Wired's 2007 Vaporware Awards

Braedley sends word that Wired's annual vaporware list is up, and a number of products this community has discussed made the cut. The top spot, the position of most dishonor, was almost a foregone conclusion. "Another December, another list, another crowning achievement by the Emperor of the Ethereal, the Head Honcho of Hype, Duke Nukem Forever. We were going to disqualify him out of pity, but Sir Duke is back for 2007 thanks to a few leaked screenshots and an overwhelming number of votes. DNF creators 3D Realms even chose this week to debut a well-publicized video trailer for Duke's long-awaited return. Alas, a trailer is not a game, so — long live the king!"

Duke Nukem Forever is in beta

[Anonymous Coward]

I've been playing a beta of DNF for a few weeks now I got from an insider and it is fucking awesome. According to my sources, it will be ready to ship to stores in mid-February. Hail to the king baby!

GNR?

[TofuMatt]

Chinese Democracy has been vaporware for what, eight years now? And is anyone really looking forward to it anyway?

I didn't see Vista onthe list

[richardkelleher]

Just because they shipped it, doesn't mean it is still not vapor. Microsoft has been proving this for years.

Re:Duke Nukem Forever is in beta

[Anonymous Coward]

My GFs brothers mail carrier has a neighbor... Her nannies geeky half cousin (twice removed) says that his boy who is 'deep in the scene' (As he put it) talked to the aunt of one of the programmers mom who says that it won't be ready until at least December. Guess you need to recheck your insider.

I for one

[edittard]

I nominate slashdot's new discussion system [slashdot.org].

Good news....Bad News....

[StressGuy]

Good News: Duke Nukem Forever is finally released and, surprisingly, to overwhelming critical acclaim for innovative game design.

Bad News: It subsequently gets an "Adults Only" rating and is immediately pulled from the shelves until it can be re-worked into a "Mature" rating.

Seriously, I think 3D Realms should just admit defeat.....but I'm still holding out for "Redneck Rampage" forever.

Re:All I can say is

[Ogive17]

You know it's a bad omen when the initials for your game "DNF" is construed as "Did Not Finish" in the racing world. Maybe it really should be DNS (duke nukem someday).

Re:On Purpose?

[lonesome_coder]

It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...but my dentures can't handle bubblegum.

Re:Time to rename the product

[calebt3]

I personally enjoy "Duke Nukem (Is Taking) Forever"

Re:GNR?

[darkrowan]

The way that album is going, China *WILL* be a democracy when it is finally released.

Re:Duke Nukem Forever is in beta

[Anonymous Coward]

The actual date will probably be late February, i suspect it will be February 30th.

Re:All I can say is

[Hognoxious]

DNS already stands for something. It's to do with warehousing facilities for deceased persons of African origin, I think.

Chinese Democracy

[SamP2]

Chinese Democracy has been vaporware for 96 years and counting. The first beta was delivered [wikipedia.org] in 1911, but numerous bugs caused it to eventually crash. Then they shipped [wikipedia.org] another version for a completely different platform [wikipedia.org] in 1949, but critics complain that it doesn't really deliver what was promised, and thus is vaporware. They tried to apply [wikipedia.org] a major service pack in 1989, but it failed due to Insufficient Privileges error. Will the real version ever ship? Maybe, but I'm keeping my money on Duke.

Re:All I can say is

[jimbojw]

Sssssshhhhhhhhh, they might hear you.

Re:All I can say is

[teknopurge]

you mean Jon St. John [wikipedia.org].

Kidding aside, everything from that trailer is using the in-game engine. Everything. zero CGI. I don't think people realize this.

You new fruity console lovers can keep your Master Chef and his queer-eye costume. His food sucks and the only thing he has is a decent story-line. I'll take Duke, a shotgun, pipe bombs and strippers any day of the week.

Jetpack with pipebombs - the absolute best way to make your opponents squeal like babies.

Run child, run for your life.....

He's coming in '08 to kick some ass and chew some bubblegum, and I took his last piece of gum.

Regards,

Misread

[ggvaidya]

Emperor of the Ethereal

Somehow (I only caught the last half, and am in the middle of a minor Civ4 obsession) I read that as Ethelred the Unready [wikipedia.org]. Appropriate enough, though.

Duke's photo

[EverythingDies]

Anybody notice the amount of weight on the bench behind Duke? I think Duke and Barry Bonds hang out. Obviously Duke slaps Barry around for fun, calling him 'Fairy Bonds'.

picture here [wired.com]

We don't BELIEVE...

[Notquitecajun]

Maybe if we all got together and BELIEVED hard enough, DNF would appear and we could play it. It exists, we just don't believe in it.

Re:Good marketing ploy?

[Malevolent Tester]

Yeah, because that worked so well for Daikatana.

Duke Nukem Explained

[BigBlueOx]

There seems to be much misinformation here about Duke Nukem Forever.
Allow me to set the record straight.

3D Realms is haunted by the ghosts of gamers who died of outrage when they found that Duke Nukem 3-D choked with more than 5 players in multi-player mode and, to appease the spirits, the workers at 3D Realms must continually build Duke Nukem Forever 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, ...well... forever or they will die.

So far they have kept the spirits at bay.

Re:Good marketing ploy?

[crymeph0]

Unless they fuck up something fundamental, you cannot spend a decade working on something to have something so-so at the end.

Absolutely you can. It's called feature creep, and if left unchecked, not only do you end up with a pig in a dress. You end up with a pig in a bullet-proof dress with wader boots on each hoof, only the hooves have been replaced with knives, so you had to install a sheathing mechanism for the hoof-knives, which requires a motor buried in the pig's ass.

Then when you deliver the pig to the farmer he's like, "How the hell am I supposed to make bacon out of this pig if it's able to fight back with its hoof-knives, and I can't shoot it because of the bullet-proof dress? And the motor is leaking grease all over the ham meat!"

Now, would you buy that pig?

Re:Good marketing ploy?

[Kyokushi]

Are we talking about Vista here?

Re:Good marketing ploy?

[Viper Daimao]

so be wary of any man who keeps a bullet proof grease leaking hoof-knife pig farm