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North Korea Claims Archaeologists Have Found 'Unicorn Lair' In Pyongyang 182

Posted by timothy
from the not-so-horny-after-all dept.
eldavojohn writes "NPR pointed out a press release claiming that North Korean archaeologists have found a 'unicorn lair' in Pyongyang. The members of the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences have "reconfirmed" that this site was used for King Tongmyong's unicorn where the unicorn would concoct his unicorn schemes and do his unicorn things if anyone ventured too closely. The last line is, perhaps, the most important line of the article, 'The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom.' Fear not that North Korea is surpassing the world in cryptozoology, Dr. Melba S. Ketchum of Nacogdoches, TX has claimed to have recently sequenced Bigfoot's DNA and he's part human."
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North Korea Claims Archaeologists Have Found 'Unicorn Lair' In Pyongyang

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  • by Apothem (1921856) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @06:36PM (#42157175)
    What the hell? Also, how in the heck does something THIS RETARDED land on the front page?
    • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday December 01, 2012 @06:38PM (#42157191)

      What the hell? Also, how in the heck does something THIS RETARDED land on the front page?

      It's Idle. Remove the section from your preferences instead of bitching, please.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward

      It's not news. It's not for nerds. It does not matter. I don't know why this would surprise you, it's not like anybody on /. reads the article, the summary, or even the title. Hell, you're lucky I even read your comment before responding.

      • by JWSmythe (446288) <jwsmythe@jwsm[ ]e.com ['yth' in gap]> on Saturday December 01, 2012 @09:23PM (#42158215) Homepage Journal

        Actually, if it were true, and if the unicorn DNA were tested and shown to not be a horse with a dildo strapped to it's head, it would be news.

        North Korea has a running trend of wild claims. This one just reinforces their place as "the nation no one believes".

        As a group, they are holding the #1 position in the Batshit Crazy Olympics. The only competition even close are conspiracy theorists, and they're a distant second. They'll have to come up with something much nuttier than the emperor's unicorn farm. So far all the best they have are Aliens, UFOs, the Kennedy Assassination conspiracy, contrails, NWO, GMOs, 9/11 myths, and lizard aliens...

        Yes my friends.. The mythical unicorn farm ranks far over lizard aliens. Now, stop taking your court ordered meds, and come up with something better than *that*.

        (hehe, unicorns)

        • by Calydor (739835) on Sunday December 02, 2012 @03:43AM (#42159831)

          North Korea has a running trend of wild claims. This one just reinforces their place as "the nation no one believes".

          The big problem is that one day, they ARE going to discover something by sheer coincidence, and no one will believe them enough to even try to replicate the result.

          Hopefully this isn't it, would really be a shame.

          • Hopefully this isn't it, would really be a shame.

            It would be if they were claiming to have discovered sustainer nuclear fusion, but unicorns? I don't know,.they'd probably just use them for fuel.

        • by jonadab (583620) on Sunday December 02, 2012 @05:33AM (#42160129) Homepage Journal

          Actually, the unicorn remains were _planted_ in Korea by the NKVD, back in the thirties, as part of a secret joint operation with the US Department of Agriculture. The operation was suspended during WWII and the Korean War, and then before they could get around to completing it the USDA had to pull out (because of the altered political situation in Korea), leaving the MVD to bungle it until the Sino-Soviet Split forced them to finally abandon the effort as well. Nobody trusted China to complete the project, so they were never informed.

          The unicorns actually live in the Arctic, but the Russian, Scandinavian, Canadian, and American governments keep that covered up, because if it ever got out it would call the Reindeer Dogma into question.

        • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

          by Anonymous Coward

          Actually, if it were true, and if the unicorn DNA were tested and shown to not be a horse with a dildo strapped to it's head, it would be news.

          I'm betting it's just a horse with one of its horns broken off.

        • by AmiMoJo (196126) *

          I RTFA and didn't see anywhere where they claim to have discovered an actual unicorn, just a cave featured in some ancient texts that have cultural significance in Korea. It has historical significance but no-where do they claim that the unicorn was real.

    • by Intrepid imaginaut (1970940) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @06:45PM (#42157235)

      It is pitiable how the editor(s) feel the need to mock the ignorant propaganda of a thoroughly subjugated people. I remember reading about how escapees from North Korea across the Chinese border were returned, and the Chinese guards were sickened by the sight of wires being passed through the wrists of the refugees by way of handcuffs before they were led off. But no, we read about unicorns.

      I know this is Slashdot and we're all here for the braintrust comments, but the latest crap to make it to the front page is coming very, very close to outweighing the benefits.

      • Re: (Score:2, Troll)

        by Deadstick (535032)

        It is pitiable how the editor(s) feel the need to mock the ignorant propaganda of a thoroughly subjugated people.

        I sorta got the impression that they were mocking the Caligula of the Far East who's doing the subjugating. The US gubmint isn't going to remove him, because he doesn't have any oil, so this is pretty much all we can do.

        • by jhoegl (638955)

          I sorta got the impression that they were mocking the Caligula of the Far East who's doing the subjugating. The US gubmint isn't going to remove him, because he doesn't have any oil, so this is pretty much all we can do.

          Why does it always have to be the US that must remove these insane dictators? We fought our revolution and civil wars, now fight yours!

        • by realityimpaired (1668397) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @07:47PM (#42157661)

          I sorta got the impression that they were mocking the Caligula of the Far East who's doing the subjugating. The US gubmint isn't going to remove him, because he doesn't have any oil, so this is pretty much all we can do.

          Oil has nothing to do with it, in this case: even if they had oil, it's unlikely that the west would liberate them. It's more about China wanting a land buffer between US troops and their mainland. The US military is smart enough to realize that China would almost certainly come in protecting NK if it ever did become a shooting war, and there's too much to lose. The cold war between Russia and the US may be over, but the one between the US and China is just getting started.

        • The US gubmint isn't going to remove him, because he doesn't have any oil, ...

          Well, that and the fact that the Chinese government is backing him up with nukes, but sure the key factor is the fact that he doesn't have any oil. I'm sure the fact that the Chinese government has made it clear that they are willing to commit a significant portion of their military power to keeping the current regime in North Korea is not the most important reason the U.S. has not helped the South Korean government reunite Korea.

      • by __Paul__ (1570) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @07:58PM (#42157725) Homepage

        It is pitiable how the editor(s) feel the need to mock the ignorant propaganda of a thoroughly subjugated people.

        I don't think there's anything wrong with mocking propaganda. Propaganda deserves to be mocked, it is often the best way of dealing with it (even in Western countries).

        Yes, the situation in North Korea is terrible, but remember many Asian countries like to maintain "face" (a thoroughly ridiculous concept) and embarrassing dictatorships like this can be particularly effective.

        • by billstewart (78916) on Sunday December 02, 2012 @02:18AM (#42159571) Journal

          IO9's article [io9.com] about what the story's really about. First of all, a Kirin isn't really that much like a unicorn, though it is a mythical beast. But it's really about finding a site related to Tongmyng, ruler of an ancient kingdom in northern Korea, who was symbolized by the Kirin, kind of like calling somebody "The Dragon King" or whatever. There's some question about whether their announcement is more like "we found some cities from Troy / another Mayan pyramid / etc." type of history or more like "We found King Arthur's castle Camelot" sort of national mythology, which would certainly be the kind of thing you'd do when you've got a new Fearless Leader.

    • by nedlohs (1335013) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @06:48PM (#42157267)

      There's clearly a competition happening for most idiotic posting. From plastic on mars, to a loop that isn't a loop, to this.

      • by Darinbob (1142669) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @07:37PM (#42157593)

        I don't know. It's not that idiotic, though not necessarily slashdot oriented. Nothing says they found unicorns. They found a site referenced in older manuscripts that gives credence to a certain king having lived in Pyongyang. The cave has a carving over its entrance indicating that it's a "unicorn lair" (ir they translate right). So the press release isn't claiming anything about unicorns, but it is pushing some propaganda about Pyongyang having been an ancient capitol of Korea.

        Of course no one carves this on a real unicorn lair, if the carvings exist they were probably put there after the legend started to grow.

        It's sort of like if they found some ancient carving above a cave in England claiming to be where George slew his dragon. Clearly not evidence of a dragon but if authenticated it could be evidence of where the legend started or the site of an early pilgrimage or tourist site.

        • by nedlohs (1335013)

          Sure, if you read more than just the title - which is unlikely given what the title is.

      • by sfm (195458)

        And its not even April 1st !!

    • by aliquis (678370)

      It's funny and teaches me about North Korea.

      In 22 days people in many parts of the world will be celebrating Christmas and this is at least as useful.

    • it's obvously meant to be "Unicorn LIAR," since it's a story about Nut Korea.

    • by Sir_Sri (199544)

      Because it's so monumentally bizarre that it's worth laughing at?

      Would you really want to go into work on monday morning, and not know that North Korea had claimed to find a Unicorn lair?

      Lets say korea had a myth of a giant cave under pyongyang where a unicorn lived, that was accessed via a bottomless well. I didn't say the legend had to make sense, bear with me a moment. So some archaeologist goes digging around under pyongyang and finds a really massive cave, and there are some remains in it that appear

  • by Grayhand (2610049) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @06:39PM (#42157197)
    They're just trying to get back at us for The Onion article about the sexiest man alive.
  • by Bayoudegradeable (1003768) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @06:40PM (#42157209)
    It's best we just go ahead and surrender now. I for one welcome..... no, no, this goes beyond overlord.... I welcome our unicorn-domesticating superiors and look forward to serving under the yoke of unicornia!! (I admit I got all excited at first thinking they found a lair of uni-porn.... but this isn't bad, either!)
    • Whether or not they found porn really depends on what your definition of unicorns is http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=unicorn

  • by Anonymous Coward

    They do have unicorns [youtube.com] in North Korea!

  • by guttentag (313541) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @06:45PM (#42157239) Journal
    This is why poor countries shouldn't develop nuclear weapons. Sooner or later your horses start to look like unicorns.
  • They must use a different calendar there, where April 1 falls on December 1. That's the only explanation I can find for this.

  • A few months ago North Korea's young new leader was seen on TV with Mickey Mouse [nytimes.com]. It was bizarre, and Disney had no part in it. The best theories I've heard suggest that he is trying to bring some hope and light into the lives of his people. I'm not sure if announcing that unicorns are real and that they're native to North Korea is the best way to do that, but that's probably what's going on here.
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by TFAFalcon (1839122)

      Well you have to consider that the leader was raised in a country where such propaganda is fairly standard. So he might not realize how ludicrous the claims are. And at the same time the population might also be fooled - not because they are stupid, but because they've been bombarded with such 'official statements' their entire lives.

      It's kind of like religion - If you are raised in a culture where it's common to hear about virgin births and people rising from the dead then you won't be shocked when a perso

      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by khallow (566160)

        And at the same time the population might also be fooled - not because they are stupid, but because they've been bombarded with such 'official statements' their entire lives.

        Or because people who don't believe, tend to die badly.

      • Well you have to consider that the leader was raised in a country where such propaganda is fairly standard. So he might not realize how ludicrous the claims are.

        What are you talking about? Are you referencing "Dear Leader" KIm Jong-un who was raised and educated in Switerland for most of his childhood ?

    • Now they have done it! 5-party negotiations, the world community, that they can ignore. Disney lawyers, however, are not to be trifled with.

            Brett

  • on Mars. Slashdot is trying to compete with The Onion it seems.
  • Chinese unicorns (Score:5, Informative)

    by Sussurros (2457406) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @07:09PM (#42157423)
    Well, China did have its own mythical unicorn called the qilin and when a series of Chinese fleets sailed to Africa in the 1400s and brought back giraffes and the Chinese had their qilin unicorns.
  • Of COURSE a relative of Ash would be the first to sequence Bigfoot's DNA. He's the very best like no one ever was!
  • So? (Score:1, Troll)

    by Exitar (809068)

    Slashdot editors are likely from a country that teaches creationism at school.

    • by Anonymous Coward

      We don't have a national curriculum, individual school districts come up with their own. This results in certain hillbilly districts trying to teach religion as science. However this is not the case in the vast majority of US public schools, where evolution is not a controversial subject and there is no mention of creationism or "intelligent design".

      To be sure, our education system is far from perfect, but this particular embarrasment is largely isolated to the Bible Belt.

  • See -- then believe.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    Clearly, Kim Jong Un is a brony.

  • This was an accidental Onion reprint or something. The world is too strange sometimes.
  • Could be more of the recent obviously paid Microsoft asrtoturfing here.

  • by Crypto Gnome (651401) on Saturday December 01, 2012 @07:43PM (#42157635) Homepage Journal
    Ever since Japan discovered NyanCat the North Koreans had to find something (anything) to escalate the coolness arms-race.
  • I heard some lawmakers in the United States are actively claiming that the world was created 6000 years ago by an old man with a beard, who later went on to bed a Jewish girl and spawn an offspring which ended up being nailed to a tree. Also, talking snakes, burning bushes, and splitting seas. no kidding!

  • This... this is akin to having Excalibur. Kim Jong Un has a freakin' UNICORN LAIR. No wonder he's in the lead for Man of the Year [time.com].
  • Supreme Leader: Hey there ladies, want to come back to my lair to see my "unicorn"? I can guarantee that you've never seen a more horny beast.
  • If so, then quick tell Richard Dawkins -- he is wrong Invisible Pink Unicorns [wikipedia.org] really do exist!

  • I have a unicorn in my pants..

    oh wait, just the horn...

    • I believe the line went something like: That vale of paradise, ever waiting to corral even the wildest of unicorns.

      I can't even remember where it comes from though.
  • From the previous story: "South Koreans are by far the heaviest drinkers in Asia and the biggest consumers of spirits in the world, according to the World Health Organization." South Koreans, not the North ones!

    • In tradional Korean culture it was considered repectful to get totally tanked on rice wine, makkoli, before meeting the new boss for the first time or anything that required great respect. The idea behind it was that you couldn't hide behind convention and you showed your true self. Some of that has to remain in today's culture because these things are never completely forgotten.
  • It's worth noting that Dr. Melba S. Ketchum is a DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine), not a PhD or even MD. Still, one could argue that that makes her uniquely qualified to work with Bigfoot--if you want your Bigfoot fixed. If you want reliable, reputable DNA analyses, another source might be better.

    Just sayin'. :)

  • On the topic of North Korea I HIGHLY recommend Nothing to Envy by Barbara Demick. This book will show you just how horrible things are over there. It's a very well written book.
  • by BeCre8iv (563502) on Sunday December 02, 2012 @06:51AM (#42160319)
    Unicorns are obviously not adapted to live in a lair
  • Since we're talking about fantasy animals, is Dr. Melba S. Ketchum related to a certain Ash?

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