nope. Any self-respecting heterosexual guy should have thought of that.

Re:hire brin!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

I already told several people that I will not be seeing Ep III because Brin's conclusion to the series is so much better than anything Lucas could come up with.

And do they stare at you and say "Who the hell are you and why do you think I give a shit?"

Re: a bright future

[Chouhada]

"It didn't take a Jar Jar character in the US Senate when it voted to give Bush the power to wage war.."

agreed...it took 77 Jar Jar characters in the Senate and 296 Jar Jar characters in the House. Of course, why the rest of the Jar Jar characters in the Legislature voted otherwise will always be a mystery...

Re: a bright future

[Gzip Christ]

It didn't take a Jar Jar character in the US Senate when it voted to give Bush the power to wage war

Some would argue that Bush is the Jar Jar character - they certainly have a lot of similarities. Perhaps Ashcroft is Palpatine. He seems a lot more like an evil mastermind.

There is only one man who can now save Star Wars.

[lawpoop]

Gennady Tartakovsky, creator of Dexter's Laboratory, Samurai Jack, and the Clone Wars Cartoon Channel series.

Help us, Gennady, you're our only hope.

Re:None of our business, really

[Celvin]

I wouldn't say that Star Wars is Lucas' entirely any more, but instead every fan of the series has ownership of one piece of it.

I call the lightsaber-duel in Cloud City!

Re:A bright future

[Neop2Lemus]

Shut Your Mouth!

Re:None of our business, really

[Progman3K]

> [...] 1 and 2 are actually good and some mystical process is making them look bad [...]

Midi-chlorians, maybe? ;-)

Re:Battlestar Wars Galactica

[SuiteSisterMary]

How it SHOULD have happened. [ctrlaltdel-online.com]

If....

[merciless]

If James Cameron directs - the android army would now become an unstoppable machine dealing death and destruction throughout the galaxy. Padme will the woman destined to save the future of Jedi-kind, and a jedi who can see the future comes to help her while an evil Sith is assigned solely in killing her. The Sith will have the best lines likes "stick around" or "bye, hand". Various gigantic nuclear explosions will take place and at least one cool chase scene that shows the unstoppable power of some type of large mechanical object. Many scenes will be lit with blue lighting and the whole movie will be rated R.

Francis Ford Coppola - most of the leaders of various planets will be paying homage to the Sith lord in a dark room while italian music plays in the background. There will be a violent ambush that kills most of the jedis with the kills paying one last bit of disrespect by kicking the dead jedi bodies as they leave. Padme told Annie that she had an abortion (she didn't).

Steven Spielberg - more Han Solo! He'll make it up as he goes along.

David Fincher - Anakin slowly degrades as he commits each one of the 7 deadly sins. There's no such thing as the sith lords. Everything happens in a monochromatic/dark/rainy setting, even at the climatic battle over the lava rain would be pouring down, meeting the lava violently with a lot of hissing. Anakin will finally turn evil when Padme's head arrives via GalaxyXpress in a box.

Merchant Ivory - There would be a lot of chit-chat over tea, in conferences, and everyone will be speaking with an english accent. Action set pieces will be small and subtle and most of the scenes will involve the emotional (or lack thereof) aftermath, showing the consequences of killing all the jedis/destroying planets/saying goodbye to Padme. Alas, it will be a bittersweet ending.

Re: a bright future

[risutora]

Jar-Jar is necessary, because he's Annakin's best-friend.

No wonder he turns to the dark side.

missing ingredient

[garymcg]

Star Wars III, and every movie currently playing in theaters, coule be improved by the addtion of Orcs. Ask yourself, what would be a funnier movie, "Johnson Family Vacation" or "Orc Family Vacation?"

Wouldn't "Troy" be more exciting if the Trojan Horse opened up and Uruk-Hai came pouring out? Wouldn't "Passion of the Christ" be more interesting if the Orcs were marching Christ to be crucified, got a little peckish, ripped Jesus limb from limb and ate him before they got there?

Re:The sacrifice of saving it isn't worth it.

[Hatta]

Think of it: one good move after at least 3 crappy sequels. Statistically, if you encourage this jackass to keep on making movies 75% will be shit.

That's a better average than the rest of hollywood.

You're both wrong!

[trezor]

There is no Jar Jar (*cough*) in episodes IV, V and VI.

That means that JarJar will be killed in episode 3. I'll pay to see that!

Touchy, touchy

[Gzip Christ]

To whomever moderated my original post as flamebait, I think you may have misunderstood my comparison of Bush to Jar Jar binks. I was not insinuating that they are both bumbling idiots, I merely meant that they both have floppy ears and funny accents.

Re: a bright future

[Progman3K]

Are you telling me I suffered through all this Jar-Jar for NOTHING?

*murderous rage and Darth Vader theme playing*

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Re:no.

[yotto]

Oh, come on, there are tons of them!

"Are you an angel?"
"This party's over"
"What a drag"
"Meesa Darth Binks, dark Gungan a da Sith."

That last one's from Ep 3, I got a spoiler script.

Re:Lord of the Rings

[Mysticalfruit]

Also, aside from the really good audio rendition of LOTR, it was the first film version of LOTR was wasn't like watching children being thrown into a chipper shredder.

Re:Han Solo And The Skywalker Twins.

[raygundan]

"lucky Han Solo and the Skywalker Twins"

Don't give the Olsen franchise any more ideas.

Saving Episode III

[awkScooby]

Just a couple of suggestions:

• Put in some real Samuel L. Jackson lines - "use the force, bitch", "can someone hand me my lightsaber -- it's the one that says Bad Ass M***********," "I shall strike down upon thee..." etc
• Show some skin. Anikan should use force ass-grab, etc. Get creative with it (Darth-diggler anyone?)
• Have Jar Jar in the back seat of a landspeeder and have Anikan accidentally shoot him in the face. Yeah, it's a blatant rip of but it still would be funny
• Pamela Anderson - I don't care if she's part of the plot, or just there as scenery
• Ninjas always make movies better...
• Work in Tony Danza and an orangutan

Ten ways Jar Jar could die!

[Vinnie_333]

Ten ways Jar Jar could die that would leave me satisfied.

10. Doing the proverbial "stepping on a rake" routine with Anakin's Lightsaber and cutting himself in two - right up the middle.

9. Getting his tongue caught in an X-Wing during take off and getting his head ripped off.

8. Being thrown into the vacuum of space and exploding

7. Two words: Venereal Disease

6. Squished in the trash compactor from Ep IV

5. Sarlacc!

4. Obi Won just getting tired of him and, WHAM, decapitation with the lightsaber

3. Joe Pesci, for no explained reason, walks in stage and shoots him in the head.

2. Uma Thruman, for no explained reason, walks in stage and shoots him in the head.

1. Once again, for no explained reason, Jar Jar catches a foreign born bacteria that causes bleeding from the eyes, vomiting, and nightmarish diarrhea - until death!

Re:You're both wrong!

[Anonymous Coward]

>I'm calling bullshit on your story. Industrial Light and Magic is a separate entity from Lucas' creative branch (Lucasfilm). ILM is solely responsible for special effects, not making story contributions.

I call bullshit on yours. George Lucas has no creative branch. mwaha. mwahahaah.

Re:You're both wrong!

[ewn]

...only to step out of the shower in Episode VII, telling us that IV,V, and VI were only a dream.

Can't resist.

[Anonymous Coward]

I find you lack of faith disturbing....

I have a terrible terrible suspicion...

[SofaMan]

that after this film is released, no longer will we say that a creatively-bankrupt television or film series desperately atempting to salvage it's prestige with showy one-upmanship has "jumped the shark".

We will say that it has "surfed the lava".