Attack of the Evil Monkeys From Hell

grrlscientist writes "A new form of communication between wild vervet monkeys and humans is causing humans distress — and a collapse of their food supply. Approximately 300 vervet monkeys in Kenya are sexually harassing the women of a village so they can steal their crops. None of the attempts to discourage the monkeys has so far worked."

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve

[19thNervousBreakdown]

Just make sure to lock your guns up, since they're breaking into homes. Monkey see, monkey do.

taste aversion

[wizardforce]

in all srriousness what could be done is trying taste aversion [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taste_aversion] basically this was used on wild animals to prevent the killing of sheep. what they did was add a lithium salt to a set of dead sheep, the animals would eat the meat, lithium and all and it caused nausea and reduced their activity. these affects were associated with the sheep meat and after a while the animals stopped attacking sheep as a food source. now all of these behaviors with these particular primates stem from their attempt to acquire food so putting a stop to that motivation stops the problem entirely. the last reason this could be an option is that the predators survive the encounter, taste aversion shouldn't cause long term harm like a few other options [hunting for one]

Re:taste aversion

[Anonymous Coward]

that's right kill anything that stands in your way. that will solve everything... we're wiping out species at a rate that really hasn't ever been seen on Earth... ever. there probably is a time when lethal force is the only option but before we go rambo on them can we not try something just as effective that doesn't involve killing them first? just a thought

Re:So, shoot 'em.

[sumdumass]

Take a stick and sharpen it. Then plunge it into the monkey. No ammo needed.

Actually, you probably won't even need to kill them. Maybe a cattle prod or something and shock them a few times. You could take a stick and put a bunch of dull needles on them and hit the monkeys a few times. Animals are generally good at not doing things that cause pain. After a while they would just associated the women with pain and stay clear.

Re:It all began when the monkeys got cable tv...

[Telephone Sanitizer]

Modded Flamebait?!

That wasn't just a joke, it was culturally sensitive humor, pointing out the misogynistic tendencies of a popular television channel.

Perhaps I was too subtle for you: BET teaches that women are objects to be exploited for sex or random abuse. Monkeys, watching BET would learn and mimic that behavior. So might human kids.

See? That wasn't flame bait at all.

Still don't get it? Turn on BET and watch for a few minutes at any time up until 4am when it switches to religious programming.

Re:Losing battle

[Anonymous Coward]

Just for fun let's go over some methods that don't involve killing them.

- Trap them
- Feed them lots of alcohol, making them stupid and useless
- Enslave them to do your farming (chains, whips, the whole deal)
- Capture, then drop them in the middle of the jungle 1000 miles away or on an island (probably the most humane)
- Pit the monkeys against each other somehow, leaving no blood on your hands
- Blind them
- Build an unclimbable wall (or dig a deep ditch) to keep the invading hordes out
- Put something in a separate food supply that will upset their stomachs greatly
- Force half of them to wear human's clothes (I have no idea what this will do, maybe something interesting)
- Make them wear funny hats, then put them on TV or in movies
- Run away, run away! (Lamest solution)

Re:when arnt they going hungry?

[Tsagadai]

There are problems with cannibalism? Wow, someone should have told me years ago.