The Definitive Evisceration of The Phantom Menace *NSFW* 629
cowmix writes "When TPM came out ten years ago, its utter crappiness shocked me to the core and wounded a entire generation of geeks. My inner child had been abused and betrayed. I moped around, talking to no one, for almost two weeks. I couldn't bring myself to see #2 or #3, whatever they were called. Now, a decade later, comes Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Review, the ultimate, seven-part, seventy minute analysis of this mother of all train wrecks. Not only does it nail how the film blows, but tells us why. Time, apparently, does not heal all wounds." Or, if you prefer all 7 parts embedded in one page, you can check out slashfilm's aggregation.
Why a decade later (Score:4, Funny)
It probably took 10 years to do all of this.
I didn't think The Phantom Menace was all that bad then, but now he's pointed out all the flaws in humorous manner.
Demo Reel (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Why a decade later (Score:5, Funny)
Time wounds all heels.
It's actually a pity ... (Score:5, Funny)
... that after Return of the Jedi, no more Star Wars movies were ever made.
The Definitive Evisceration of The Phantom Menace (Score:5, Funny)
I've been waiting almost 10 years for The Definitive Evisceration of The Phantom Menace and I must say that now that it's here I'm very disappointed.
My inner child has been abused and betrayed. Im going to mope around, talking to no one, for the next two weeks. I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to see #2 or #3, whatever they will be called.
There were so many good points to be made, but it seems the director just went for the easy, mass appeal, fluff. Maybe if the director wasn't surrounded with mindless 'yes men' with no vision this could have been better. Maybe if they had cast a narrator with a better voice. Unfortunately this 70 minute train wreck cannot be undone.
I hope I don't have to wait 10 years for the The Definitive Evisceration of The Definitive Evisceration of The Phantom Menace.
Re:Why a decade later (Score:4, Funny)
I think JarJar could have been cool if he wasn't a complete klutz and was able to fight with capoeira, he could have kept his annoying traits and been a badass, and then everyone would have just thought well he's an alien.
Re:SWHS? (Score:4, Funny)
It was terrible, but it wasn't even the worst Christmas special that year! That distinction goes to Shields and Yarnell at Disneyworld. Mimes, for God's sake!
Brett
Jar Jar redeemed himself (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I beg to differ (Score:5, Funny)
The Holiday Special and plot,
I see no reason
The Star Wars Life Day treason
Should ever be forgot.
Re:Why a decade later (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Why a decade later (Score:3, Funny)
God damnit Crichton. Aeryn let you out again?
Re:Different Audience (Score:5, Funny)
Star Wars was for children because it was about a teenage hero who teamed up with a mysterious old wizard and a swarthy space pirate to rescue a princess, battle an evil knight dressed in black armor, and destroy the Death Star.
TPM was for children because it was about galactic teamsters strike negotiations, interspersed with with CSPAN footage of a senate sub-committee debate on interplanetary tariffs. If the Jedi don't foil Senator Palpatine's evil plan in time, he will be elected to a Senate sub-committee chair! The video game probably expands on this theme by including lots of exciting amendments and cloture votes, because kids love that stuff.
Re:Don't look now (Score:3, Funny)
I've seen all the films as an adult, never had any of the toys, and I still like them and you are still a trolling asshat.
I am still waiting (Score:3, Funny)
For the Jar Jar Binks christmas special.
Re:Why a decade later (Score:5, Funny)
Q: So what is it that you do here?
A: Merchandising! [youtube.com]
Han Solo is so sexy. (Score:2, Funny)
I like how all the men describe Han Solo as sexist and chauvinist and so on, and the girl thinks he's "sexy." I bet she's a feminist.
Oblig (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Why a decade later (Score:5, Funny)
Damn nerds are taking over Slashdot.
Re:Why a decade later (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Why a decade later (Score:5, Funny)
And if he wore tight shorts and had big boobs.
Yes, if JarJar had only been a little more like Lara Croft,. it might not have been so bad.
Good news, everyone! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Why a decade later (Score:1, Funny)
I think JarJar could have been cool if he ...
was murdered by Anakin within seconds of encountering Anakin and Qui-gon Jin.
Qui-gon: "Anakin! What the fuck did you do that for?"
Anakin: "Master? Didn't you feel it? He was totally dark side."
Re:midichlorians (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Why a decade later (Score:5, Funny)
God willing we'll all meet again in Spaceballs II: The Search For More Money
Re:midichlorians (Score:4, Funny)
Re:SWHS? (Score:1, Funny)
And just how do you think those two lost their ability to speak?
Ewan McDonald? (Score:4, Funny)
I stopped watching at this point. I'm amazed I made it that far, actually.
Re:Demo Reel (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Why a decade later (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Why a decade later (Score:3, Funny)
Yeah - The late 1970's Star Wars video game market was HUGE!!!
My favorite one was where there was a blaster-charge bouncing back and forth between two light sabers that you could move up and down using paddles.
Re:Why a decade later (Score:4, Funny)
Re:It was impossible (Score:3, Funny)
Yes, I am sure that it isn't all meant to be funny, and he also really does have a hooker tied up in his basement.
Re:Good news, everyone! (Score:3, Funny)
Hooray!
Re:Why a decade later (Score:2, Funny)
Re:midichlorians (Score:1, Funny)
Ergo, bad plot element.
I think even Lucas realized this mis-step, which is precisely why the midi-whatsits were ignored in the other films.
He always wanted to talk about the midichlorians in the first movies, but he didn't have the technology to do so.