What If They Turned Off the Internet? 511
theodp writes "It's the not-too-distant future. They've turned off the Internet. After the riots have settled down and the withdrawal symptoms have faded, how would you cope? Cracked.com asked readers to Photoshop what life would be like in an Internet-addicted society learning to cope without it. Better hope it never happens, or be prepared for dry-erase message boards, carrier pigeon-powered Twitter, block-long lines to get into adult video shops, door-to-door Rickrolling, Lolcats on Broadway, and $199.99 CDs."
Arrr (Score:1, Funny)
I'd probably have to start *buying* DVDs
twentytwelve (Score:5, Funny)
Oblig. South Park Quote (Score:4, Funny)
Work? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:OMG (Score:5, Funny)
But we'd have no more lost carrier jokes, so it might balance out.
You would think so. Whole world would be filled with nerds running all around yelling LOST CARRIER, LOST CARRIER!!
chans (Score:3, Funny)
new poll (Score:5, Funny)
What would replace the internet?
a)sneaker net
b)ip over avian carriers
c)johnny mnemonic
d)radio killed the itunes store
e)cowboy neal
f)breasts (the live nude version on a real female)
Re:What I would do? (Score:4, Funny)
You are mistaken, sir, I plan to do it exactly like they do it in the movies. I even have the little "jumping out of an exploding train" sequence planned out in my head.
Make a new internet. (Score:2, Funny)
Profit!!
Millions of voices (Score:4, Funny)
would cry out in terror... silently.
Except for the calls to their ISPs...
SB
Re:South Park had this covered (Score:5, Funny)
I think that if you actually look into it, you'll find that The Simpsons covered all of the topics even before South Park did.
Re:Uhm... wrong site. (Score:5, Funny)
Uhhh yeah me too
Re:Oblig. South Park Quote (Score:5, Funny)
That was the best quote you could manage? You missed out on the epic chance to quote
"We can't go back to Playboy now!"
Re:What would happen if Microsoft turned it off (Score:5, Funny)
> All it would take is one really bad Windows Update to turn off 70% of the
> Internet.
Yes but we're discussing the part that would actually be missed.
DEAD.MP4 (Score:4, Funny)
MPEG at 11.
Re:(And now with more Pants!) (Score:4, Funny)
So, Slashdot Entertainment, Slashdot Idle, will be gone.(1) lolcats will be exterminated. Twitter will flutter away quietly. 4chan will have imploded. FoxNews will have outfoxed themselves with a false prediction of the collapse of the intertubewebnet (off by 30 days at that!), and the newsroom will spend the following days blaming the liberals, but no one outside the newsroom will know due to the demise of the Internet. (3) :)
New industries will boom. People will rediscover interpersonal interaction. Bars will thrive on singles night (as a million lonely Slashdotters hit the streets in their pathetic attempts to get laid, that will fail on or off the 'net.) (5)
I wouldn't stress too much. The future has already reported in to say the Internet is alive, well, and serving it's designed purpose. (6)
Footnotes:
1) It went poof, and everyone moved on peacefully
2) This space was intentionally left blank.
3) This actually has been happening for 2 weeks [foxnews.com], but no one has noticed. Check back in 16 days.
4) 404 - Footnote not found [youtube.com]. The FRL you requested was not found. Please check the number and dial again.
5) Who am I to argue with a Slashdot story [slashdot.org] on the subject?
6) Confirmed report from the relatively distant future [youtube.com]
Re:Uhm... wrong site. (Score:3, Funny)
I can tell I've been up just a little too long. I spun through an amazing variety of imagery in my head. It was just enough to make me fall out of my chair.
Cat in a plexiglass box, with a pump pulling 22 in/hg vacuum.
Cat in an upright bagless vacuum cleaner. (even in my imagination, it's a tight fit)
Cat in an airlock on the ISS. Explosive decompression follows.
Cat in an airlock on the ISS. Slow decompression follows, slowly.
Space Cat! Flying through space. Oh, this cat would like a vacuum, wouldn't it?
Ha! Cat in a box!
Sorry. :)
Re:twentytwelve (Score:4, Funny)
No thats the 2038 time_t apocalypse.
Re:(And now with more Pants!) (Score:1, Funny)
Re:I mis-remember it (Score:1, Funny)
Word of mouth...? You mean... this aperture can be used for communication!? :o
Re:(And now with more Pants!) (Score:3, Funny)
It's what he would have wanted.
Re:new poll (Score:3, Funny)
f)breasts (the live nude version on a real female)
non photoshoped :(
Re:Uhm... wrong site. (Score:4, Funny)
Details, man, details!
Re:Uhm... wrong site. (Score:2, Funny)
I'm still resisting.
Re:Uhm... wrong site. (Score:4, Funny)
The Future (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I mis-remember it (Score:3, Funny)
Oh yeah, another thing I had before the internet.