The Illiteracy of Corporate American E-Mail 1267
Dave writes "There is a pretty amusing/sad article about functional illiteracy when it comes to professional e-mails. Some of the samples are just ridiculous."
Memory fault - where am I?
Conspicuously... (Score:5, Funny)
Mox
Heh (Score:2, Funny)
All because of vatican 2 (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I'd be happy (Score:5, Funny)
No, it is not.
My personal favorite (Score:5, Funny)
Subject: COULD YOU SEND ME THAT MEMO
Body: (empty)
In case it's slashdotted: (Score:5, Funny)
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Very Inprofesional (Score:5, Funny)
It's a disgracement.
"hI KATHY i am sending u the assignmnet again," (Score:1, Funny)
sorry, had to do it: (Score:2, Funny)
Some help needed here... (Score:3, Funny)
(no subject) (Score:2, Funny)
*sigh* (Score:2, Funny)
j00 r fir3d!!!11 pwnz3d!!
Worker: OMGWTFBBQ
u hax!!1
Nice to see that we can still keep it professional here.
Learn Them Some Grammar (Score:3, Funny)
Spell Czech (Score:5, Funny)
It plainly marques four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write. It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid. It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite. Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it. I am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect in it's weight. My chequer tolled me sew.
Sauce Unknown
(Reader's Digest.)
When corporate email goes bad (Score:3, Funny)
Erm, I'mma not sure if that was grammatically correct r not....
Holy crap! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:How they become? (Score:2, Funny)
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d (Score:5, Funny)
Obligory quote (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I'd be happy (Score:2, Funny)
No, it is not.
Personally, I like being in the middle.
If people could just learn to write their replies BELOW what they're quoting. Top posting is just wrong.
Re:How they become? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Not too suprising (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Not too suprising (Score:1, Funny)
It didn't have a "commar", or even a comma. It had an apostrophe -- which is also incorrect. ;-)
But don't take my word for it . . . http://angryflower.com/bobsqu.gif [angryflower.com]
reminds me of this dilbert cartoon (Score:2, Funny)
http://www.attrition.org/postal/dilbert_email.jpg [attrition.org]
Re:Have they ever heard of English as a 2nd langua (Score:1, Funny)
Here's a new flash for them: English is not the most widely spoken language in the world (Chinese is).
Heree's a news flash for you: Chinese is not the most widely spoken language in corporate America, which is what this article was talking about.
Re:i m a l337 riter! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:In case it's slashdotted: (Score:4, Funny)
Too much L33T! (Score:3, Funny)
(With apologies to any Sealab fans out there)
Re:Spelling And Grammar Still Apply (Score:3, Funny)
Re:i m a l337 riter! (Score:4, Funny)
I filtered out all the crap (Score:1, Funny)
" Need help," id h mesg, which w devd oph puncuaion. " am wrng ey n wriin i wrk phr th cmpny nd my os wn me hlp imprv teh wrker writin kll cn yll hlp me wth m inphormin hnk yu".
Hundrd ph nkwires phrom mner and execuives ekng to mprve thr wnzor or heir worker' wrin pop ino hogn' xor in-bkt ech month, he ay, dscribin numbr h hs urgd -mil h rplcd he phon phor much workplac communicaton. millon ph mploys mu wrte mre frkwently n teh jb hn prviuly. nd many r mkng hh of t.
"E-ml party which englih techr hve no been nvitd," hon d. "it ha cmpnie ring hir hr ou."
Recnt survy of mercn corprtns reched imilr concluon. he tudy, by h ninl commion on wrting, pnl lihd y teh colle oard, cncludd ht thrd oph mploy n he non' lue-chp compne wro porly and h buinee were pendng much . bllion nnually on remdl trining.
He prlem hw up n only in -mal bu lso in rport nd thr txt, h commiin id.
"T's n ha cmpnes wnt hire tlty," id uan rimn, director th bune rundtbl, n ciaon of ldn cheph excuve whse crprn wr urveyd n th tudy. "but hy nd pople wh cn write clrly, nd mny mplyee and pplcnt fll hrt f tht ndrd."
Mllion of incrubl e-mil me re clon crport bxr by etin off rkwe phor clrphicn, nd mny ph he rekwet, in urn, re lo chtically writn, rultin n whol cycle f conphuson.
Hre ne frm yms nly t her upervior t hgh-ech corportion bd n pal lo, clif.: "i updtd eh tu reprt for h four dcrpncie lnnie phrward u vi e-mil (they n arry phil).. to make ure my lgc w crrc i em we prvde murry with ncrrec nphrmton
He nchrnc f h mege peruded eh nlyst' emplyer ht h nded rmedil rinng.
"Th more elecronc nd globl w g, he l imprnt h spken word ha bcome, nd in e-ml clriy criticl," d sn phillip, rcrutment drctor at noher ilcn vlley corprtin, pplr, upplr f kwpment phor lph cienc rrch, whre mot
Re:How they become? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Very Inprofesional (Score:1, Funny)
it came with my pea sea.
it plainly marques for my revue
mistakes i cannot see.
eye strike a quay and type a word,
and weight four it to say
weather eye am wrong oar write:
it shows me strait a weigh.
i've run this peom threw it,
i'm sure your plea's two no;
its letter-perfect all the whey -
my chequer tolled me sew !
Re:How they become? (Score:5, Funny)
A man rides into a new town, and needs to get his CV proofread. The town has only two CV proofreaders. So he gets copies of their CVs to help him decide whom to go to. One of the CVs is beautifully presented, with impeccable spelling and grammar and a clear, logical layout. The other is messy, confused, and poorly spelt. There are many obvious grammatical mistakes.
Which proofreader does the man go to, and why?
One of my all time favourite e-mails... (Score:3, Funny)
Thaasnkas
thias ias not as joke
(name withheld)
Yes I did actually receive this from an employee (actually an manager) of a client that I provide tech support for (Though in his defense, he really had spilled water on his keyboard).
Re:I filtered out all the crap (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I'd be happy (Score:5, Funny)
write their replies BELOW on the SIDE of
what they're quoting. what I am quoting, myself.
Top posting is just wrong. Side posting r00ls, w00t!!
What scares me (Score:5, Funny)
Huh? (Score:4, Funny)
spelling and grammar? (Score:5, Funny)
The geniuses suceeded in publishing a report with a map on the front which just had a gap where Wales should have been.
Stuff Spelling and Grammar, 3 million people and a few billion sheep just ceased to exist!
Re:How they become? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:How they become? (Score:4, Funny)
hm. makes me think there should be a study on the illiteracy of slashdot posts.
Re:It will only get worse. (Score:3, Funny)
And conversely, an English major married you to compensate for the miniscule earning power that English majors have...
Re:Time to ditch the English Language? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Very Inprofesional (Score:3, Funny)
Solution: Outsourcing (Score:2, Funny)
Newsflash: In corporate AMERICA, English is required learning.
Newsflash 2: People who speak English as a second language are often better at correct grammar then native English-speakers.
The solution is obvious: outsource spelling and grammar. Millions of Indians are waiting to conjugate your verbs for pennies.
Re:How they become? (Score:4, Funny)
1. You should have said: "Her problem is that she forgets to proofread."
2. It is "A lot", not "Alot".
3. "Disinterested" means one doesn't have a conflict of interest. You should have used "uninterested".
4. It is "justified", not "justificated".
5. It is "disenfranchised", not "disenfrenchfried", unless someone took away their French fries.
Then again, maybe these were intentional and slashdot just removed the <GWB> and </GWB> tags.
MOD PARENT DOWN (Score:1, Funny)
Re:How they become? (Score:5, Funny)
"Hurting" above is incorrect. To agree with "impact" it should be "hurt":
But since this forum doesn't support editing, we'll forgive you.
The Grammar Nazis
Re:How they become? (Score:4, Funny)
Tolstoy?!? (Score:5, Funny)
From TFA: "It's not like we're trying to hire Tolstoy."
It's a damn good thing, too. The last thing corporate America needs is a 2000 page corporate org chart in which Alexei Sergeyevich has dotted line responsibility for Sergey Alexeyevich, and both of them are in love with Anya Lamentova (who is referred to half the time as Anyushka, making it look like these two are chasing different women so what's the problem?), and by the time Napoleon finally retreats from Moscow and Sergey Alexeyevich has recovered from the duel with Alexei (Sasha) Sergeyevich we haven't even come close to our quarterly projections and don't give a shit about any of it any more and spend our entire day checking the want ads.
Re:Not completely bleak (Score:4, Funny)
Of course you don't care - survival is your primary concern! A stable situation, job, regular income. Once you have those things under control, then perhaps you could be interested in learning about someone's hierarchy of needs. But more likely you'll be interested in sex - getting a girlfriend, etc. So first the job, the regular income, the steady girlfriend, oh and that car you've always wanted. Then perhaps you could be interested in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Ode to a Spell Checker (Score:5, Funny)
Someone other than me originally wrote this. My apologies to non-native English-speakers, as this is bound to do some brane damage to those that do their best to try to comprehend:
I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed to bee a joule.
The checker poured ore every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Be fore a vailing checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if were lacks o'er have a laps,
We wood bee maid to wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun aye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft ware for pea seas,
And why I brake in two averse
When righting what aye pleas.
Re:Obligory Simpsons quote (Score:2, Funny)
Re:How they become? (Score:5, Funny)
quote of the article (Score:2, Funny)
Unless they want their emails written in Russian.
"supposably" (Score:2, Funny)
The prankster went back to saying "supposedly" and despite doing so, the others continued using the new and improved version. ;-)
Re:How they become? (Score:5, Funny)
I, for one, welcome, to the full extent possible, our new, lovely, comma, overlords!
Re:How they become? (Score:3, Funny)
fuckin a dude!@ who care abuot chikign granner and slpeking anuwsy?? i mesn shit if'n pipul unerstn yo hoo car wut ti look like?
Get my point?
I NEED HELP (Score:2, Funny)
Grammatically correct but stupid. (Score:2, Funny)
The email contains an important message from a VP.
Attached is a Word doc.
Inside the Word doc is an html link to the 'memo' on the corporate web server
That link is a PDF file.
I think M$ figured out the perfect way to drive linux users insane.
Re:To her, it probably was correct... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:How they become? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:How they become? (Score:3, Funny)
Logic as follows
The proofreaders also need their CV's proofread. They each only have one proofreader they can pass their CV to. So they must pass their CV to each other. The proofreader with the messy CV was proofread by the messy proofreader, therefore he must be the clear proofreader.
Isn't it great to be a mathematician where wisdom doesn't need to impinge on logic?
Re:True story (Score:1, Funny)
"Thank you for your timely response to my inquiry. However, I would like to point out that your critiques of my improper usage of punctuation and capitalization are somewhat founded in hipocracy when compared to your slaughtering of English grammar.
You stated, "We're hip, we're independent and we're unconventional." This sentence contains three independent clauses which should each be separated by periods, thereby forming three sentences. Alternatively, each independent clause may be separated by commas, forming a dense compound sentence. Such an alternative would be written as, "We're hip, we're independent, and we're unconventional." Similarly, the three independent clauses could have been condensed into a single sentence having greater clarity. For example, "We're hip, independent, and unconventional," would have been an even better solution.
Second, it is incorrect in every case to begin a sentence with the word, "And." The word, "And," is a conjugate that is used to convey plurality within a single sentence when the subject has already been given. While some have ridiculed this rule, it remains a rule nonetheless. The correct approach would have been to start this sentence with an appropriate adverb. Candidate adverbs include "Also," "Furthermore," "Likewise," and so on. Please note my correct usage of the word to convey plurality of subject.
Using the correct tense and sentence structure, I will say that I hope you will accept this advice in the spirit in which it is being given, which is not to put you down, but to educate you.
Sincerely,
$NAME
Bash.org said it best: (Score:3, Funny)
"I helped my uncle jack off a horse."
Re:True story (Score:3, Funny)
{/tounge firmly in cheek over my pet peeve}
Yeah, she really did loose it at the end.
Ah, well, I'm sure you'd have to turn her lose sooner or later.