Braedley sends word that Wired's annual vaporware list is up, and a number of products this community has discussed made the cut. The top spot, the position of most dishonor, was almost a foregone conclusion. "Another December, another list, another crowning achievement by the Emperor of the Ethereal, the Head Honcho of Hype, Duke Nukem Forever. We were going to disqualify him out of pity, but Sir Duke is back for 2007 thanks to a few leaked screenshots and an overwhelming number of votes. DNF creators 3D Realms even chose this week to debut a well-publicized video trailer for Duke's long-awaited return. Alas, a trailer is not a game, so — long live the king!"
by Anonymous Coward
on Thursday December 20 2007, @10:43AM (#21765120)
I've been playing a beta of DNF for a few weeks now I got from an insider and it is fucking awesome. According to my sources, it will be ready to ship to stores in mid-February. Hail to the king baby!
by Anonymous Coward
on Thursday December 20 2007, @11:15AM (#21765576)
My GFs brothers mail carrier has a neighbor... Her nannies geeky half cousin (twice removed) says that his boy who is 'deep in the scene' (As he put it) talked to the aunt of one of the programmers mom who says that it won't be ready until at least December. Guess you need to recheck your insider.
1)Create Duke Nukem 2)Make big fuss over sequal 3)Don't deliver, but make big deal for next decade 4)Once DNF is a household name, deliver 5)Profit!!
Seriously though, 3D Realms has found a good formula to get its namebrand out. I mean, what gamer hasn't heard of Duke Nukem Forever? It's the most famous non-game in gaming history. Weight for weight, DNF has more name recognition than even probably Halo. It almost behooves them to release it. It will turn every gamer's head 180 with "WTF?! DNF is finally been released!". Even if the game is say 7/10, you can guerentee a lot of copies would be sold just out of name recognition alone.
Unless they fuck up something fundamental, you cannot spend a decade working on something to have something so-so at the end.
Absolutely you can. It's called feature creep, and if left unchecked, not only do you end up with a pig in a dress. You end up with a pig in a bullet-proof dress with wader boots on each hoof, only the hooves have been replaced with knives, so you had to install a sheathing mechanism for the hoof-knives, which requires a motor buried in the pig's ass.
Then when you deliver the pig to the farmer he's like, "How the hell am I supposed to make bacon out of this pig if it's able to fight back with its hoof-knives, and I can't shoot it because of the bullet-proof dress? And the motor is leaking grease all over the ham meat!"
by Anonymous Coward
on Thursday December 20 2007, @10:46AM (#21765160)
Actually, 2007 saw a bunch of high-profile projects climb from "vaporware" to "disappointment": Vista was released widely, OLPC produced a couple of semi-solid deals out of their usual fog of hype, even that Chandler email/PIM thingy managed some sort of alpha release.
So, are you saying that by being true vaporware they can live on in glory in a fictional world? Such that, in non-existance we are spared from the crushing mediocrity of "meh"?
OLPC produced a couple of semi-solid deals out of their usual fog of hype
The project was only announced in 2005! How can they have a "usual fog of hype"? Isn't two years to bring something like that to fruition pretty damn reasonable?
It also saw Team Fortress 2 released. A game that has been in development much longer than Daikatana was, has seen complete rewrites, and would be the vaporware joke everyone knew about if it wasn't for DNF.
Not only did the game come out, it's fantastic. It keeps the great feel, has beautiful graphics that are nicely stylized, and works very well. It could use more maps (they're working on it), and the classes do feel very different as part of the balancing, but it's a great game overall.
Maybe they keep releasing Duke Nukem screenshots on occasion as some kind of a running gag? I guess the real joke's on Duke Nukem fans in that case. =)
Realistic Duke Nukem fans have long accepted that DNF is only theory. Crazy DN fans continue to believe that DNF will be released. I am happy with DN3D on DOS.
Maybe they keep releasing Duke Nukem screenshots on occasion as some kind of a running gag? I guess the real joke's on Duke Nukem fans in that case. =)
That's fine. The hardware that originally ran Duke Nuke'em is already fossilizing. The true fans will eventually die off in old age, as well.
I don't see how this is so much 'vaporware' as 'what people would really like'. Blizzard hasn't made an announcement or even a hint that they're making it, after all.
And boy, do I hate seeing the list one item at a time.
Chinese Democracy has been vaporware for 96 years and counting. The first beta was delivered [wikipedia.org] in 1911, but numerous bugs caused it to eventually crash. Then they shipped [wikipedia.org] another version for a completely different platform [wikipedia.org] in 1949, but critics complain that it doesn't really deliver what was promised, and thus is vaporware. They tried to apply [wikipedia.org] a major service pack in 1989, but it failed due to Insufficient Privileges error. Will the real version ever ship? Maybe, but I'm keeping my money on Duke.
I think you're missing the fact that the 1949 version was so widely deployed that once Chinese Democracy was actually delivered [wikipedia.org] in 1996, only a very small userbase remained to adopt it.
They did. Unfortunately the list is decided by reader votes, and despite getting the lifetime achievement award in the hope that it'd stop getting reader votes, it still topped the list.
I'm surprised WinFS wasn't listed. But then again, why beat up on MS more (oh, yeah, because it's fun!).
Windows Future Storage... it's stored in the future, so you'll have it when you need it...?
Have the criteria for vaporware sunken so low as to have to include quack technology? People have been hailing perpetual motion machines for centuries. Sure something of more substance could have been #10.
I would be nice to see some changes to it. I was using it for several months until they changed it to display only 50 messages at once. I couldn't stand pressing the "More" button 10 times per story so I stopped using it.
I really don't like the old system after using the new one but I can't stand the 50 message limit. They should make the "50" be adjustable to include 50,100,200,300,400,500,unlimited. While there was certainly problems with their Javascript timing out for big threads it wasn't too bad most of the time. They certainly still have work to do to optimize the code but the adjustable number of messages feature would certainly help in the mean time.
Hopefully the Taco will see this message and make the adjustment;-)
I didn't know vaporware meant "software/hardware that has a delayed release date" or "software that will probably be made but hasn't been announced yet." I don't understand how you can mention Diablo III in a vaporware list and not mention Starcraft: Ghost.
The article was also way off on how the Spore multiplayer will supposedly work. You're not going to be able to directly compete with other people's races. The computer-controlled races will be based off a global database of races that other players upload their race information to. This is barely more "multiplayer" then a global high score list.
Somehow (I only caught the last half, and am in the middle of a minor Civ4 obsession) I read that as Ethelred the Unready [wikipedia.org]. Appropriate enough, though.
There seems to be much misinformation here about Duke Nukem Forever.
Allow me to set the record straight.
3D Realms is haunted by the ghosts of gamers who died of outrage when they
found that Duke Nukem 3-D choked with more than 5 players in multi-player mode and, to appease the spirits, the workers at 3D Realms must
continually build Duke Nukem Forever 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,...well... forever or they will die.
OK, I assume this has been pointed out before, but DNF also stands for "Did not finish", and is used in races to denote the place of a driver who never crossed the finish line.
When I saw DNF in your post and in a glance-through of the article, I thought you/they were using DNF to denote vaporware status to one of the products until I realized that you (and probably they) were specifically referring to Duke.
This makes me think that they never planned to finish DNF; this is all just a big joke, right from day one.
You know it's a bad omen when the initials for your game "DNF" is construed as "Did Not Finish" in the racing world. Maybe it really should be DNS (duke nukem someday).
Kidding aside, everything from that trailer is using the in-game engine. Everything. zero CGI. I don't think people realize this.
You new fruity console lovers can keep your Master Chef and his queer-eye costume. His food sucks and the only thing he has is a decent story-line. I'll take Duke, a shotgun, pipe bombs and strippers any day of the week.
Jetpack with pipebombs - the absolute best way to make your opponents squeal like babies.
Run child, run for your life.....
He's coming in '08 to kick some ass and chew some bubblegum, and I took his last piece of gum.
Be fair. Will Wright has successfully produced plenty of excellent games. That's not to say that Spore will necessarily be the earth shattering game experience that same people are saying it will, but I think someone like Mr. Wright has at least earned the benefit of the doubt that he'll release a game, and that it'll likely be at least halfway decent.
For better or worse, you can't just secretly develop a product in a basement somewhere and then suddenly have them lining store shelves the next day. One company that tries really hard to do that is Apple, and they're constantly getting bashed from many directions due to their obsession with secrecy.
While I'm not making any judgements about you personally, the reality is that consumers as a whole seem to enjoy the hype just as much as the marketing departments do. There are piles of websites dedicated to finding and sharing advanced info, future product hints, and scheming up potential company directions. Any time there's a demand for such information, someone's going to provide it. The fact that that creates an opportunity for cranks and charlatans to scam a few bucks is just a side effect.
Duke Nukem Forever is in beta (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Duke Nukem Forever is in beta (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Good marketing ploy? (Score:5, Insightful)
2)Make big fuss over sequal
3)Don't deliver, but make big deal for next decade
4)Once DNF is a household name, deliver
5)Profit!!
Seriously though, 3D Realms has found a good formula to get its namebrand out. I mean, what gamer hasn't heard of Duke Nukem Forever? It's the most famous non-game in gaming history. Weight for weight, DNF has more name recognition than even probably Halo. It almost behooves them to release it. It will turn every gamer's head 180 with "WTF?! DNF is finally been released!". Even if the game is say 7/10, you can guerentee a lot of copies would be sold just out of name recognition alone.
Parent
Re:Good marketing ploy? (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Re:Good marketing ploy? (Score:5, Funny)
Unless they fuck up something fundamental, you cannot spend a decade working on something to have something so-so at the end.
Absolutely you can. It's called feature creep, and if left unchecked, not only do you end up with a pig in a dress. You end up with a pig in a bullet-proof dress with wader boots on each hoof, only the hooves have been replaced with knives, so you had to install a sheathing mechanism for the hoof-knives, which requires a motor buried in the pig's ass.
Then when you deliver the pig to the farmer he's like, "How the hell am I supposed to make bacon out of this pig if it's able to fight back with its hoof-knives, and I can't shoot it because of the bullet-proof dress? And the motor is leaking grease all over the ham meat!"
Now, would you buy that pig?
Parent
Re:Good marketing ploy? (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Good marketing ploy? (Score:5, Insightful)
Parent
Re:Good marketing ploy? (Score:4, Insightful)
Parent
Wrong direction... (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Wrong direction... (Score:5, Insightful)
Truly philosophical.
Parent
Re: (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:Wrong direction... (Score:5, Insightful)
The project was only announced in 2005! How can they have a "usual fog of hype"? Isn't two years to bring something like that to fruition pretty damn reasonable?
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
It also saw Team Fortress 2 released. A game that has been in development much longer than Daikatana was, has seen complete rewrites, and would be the vaporware joke everyone knew about if it wasn't for DNF.
Not only did the game come out, it's fantastic. It keeps the great feel, has beautiful graphics that are nicely stylized, and works very well. It could use more maps (they're working on it), and the classes do feel very different as part of the balancing, but it's a great game overall.
Every once in a w
On Purpose? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
Re: (Score:2)
Re:On Purpose? (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Time to rename the product (Score:2)
Diablo III (Score:5, Informative)
Re: (Score:2)
Diablo III? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re: (Score:2)
GNR? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:GNR? (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Chinese Democracy (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Re: (Score:3)
DNF of course (Score:3, Interesting)
Re: (Score:2)
Re:DNF of course (Score:4, Informative)
So its back.
Parent
I didn't see Vista onthe list (Score:5, Funny)
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
Windows Future Storage... it's stored in the future, so you'll have it when you need it...?
Perpetual Motion Machines (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
If it had substance, surely it wouldn't be vapour...
I for one (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I for one (Score:5, Insightful)
I really don't like the old system after using the new one but I can't stand the 50 message limit. They should make the "50" be adjustable to include 50,100,200,300,400,500,unlimited. While there was certainly problems with their Javascript timing out for big threads it wasn't too bad most of the time. They certainly still have work to do to optimize the code but the adjustable number of messages feature would certainly help in the mean time.
Hopefully the Taco will see this message and make the adjustment
Parent
Good news....Bad News.... (Score:4, Funny)
Good News: Duke Nukem Forever is finally released and, surprisingly, to overwhelming critical acclaim for innovative game design.
Bad News: It subsequently gets an "Adults Only" rating and is immediately pulled from the shelves until it can be re-worked into a "Mature" rating.
Seriously, I think 3D Realms should just admit defeat.....but I'm still holding out for "Redneck Rampage" forever.
Horrible Article (Score:4, Interesting)
The article was also way off on how the Spore multiplayer will supposedly work. You're not going to be able to directly compete with other people's races. The computer-controlled races will be based off a global database of races that other players upload their race information to. This is barely more "multiplayer" then a global high score list.
Misread (Score:3, Funny)
Somehow (I only caught the last half, and am in the middle of a minor Civ4 obsession) I read that as Ethelred the Unready [wikipedia.org]. Appropriate enough, though.
We don't BELIEVE... (Score:3, Funny)
Duke Nukem Explained (Score:4, Funny)
Allow me to set the record straight.
3D Realms is haunted by the ghosts of gamers who died of outrage when they found that Duke Nukem 3-D choked with more than 5 players in multi-player mode and, to appease the spirits, the workers at 3D Realms must continually build Duke Nukem Forever 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
So far they have kept the spirits at bay.
Last Line is wrong... (Score:4, Informative)
C'mon! How could they do a homage and NOT have that line?
Parent
Re:All I can say is (Score:5, Insightful)
When I saw DNF in your post and in a glance-through of the article, I thought you/they were using DNF to denote vaporware status to one of the products until I realized that you (and probably they) were specifically referring to Duke.
This makes me think that they never planned to finish DNF; this is all just a big joke, right from day one.
Parent
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Re:All I can say is (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Re:All I can say is (Score:4, Informative)
just sayin' is all
Parent
Re:All I can say is (Score:5, Funny)
Kidding aside, everything from that trailer is using the in-game engine. Everything. zero CGI. I don't think people realize this.
You new fruity console lovers can keep your Master Chef and his queer-eye costume. His food sucks and the only thing he has is a decent story-line. I'll take Duke, a shotgun, pipe bombs and strippers any day of the week.
Jetpack with pipebombs - the absolute best way to make your opponents squeal like babies.
Run child, run for your life.....
He's coming in '08 to kick some ass and chew some bubblegum, and I took his last piece of gum.
Regards,
Parent
Re: (Score:2)
Why, just the other day, they had a funny and well-written piece on alternative santas: http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/alttext/2007/12/alttext_1219 [wired.com]
Re:Rule of Charlatans (Score:5, Insightful)
For better or worse, you can't just secretly develop a product in a basement somewhere and then suddenly have them lining store shelves the next day. One company that tries really hard to do that is Apple, and they're constantly getting bashed from many directions due to their obsession with secrecy.
While I'm not making any judgements about you personally, the reality is that consumers as a whole seem to enjoy the hype just as much as the marketing departments do. There are piles of websites dedicated to finding and sharing advanced info, future product hints, and scheming up potential company directions. Any time there's a demand for such information, someone's going to provide it. The fact that that creates an opportunity for cranks and charlatans to scam a few bucks is just a side effect.
Parent