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John Cleese To Write Next Aardman Film 163

Posted by Zonk from the he-is-an-ex-python dept.
Anonymous Coward writes "The BBC has news from the Cannes Film Festival. First, the previously announced Curse of the Were-Rabbit Wallace and Gromit short is due in Autumn, and a Trailer is available. Second, John Cleese is currently writing a pre-historic comedy for Aardman Entertainment. From the article: 'It will be great comedy adventure about a pre-historic culture clash between two tribes, one comparatively evolved tribe, and one un-evolved tribe...Some might consider one tribe might be the English, and some might consider that the other to be the French, the Gauls...Let's just say it's the start of the Entente Cordial and it explains why the English Channel is there.'"
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John Cleese To Write Next Aardman Film More

John Cleese To Write Next Aardman Film

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  • Excellent. (Score:5, Funny)

    by PopeAlien ( 164869 ) on Friday May 13, 2005 @07:36PM (#12525612) Homepage Journal
    Grommit! we forgot the cleese!

  • One French, one English, and one evolved? (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday May 13, 2005 @07:37PM (#12525623)
    So, there will be three tribes?
  • Everything that man touches turns to gold. Brilliant, hilarious, bring it on.

  • Declaration of Revocation (Score:5, Funny)

    by Jeremiah Cornelius ( 137 ) on Friday May 13, 2005 @07:41PM (#12525646) Homepage Journal
    Declaration of Revocation [stephaniemiller.com] by John Cleese

    Declaration of Revocation
    by John Cleese

    To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

    Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

    Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

    Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

    A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

    The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

    You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

    You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

    Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

    Look up "interspersed."

    There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old

    enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

    2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

    You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

    While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

    4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

    British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not

    • 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good.

      Uh... As an American who owns several British cars, let me just say that Brits really should just leave this one alone.

    • Re:Declaration of Revocation (Score:4, Informative)

      by Jack Taylor ( 829836 ) on Friday May 13, 2005 @08:08PM (#12525845)
      For those of you who think Cleese really hates America, consider for a second that all three of his wives have been American (and blonde). This is one of those posts that seems to need to be prefaced with "this is a joke". I'm amazed how many people just can't get jokes like this, thinking that the author is just poking fun at them, whereas in reality the author is poking fun at himself whilst writing it...

    • Re: Declaration of Revocation - urban myth (Score:5, Informative)

      by tomRakewell ( 412572 ) on Friday May 13, 2005 @08:22PM (#12525915)

      John Cleese did not write this. It is an urban myth. [snopes.com]

      You can tell, because it is not funny.

    • Snopes [snopes.com].

    • Re:Declaration of Revocation (Score:4, Funny)

      by Spock the Baptist ( 455355 ) on Friday May 13, 2005 @08:56PM (#12526057) Journal
      "15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy."

      Lee Harvey Oswald*

      *'Case Closed'--ISBN: 0679418253
    • SUBJECT: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

      To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland:

      We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!

      However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to s

      • Re:Declaration of Revocation (Score:2, Funny)

        by Anonymous Coward
        Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.

        lol oh please you couldn't have left it any longer to join in if you tried.

        Anyway the Russians had it all stiched up irregardless of whether you guys joined in or not.

        So perhaps instead of feeling all self righteous you should check the history books, ahhh perhaps get one from Europe it will give a more accurate picture than the ones you probably get in the USA.

        • That's odd. According to European history books, the Europeans won the war. According to American history books, the Americans won the war. It's almost as if each respective country overstates its own contribution to the victory.

          By the way, thanks for all the help with Japan. We really appreciate it.
      • As a UK subject - can I just say that's pretty damm funny (and spot on) although I'm not sure you've really understood about the French, or cars (e.g. it's not about the cupholders) :P ...and well, er.. oh alright then, let's get the ball rolling - I apologise on behalf of my country for the teletubbies - god knows it gave me nightmares, you have to wonder what it does to kids... now if the teletubbies isn't an argument for the right to bear arms, I don't know what is...

        But while we're all saying sorry -
        • We would have apologized for a lot sooner if the Germans would have ever stopped thanking us for it.

          As for Titanic, I don't think it was nearly as bad as some people make it out to be, but since Kate Winslet represents at least half of what went wrong with that picture, I think America and England can agree to share culpability for both disasters (the ship's fate, and the movie about it.)

          Murder She Wrote? Mea Culpa. It was an awful show, and I was not aware that it had seeped outside our borders. Sorry
          • You get "Keeping Up Appearances" ? Geez - then you do have my unreserved apologies :P I think it's illegal here now for civilian organisations to show Are You Being Served since it was re-classified as a weapon of mass mediocrity :p

      • Re:Declaration of Revocation (Score:4, Insightful)

        by Requiem Aristos ( 152789 ) on Friday May 13, 2005 @10:09PM (#12526394)
        > we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic

        Interesting tradition, considering that Rome maintained its "republic" status for about twice as long as the US has been around. If you're talking about democracies that are still around, you should consider the Iroquois Confederacy, going on ~800 years. (Consider also that Iroquois were present when the Continental Congress was meeting in the summer of 1776.)
        • The longest running republic still is iceland with way over thousand years, it might be topped by some tribes which are unknown by today.
          • Don't forget San Marino.

            AD 343 "free city of San Marino"

            AD 1243 "Most Serene Republic of San Marino"

            • Yupp Icelandic republic goes back to 800 to my knowledge. It is always funny to hear the US tv propaganda of having the best working and oldest democracy. The US democracy has legalized bribe (campaign donations) in the past and is selling out to the coprorations left and right (there used to be a list which senator worked for which corporation indirectly) thus has basically becoming a plutocracy. At the current state of affairs, the best working democracies are probably currently Poland, the Tzech republic
      • LOL.

        As a Brit, I found that very funny, and also largely fair. Just like the original, imho, which has been modded troll or something by now, but nevermind. Guess some people can't take a joke.

      • I did not write this. Just as the poster it replies to was not the author of what he posted. It has been passed around left and right just as the original has.

        Like, duh.

      • Re:Declaration of Revocation (Score:2, Informative)

        by Anonymous Coward
        spotted dick

        It's spotted dick and yellow peril, and let's not forget bangers and mash, mmm yummy

        The Brits don't do too bad with beef (yorkshire pud mmm), beef wellington is good, the only problem they seem to have is distinguishing a steak from what they call a roast. And not to forget Xmas pud with enough brandy to fell a horse.

    • Re:Declaration of Revocation (Score:5, Interesting)

      by PakProtector ( 115173 ) <cevkiv@@@gmail...com> on Friday May 13, 2005 @10:20PM (#12526442) Journal

      While not created by Cleese, this is by far one of the funniest, wittiest, and sadly most fitting things I have read in a long time.

      The parts about having too many lawyers and therapists and not being adult enough to solve one's problems without resorting to violence is particularly spot-on. In this once great country of America, we really do seem to have a big problem, and I can bring it down to two points.

      1. Problems:
      2. No one wants to take responsibility for their actions.
      3. As a nation, we are a bully.

      Let me clarify and expand upon both of these points. Firstly, the idea that no one desires to take responsibility for their own actions. We go a great deal out of our way to excuse all sorts of behaviour that is not acceptable in society. Such things as not minding one's own god damn business, and by that I mean, "Stay out of my life when I'm not killing or raping anyone," and another such thing as no one is responsible for anything anyone.

      I'm sorry, little Timmy, but the video game didn't make you kill Billy. You're fourteen. You got the gun out of the locked safe yourself, loaded it, went to Billy's house, aimed at him, and pulled the trigger. Five times. Yes, you're dead.

      The second point, that as a nation we are a bully, can easily be illuminated by the nation of Iran. Let me see here. I might be getting the years wrong, so I'll use terms of 'time ago.' Such as '50 years ago,' et cetera. Actually, no. That's not even neccessary.

      Iran: Had a democratically elected government. Said government would not tow America's line. Deemed 'bad for our interests.' Said democratically elected government was overthrown by our own government, and set up a dictator in its place. The Shah. The Shah was then overthrown, and an Islamic Extremist came into power. Now they hate us and we (some of us) wonder why.

      As people (most of us, anyway,) and as a nation, we need to do two things: Accept responsibility for our actions, and stop interfering in other's lives.

      Now, I think I'll just sit back with some nice Earl Grey and a Hot Dog (It's still Friday! Hail Eris!), and wait for the Department of Vaterland Uber Alles to come by and pick me up for speaking against the Fuhrer.

      Or for my geek card to be revoked for purposefully invoking Godwin's law.

      • "sit back with some nice Earl Grey"

        Funny, because I just switched from drinking far to much coffee to drinking English Breakfast tea. I'm glad I live in Maine because 5-10 grams of salt would really kill the flavour. Earl Grey is a great tea as well. Tea > coffee.

        One thing really missing in America is popular historical perspective. Even when we were gearing up for the first Iraq invasion I was telling people that it was bizare that we (USA) were trying to take the moral high road when we actully s
      • The parts about having too many lawyers and therapists and not being adult enough to solve one's problems without resorting to violence is particularly spot-on.

        Too many lawyers and therapists, maybe, but the violence thing is a problem with humanity. In Manchester pubs they no longer serve beer in glass mugs and are considering also not serving in bottles because of their use as weapons by drunken yobs.

        The second point, that as a nation we are a bully, can easily be illuminated by the nation of Iran.

      • Actually you brought many things up to the point. Being European but loving the good sides of america (hey I spent some time there and I know there are two sides to the country one being very good and one being really bad, I really got the shudders when Bush started the DHS. I have seen such things in the past, it is never a good idea to have an authority (although week in the beginning) which has basically military and executive and secret service power. I cannot remember one such service which ended in a
    • Also add to that the obligatory tea tax which cause os some headaches with you in the past.

    • And Warm too!

      Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooo

  • Cool (Score:2)

    by MBCook ( 132727 )
    Very cool.

    On a side note, does anyone know about W & G's Cracking Contraptions? It was annouced long ago but while the site is up I can't seem to watch them anywhere, and I can't seem to find a DVD of the shorts either. I'd love to see 'em.

    Also, if you don't have it, Aardman put out a book all about what they do and how they do it. You can find it on Amazon [slashdot.org] and it's really good. It explains some of their tricks, stories behind things, and how to make your own little "3D" films as they call them (refe

  • Because somebody forgot to drain the tub!

    [oh, darn, should have put SPOILER in the title, now everyone knows the punch line for John Cleese's new movie ...]

    .
  • It's the best video to watch on a first-second date. It's only 25 min (I usually watch "The Wrong Trousers") and she'll love it and laugh. Score big points :)
  • This is unlike any Cleese I've ever tasted.

  • smells of elderberry (Score:3, Funny)

    by pipingguy ( 566974 ) on Friday May 13, 2005 @07:52PM (#12525728)

    Some might consider one tribe might be the English, and some might consider that the other to be the French.

    In this one, which nationality discovers that coconuts are *not* migratory?

    http://www.rit.edu/~smo4215/monty.htm [rit.edu]

    GUARD #1: Where'd you get the coconut?
    ARTHUR: We found them.
    GUARD #1: Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical!
    ARTHUR: What do you mean?
    GUARD #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
    ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land.
    GUARD #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
    ARTHUR: Not at all, they could be carried.
    GUARD #1: What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?
    ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!
    GUARD #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.
    ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
    GUARD #1: Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?
    ARTHUR: Please!
    GUARD #1: Am I right?
    ARTHUR: I'm not interested!
    GUARD #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
    GUARD #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point.
    GUARD #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that...
    ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
    GUARD #1: But then of course African swallows are not migratory.
    GUARD #2: Oh, yeah...
    GUARD #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...

    [clop clop]

    GUARD #2: Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?
    GUARD #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
    GUARD #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
    GUARD #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
    GUARD #2: Well, why not?
  • one comparatively evolved tribe, and one un-evolved tribe...

    Wasn't this done in caveman [imdb.com]? Still, I loved that cheesy movie.

  • Mirror (Score:3, Informative)

    by augustz ( 18082 ) on Friday May 13, 2005 @08:03PM (#12525817)
    WMA was only one I could get

    http://screenrant.com.nyud.net:8090/images/Wallace _and_Gromit_Trailer_330k.wmv [nyud.net]
  • Did anyone else hear John Cleese's voice as they read the quote about the new comedy?
  • *whew* For a second I swore the headline said, "John Cheese"

    I've been waiting for an animated film featuring Mr. Cheddar and his nefarious enemy, Dr. Swiss...

  • fish called wally (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    as they say: FFS
    NO MORE FISH CALLED WALLACE

    Heres a hint Cheese OLD BOY
    TRY FUNNY
    Yeah FUNNY WORK

    Expensive tarts impressed by your tounge may well please you, but leave me limp!

    Try and pull the chat-show bull and BT will FUCK your arse

    Hey CHESSE who paid for the Bently? YEAH ME!

  • I thought Curse Of The Were-Rabbit was a feature-length film. According to IMDB.COM it's 94 minutes. That's quite the long short.
  • It will be great comedy adventure about a pre-historic culture clash between two tribes, one comparatively evolved tribe, and one un-evolved tribe...Some might consider one tribe might be the English, and some might consider that the other to be the French, the Gauls...Let's just say it's the start of the Entente Cordial and it explains why the English Channel is there.

    so which one's the evolved one? ;p
  • I saw a French film a few months ago that sounds remarkably like what this new film of Cleese's is described as. check it out. [imdb.com] It's actually about the discovery of murder, if I remember correctly, but it also has a major subplot involving one tribe that is evolved (that is, has shampoo) and another which is unevolved (no shampoo = dirty and ugly). Extremely over the top stuff.

    I thought it was pretty funny, though I don't speak much French so it might have been funnier (or less funny, who knows) if it were

  • Torrent link for trailer (Score:3, Informative)

    by Anarkhia ( 2342 ) <graememc&gmail,com> on Friday May 13, 2005 @09:13PM (#12526145)
    Looks like the server is (predictably) slashdotted. Here's the torrent link:
    Wallace And Gromit - The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit - Trailer 1 (WMV) [thepiratebay.org]

  • 300k windows media.. working link (Score:1, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Here is the 330k wma version http://www.waytoblue.com/media/video/wallace_&_gro mit_trailer2_330k.asx [waytoblue.com]
  • To allow the English to say on foggy days: "The continent is isolated"...
  • http://www.apple.com/trailers/dreamworks/wallace_a nd_gromit/featurette/ [apple.com]I'm not sure it's the same movie, because the BBC-server does not accept anymore connections.
  • Oh joy, more hilarious french bashing by anglos. He did this before. In his otherwise good wine-school program for TV, he put on an "outrrrrrrrageuos" phony french accent when he was talking about the terribly wine snobbery that existed.

    I remember when Cleese jokes were daring and original, and not just easy crowd pleasing by pandering to popular prejudices. Sorry to be harsh, but like Clive Barker, he seems to have lost his creativity and originality when he moved to the US. Or maybe it's just age.
  • . . . not a "short."

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