Slashdot's Disagree Mail

Ernest Hemingway's micro-story, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn," is one of my favorite examples of how less is sometimes more. Sometimes a few sentences say it all; you don't always need a hundred pages to convey an idea. Most of the mail I get is brief and to the point. Others are just brief. To be honest, I appreciate the short, crazy email more than the long rants, and they can be just as funny. Read below for this week's mail snippets.

The less we talk about this first guy, the better. Let's just hope that he found love and a treadmill someplace.

On Mon Aug 25, 2003 ******** wrote:
"Hello, I am a 'generously proportioned' male (375 pounds) with a less than generous penile length (4 inches erect). I seek a vendor of quality inflatable sheep who can give away free samples as I am unemployed. Best regards."

I'm not really sure what this message means. I didn't get the cryptic first mail that he talks about, but it sounds important.

On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 ******* wrote:
"Be well advised that my last email contains information about the persons that this script was, in fact, not written for. this section contains authorizations as to ensure that authorizations would work. Also be advised that the infromation therein is no longer valid."

The last two are both from people who obviously used the wrong address. I can assure you that I never accused the second guy of any sexual impropriety.

On Tue, 30 Aug 2005 ******** wrote:
"hi, i look for south america road atlas. can be each country or two \ three countries combination gather in one. can you addvice or help me? thanks ahead."

On Sat, Aug 23, 2008 ******** wrote:
"Seeing as you accused me of having child pornography AND I DIDN'T and you accused my of ATTEMPTING TO RAPE YOU and I didn't I thought it best that I didn't have any contact with you. You are a disturbed person. Do not contact me. Thank you."

Dear /.

[Windows_NT]

Dear slashdot: As much as you might think i had sex with you, I didnt. Please dont contact me again. Your accusations are false, and any other proposals for sexual interactions will be denied. I am not saying im above you, im just saying that i dont have sex with webservers for under $3.
oh, BTW, where are my inflatable sheep?

Re:Yeah, this is silly.

[Torinaga-Sama]

Non-sequitors, false accusations, pointless drivel, and complete misunderstandings. How do you not see how this is related to Slashdot.

Your inflatable sheep is in the post.

Oh Dear

[immcintosh]

Digg is that way ---->

Re:Please, read what you write before you post it

[Anonymous Coward]

tl:dr

Re:Yeah, this is silly.

[HiredMan]

Because there was no MS bashing, duh!

Re:Illin in the panicillin?

[Anonymous Coward]

Considering the topic, I'd actually mod this as insightful if I had any points at the moment. It's certainly on topic. It's a bunch of not funny nonsense.

Re:Alcohol...

[clone53421]

50 mg of alcohol? Good heavens, I hope you meant 50 ppm.

Re:Yeah, this is silly.

[morgan_greywolf]

Well, I hear Vista includes drivers for the aforementioned inflatable sheep. But if you weigh over 300 lbs, they crash after the sheep downloads child pornography and then proceeds to rape you.

This error is known as the Bahhhh Sheep of Death.

Well then

[gaderael]

"On Mon Aug 25, 2003 ******** wrote:
"Hello, I am a 'generously proportioned' male (375 pounds) with a less than generous penile length (4 inches erect). I seek a vendor of quality inflatable sheep who can give away free samples as I am unemployed. Best regards.""

Well, I guess this answers the question, " Do inadequate fat men dream of inflatable sheep?"

Re:Yeah, this is silly.

[Torinaga-Sama]

"Be well advised that my last email contains information about the persons that this script was, in fact, not written for. this section contains authorizations as to ensure that authorizations would work. Also be advised that the infromation therein is no longer valid."

I dunno, I think that was a direct reference to the Microsoft Windows XP EULA.

Plural

[NotQuiteReal]

where are my inflatable sheep?

I notice you use the plural - you want more than one? What do you plan on doing with them, flock them?

Re:Plural

[Shadow Wrought]

I notice you use the plural - you want more than one? What do you plan on doing with them, flock them?

My guess is its his way of saying "Flock ewe!" to slashdot...

Re:Yeah, this is silly.

[kiehlster]

"Most of my other "Disagree Mail" actually was about Slashdot, as opposed to being totally unrelated. Yes, I sent four emails, but note, they don't even talk about Slashdot or the web. I don't know why I sent these ones.

"(What's my mail doing on the "Disagree Mail"? I know that I can go into my hole and tune you out, but I'm lazy! This shouldn't be on the "Disagree Mail" at all! Even if I'm a lazy bum. Shut up! I hate you!)"

// There, fixed that for ya.