Michael Bay To Remake TMNT As Aliens 481
Posted
by
Soulskill
from the stop-assassinating-my-childhood dept.
from the stop-assassinating-my-childhood dept.
Nidi62 writes "We all know that Michael Bay loves to put 86 minutes of explosions into a 90-minute movie. But it appears that he has found a new way to screw up a movie. He is directing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in which the turtles are not created with ooze: they are 'from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.' No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to totally destroy the origin and essence of a classic story."
Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."
It's hte end of the world as we know it. (Score:5, Funny)
And I like turtles.
Justice must prevail. (Score:5, Funny)
Everyone who paid to see Michael Bay's movie must pay extra 10% income tax.
Those who took their kids with'em need to be referred to child protection agencies.
fans need to "chill" (Score:5, Funny)
Done!
Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup (Score:3, Funny)
New theme would need some work... (Score:5, Funny)
So... Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles? Unless they are proud warriors who have grown to full maturity, and its not a joyride to earth... Then its Adult Alien Ninja Turtles! But wait! If they are not mutated from turtles, then they are not turtles. So maybe Adult Alien Ninja Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings! But if they learned their martial arts on another planet, then its only Ninja-esq... So the new theme is
"Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Heroes in a Half Shell,
Alien power!
They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (From Another World!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
These Aliens for some reason focusing on one small local crime lord when they have interplanetary travel don't cut him no slack!
(Refrain)
Just doesn't have the same ring as it used to...
Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (Score:5, Funny)
I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.
I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.
Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (Score:5, Funny)
Set the whole thing in space and have them speak Chinese as a second language, and I think you might have a winner!
Re:This is news? (Score:5, Funny)
Reply to self:
After some quick wikipedia, I realize that the cartoon I grew up loving in the late 80s was actually ripped from a comic book series I have never read. So I guess I prove my OP wrong. Some 12 year old kid could go see this movie, and it would forever represent the ninja turtles in their mind. Oh god, where is the art police when you need them?
and then there's his next project (Score:5, Funny)
Next up, Bay takes on Wizard of Oz remake:
"Flying monkeys with bombs. Lots of bombs. Wicked witch with machine gun on broom! Megan as Dorothy! Toto upgraded to pit bull. Shia LeBoeuf will ace it as the Tin Man with laser-eyeballs and missile-firing butthatch! Cowardly Lion now a Mexican political-asylum refugee who knows how to fight! The Straw Man now the Token Black Gay Teenage Computer Wizard in a wheelchair. With glasses. And braces. Eats HotPockets and Pepsi and Pringles while racing against time.
Old plot bad, new plot good. Secret Oz government lab accidently released virus that mutates Munchkins into slobbering zombie vampires. Only Dorothy can save them because her blood has radical new antibodies. Witch nearly kills her, but sex with the Tin Man revives her. New totally unexpected ending not involving explosions!"
Re:Fuck him (Score:4, Funny)
Somehow 'Teenage Alien Martial-Arts Turtleoid Lifeforms' just doesn't have that snap to it.
Re:Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup (Score:5, Funny)
Actually, as much as I think Michael Bay is possibly the most inept and visually retarded filmmaker of all time, I'd probably watch it if Vince Offer was a major character.
I can't wait for his remake of... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (Score:4, Funny)
I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.
<warning: disturbing mental image> Brokeback on the Seven Seas? </warning>
Re:Bay needs to... (Score:5, Funny)
"but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass."
She's obviously way below your standards, with her sharp knees and all. We can't all be lucky enough like you to have had Natalie Portman pour hot grits into our underwear.
Re:Who cares? (Score:5, Funny)
Everyone seems to be freaking out about this. But who cares? Anyone under 25 doesn't know what TMNT is and anyone over 25 doesn't give a shit, because it's fucking TMNT and we're fucking adults.
I'm the submitter, and I care. Coincidentally, I am 25 :)
Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (Score:5, Funny)
Problem is when Lucas became rich and famous he got rid of those that said 'That's a fucking stupid idea George" and replaced them with yes men and then you get The Phantom Menace.
* cue slow clap.
Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (Score:5, Funny)
I think that was called Peter Pan.
Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (Score:4, Funny)
OMG! Ponies!
Not far off, actually....
Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (Score:4, Funny)
Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (Score:2, Funny)
Keep buying Apple products and we'll be there in no time.
Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (Score:5, Funny)
You must not have watched many Michael Bay movies.
If you had, you'd understand that they don't just affect those watching, but have ripple effects that have been slowly eroding the fabric of space/time as we know it.
Re:And in other news (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Chill, it's a reboot. (Score:5, Funny)