What Vista Is Really Like

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful? That's Vista for you.

Oh for sure.

[Anonymous Coward]

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

That happens to us all the time, and we slashdotters JUS DUN GIV A FUC. That's how badass we are.

Waking dream??

[fred911]

It's called a wet dream....

Only...

[reality-bytes]

The trouble is; she is "Britney Spears" beautiful rather than "Natalie Portman" beautiful. ...so you have to ask yourself, do I need baldilocks or do I need hot grits?

Oh Please

[abscissa]

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

I'm gay. I'd panic.

Previous versions

[hack slash]

But will she go down on you as much as previous incarnations?

Re:Waking dream??

[Anonymous Coward]

No, its called my PSYCHO ex-gf. Awesome in bed, but *shiver* psycho.... *shiver*
Kinda like when you've been tied up and she goes down stairs and you hear kitchen utensils rattling and this was just after Basic Instint (one, yes a long time ago).... *shiver*
Never again! I swore to myself, never again!!!! ... ..
.
Then I got married.........
*shiver*

My experience

[Stephen Tennant]

I wake up early, on an angle, tucked into a large mass of flesh occupying the majority of my small bachelor apartment. As I look over at the walls, I see they are made of glass, and as I struggle to extricate myself from the monolith of apparent woman, so as to see the whole better, I hear a rumbling voice from within,

"DISPLAY PROPERTIES NEEDS YOUR PER-PER-PER-"

The whole building collapses.

I know that dream

[mustafap]

>what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous...

and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

Yeah. . .

[Who235]

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

Too bad she's bloated and stops you a hundred times whenever you try to do anything interesting.

Hi I'm Windows Vista and I ..

[mochan_s]

Since we are anthropomorphizing and all ..

I'd say Vista is like a fat ugly lady dressed in very nice clothes. And, I'd say Vista users are like those people looking for a sugar mama going after glitz.

This is slashdot, wrong analogy

[plopez]

What you are describing is inconcievable to most of the posters. You might try: "imagaine a 16way AMD box, a real screamer for SETI, molecule folding etc., also fully modded to use the waste heat to make espresso but would randomly shock you and download kiddie pr0n without your knowledge'.

That might be something a slashdotter understands.

Re:Oh for sure.

[j35ter]

No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid.
Does he jack off while using Vista?

I'm from Utah...

[SammysIsland]

I have many partitions.

I'd like to trade!

[Courageous]

So. I have Vista installed on my home computer.

Can I trade it for that beautiful and dangerous woman you are talking about?

Re:Oh for sure.

[Anonymous Coward]

No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid.

He has a LiveJournal. Isn't that obvious enough?

(Been there myself.)

expensive whore with stds

[capoccia]

so vista is like an expensive whore with STDs?

Sheesh..

[Dunbal]

You'd think that all these bloggers would accept the fact that Microsoft isn't giving away any more free laptops by now...

Keeping up with the Joneses

[RealGrouchy]

"The question dies on my lips as I reach the foyer. First off, my house now has a foyer. Sunlight streams in through thousands of cut facets. There is so much glass I almost wonder if there are walls. White tile stretches across the floor, forming a beautiful backdrop for stunning furniture and art. My house now has art in it."

"I aksed my neighbour, John MacIntosh, to come over to have a look. He said it looks a lot like his house did when he had it remodeled a few years back. Only his house doesn't have any Windows..."

- RG>

What the hell???

[IvanCruz]

No pics?????

Re:A beautiful woman?

[Dunbal]

The fact that she's crazy can be overlooked

      I wouldn't be so sure [wikipedia.org] about that...

Vista Woman

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes, she was beautiful last night when you were pissed up on booze, but now, laying next to her, you notice how her face is covered in oozing rivers of makeup, slowly melting and running down her face. You are disgusted by her foul, pitted skin and faint moustache effect. She yawns, and your face is blasted by an unholy, eldritch gas, you recoil and wretch, struggling to keep what remains of last night's kebab and chips in your stomach.

Terrified you slowly peel back the duvet to reveal breasts that are so small that sagging should not be possible; yet sag they do, with two terrible, craggly nipples point out in unrelated directions. You begin to feel faint, your ears begin to ring, but you cannot resist scanning down her fetid, clammy belly, to see the most rotten vagina that has ever blighted this earth. With lips twisted, gnarled and gaping, the stench is unimaginable; a mixture of stale kippers, mouldy garlic and fuming sulfuric acid, you are amazed that your sheets are still in once piece. Oh yes, you grab the hot sauce alright, but only pour it in your eyes so you can no longer see what lies before you, and force it into your nose so the odour can no longer torment you.

Re:Only...

[StarfishOne]

/me adds Bruce Willis to the list ;)

Re:Previous versions

[Anonymous Coward]

I think that is concern in your eyes when she asks you if you would like to upgrade to her sister, with different capabilities, for a price. And then you realize what just happened.

Re:I'd like to trade!

[MarkRose]

One would think you'd be Courageous enough to find one on your own...

Re:This description is far too vague

[Dunbal]

Does this mean we'll have to RTFA?

      Of course not. That would be cheating.

Re:Oh Please

[Tablizer]

I'm gay. I'd panic.

Would you do Bill Gates? In his prime?

Re:I know that dream

[Tablizer]

and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

MS Help Line: "But, Sir, that is a bonus feature. We added lots of little extras so that everyone finds what they want. You don't have to use it if you don't want."
     

Re:Waking dream??

[Anonymous Coward]

She is demanding, spies on you and phones home complaining about your other software, very controlling not let you look at/think about other girls etc. She is big fat bitchy and controls what you want to watch or listern to.

In the end you'll get screwed. Do you want to stay with her and get screwed for life? Get out while you still can.

Re:A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer?

[gEvil (beta)]

A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer? Why?

I thought the whole thing was pretty self-explanatory...I mean, isn't bad writing why LJ exists in the first place?

I propose a thread, OS as a woman.

[SmallFurryCreature]

Windows, pretty on the outside but further examination reveals that it is thick layer of make up applied to an old hag who there for everyone. She is set in her ways and getting her to do anything requires you to spend more money.

OS-X. Extremely pretty but deep down she is an mature lady with a lot of refinement. She however expects only the best so you better deliver. This baby is going to cost you.

Linux, the ugly duckling of the pack, yet she loves you completely without resevervation, she doesn't want your for your money or status. She is open and honest. And if you love her you can turn her into the princes of the ball but unlike the pretty windows, the linux girl stays true to you.

BSD, well, you seen dawn of the dead?

I am KIDDING!

OS/2 A loving hard working wive who raised the kids perfectly, kept the house in excellent condition and always prepared delicious meals followed by amazing sex, yet spurned for a 16 bit bimbo with 32 bit makeup.

Mainframe, you have to wait in line with the other johns, good service but you know thousands of others have been there before you.

Okay, I am out, your turn.

Re:Only...

[Anonymous Coward]

Telly Savalas and the ghost of Yul Brunner are waiting outside to kick y'all's butts.

Re:Waking dream??

[bl8n8r]

on the contrary, this wet dream can give you infections.

Re:I know that dream

[twitter]

you reach down and discover she has a dick.

When you sit up, something is sore.

Re:the comparison...

[mshmgi]

Personally, I like my women like I like my coffee ... cold, dark and bitter.

Re:Previous versions

[Anonymous Coward]

If i where you, i would be more worried about her catching STD's from all the other people shes screws, hiding the evidence right in front of you.

Re:Fcking Flamebait Story?

[kj_in_ottawa]

New MS Office - 35% easier to use

New MS OS - 15% easier to use

Being Flamebait on Slashdot - Priceless

Slashdot posts like this prove you are a Troll. For everything else, use made up statisitcs.

Re:Vista Woman

[metroplex]

You read way too much Lovecraft. Still, I'd give you a +1 insightful if I had mod points.

Re:Hmm...

[tverbeek]

You can have it. I'm gay, so this analogy sounds all scary and not at all appealing.

Re:I like my coffee

[maxume]

Lightly roasted.

Finely ground.

In puddles on the floor.

Full of milk.

Re:Oh Please

[Anonymous Coward]

I use Macs too.

Re:Oh for sure.

[tomhudson]

Actually, its more like "what if you woke and found a strange and bloated woman in your bed, and she was irrational, unpredictable, and dangerous... and also a control freak? That's Vista for you."

Sexual fantasies over Microsoft Windows? This guy REALLY needs to get out more ...

Re:Vista Woman

[ShieldW0lf]

I just finished watching Cherry 2000 too...

That was creepy.

Re:Only...

[rishistar]

I met a very nice lady called Beryl [youtube.com] the other day...

Re:Oh Please

[MadJo]

He said he was gay, not desperate...

Re:I like my coffee

[grapeshot]

In a plastic cup.

(That's from Eddie Izzard, but I couldn't resist saying it.}

What Vista is really like

[Orion Blastar]

Vista is really like Rosie O'Donnell, fat, lazy, foul-mouthed, lesbian man-hater, ugly, eats too much, and has a loud mouth.

But Vista comes with beer goggles so that while it is Rosie O'Donnell it looks like Marilyn Monroe, and even though you know that is impossible, the beer goggles make you accept it anyway.

Not only that but Rosie O'Donnell came with an iron clad contract so you cannot fire her or use a different OS or use her in a virtual machine, in fact you signed it because it is the EULA and you thought it was harmless at the time, but now you are forced to have her running your life for you and accepting her upgrades (service packs) even if they continue to pack on the pounds on her and cause her to take up more room.

You think you got Marilyn Monroe, but you are stuck with Rosie O'Donnell.

Re:Vista Woman

[Anonymous Coward]

Allow or deny?

Re:I know that dream

[rudlavibizon]

You mean readyboost dongle?

Re:Oh for sure.

[Mr. Cancelled]

>> No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid. Does he jack off while using Vista?

Personally, I find it unlikely that many Slashdotters are waking up with women in their beds, much less dangerous, beautiful ones

And if they do, my guess is that safety & predictability will be the last thing on their minds...

A better analogy for /. would be something like "Okay, you have a beowulf cluster of drives. Now the drives are Maxtors, and they're kinda flaky and a unreliable, but -And I can't emphasize this enough - you have a beowulf cluster of hard drives!

Re:Oh for sure.

[MrAnnoyanceToYou]

Beowulf clusters aren't drives, they're for distributed processing. Bet you don't know much about beautiful and dangerous women, either. ;)

Re:Vista Woman

[darkhitman]

Objection: There is no such thing as "too much Lovecraft".

Re:Only...

[Anonymous Coward]

If I did that would surely end our relationship, but I can assure you that it's true. Though I have to say that before the day I knew her I had not been alone for months or years, but *decades*. If there's a moral here it's "never give up".

Re:Everything Here

[Anonymous Coward]

And you wonder why there are no females on /.

Re:I like my coffee

[FuckTheModerators]

With a spoon in them.

(Also from Izzard)

Re:Oh for sure.

[dour power]

Actually, its more like "what if you woke and found a strange and bloated woman in your bed, and she was irrational, unpredictable, and dangerous... and also a control freak? That's Vista for you."

Uh oh, you mean Vista is like Rosie O'Donnell?