SETI Finally Finds Something

QuatumCrypto writes "SETI@home is a distributed processing client from UC Berkeley that installs on the volunteers' home computers and harnesses their processing power in the search for extraterrestrial intelligence. So far nothing noteworthy has comeout of this massive project... that is until today! One of the volunteers was able to track down his wife's stolen laptop using the IP address that SETI@home client reports back to the server. After getting back the laptop his wife said, 'I always knew that a geek would make a great husband.'"

Welcome

[suso]

SETI@home is a distributed processing client from UC Berkeley that installs on the vounteers' home computers and harnesses their processing power in the search for extraterrestrial intelligence.

Those of you that are visiting Slashdot for the first time and didn't know that, you might want to stick around (and scroll down) because we're going to explain what a Beowulf Cluster is next.

sETi ...

[thrillseeker]

phone home.

Does this mean

[fredrated]

that there is intelligent life on Earth?

Re:Welcome

[Dr. Eggman]

In Soviet Russia, Beowulf Cluster explains you!

Gah!

[StikyPad]

I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices cheered and were suddenly silenced.

PrisonIQ++++

[Anonymous Coward]

So criminals are intelligent after all, eh?

Re:Does this mean

[Anonymous Coward]

Well, there is at least one intelligent life form on the planet (me). I can't speak for the 8 billion of you dumbasses, though.

Re:Stop the headline grab-assing please

[Nasarius]

Now now, they're just following the pros, who will stoop to the most offensive [cnn.com] shit [cnn.com] for the sake of cutesy headlines.

ouch

[GlitchyBits]

Sensationalism strikes back ... and it hurts. Anyway, it proves that at least one geek in the entire world (universe ?) had sex that night.

Re:Does this mean

[EvanED]

Current [census.gov] estimates [ibiblio.org] are [netlingo.com] 6.6 billion. [wikipedia.org] Where'd you get 8 from? And who's the dumbass?

Re:Does this mean

[VultureMN]

Holy crap, he's posting ... FROM THE FUTURE!

Re:Gah!

[davek]

MOD PARENT UP

I'd like to mod slashdot -9 boneheaded for that article title. Jerks.

Re:Stop the headline grab-assing please

[ScrewMaster]

Stop writing misleading headlines like these just to grap page-views ...

Ah, I believe you mispelled grep.

What a crock!

[StarvingSE]

Maaan! I was reading through that whole summary, excitedly awaiting my chance to welcome our new overlords..... and all they found was a laptop!?!??! What a crock!

Re:Welcome

[Dachannien]

In Soviet Russia, Beowulf Cluster explains you!

And Netcraft confirms it!

Re:Welcome

[gardyloo]

I, for one, welcome our virginal slashdot, Beowulf-ignorant readers!

Re:What a crock!

[NiceRoundNumber]

I for one welcome our new laptop overlords.

<ducks>

SETI finds...

[Anonymous Coward]

... unintelligent life on earth.

What a let down

[Joebert]

Man, if I ever meet whoever is responsible for that headline, I'm going to burn down your house.
I haven't felt this let down since I walked in on my dad bangin my mom while wearing a Santa costume on Christmas morning.

Re:The Search

[Anonymous Coward]

Well don't be too hard on him. Seti@Home is some kind of demon; it posessed my computer. After I closed the window, it was still running!

Re:Welcome

[Anonymous Coward]

But it's dying.

Re:Stop the Princess Lea grab-assing please

[noshellswill]

Sorry Pal: There's nothing to care about. Night. Always. Out THERE. No Princess Lea and no life, no hope no understanding. No 'people' ---no emotion. Nothing nada nix nyet. No one drop of life. Utter emptiness after 13.7 billion years and nothing to show for it, but a couple weakly bent 4-dim tensor fields and ... us. Better pop that Coors' Lite, pal, cause it's gonna be a long day.

A good logo for SETI...

[Cookie_Monster_Troll]

would be Linus sitting in the pumpkin patch. :)

She's in for a shock...

[Leuf]

I always knew that a geek would make a great husband

Sure it turned out handy this one freak incident, but wait till there's smoke in the house and he looks back and forth between the plasma screen and the laptop a couple times, finally grabs the laptop and is out the door without so much as a look in her direction.

Of course, if the laptop started the fire then the choice is much easier

Re:Welcome

[ChunderDownunder]

There I was thinking Beowulf was from Dark Ages Scandinavia.

Never mind, perhaps I'm new here.

Re:Welcome

[hobo sapiens]

1) explain what a beowulf cluster is
2) make soviet russia joke
3) make netcraft reference
4) ?????
5) profit!!!



One too many? You decide!

Time to be a spelling nazi

[Anonymous Coward]

s/demon/daemon/

Re:Welcome

[garcia]

But the real question is whether or not SETI@Home can find CowboyNeal's BSD box that's serving pages about Stephen King's death.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Welcome

[Mercano]

But does it run Linux?

Re:Welcome

[bobscealy]

I, for one, welcome our beowulf explaining overlords.

Re:Welcome

[Hooya]

now imagine a beowulf cluster of virgins. wait, that's slashdot! ;)

Re:Welcome

[Nasheer]

All your clusters are belong to us!

It's a trap!

[Bamafan77]

One of the voluteers was able to track down his wife's stolen laptop using the IP address that SETI@home client reports back to the server.

It's a trap! The Emporer allowed the IP address to be found. We're flying into a fully armed and operational battlestation! Those defense shields are up! Call off the attack!

Re:Welcome

[McFadden]

1) explain what a beowulf cluster is
2) make soviet russia joke
3) make netcraft reference

You forgot to mention that this story is clearly a fake, since it makes the outrageous accusation that at some point in time a woman not only found a geek attractive, but also married him.

Re:Welcome

[Crazyscottie]

I, for one, welcome our SETI-enabled, laptop-stealing, Russian Beowulf Cluster overlords.

Re:Welcome

[Mr. Bad Example]

> There I was thinking Beowulf was from Dark Ages Scandinavia.

Hwæt?

Re:Welcome

[StrahdVZ]

In Soviet Russia, extraterrestrials search for you!

Re:Welcome

[rahmza]

I don't understand all these jokes, you insensitive clod!

Re:Time to be a spelling nazi

[Ziwcam]

AC, meet Pun. Pun, meet AC.

Re:ouch

[CortoMaltese]

Calm down. Installing SETI@home and having a wife call you a geek don't make you one.

And if that guy really is a geek, what do you think he was doing the night he got his stolen laptop back? Huh? HUH?!

Re:Welcome

[DeadChobi]

What's a woman? Is there an ISO standard I can look up somewhere that will tell me what a woman is? I do not understand this concept of attraction. Could somebody please explain it to me?

Re:Welcome

[charlieman]

I for one welcome our new clueless overlords!

RTFM

[charlieman]

man woman

Wait a minute...

[d474]

...are we to understand that E.T.'s (who listen to bad rap music) stole this laptop?
I RTFA, and the police used the IP to locate the laptop, but no one has been arrested. Hmmm...

MIB: "We'll take over from here."
Police Man: "But this thug stole a woman's laptop!"

(MIB puts on dark glasses)

MIB: "Officer, I'm going to need you to stare into this pen for me for just a second..."

Re:Welcome

[zCyl]

---Joke--->

    O  <--  You.
  --|--
    |
   / \

:)

Re:What a let down

[ciaran.mchale]

I haven't felt this let down since I walked in on my dad bangin my mom while wearing a Santa costume on Christmas morning.

ELIZA replies: Why were you wearing a Santa costume?

Re:Welcome

[Dr. Jest]

That's OK. Here, have a bowl of hot grits. Don't eat it, just put it down your pants.

Re:Does this mean

[JustOK]

A future, anyways.

Re:RTFM

[da5idnetlimit.com]

man woe man ?

That explains it, I guess...

Re:Welcome

[complete loony]

Oh well, at least it was posted anon. That way there's no karma whoring.

Still there's still some room for blatantly obvious karma whoring for the people explaining the plagiarism and other follow up meta-comments pointing out the blatant karma whoring. Followed by post that explain how the moderation system works.

I suppose I should leave some grammatical and spealing errors in this comment to set up someone else for some cheap mod points.

Re:Does this mean

[Trogre]

Perhaps he's including dolphins and mice.

Tsk, noob

[SmallFurryCreature]

You have her grab the laptop and you grab the plasma screen. Geez. You call yourselve a geek and cannot even figure out this simple puzzel?

Now if the comment had been "I always knew that a geek would make a great father" then you would have had a point.

Re:Welcome

[mindwhip]

'Woman' is malware that will take over your hardware and software, reorder your contacts and friends lists, removing any that 'Woman' finds unsuitable then inserts other friends and contacts into your address book that you have no wish to ever deal with. Finally 'woman' takes complete control of your schedule and finances leaving you with no control over your own life.

'Woman' will also, if left unchecked, upgrade automatically from 'friend 9.2' to 'girlfriend 3.4' and eventually to 'wife 1.0'. If this happens the only way to get rid of 'woman' is via very expensive software... 'divorce 1.0' which will leave you with even less money than when you had 'wife 1.0' problems.

Re:Welcome

[antoinjapan]

In Soviet Russia netcraft denies you are not dying

Re:RTFM

[Anonymous Coward]

Did I do it wrong?  All I got was:
No manual entry for woman

Re:Welcome

[complete loony]

You appear to be posting a

( ) in Soviet Russia
(x) I for one welcome out new ... overlords
( ) imagine a Beowulf cluster
( ) Does it run Linux
( ) Spam prevention will not work checklist
(x) You must be new here
( ) insensitive clod
( ) in Korea only old people
( ) Netcraft confirms
( ) Stephen King is dead
( ) a highly moderated post from the previous duped story
( ) gee I've never had that probl%!$*%& [No Carrier]

post in an attempt to obtain karma. Your attempt will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular post, and it may have other flaws which used to vary from topic to topic.)

(x) Posts like yours are getting old an tired, and quite frankly we're sick of them
(x) Your User Id is too high
( ) It just isn't funny enough
(x) Funny mods don't give karma

Specifically, your post fails to cater to

( ) Anything relevant to the story
(x) Extreme stupidity on the part of moderators
( ) Extensive research into the topic

and the following philosophical objections may also apply:

( ) Posts similar to yours are easy to come up with, yet none have ever been highly moderated
( ) That's a common troll that has never been verified
(x) You obviously haven't read the article
(x) You haven't even read the summary
( ) Or the headline
( ) Killing you that way is not slow and painful enough

Furthermore, this is what I think about you:

( ) Sorry dude, but I don't think it would work.
(x) This is a stupid post, and you're a stupid person for posting it.
( ) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn your
house down!

Re:Welcome

[slashdot.org]

all of you must be new here

Geek or Alien?

[toetagger1]

Ok, which one is more likely:

SETI finding intelligent life?
or a GEEK getting married?

And ...

[scotbot]

... will no one think of the children?

Imagine the danger they must be in from these Beowolves!

Re:Welcome

[Res3000]

But... will it run on linux? Or do I need first some wine?

Chuck & the List

[norminator]

Chuck Norris knows all about the list... he IS the list, and he'll give a roundhouse kick to the face to anyone who repeats the list without permission.

Re:Welcome

[beady]

I'll send you an internet soon detailing our collective response.

SETI == ?

[HikingStick]

So now SETI also stands for "Search for Egregious Thieving Idiots"

Trouble with women?

[Duggeek]

Here's a little piece I penned recently, hope it lessens your confusion.

Analogies of women as they apply to OS platforms:

• The College Freshman
  Clearly insecure, entirely self-absorbed, and oblivious to the world-at-large, this specimen says she will do most anything to please, though when it comes down to it, her inexperience is obvious and you end-up either fighting or breaking it off. The on-again-off-again relationship that ensues is rife with games and torment. Ultimately, you move on to something more mature. (Win9x)

  The Business “Model”
  Brains and beauty, she knows how to get things done. She's professional in all matters, can follow-up on every commitment and is fairly in-touch with the world. On the flip side, she's almost entirely without humor and becomes jaded at the thought of playing any games. She doesn't laugh at your jokes, approaches intimacy like a German Factory Supervisor, and steadily removes all enjoyment from day-to-day life with the same efficiency as when organizing her shoes. (Win2000)

  The Homemaker
  Sweet and approachable, this little cutie aims to please. She's nurturing, kind and anticipates your needs with uncanny consistency. You are lulled into a sense of comfort by the constant attention, unaware that she is fulfilling her own agenda. Unscrupulous elements from her past have corrupted her true intentions, though she would never show it. Sometimes she's gone for hours on end, but always returns saying, “I just had to handle a few things.” She's a bit protective, too. Sometimes she feels more like a Mother than a Significant Other, and sporadically denies you what you want, even when you ask nicely. (WinXP)

  The Hippie Chick
  She's terribly cute, insanely fashionable and always upbeat. It seems she doesn't ever wear the same outfit twice, and can always brighten your day with a song. “Head in the stars and feet on the ground,” is Her Saying, though you eventually believe that it's only half true. Everything is perfect, but a bit too perfect. She never really disagrees with you, but she tends to take your desires too far on occasion. One time, after you said, “You should get some rest,” she ended-up sleeping half the day and dancing all night; keeping you awake. You always wonder if there's something better. (MacOS)

  The College Grad
  A drop-dead gorgeous, head-turning form makes this one outwardly irresistible. If you're brave enough to strike-up a conversation, you will only get the chit-chat at first. After a while, you begin to see that she holds more knowledge that she lets on. Stylish, versatile and attentive to your needs, she seems like Mrs. Right for a long while, and after spending a-bankroll-and-a-half in dating. Her penchant for parties and going-out are merely a facade for her Networking. It seems she's working on her public image night-and-day. When it comes to actually having fun, she claims there's not enough time or that she doesn't know how to play the game. Intimacy is a brief experience in-between making plans or shopping for expensive accessories. She's everything you want, and more than you need. (OS X)

  The Girl Next Door
  Though often outwardly plain, she hides a tremendous beauty within. Her beauty comes right through the rugged good-looks and belies an inner strength, which makes her both reliable and kind. She's not always forthcoming about her problems, but she tends to solve most of them herself. Whatever comes up, she is happy to discuss it and let you in on her past. Ver

Re:userid's ahem

[Andy Dodd]

So is yours.