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It's funny. Laugh. Science

How Zombies Work 189

Posted by Zonk from the braaiiiiinss dept.
Tsaroth writes "Just in time for everyone's Halloween fantasy, a horde of undead minions to collect candy for you; HowStuffWorks.com has just put up a new article about How Zombies Work. From Haitian zombies, to Dawn of the Dead it's more fun with corpses than you've ever had, hopefully." Ewww. From the article: "It happens in just about every zombie movie -- a throng of reanimated corpses lumbers toward the farmhouse, shopping mall, pub or army base where the heroes have barricaded themselves. The zombies aren't dead, but they should be. They're relentless and oblivious to pain, and they continue to attack even after losing limbs. Usually, anyone the zombies kill returns as a zombie, so they quickly evolve from a nuisance to a plague."
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How Zombies Work More

How Zombies Work

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  • Braaaaains!
    Braaaaains!!
    BRAAAAAAINSSS!!!!

  • This is no joking matter, people! (Score:5, Funny)

    by Saint Aardvark ( 159009 ) * on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:51PM (#13902364) Homepage Journal
    A recent report shows that Philadelphia is completely unprepared for a full-scale Zombie attack [theonion.com]! From TFA:

    Federal Undead Management Agency spokesperson Dr. Sheena Aurora downplayed the ZPI report, arguing that zombies move slowly and can be easily overpowered. Aurora advised citizens to look over their shoulders frequently, adding that a large shopping mall can serve as a "long-term, even fun" refuge from zombies.

    Such assertions alarm zombiologist Olivier Baptiste, who calls FUMA's information "hopelessly outdated."

    "Dr. Aurora's claims are based on decades-old zombie models," Baptiste said. "Widely released evidence from recent years clearly shows that zombies can run just as fast, if not faster, than a living human."

    Added Baptiste: "That FUMA trains its field agents to shoot zombies in the torso, rather than the head, demonstrates just how out of touch the government is."

    /me scurries to secured basement...

    • Terrorist forces are preparing to unleash an unholy wave of destruction as our own re-animated dead become their soldiers of conquest in America!

      Petey the Pistol reminds you "Destroy the brain"!

      Do YOU have what it takes to defend America against a brutal onslaught of corpses?

      *Petey the Pistol is a registered trademark of the NRA. Blades do not run out of ammo.

    • Too late! Already attacked American Idol! (Score:5, Informative)

      by antdude ( 79039 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @11:47PM (#13902881) Homepage Journal
      The Daily Texan [dailytexanonline.com] (with gross photographs) reports on Thursday outside the Frank Erwin Center [uterwincenter.com], a horde of zombies attacked the "American Idol" [idolonfox.com] auditions. No one was hurt.

      The zombies, 15 fake-bloodied actors in all, lurched out from under the IH-35 overpass and shuffled toward the Erwin Center, where they encountered the pop-star hopefuls.

      Most of the 100 or so young people gathered outside had just been rejected by the "American Idol" review board, and they were talking, singing and waiting for rides home when the zombies arrived. "Braaaaaaains!" the zombies said. Nick Muntean, a UT radio-television-film graduate student who organized and participated in the zombie horde, added, "Television rots your braaaaaaains!" The pop-star wannabes were largely unimpressed.

      Seen on Blue's News [bluesnews.com]. I wonder if there are video clips of this!

      • Muntean's group is part of a "zombie renaissance" that, according to a Los Angeles Daily News article, is sweeping the nation.

        I find this alarming, how will we be able to tell the real zombies from these fake zombies? This is a serious concern. I think we need to talk to congress about enacting legislation against these fake zombies in order to protect the children.

    • /me scurries to secured basement...

      So you think the cellar is the safest place? Personally, I think it's a death trap!

  • Howstuffworks. (Score:4, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:53PM (#13902372)
    Next up: how elves, fairies, and eskimos work!

  • Zombies! (Score:5, Funny)

    by Trikenstein ( 571493 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:54PM (#13902380)
    Got these guys [fvza.org] on speed dial (just in case...)
  • I always thought it started when you hadn't properly disabled the DCOM service!

  • Zombie Simmulator (Score:5, Interesting)

    by John Harrison ( 223649 ) <johnharrison@@@gmail...com> on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:54PM (#13902382) Homepage Journal
    http://www.sothisisacomic.com/Zombie/zomb3.html [sothisisacomic.com] has an implementation of a zombie invasion simmulation and shows infection progessing through a city and the efforts of the military as well. An excellent resource for those seeking to better understand zombies.

  • My Wifes a zombie (Score:5, Funny)

    by Alex P Keaton in da ( 882660 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:55PM (#13902384) Homepage
    My wife seems like a zombie in bed sometimes. How can I get her to watch more porn?

    • Re:My Wifes a zombie (Score:3, Informative)

      by zoloto ( 586738 ) *
      porn, ala visual cues won't work on women as effectively as it does for men. men are turned on with visual cues, women are more auditory/emotional.

      Try talking to her.
      • women are more auditory/emotional. Try talking to her.

        Or look for porn with a love story and a decent soundtrack.

        • All my porn has a plot- thats the difference between the $5 porn and the slick $25 vivid porn.
          [Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude]
          Sherry in 'Logjammin': [on video] You must be here to fix the cable.
          Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
          The Dude: He fixes the cable?
          Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
          That's my friend Sherry- she just came over to use the shower....
      • women are more auditory/

        Or turn the volume up....

  • Safty (Score:4, Funny)

    by thesupermikey ( 220055 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:55PM (#13902385) Homepage Journal
    Everywhere i go i make sure that if a Zombie busts in i am ready.

    1) Look for exits and ways to block them.
    2) make sure that there is aways blunt objects or shot guns
    3) if there is a shot gun, and there is less that 10 shells. Give the gun to the weakest member of the party. They are goign to die frist, and there is little a gun with that few shots is going to do
    4) what zombie moves everychance you get. Take notes on what goes right and what goes wrong.
    • "3) if there is a shot gun, and there is less that 10 shells. Give the gun to the weakest member of the party. They are goign to die frist, and there is little a gun with that few shots is going to do."

      I'll hcoose a gnu with a fwe shots if at lla possible... it'll give me tmie to scramble into a lcoked closet and hdie while the geek hreos come to the rsecue... eventually.

      cheers

      front
    • Some months ago, there was a great guide on Kuro5hin: How to Survive a Zombie Attack [kuro5hin.org]. Certainly worth a read.

  • Fool Proof Zombie Survival Plan (Score:5, Insightful)

    by fadeaway ( 531137 ) * on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:55PM (#13902386)
    Position yourself above the ground floor of a structure, then promptly demolish stairs leading to said floor. This technique will thwart both classic Romero style oaf-zombie, as well as the current new fangled fast and flighty zombie.
    • So you'll survive the initial attack. Eventually you'll run out of supplies.

      Instead, get a boat and plan on eating a lot of fish for a while.

      Do zombies continue to decompose? Will they, eventually, turn into animated skeletons?
      • I think they will continue to move, even as they become skeletal. Even the new remake... they suffered unbelievable damage, and kept moving. For instance, blood loss so profound, that the heart itself can't be beating. That means no oxygen is necessary for cell metabolism, nor are any nutrients. Where ever they're getting energy from... there appears to be no reason why it couldn't continue well into stages of decomp that are downright absurd.

        Without having a zombie in a proper lab, it's impossible to say,

    • Re:Fool Proof Zombie Survival Plan (Score:5, Funny)

      by kakos ( 610660 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @11:34PM (#13902823)
      Or if you're so fortune to go up against Dalek zombies, you don't even have to demolish the stairs.

    • Re:Fool Proof Zombie Survival Plan (Score:5, Funny)

      by Darkman, Walkin Dude ( 707389 ) on Saturday October 29, 2005 @08:01AM (#13904190) Homepage

      Actually I whiled away an hour or two devising a zombie combat kit there last month. Basically you need to protect yourself from bites, mob attacks, and not much else, and destroy the brain. Assuming a near infinite number of zombies, high tech solutions will usually fail, meaning ammo runs out and equipment jams.

      The best weapons to defeat zombies in close combat would be punch knives of some kind (similar to these [ucalgary.ca], but with the guard across the front or even a full hand fencing guard) although the jury is out as to whether one or two straight spikes for penetration and ease of withdrawal would be better than a maximum damage broad bladed knife, with guaranteed brain destruction.

      The method of use for these blades would be straight punches, head or eye height, in and out. A single person could take out a zombie a second with a couple of these. I might also recommend an oil soaked sheath to keep it lubricated. Speaking of oil, mobility is a factor, so some sort of loose link mail of ceramic or other light material would be good. This could then be oiled up to provide less traction for the zombies' gripping hands. What we're really talking about here is human bites, so even stff leather could do the job fairly well.

      Full face coverage would be important, and a locking mechanism under the jaw to prevent the zombies ripping off the helmet, with high shoulder neck guards to prevent them gripping under the neck.

      Its very hard to completely destroy a brain inside a skull at any range without guns or crossbows of some sort, so instead I would advise letting the zombies come to you. Rig up a corridor with a hinged floor going to a quicklime pit or even a sheer Y drop, to trap the undead in the pit, then bait them in straight and close the door behind them. Both of these can be done manually and with very limited technical ability. Once trapped, either pour in more quicklime or spear the trapped zombies with a spike. Once completed, rinse and repeat, either disposing of the corpses over the wall or by cremation. At a rate of a thousand zombies a day, you can clear out a city of a half million undead in just over a year.

      For forays and travelling, groups would of course be advisable, trained in back to back or three corner fighting methods, to prevent individuals being surrounded. For larger scale incursions, Roman legion tactics would be best, shields and short blades or punch knives.

      • And nets, if you're badly stuck, netting with barbs at the thread crosses will slow down or incapacitate a good few zombies and let you make good your escape.

  • Zombies? (Score:4, Funny)

    by Trogre ( 513942 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:57PM (#13902398) Homepage
    If I'd wanted to know how Zombies worked, I'd examine the logs of one of my many 0wned windows boxes over the net some time.

    Oh, you mean real zombies!

  • The movie critics on a local radio show in my town keep a list of questions about zombies: like why are they always so stupid? Quite entreating.

    But I'm writing to tell everyone of my favorite zombie movie: Shaun of the Dead [imdb.com].

    It is hilarious. Two stoners wind up in the middle of a city full of zombies and decide to be action heros. But it doesn't work out quite perfectly. Check it out this Halloween.

  • Zombies ARE Dead (Score:4, Informative)

    by Hulkster ( 722642 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:58PM (#13902406) Homepage
    As George Romero showed in Dawn of the Dead [dawnofthedeadmovie.net] zombies are dead ... but they keep coming back to life. Kinda like the inflateable Frankenstein that web surfers keep trying to kill. [komar.org]

  • Zombies (Score:3, Funny)

    by MarkRose ( 820682 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @09:59PM (#13902413) Homepage
    Killing a zombie with a severe blow to the head is too much work. My preferred way is with kill -9 pid.

    Unless, of course, they are vegetarian zombies. I have lots of grains to spare.
    • Well, duh, that won't work, it's dead already, that's why it's called a zombie. You have to kill the parent! (No kidding.)

  • Hmm.. (Score:2)

    by bhsx ( 458600 )
    These days I'm not sure which comes in first more often. Fark often has Slashdot submissions, and they are clearly marked so. Lately it seems that lots of stories/links are showing up on Fark first! Since both sites are basically the same functionally, with a comedy vs. geek thing, I'm not sure it even matters. Just something that I was going to write a joke about until I realized I'm not funny (check my last link for example).
    Anyway, when I first saw this on Fark I was hoping to get more of a The Se
    • I was hoping to get more of a The Serpent and the Rainbow breakdown of the drugs/herbs/poisons involved in the Haitian voodoo practices.

      RTFA. The first few pages talk about the history and "science" behind zombies.

      I found it to be well written, interesting, and humorous (the last portion, which talks about zombies in pop culture). And it even references the fact that you can download the original Night of the Living Dead for free from http://www.archive.org/ [archive.org]!

  • Not undead (Score:5, Funny)

    by zuvembi ( 30889 ) <I_charge_100USD_ ... e@unixbigots.org> on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:14PM (#13902483) Homepage
    We prefer the term living impaired, Thank You very much.

    *ahem*

    I almost forgot.

    BRRRRaaaainnnzzz!!!

  • The urge to see it all washed away (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Y-Crate ( 540566 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:15PM (#13902489)
    I've noticed in recent years that a lot of people I meet secretly harbor very intense apocalyptic fantasies.

    Not the "Oh wow, Threads [imdb.com] was some crazy shit, imagine that happening" or some religiously motivated desire to bring about a biblical event, but a genuine sense of "Go on, fuck it, let the zombies rise, let the plagues spread and if I'm lucky I can ride it out."

    When the fake news reports appeared regarding a disease in Cambodia that briefly animated the dead, the most common first reaction I encountered by those who believed it to be from a reputable source was "Fuck YES". For a moment, I was aghast, and then I realized part of me was whispering the same thing.

    • Re:The urge to see it all washed away (Score:5, Insightful)

      by Hogwash McFly ( 678207 ) on Saturday October 29, 2005 @07:40AM (#13904145)
      I think the attraction with Zombie invasion scenarios lies in the fact that Zombies are pretty easy to defeat and not all that terrifying, yet scary enough to get that adrenaline (and the shotgun) pumping. The people that wish for a zombie invasion would likely balk at the idea of Gigeresque aliens or more sinister enemies to defeat. Furthermore, as zombies are undead, there's no guilt involved in destroying them. Infact, because they once used to be your friendly neighbour or bus driver, you're more spurned on to 'set them free' by taking a switchblade to their neck.

      If I may go all Tyler Durden on you for a second, I also believe that there are elements of the daily drudgery come into play when people have these fantasies. It's becoming increasingly difficult for us to die, ergo surviving is less of an effort. The instincts of ours that deal with fighting off tigers or getting a fire going so we don't freeze to death lie there helplessly and impotent, and we only experience that half-insane fear, half-fucking orgasmic jolt when we are held at knife-point or similar situations. We're in a comfortable rut of daily life where day-to-day challenges consist mostly of choosing what's for dinner or what Valentine's card to buy our wives. A zombie invasion changes all the rules, flips everything upside down. Suddenly there's a reason for being, suddenly a reason for continuing to exist. Fuck differences in religion, politics and sexuality, we're united in the common cause for stopping these bastards from eating us off the face of the Earth. And when we have finally blasted that last flesh eating motherfucker into a billion pieces, buried our dead and rebuilt our shopping malls, our breakfast will taste better than any other breakfast...

      It's also likely that some of the motivation behind such fantasies is rooted in a 'purging' of a percentage of humanity, in the same way that a good war or disease bails some water from the boat of Mother Nature. If you take into account that you have to be quite dumb (or really unlucky) to be killed from a weak, shuffling zombie, then it's hard to deny that some people would wish for this as a Darwinistic chlorination of the gene pool.

      Finally, I believe it also plays off of those fantasies that I'm sure everyone has had at some time, where everyone disappears from the face of the Earth, leaving you and perhaps a few friends to go anywhere you want, taking any car you fancy etc - an excuse for total freedom and perhaps anarchy.

      I have to admit that, personally, half of me would like to see a Shaun Of The Dead-style zombie apocalypse. The idea of teaming up with my mates and driving to somewhere we can hole ourselves up and fend off some moronic undead with a chainsaw or cricket bat (no gunshops or easily discoverable stashes of firearms over here in Britain) does tickle my fancy somewhat...
      • It's also likely that some of the motivation behind such fantasies is rooted in a 'purging' of a percentage of humanity, in the same way that a good war or disease bails some water from the boat of Mother Nature. If you take into account that you have to be quite dumb (or really unlucky) to be killed from a weak, shuffling zombie, then it's hard to deny that some people would wish for this as a Darwinistic chlorination of the gene pool.

        Finally, I believe it also plays off of those fantasies that I'm sure
  • I keep seeing things taken from Fark.com on Slashdot more and more often. This was posted on Fark at 1:25 PM here: Zombies [fark.com]. Is this site simply becomming a place where the more interesting Fark articles get a second printing?

  • Don't Forget: The Zombie Anti-Defamation League (Score:5, Interesting)

    by xeoron ( 639412 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:19PM (#13902507) Homepage
    While on the subjuct: The Zombie Anti-Defamation League [ookee.com] has their own take on the nature of being a Zombie. Most of it is very funny. The sections on Flesh Eating Virus (such as, "doing ministry work"), Practical Zombriety, General Faq ("4. Are Zombies dangerous? - No, no, no, no, no! Well, maybe. If vexed. Are the living dangerous? ...), Zombie Spirituality, and Brain Eating ( "...Yes Zombies eat Brains, but only on certain holidays or under special circumstances. This practice's origin is twofold: Practicality and the teachings of Zombie Jesus....") are worth reading.

    The man page states the following:
    " Our mission is to act as a consciousness raising guide to counter the lies, misrepresentations, exploitation of Zombies by the Vitalist Machine of Propaganda that is Hollywood and "Popular Culture" in the world.

    Too long have our Zombie Sisters and Brothers been represented as mindless aggressive flesh eaters, bent only on the destruction of the Living. The Truth, as is so often the case, is very different.

    Please take time to explore our site and learn the Truth about Zombies. Here, the true causes and conditions of Zombiedom will be explained and the lies will be show for what they are.

    Rise and Fight the Vitalist Hate Machine!"

  • Not what I expected (Score:5, Funny)

    by earthforce_1 ( 454968 ) <earthforce_1@yaho[ ]om ['o.c' in gap]> on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:22PM (#13902520) Journal
    I was expecting an article describing how home PCs are attacked and turned into remotely controlled spambots.

  • Need help. (Score:5, Funny)

    by Fallingcow ( 213461 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:23PM (#13902526) Homepage
    I'm currently fighting off a zombie attack, so I don't have time to RTFA.

    Could someone please summarize the part about how to kill them?

    Also, how do you treat a zombie-bite wound? Band-aids, some neosporin? This one on my ankle hurts like a bitch, and it's starting to go kinda numb around it.

    K thx bye.
    • Just run it under a cold tap.
    • I'm currently fighting off a zombie attack, so I don't have time to RTFA.

      Could someone please summarize the part about how to kill them?

      Help desk to the rescue!

      (Whips out user guide)

      Congratulations! Your new Zombieplex 666 unit by Hell is durable and designed to work out of the box. Your new Zombieplex 666 does not need a power supply, as it remains in an always on state. Removing peripherals will not affect system operation. To deactivate the Zombieplex, simply smash the central processing unit. In the eve
    • What does a zombie cow eat anyway, "Graaaaaaaas". Sorry not scary.
    • Hotline Voice: Worcestershire sauce emergency hotline, this call might be monitored to ensure you the highest quality service, how may I help you?
      Kyle: There's a bunch of zombies here!
      Hotline Voice: Please hold.
      ....
      Hotline Voice: For regular sauce, the first thing you need to do is make sure that you do not just go out and start decapitating zombies left and right. Do you understand? Do not start decapitating zombies left and right!
      Kyle: Uh, okay. Then what?
      Hotline Voice: All you have to do is kill th
    • Try an Ask Slashdot.

  • what do we want? (Score:5, Funny)

    by philo_enyce ( 792695 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:26PM (#13902540)
    what do we want?
    brains!
    when do we want it?
    brains!

  • Zombie Survival Guide (Score:4, Informative)

    by flogger ( 524072 ) <non@nonegiven> on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:34PM (#13902578) Journal
    Nothing taught me more about the Zombie Survival Guide. [zombiesurvivalguide.com] It is a great book, humorous in its subdued delivery and content. Great stuff!
    • I absolutely loved that book. It treats the subject absolutely seriously, like a real survival guide. I feel like I really could handle a Zombie outbreak after reading it. I think I read on the Amazon reviews or someplace that a lot of people were wondering if it was serious. It may answer their questions to know that the author, Max Brooks, is Mel Brooks' son and a writer for Saturday Night Live.

  • Be Careful! (Score:5, Informative)

    by miyako ( 632510 ) <miyako.gmail@com> on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:37PM (#13902590) Homepage Journal
    For the few of the who actually RTFA I would suggest taking extreme care. The article makes many false statements about the undead hoards and may lead some into the false idea that they were prepared for a zombie outbreak. For the record, a Zombie is a corpse which has been infected with the virus Solanum. The bites are infact 100% contagous. The rough time from a bite to full transformation is 15 hours, although this varies based on how close to a major vein or artery the bite occured. The bite leads to apparent death, followed by rising no more than 2 minutes after initial death.
    A zombie can only be stopped by destroying the brain. This is usuallly accomplished through the use of a bullet. Fire can effectively destroy the brain- however be aware that setting a zombie on fire is not a sure thing, often times the fire will go out before destroying the brain, and in the mean time the flaming zombies will catch fire to the surrounding areas. .22 caliber bullets are often rarely effective for fighting zombies as they lack the power to penetrate a skull from a distance. Air rifles are useless. Shotguns are often ineffective as they spread the blast over a large area. If you find yourself in the midsts of a zombie outbreak also be sure to avoid fully automatic weapons. It only takes 1 bullet to the brain to stop a zombie, and a fully automatic weapon can encourage the wasting of bullets. The sound will also have a tendancy to draw the undead from the surrounding areas. Often times a blade such as a sholin spade or a sword can be highly effective. A blade never needs to be reloaded.
    A few more tips should a zombie outbreak occur:
    Always be prepared, stay in good physical condition and keep a supply of food, water, medical supplys and weapons on hand.
    In a zombie outbreak other humans may be as or more dangerous than the undead.
    Should people start evacuation you would be better off to wait until the roads have had a chance to clear if you are going to be using a vehicle, however using an automobile is often a poor way to travel when a zombie outbreak occurs as you will likely find streets block and lacker manuverability. Dirt bikes can be useful in helping you speed away off road but the sound can draw in zombies and they require gas. Your best option is a bicycle.
    For more information read The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks [amazon.com](Link is not a referer link).

  • joke.... (Score:5, Funny)

    by zeroclash ( 735824 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:41PM (#13902602) Homepage
    Whats a vegetarian zombie say?

    GRRAAAAIINNNSS ;)
  • ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable!

  • Dupe (Score:3, Funny)

    by Smallpond ( 221300 ) on Friday October 28, 2005 @10:41PM (#13902605) Homepage Journal
    There was just an article on how MicroSoft fights Zombies [slashdot.org]. Oh, wait.
  • PETA has a vegetarian zombie comic book character:
    Zombie Kid and Jim Mahfood [peta2.com]

    Is there anything stranger out there?
  • is that they don't work. Visit your local DMV for a clear demonstration.
    • The DVD for the remake of Dawn of the Dead has a really cheesy but humerous "mockumentary" on the the making of the movie where they talk about how the used "real" zombies for the movie. They have an interview with one of the "real" zombies who is talking about how difficult it is for the undead to find work. "There's only so many times you can play a corpse or a burn victim of E.R."...lame but funny.
  • Mmm, impaired brains...

    http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink624.html [drinksmixer.com]

  • As a member of the Undead Horde [kevan.org], let me be the first to post this. Join usss...

    kthx,R.

  • For one terrifying moment I thought /. was posting a detailed article on how spam zombies work, and how to detect and kill them.

    Nevermind, back to the pre-halloween stuff.
  • Did anyone else think that this was a same day dupe of the article about M$ doing Zombie testing to combat spammers?
  • Quote: "Science: How Zombies Work"

    On Slashdot, zombies are science. The Slashdot article also advertises How Stuff Works.

    Cars That Make Their Own Fuel [slashdot.org] are science, even though the cars are fueled with heavy blocks of Magnesium. The article also advertises an "investment opportunity" that seems fraudulent to me.

    On Slashdot, Pillows that attack you while you sleep [slashdot.org] are science. (To me, that's far scarier than zombies.) The article also advertises an opportunity to contribute money to a "charity" that
    • Please, somebody mod the anti-semetic douchebag down.

      (for anti-semetic comments, read his first link... Enough for me.)
      • I've never known anyone who is Jewish who could not spell "Semitic". Jewish people I've known have been very well educated. (However, when I say this, my Jewish friends always tell me they have known Jews who were poorly educated.)

        So, I suppose you are not Jewish.

        In the link to which you are referring, I express ideas that are common among Jews. You are not helping Jews when you try to suppress these opinions, you are hurting them.

        Particularly, the corruption of the U.S. government by Jews is destr
        • Ok, how's about going back through those slashdot links and clicking on those article URL's. They DONT WORK. They take you to an obvious "i threw away the domain" search.

          And anyways, who made you think Slashdot's honest? I never had that illusion.

          I wish you'd just shut up, or at least join Baldrson at k5. He's a racist too, y'know?
  • there are no zombies. the political-types that lurch around violating laws and abusing the people are not zombies, they are just naturally gray and stinky ;)
  • I think calling Anita Blake would be a good idea right about now. Sadly, she's probably off screwing Jean-Claude again. (Which makes me wonder how long it will be before "How Vampires Work" appears!)

  • How can you eat zombies.. (Score:3, Funny)

    by xtal ( 49134 ) on Saturday October 29, 2005 @12:15AM (#13902989)
    without a fork()?
  • Based on the "* of the Dead" series:

    The virus that causes the dead to revive actually puts the brain into a quasi comatose state, which is why the recently dead rise to crave human flesh, by stimulating the primative sections of the brain. As time goes on, the brain begins to slowly recover it's reasoning faculties, eventually awakening from it's comatose state.

    Thusly, the people who haven't been killed by the virus are in essense, committing mass euthenasia by killing those who were infected, because of a

  • How (Score:2)

    by xihr ( 556141 )
    HowCompletelyMadeUpShitWorks.com. Great. That's really useful.
  • Some recent zombie movies, like "Shaun of the Dead", adhere faithfully to the Romero zombie conventions and make frequent references to his work. Others depict faster, more intelligent zombies. Films like "28 Days Later" keep the basic structure of a zombie film but do not portray actual zombies. (In "28 Days Later," people are infected with a virus that takes effect in seconds - they don't actually die until they eventually starve.) A few recent movies and games throw all these conventions aside, presentin

  • How to survive a zombie attack - UPDATED (Score:3, Funny)

    by mrjb ( 547783 ) on Saturday October 29, 2005 @02:24AM (#13903435)
    "#1 Don't panic."
    In big, friendly letters, that is. This indeed had to be in the first place.

    "#2 Get away from the zombies. Most of the time, you can move faster than they can."
    Of course. duh.

    "#3 Gather food, water, an emergency radio, flashlights and weapons,
    and retreat to a secure location."

    Possibly the best way to deal with zombies. Also, note zombies seem more common in the U.S. then elsewhere. Not all of Europe is safe; you don't want to replace zombies with vampires. the UK is known to host a strain of virus which will make people agressive in seconds; some vampires moved to F rance. Avoid eastern Europe. Sweden, Denmark and Ireland are safe. Holland has no recorded zombies or vampires, but is densely populated, which makes it a risk and thus should be avoided.

    "#4 If possible, retreat to a shopping mall, general retail store or other location where you'll have easy access to food and supplies."

    No, no, no. Do NOT retreat to a shopping mall. Haven't these people watched the movies? A shopping mall looks like a good idea but it will be surrounded by the zombies and eventually you'll have to get out of there, at which time it's too late. See #7.

    "#5 Stay away from heavily populated areas, where the infestation is likely to be heaviest."
    Fair enough. See #3.

    "#6 Barricade all entrances and stay put at all costs."
    No, this does not work. The zombies will stay around longer than you can. See #4.

    "#7 Don't get surrounded or backed into a corner or other enclosed space."
    As is obvious, the importance of this is often overlooked. Do not retreat in a house, shopping center or other closed space, with the possible exception of vehicles that are in condition to drive. Cars are documented as the most successful way to get away from zombies.

    "#8 Remember that anyone bitten or killed by a zombie will become a threat to you and your party."
    Blow their brains out. I mean, with a gun, that is. If no gun is available, decapitation will work.

    "#9 Wait patiently for rescue and make long-term preparations for your survival."
    No. You need to stay on the move. See #7.

    That said, this assumes zombies have no feelings and that it is a horrible state to be in. It is not proven, hoewever, that being a zombie isn't actually 'the next level' and such a wonderful experience that they absolutely positively must share it. Why else would they go through all the trouble? Will someone please think of those poor zombies?
  • For all your Zombie defense simulation needs.

    Zombies!!! [funagain.com]
  • They have Windows installed!
  • I realize in pop culture, Zombies are supposed to say "Braiins", etc., but in what movies do they actually do that? I mean, that pop culture meme had to come from somewhere -- the zombies from the "Night of the Living Dead" and similar movies generally don't speak at all.

  • Overexposure to FoxNews radiation seems to work.

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