Attack of the Evil Monkeys From Hell 462
grrlscientist writes "A new form of communication between wild vervet monkeys and humans is causing humans distress — and a collapse of their food supply. Approximately 300 vervet monkeys in Kenya are sexually harassing the women of a village so they can steal their crops. None of the attempts to discourage the monkeys has so far worked."
Family Guy warned us (Score:1, Funny)
Tit-for-Tat (Score:5, Funny)
Those aren't monkeys... (Score:5, Funny)
Subscribe the monkeys to Slashdot (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Tit-for-Tat (Score:5, Funny)
It all began when the monkeys got cable tv... (Score:4, Funny)
Youtube footage of the monkeys (Score:2, Funny)
when arnt they going hungry? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Subscribe the monkeys to Slashdot (Score:5, Funny)
the eco friendly solution (Score:3, Funny)
MONKEYS! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (Score:2, Funny)
Ah, monkies... (Score:5, Funny)
Is there anything they do that ISN'T entertaining?
Re:reverse the gender roles (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Someone didn't RTFA (Score:2, Funny)
You try that at work and see what happens...
Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (Score:3, Funny)
After all, how did they learn to make rude human sexual gestures in the first place? Somebody taught them and TFA does say they are a protected species. Put two and two together and what do you get?
WWTHAD? (Score:5, Funny)
First, to travel a long distance with B.A. by plane, he'd have to be tricked into taking a sedative, then loaded onto the plane.
Hannibal and Face would be too busy sexually harrasing the women themselves to get serious for a while. Murdoc would 'get to know the enemy' by joining the monkeys, while B.A. would be pissed about getting tricked again.
Inspired by the earlier drugging of B.A., Hannibal would come up with the plan to have Murdoc sleeping drug the monkeys while B.A. and Face Montage-Weld a specialized monkey-scooper truck, to load them on the plane. As they leave they drop the monkeys into the compound of the military dictator.
(maybe I shouldn't port at 2 am)
Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (Score:5, Funny)
The weirdest fucking /. post ever.
Re:Subscribe the monkeys to Slashdot (Score:2, Funny)
More than the average number of arms? (Score:5, Funny)
So by my count that's two (2) hands to grab breasts, one (1) hand to gesture and one (1) hand to point at the privates. Total four (4) hands per monkey. Do these magical monkeys fly too?
Re:nay (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah, well, I was an elite CIA Force Recon UDT Sniper Seal Yellow Beret (much cooler than those Green Beret pansies) with OSS doing black ops in the Argonne Forest just north of the Chosin Reservoir back in '84. I can't comment on which unit I was with or anything I actually did because it's so top secret the government will deny I was ever in the military, and you might get on the NSA's super-secret list if you even reply to this comment.
-l
Re:Family Guy warned us (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (Score:5, Funny)
It's a criminal offense to harm them.
When it's a crime to hunt monkeys, then only criminals will have fried monkey for dinner.
Eat the evidence.
Re:Family Guy warned us (Score:5, Funny)
It's the ones that have come out of the closet that wouldn't.
Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (Score:3, Funny)
I don't think it gets cold enough there to freeze the gorillas come wintertime.
Re:Tit-for-Tat (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Tit-for-Tat (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Tit-for-Tat (Score:5, Funny)
I say the Kenyan government should give the monkeys full human rights. Set aside an area of the country designated a monkey habitat and enshrine in law the monkeys' collective ownership of that land.
Then announce to the Western world that a routine governmental survey has found something of great value on the monkey-land. Gold, oil, rhodium, manganese, pretty flowers. Anything that can be collected and sold will do. The rest will take care of itself.
Before long armored divisions will start showing up to keep the peace. Machine gun bunkers will be built. Far overhead, out of sight of the monkeys, billion dollar airplanes will peer down throught their bombsights, trying to locate the laser the ground team is shining on a mudpile monkey hut so the bomber crew can precisely deliver a million dollar payload of explosives to eradicate the hut and all its occupants from the face of the earth.
An opposing monkey faction would be developed by dangling the carrot of power in front of an influential but well liked monkey leader of a monkey splinter group. To this faction the West could provide weapons, in return for assurances that when power was consolidated the weapon providers could expect the favor to be repaid. We just want to see an end to the monkey terror, you see.
But, with the other hand, the West could make sure that power never was consolidated. This way the monkeys would set themselves to the task of continually collecting whatever natural resource it was the West wanted, so they could afford a continual supply of weapons to fight a war that would never end.
If that isn't a time and again proven effective method of monkey subordination I don't know what is.
Re:"It's funny. Laugh". Assholes (Score:1, Funny)
They're endangering babies?
They're killing dogs!?!?!? NUKE THEM!!!!
Re:So, shoot 'em. (Score:2, Funny)
After a while they would just associated the women with pain and stay clear.
I don't know where to begin with that one. Are you suggesting...matrimony?
Re:Tit-for-Tat (Score:2, Funny)
Re:New behavior? Mimicing humans is well observed. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I for one (Score:2, Funny)