Scout Walker Kama Sutra

EvilXenu writes "What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex? Be sure to don your peril-sensitive glass before visiting. Graphical descriptions abound, such as: 'This is one of the few practical positions in which turretal stimulation of the rear sensor array can be comfortably attempted for any length of time without both of you having to disengage your leg stirrups.'"

Welcome !

[Anonymous Coward]

I, for one, look forward to welcoming our new erotic Imperial war machine overlords.

Re:Welcome !

[The Only Druid]

The original quote is a reference to the Simpsons episode "Deep Space Homer", wherein Kent Brockman mistakenly believes that the Space Shuttle has been over-run by Alien Ants, whom he then swears allegiance to. A recent slashdot post included a rather detailed examination of this.

Re:Welcome !

[jericho4.0]

The last time [slashdot.org] we saw someone ask this question it got 60 responses from people trying to show of some Sipmsons knowledge. It's the perfect troll.
Get of that computer and go watch some T.V. already.

Re:Welcome !

[macrom]

Wow, then I was way off base...I'm not really a Simpson's watcher, and I can't say that of the few episodes I've seen that what you described is one of them.

Thanks to both of you for the clarification!

And I said...

[Anonymous Coward]

"Hey baby, wanna check out my light saber?" And then I pulled out my fully functional light saber, and she left.

And she said...

[ArsSineArtificio]

"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"

Question

[BAPenguin]

Will this be a Star Wars Galaxies expanision pack?

Yoda says

[Anonymous Coward]

Begin, this porn war has.

What things go better together indeed (?)

[Rosco P. Coltrane]

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

This guy has been dreaming of those erectile light-sabers a little too much.

Re:What things go better together indeed (?)

[los furtive]

This guy has been dreaming of those erectile light-sabers a little too much.

Click here to add 2-6 inches to your light-sabre in only three months!

Oh, baby...

[Lord Custos]

You, Me...and an AT-AT Walker... ...
Hey, Baby...don't be like that. No-one will ever know you got freaky with a robeast of the four-legged persuasion.
Uh...what are you doing with that tow cable and thermite grenade?

Mmmmm...

[Anonymous Coward]

Princess Leia in a gold bikini. Jabba was a smart man.

Humorous quote

[Gryftir]

"Far better to lean back, look up at the sky and blast off a few bolts in pleasure where they can do little harm. Be careful of airborne wildlife though - it's not only gratuitous and irresponsible to incinerate fowl in the throes of passion, but it's also something of a passion-killer when frying avian corpses begin to land on you. Be warned: this may even develop into a perverse requirement for gratification if done often enough at the vital moments.

Stories abound, however, that on Targus IV the course o

To be fair

[Faust7]

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.

Re:To be fair

[SaDan]

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.

I'd have said a woman and sex. But maybe I'm the freak around here...

Re:To be fair

[EvilTwinSkippy]

You are assuming that everyone posting to slashdot is human.

Re:To be fair

[notque]

NUMEROUS women and sex! As many as can fit to rub up against me and for me to see rubbing up against each other, with lots of licking and sucking and wandering hands.

Like he said, Linux and sex, because Linux is the only way that you will ever see anything close to that in your lifetime. ..... me too...

Re:To be fair

[TwistedGreen]

>_ oh my fragile little mind...

Re:To be fair

[sharkey]

NUMEROUS women and sex!

I'll tell you what I'd do, man. 2 chicks at the same time. I been wanting to try that, and I think if I had a million dollars I could set that up.

Re:To be fair

[Carrion Creeper]

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.

not if you have all of your ports properly blocked off

Re:To be fair

[Spunk]

Ahh, the Linux Loving Sluts [phrozen-neon.com].

Re:To be fair

[justforaday]

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.

shows what i know...i would've answered linux and star wars... :-/

Re:To be fair

[renard]

Linux and sex. Duh.

Thus doth Faust7 give wholly new meaning to the phrase karma whore...

-renard

But as we all know...

[rasafras]

This is of no practical use to slashdotters.

Re:But as we all know...

[Phyz]

nonsense, I'm sure there are slashdotters that revel at the thought of Star Wars

Re:But as we all know...

[bad_fx]

....Is that because scout walkers prefer reading kuro5hin or something...?

Even Scout Walkers ....

[Dareth]

get laid more than your typical slashdotter it appears!!!

Umm... anybody remember any women piloting these things, or is thing going to get real GAY real fast?!?

Re:But as we all know...

[sharkey]

This is of no practical use to slashdotters.

Is this of pratical use to ANYBODY?

Is it wrong?

[mikeophile]

Is it wrong for an plastic model to give me a chubby?

Not counting Pamela Anderson, of course.

Ow

[IIRCAFAIKIANAL]

My brain just made this popping noise when I tried to figure out who the audience for this could possibly be...

Christ, I think I let the smoke out. Thanks a lot, Slashdot....

Re:Ow

[IIRCAFAIKIANAL]

Hey, there was just an ad for Star Trek enterprise. Something about needing three to mate, and pictures.

Man, if we could somehow channel all this horny geek energy into, say, operating system development, we could have a free unix clone of some kind, i bet...

Re:Ow

[telstar]

"Christ, I think I let the smoke out. Thanks a lot, Slashdot...."

• I assume you're referring to the fact that it's smoke that makes chips work? After all, when the chips start smoking, they stop working...

Re:Ow

[IIRCAFAIKIANAL]

Heh, at least one person got it. =)

I'm a robot, dontcha know?

I read "anal sex"

[bindman]

My woman loves anal sex. Sensory input in the region where the sun don't usually shine is pure bliss (so she says). This star wars stuff is getting out of control. Ever wonder what goes on upstairs in the Star Trek bar they have there on the Enterprise?

Re:I read "anal sex"

[tds67]

My woman loves anal sex. Sensory input in the region where the sun don't usually shine is pure bliss (so she says).

Ah, yes...the dark side of the force.

Great. Thanks a lot

[The Tyro]

I'll never listen to that James Earl Jones quote "You do not know the power of the Dark Side!" the same way again.

Slashdot... despoiler of memories.

Dumbest Thing on the Internet

[Anonymous Coward]

I am fully prepared to certify this site as the "Dumbest Thing on the Internet." Officially. Lord knows we've seen a lot, haven't we, brothers and sisters, lo these past few years? AmIhot/annoying, dancing baby, Mahir, Star Wars Kid, that Peter Pan Guy. But here on this day August 16th, 2003, I think we can say this is easily the most egregious waste of bandwidth ever.

I feel dimished for having clicked it, but somehow renewed and newly energized for having survived the experience.

It's all sunshine and lollypops from here on out, kids.

-- Spudnuts

Mod parent up!

[toddestan]

I was about to post basically the same thing, but I see it has already been done. I agree that has to be the biggest waste of time ever, right up there with the site that has plastic lawn furniture sex.

Oh well.... now back to rating people on hotornot.com

Re:Mod parent up!

[segment]

damnit I wish I had the link still to this one site where the geeks would post obnoxious sites about robots and how humans would somehow interact with them for sex... Someone has been looking at AI with gang bang girls right after that one tooooooo many times

Re:Mod parent up!

[el-spectre]

yeah, but the furniture porn was at least a funny parody!

Re:Dumbest Thing on the Internet

[phoxix]

I am fully prepared to certify this site as the "Dumbest Thing on the Internet." Officially.

I agree with you 100%

Sunny Dubey

Re:Dumbest Thing on the Internet

[notque]

I am fully prepared to certify this site as the "Dumbest Thing on the Internet." Officially. Lord knows we've seen a lot, haven't we, brothers and sisters, lo these past few years? AmIhot/annoying, dancing baby, Mahir, Star Wars Kid, that Peter Pan Guy. But here on this day August 16th, 2003, I think we can say this is easily the most egregious waste of bandwidth ever.

Obviously you have forgotten Hampster Dance.

And you are a better person for it.

Re:Dumbest Thing on the Internet

[Chazmati]

I thought it was kind of funny. Yeah, it's adolescent to take pictures of your toys in sexual positions, but some of his descriptions were pretty funny, especially if you've ever read the Kama Sutra. "The Otter and the Clam"? Think about that.

Re:Dumbest Thing on the Internet

[wideBlueSkies]

Jesus H. Christ, someone out there has WAY too much time on their hands.

Keep your turrets de-scaled? WTF kind of demented person has time to spend thinking up crap like that?

Move along nothing to see here.

wbs.

Remember Episode II?

[futuresheep]

George Lucas managed to prove that Star Wars and Sex are two mutually exclusive domains.

Re:Remember Episode II?

[Slur]

...and that if you really want to get with Natalie Portman it helps to be an emotionally unbalanced mass-murderer.

Re:Remember Episode II?

[gamgee5273]

Hey! It's just a phase! He'll grow out of it in the next movie, okay? Just wait...

Darth Hungus

[Cornelius Chesterfie]

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

Scott Walker Kama Sutra

[Thing 1]

I read it wrong. I thought, "Who is Scott Walker, and why should I care what sex he has?"

Oh well.

This raises a whole bunch of questions:

[JRHelgeson]

What kind of lube do they use? Would KY cause them to rust? Baby oil out of the question?

They probably use WD40 or 10w30 for massage, and wheel bearing grease as anal lube.

Re:This raises a whole bunch of questions:

[flikx]

Baby oil (mineral oil) is what I use for lubing up robots. My robot has derlin blocks holding aluminum rods that slide through to brace the pneumatic cylinders from lateral forces. Petroleum lubricants will destroy the derlin.

Re:This raises a whole bunch of questions:

[barzok]

Sardine oil, of course.

Lacking....

[Tsali]

... if it were completely lacking taste, it would have had some sort of "Shaft" theme going on in the background.

Time to go to the attic, hook up the phono, and get down with the "collection."

Darth Lube

[xQuarkDS9x]

I find your lack of librication disturbing...

Re:Darth Lube

[sharkey]

I find your lack of librication disturbing...

Librication? The building of libraries?

What, no gold bikini shots?

[cblguy]

A scout walker in a gold bikini woulda been hot! Whenever I think of a sexy Star Wars moment... Either that, or kissing my sister.. wait. Yuck!

This site reminds me of Furnitureporn.com [furnitureporn.com]

Sex and Star Wars

[Henry V .009]

I think that the sex that was in Star Wars scarred enough of us as is. You had Luke and Leia getting it on in the first movie. Then comes the revelation that they were brother and sister. Han Solo and Chewbacca are evidently a pair of 'nature's bachelors,' having found pleasure together on their space boat (which makes them sailors too). Really, the least objectionable scene of sexuality in the entire first series is when Leia is raped by a huge green tentacle monster named Jaba the Hutt. I think that there was a 4-8 breasted exotic dancer in one of the movies, but I might be mixed up on that. On the other hand, it would fit in nicely with Lucas' stagnant adolescent sexuality.

I could go on and describe the awkward sex in the new series, but that would involve watching that shit.

Re:Sex and Star Wars

[sharkey]

You had Luke and Leia getting it on in the first movie.

Which movie were you watching, and can I get a copy?

I think that there was a 4-8 breasted exotic dancer

She was in Jabba's palace, and looked like Gilbert Grape's mother with 6 breasts.

Full empoyment...

[Bartlet]

Proof to gentle society that it NEEDS to keep us employed. This was just a warning shot of those with "free" time. :-)

Huh?

[joel8x]

Is Drew Curtis [fark.com] posting stories on Slashdot?

This...

[Robert Hayden]

...is just WRONG.

I think I speak for all of /.

[Lord_Dweomer]

I sure as hell don't want to see this website creators next sexual foray in to the Star Wars Universe....I think I can speak for all of us at /. when I say:

STEP AWAY FROM THE EWOK!

Huh?

[coene]

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Women and Sex?

New sex phrase...

[MoeMoe]

Forget "Who's your daddy?!"

The time for "Who's your father?! has come.

Re:New sex phrase...

[Lord Omlette]

unnecessary link [dragon-tails.com]

It's reassuring...

[spac]

People like this make me realize how lucky I am to have a life.

Thanks guys!

Actually...

[cliffy2000]

SCO is claiming patent rights to sex. It's a MERE $699 to ensure that you are not in violation of their policies in order to engage in intercourse.

And, uhm... in Soviet Russia, sex watches YOU! ...first post?

(-5, Troll... yeah I know. My karma is on fire. But I found it funny.)

Re:Actually...

[Have Blue]

Actually, if it cost $699 to conceive a child, I think the world would be a much better place...

Anyone here actually know?

[Transcendent]

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

You're askin the wrong croud - Pretty much all nerds and computer geeks only have experience in ONE of those fields...

:: Don't mod me down! "I kid because I love"... errr something like that... ::

Jedi mind trick

[wideBlueSkies]

"You want to have sex with an AT-AT"

"I want to have sex with an AT-AT"

"It's a big hunk of metal that never goes soft"

"It's a big hunk of metal that never goes soft"

"Now go sit on that blaster turret"

"I'm gonna sit on that blaster turret"

wbs.

meh, I have them beat.

[BoneFlower]

I wrote(and succesfully compiled) a bit of erotica involving my exagerrated penis size, alyssa milano, and anal sex, in C++. Even handled the exception that would occur if her asshole was too wide to provide sufficient friction.

http://www.indrasweb.com/blog/archives/000047.p h p# 000047

You can all laugh at me now.

What would be frightening rather than merely pathetic would be if I extended that to a detailed story that also did something useful as a program rather than just was valid code.

Let me get this straight.

[Raven42rac]

I submit a story about avoiding future blackouts and it gets rejected in favor of this tripe? Jesus.

Your Freudian Slip is showing

[duck_prime]

You write:

Let me get this straight

And get all huffy about geek sex innuendos? Sheesh. At least the rest of us are honest about it.

That ain't right!

[breon.halling]

Adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things.

Natalie Portman standing naked and petrified

[aardwolf204]

She was in bliss, standing naked and petrified, on exhibit as a living statue. It was another fantasy come true.

Natalie Portman of course.

not as good as sheep porn

[zcat_NZ]

That's just lame and unoriginal. I'd rather look at sheep porn (and aiming to be #1 on a google search for "sheep porn")

Re:not as good as sheep porn

[zcat_NZ]

Fuck!! Preview!! sheep porn [feet.net.nz] damn you!!!

www.unixsex.com

[kruczkowski]

For all you geeks out there tonight:

www.unixsex.com

I'm not sure which is more disturbing...

[IDigUNIX]

...the fact that someone spent the time/creativity to create the website...
...or the fact that it's currently /.'ed.

Still no legitimate mention of Natalie Portman

[donscarletti]

It would seem that 100 posts or so into the subject, still noone has stated the obvious. So here goes:

Well scout walkers are ok, but the star wars character I would most like to see in this is Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) naked and petrified, with plenty of hot grits! She can loosen my "leg stirrups" any day!

Doesn't that sound like something that one could yell from a construction site? I am personally already ashamed of myself, but it had to be said.

'Star Wars' Euphemisms for Masturbation

[The-Bus]

Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
Grooming the Wookie
Making the Kessel Run
Polishing Vader's Helmet
Evacuating Tatooine
Unsheathing the Meatsaber
Releasing the Special Edition
Jumping to Delight Speed
Communicating with Red Leader One
Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo
Tinkering With the R2 Unit
Manually Targeting the Rebel Base
Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
Test Firing the Death Star

hmm

[LittleBigLui]

*wave hand* This is not the pr0n you are looking for.

Re:argh. slashdotted

[Lord Custos]

Now the site is almost unresponsive
Improper lubrication Error.
Disengage procreator in ODN Conduit u01.
Inject 10W40 into port.
If this error repeats, reboot libido and try again.

Re:argh. slashdotted

[quinto2000]

And you have succeeded in proving that...you are the geekiest geek. Congratulations. Not sure what prize comes with that.

Re:argh. slashdotted

[notque]

And you have succeeded in proving that...you are the geekiest geek. Congratulations. Not sure what prize comes with that.

Excellent Karma on Slashdot?

Re:argh. slashdotted

[Zeinfeld]

I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive.

This type of story is exactly the sort of thing that fuels geek sterotypes as people with no social life who can't get laid.

Perhaps because it is the type of project that can only be tried by people with no social life who can't get laid.

Re:argh. slashdotted

[vjmurphy]

"I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive. "

You got that far? I was still trying to get into Position 2 in Chapter 3. But my partner Scout Walker has a "sensor-ache" so she turned around and powered off.

Hmmm, is there a chapter on Scout Walker Self Love...

Re:So few comments...

[Gherald]

Well, I'd wager a few are going for the "quick wank" suggested in Foreplay.

Re:sex? what's that?

[EvilTwinSkippy]

I'm married. My wife would kill me if I raised my hand.

Re:sex? what's that?

[gamgee5273]

I'm married, too. My preference in cases like this is to say that I'm married to my girlfriend, though. ;)

Re:sex? what's that?

[EvilTwinSkippy]

Hey, girlfriend, SO, soulmate, names don't matter as much as the heart being in the right place.

Re:amazing.

[bersl2]

Imagine what would have happened if they'd done this with Disney characters instead... WWDD?

They'd be C&D'ed within 48 hours of discovery.

That's why you put a disclaimer that prevents all representatives of Company X, Y, and Z (which includes lawyers) from continuing past the front page, and you claim what you are doing is parody, which is, IIRC, fair use.

To quote somebody who has done this: "I will spit in the eye of the eternal copyright.... Free speech does not protect me. The claim of parody i

Re:amazing.

[EvilTwinSkippy]

The issue is not Copyright infringement, it's Trademark Infringement.

Actually, they could use Disney figures so long as the material was used in the contect of an original art work. They would still get their asses sued, but legally they'd be in the clear.

Re:amazing.

[notque]

These guys are geniuses.

This is why fair-use and copyright expiration are absolutely necessary, so that people can create new works of entertainment without getting their arses sued off by the original artists' great-grand children.

Imagine what would have happened if they'd done this with Disney characters instead... WWDD?

If this is why fair-use and copyright expiration are absolutely necessary, then my stance on the issue has changed.

I think this would be the counter arguement for copyright expiration

Re:This is wrong.

[va1entino]

Dude, seriously. It's not even funny. Just really, really stupid.

Re:Has Anyone...

[notque]

No, but our overlords have been welcomed.

Re:This has got to be

[notque]

"You're new here"

hahahaha.....

okay.. you're right. It's not remotely funny, or geek news.

Just think, right now we could be whining about Microsoft... tsk.

Re:wow

[EvilTwinSkippy]

Careful. WOW is WOW backwards. I've had the grammer Nazi's catch me on that a few times.

Re:wow

[gamgee5273]

Here comes the Spelling Nazi:

It's "grammar," not "grammer."

Now I have to find someone else to reply to other than you. People might start talking...especially in this thread.

Re:Repost

[Larthallor]

And, presumably, in a galaxy far far away?