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German IT Outfit Bans Whining 320

theodp writes "German IT outfit Nutzwerk Ltd has come up with the perfect solution to whining in the workplace - it's made cheerfulness a contractual obligation, advising those who don't measure up to the prescribed level of jollity in the morning to stay at home until they cheer up. The plan was prompted by a female employee whose constant complaining prompted the other staff to complain about her complaining."
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German IT Outfit Bans Whining

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  • by suso ( 153703 ) * on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:28PM (#13964788) Journal
    Mayor of New York: "Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right."
    • Maybe New York and Germany both need some more [happyproduct.com] happy product.
    • by Hope Thelps ( 322083 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:57PM (#13964982)
      Once upon a time, long, long ago, there lay in a valley far, far away in the mountains the most contented kingdom the world has ever known. It was called Happy Valley, and it was ruled over by a wise old king called Otto. And all his subjects flourished and were happy, and there were no discontents or grumblers, because wise King Otto had had them all put to death, along with the trade union leaders, many years before. And all the happy folk of Happy Valley sang and danced all day long, and anyone who was for any reason miserable or unhappy or who had any difficult personal problem was prosecuted under the Happiness Act.

      Happy Valley [utwente.nl]
    • Public urination too. It seems to be a God-given right over there, for reasons I don't quite understand.
      • by Elrac ( 314784 ) <`carl' `at' `smotricz.com'> on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:32PM (#13965176) Homepage Journal
        Urination is a God-given right. Our ancestors did it all the time, all over the place, until some religiously motivated tight-assed sourpusses decided it would damage fragile minds to accidentally see a tip of flesh. This kind of irrational repression is what we like to ridicule the Muslims for.

        When a German's gotta go, he gotsta go. There is a reasonable modesty mechanism in place, i.e. I will feel uncomfortable about it and seek out a dark corner, the back of a preferrably windowless, non-residential building, behind a tree or wherever. And I'll be more likely to do this at night than in broad daylight. If I'm out walking in a "public" forest where I'm likely to be seen by joggers, cyclists or families taking a walk, I'll walk 20 - 50 feet off the path and into the woods so no one will see me in profile unless they follow me in. On two or three occasions, I've been in the woods with a girlfriend when she had to go, and she asked me to look out for passersby and shield her from view if necessary while she pulled down her pants and squatted to do her thing.

        As a net result, you'll sometimes see the back of a man standing by the side of the road or up against a tree, with his legs spread and pelvis pushed forward. If you look closely, you may even see a yellow stream. But why would you want to look closely? You accept that the guy apparently had a hard time holding it before finding a proper convenience, turn away and ignore him.

        I rarely heed Nature's call in the open, maybe once or twice a year; but when I do, I don't worry my head about it. By contrast, I understand that doing this in the US may get me arrested on charges of sexual misconduct and branded for life as a sex offender, with incriminating bulletins sent to prospective neighbors and employers. I find public urination as distasteful as the next guy, but... sanity check, anyone?
        • my dog urinates in public all the time too ... the smaller one does it with pleasure on the rugs, and on the bathroom floor - no shame.

          And my big male urinates whereever he can .... he is in the garden all the time though because of this GOD given right, while the others enjon being in my bed ...

          My point is: if you want to urinate IN public, there are places for it, but you might miss out on some better and fun activities .... and I do not mean country club dinners, just regular NORMAL social life
        • I agree with you on how puritanical we have gotten about anything remotely sexual, but I think the reason we prefer to evacuate our bladder and bowels in designated locations is because of sanitation considerations. There was a time in Europe when being naked in any situation was considered sinful, so people stopped bathing and relieved themselves in buckets that were dumped in the street, or they just obtained relief in the street itself. Then there was this plague and someone suggested that everyone tak
  • Oh good (Score:5, Funny)

    by geoffeg ( 15786 ) <`gro.htols' `ta' `geffoeg'> on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:28PM (#13964790) Homepage
    Next, they'll require employees to wear flair! 20 pieces "minimum"..

    The beatings will continue until morale improves!
    • Re:Oh good (Score:3, Insightful)

      by yog ( 19073 )
      Beatings... heh... ;)

      If the headline were rephrased it would not be that unusual a situation. In the professional working world people need to and want to behave "professionally" toward coworkers and associates. A business can be made or broken over lack of diplomacy among its staff and towards its customers.

      In the corporate world, anyone can be promoted over you. The annoying person in the next cubicle who drives you crazy with his nail biting and overly loud headphones might be your manager next year s

    • Yes but that's really just a guidline. We're all sure the managers will be pointing out how happy harry has 50 pieces of flair and you must measure up.
  • Four years old (Score:4, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:28PM (#13964792)
    According to this press release [nutzwerk.de] (German only, sorry) this policy is four years old now.
  • by ThaFooz ( 900535 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:30PM (#13964797)
    is over the top, but there are few things more irratating & detremental to productivity than an angry/whiny co-worker.
    • If there are few things more detrimental to productivity than whiny coworkers, then why is this over the top?
      • Because overly cheery co-workes are almost as irritating.

        I mean, telling people not to whine to the point of being unberable is one thing. Telling them to pretend to be cheery all the time is another.
      • by Soko ( 17987 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:42PM (#13964896) Homepage
        Because emotions aren't something that one can always control with impunity? Besides, no whinging means you can't complain about the PHB or you cow-orker while on the job - you end up being a good little robot. IME emotions - both good and bad - spark thought, and thought leads to greater productivity. I can see a policy of dealing directly with someone who does _nothing_ but complain and then offers no creative solutions, but trying to program happiness? No thanks.

        Soko
    • by xstonedogx ( 814876 ) <xstonedogx@gmail.com> on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:39PM (#13964872)
      but there are few things more irratating & detremental to productivity than an angry/whiny co-worker.

      One thing more detrimental is an angry/whiny co-worker (or employee) who is pretending to be cheerful.

      This really just sounds like management doesn't have the skill or the emotional maturity to actually deal with the problem, so instead, they sweep it under the rug.

      If an employee is angry/whiny, there is a reason. Maybe that reason is internal to the employee. Maybe that reason is the result of something in the work environment. Force the employee to pretend to be happy, and the employee will probably more unhappy. Then you have an employee not working to the best of their ability, who may even be acting out passive aggressively. That attitude can spread just as quickly as overt angry/whiny behavior, and can be even worse to tolerate because it is harder to pin down.
      • This really just sounds like management doesn't have the skill or the emotional maturity to actually deal with the problem, so instead, they sweep it under the rug.

        Fair enough. But that begs the question - what do you do with a talented employee who is unbearable at times due situations outside the company's control (personal/psychological/etc problems)? It seems to me there comes a point where all you can do is say "get yourself together or don't bother coming in".
      • If an employee is angry/whiny, there is a reason.

        While I will agree that when a normally pleasant employee is angry/whiny that there is a reason. It's not always true. Unfortunately, I've dealt with cow-orkers who seem to have complaining as their #1 task.

    • But the big problem that contributes even more to an unhealthy and unhappy workplace is refusing to respond to legitimate issues and complaints caused by a specific problem employee, often the CEO, then censoring them as "whining" and "negative thinking" and using them to start a paper trail to dump that "unfaithful" employee who was actually trying to fix real problems.

      I've actually seen this, when an engineer started doing a real hardware audit to bring deployed systems into the inventory and hardware man
    • by vsprintf ( 579676 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:10PM (#13965047)

      there are few things more irratating & detremental to productivity than an angry/whiny co-worker

      Actually, the person most irritating and detrimental to productivity is the cheerful, optimistic sysadmin who continues to do upgrades and apply patches while saying, "It won't affect anything," no matter how many times he has broken everything. I can ignore the angry/whiny people that aren't breaking stuff (well, except when it's my boss :).

    • but there are few things more irratating & detremental to productivity than an angry/whiny co-worker.

      An angry/whiny CEO is even more annoying. "I want it next week, and I want it done cheaper, better, faster. Now, I'm going to go play golf with other CEOs, get to work."

      Somehow I doubt this anti-whining requirement applies to the management team
    • I think this solution [despair.com] sums it up more nicely in my book than to be all bubbly in a scary sort of way.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      Comment removed based on user account deletion
      • That's rarely a solution either, but places do that all the time already - despite not spelling out a "mandatory happiness" type of rule. The question you have to ask yourself is, why was this "whiner" hired in the first place, if he or she really exhibits such a constantly negative attitude? Most likely, he/she WASN'T initially that bad! Sometimes, all the complaining is an expression of "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" attitude. Something is wrong and needs fixing, and this is an employee who actually
  • by MetalliQaZ ( 539913 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:30PM (#13964801)
    Might as well ban women in the workplace.

    -d
  • by mishehu ( 712452 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:32PM (#13964817)
    Obligatory Office Space Quote:

    "Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays"...
    • Or to make it more culturally appropriate:

      "Töne wie jemand hat einen Fall von den Montagen." (tip o' the hat to BabelFish)
    • For some reason, I always felt that it should be spelled "Mundays".

      Regardless, I believe you'd get your ass kicked for saying something like that.

      Stuart
    • by mikael ( 484 )
      Obviously, if everyone has be cheerful, they will also have to look cheerful and demonstrate that they have plenty of personality by wearing badges and colourful clothing, which will undoubtably lead to this conversation:


      Joanna: You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there Bryan, why don't you make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?

      Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself.

      Joanna: You know what, I do
  • Sued FFII (Score:5, Informative)

    by slashflood ( 697891 ) <flow@howflo w . c om> on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:33PM (#13964820) Homepage Journal
    The same company that sued the FFII [edri.org].
  • by free space ( 13714 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:33PM (#13964823)
    I was allowed to stay at home as long as it takes to become happy before going to work ;)
  • by Anne Thwacks ( 531696 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:34PM (#13964824)
    "Enjoy yourself or I'll beat you!"
  • What if... (Score:3, Interesting)

    by RAMMS+EIN ( 578166 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:34PM (#13964826) Homepage Journal
    What if people start complaining that they don't have the basic right of complaining?
    • If you complain about anything, your boss can just say you've broken your contract by not being cheerful and fire you.
    • Well it struck me that the management policy was actually self-referential to the extent that it counts as whining about whining. I'm not sure whether they could actually implement it without instantaneously disciplining/firing themselves.
  • Plagiarism (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Lord of Ironhand ( 456015 ) <arjen@xyx.nl> on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:34PM (#13964829) Homepage
    Let me complain for a minute and point out that it was the Reg, not "theodp" who wrote that blob of text, contrary to what the post suggests.
  • by Aim Here ( 765712 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:35PM (#13964832)
    Nutzwerk - aren't they those litigous fuckpigs who censored [edri.org] the FFII website for telling the world that this company, despite being held up as the model company for software patents, was actually guilty of all sorts of ethically dubious internet practices?

    I think the management there has control-freakery issues...

  • by totallygeek ( 263191 ) <sellis@totallygeek.com> on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:35PM (#13964839) Homepage
    I know a company with an SLA that states something to the effect that a smile must be given in a face to face meeting before any work is to be performed.
  • Everyone has a bad day or off moment, happyness shouldnt be requiered!

    We have all had one BITCH of a co worker at one point or another, you just learn how to deal with/ignore the person, and if their whining is hurting their proformance, they get let go for under preformance.

    I am normally a chearfull person, but I have my down moments, If I happen to be a little grauggy, or, in a moment of utter frustration, froun and maybe grumble I can now be FIRED!!! WHAT THE FUCK?

  • Okay, so now you can complain at home. That's great, maybe not so enjoyable but at least you're still paid. Well, how many complaining days will have per year? Also, wouldn't be cheaper to have a national complaining day? So every one could complain at the same time. My 2 cents ;)
  • Sketch (Score:3, Funny)

    by Dante Shamest ( 813622 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:37PM (#13964855)
  • But... (Score:4, Funny)

    by ksandom ( 718283 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:37PM (#13964857) Homepage
    But WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyy???? ;-)
  • by AndroidCat ( 229562 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:38PM (#13964864) Homepage
    Despair, Inc. [despair.com]

    A rule-of-thumb in software development: If a place has too many Dilbert cartoons on cubicle sides, have an exit strategy. If it has none, RUN!!!

  • by eyebits ( 649032 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:38PM (#13964866)

    ...but I am under contractual obligation to not whine.

    I can imagine that being under contract to not whine will mean that people will come up with creative ways to whine without really whining. Reminds me of a conversation I had last night. I am recent transplant to The South and was told that there were phrases in use here that didn't mean what they really mean. For example, if you tell someone something like "I just inherited a million dollars" they will reply be saying "That's nice." ...which really means F*ck you.

    So, image code words and phrases will be created to allow whining without breaching the contract.

    • My apologies.

      I hope you like Natural Ice(tm).
    • I am recent transplant to The South and was told that there were phrases in use here that didn't mean what they really mean. For example, if you tell someone something like "I just inherited a million dollars" they will reply be saying "That's nice." ...which really means F*ck you.
      Yes sirree, us here Southerners invented sarcasm! I heard tell once that other folks use it too, but I dun't believe that for a minnit!
  • ... because this one company would actually fully deserve a goatsing (or worse...), for its dickness wrt software patents!
  • Awesome (Score:2, Flamebait)

    by MicroBerto ( 91055 )
    It's their company and their rules, they can do whatever they want.

    There is nothing more aggravating sitting next to a whiny coworker. Negative energy drains EVERYONE. Recommended reading: "How Full Is Your Bucket?"
    • Even worse: If the whiner is your science lab partner, whining about how to do $this and how they are gonna shoot themselves because of $that.

      I know a few like that; they should probably not take a research job after college.

  • by max born ( 739948 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:47PM (#13964923)
    The plan was prompted by a female employee whose constant complaining prompted the other staff to complain about her complaining.

    Wonder why they felt it relevant to point out it was a woman?
  • ..Beatings will continue until morale improves.
  • by putko ( 753330 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @04:51PM (#13964946) Homepage Journal
    Germans love to complain about things -- it is part of their culture.

    I saw this in Germany, when I worked their for years as an expat.

    The fact that they had to put it in the contract, rather than just a management directive, is typically German too: it has to be in the contract, so that they can have something to point to when they need to discipline someone.

    As should be clear from their inflexible style, and their lack of focus on the needs of the customer, German customer service is pretty bad. It has gotten a lot better in the last decade though.
    • by Elrac ( 314784 ) <`carl' `at' `smotricz.com'> on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:10PM (#13965050) Homepage Journal
      As someone living in Germany who just got back from a business trip to the US, I'd like to make a clarification about customer service.

      Especially in the big cities, customer service people are surly at best and sometimes downright hostile. I recall walking up to a salesperson for some help, and he quickly walked away just as I opened my mouth. I recall the story of my girlfriend, who bought a tail light cover from an auto shop. When she asked them to install it, they refused and told her she could do it herself. That said, when you actually manage to get service in Germany, it's usually competent.

      On my trip Stateside, I was met with nothing but courteousness and friendly smiles. It took me a moment to get used to being called 'Sir' all the time. On the other hand, many of those I dealt with were mind-bogglingly incompetent. Many operated by a fixed set of written rules and were unable or unwilling to deal with any situation not dealt with on their crib sheet. Another anecdote: I mailed the webmaster of an outfit that mails me an informative blurb on a daily basis when I noticed that the 'Subject' line was (all of a sudden) being truncated if that subject was more than one word. Thought I'd give him a heads up so he could fix this embarrassing little bug. Days later, I got a response to the effect of, "we can't do anything about this. Our software always shortens the subject to one word when it's more than one word."

      So between Germany and the US (and from my admittely limited sample space), one gets the choice between the devil and the deep blue sea; between knowledgeable but lazy and annoying service people, and smiling minimum-wage goofballs.
    • by hughk ( 248126 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:41PM (#13965236) Journal
      It is exceptionally difficult (and expensive) to fire anyone in Germany once their Probezeit is over. Most Germans carry legal insurance and will quite happily take an employer to court for unfair dismissal even when there are good grounds for doing so. The contract of employment would be seen to be invalid as a worker cannot be obliged to have a good attitude.
    • Well. It is thinking in 'worst case' scenarios.

      Not hard to understand for a nation which survived two world wars and at least two totalitarian governments in the last century.

      Germans always feel like living in the worst economic situation. "German customer service is pretty bad" is like Germans regard themselves. At least those who never crossed the border. This is what makes their success. "We have to do better."

      If you are pleased with your current situation you will not improve it. So they are always look
    • by Tom ( 822 )
      Germans love to complain about things -- it is part of their culture.

      It is (and I am a german). But it's also one of the reasons Germany does so many things right and is well-known for its excellent engineering and science. We complain and then we strife to make things better. Many other countries complain less, but even when they complain they don't start doing anything about it, they stay at complaining.

      German customer service is pretty bad.

      Depends on your expectations. Yes, we don't have minimum wage sla
  • Without the right to complain, sexual harassment can continue unhindered. I will be able to make happy comments about personal appearances related to sexuality all day long. All positive and complimentary; Awesome. May the best skirt win. Bonus points for obvious thongs and diaphanous clothing.
  • by joel8x ( 324102 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:01PM (#13965000) Homepage
    I used to work with a guy who was the biggest a-hole until about 2 or three hours after he was in. Problem was he didn't start until 11:00am, so by the time he got to work everyone else was bright and chipper. It got so bad that I even a wrote a song to cheer him up (well, make fun of him really): Good Morning Ali [eightbyseven.org]

  • Layoffs will continue until morale improves. Good luck to those dipshits in management who came up with this. Pretty soon they'll have to do the "real actual work" themselves, because employees will be gone.
  • Time to amend the Slashdot Terms of Service [ostg.com]!
  • python sketch (Score:2, Offtopic)

    by Bazman ( 4849 )
    The Monty Python foot has rarely been so appropriate!

    Happy Valley [utwente.nl]

    Prosecution: Caspar Schlitz, I put it to you that you were, on February 5th this year, very depressed with malice aforethought, and did moan quietly, contrary to the Cheerful Noises Act.

    Schlitz: I did.

    Defence: May I just explain, m'lud, that the reason for my client's behaviour was that his wife had just died that morning.

  • Yeah, uh... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Luigi30 ( 656867 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:16PM (#13965090)
    I can't come into work today. I'm not happy enough. I might not be able to come in for the rest of the week.
  • Paranoia... (Score:3, Funny)

    by denubis ( 105145 ) <brianNO@SPAMtechnicraft.com> on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:17PM (#13965102)
    Are you Happy Citzen? Remember, happiness is mandatory. Being unhappy is insuboridination. Friend Computer suggests taking HappyTymNow pills -- guarenteed to improve happiness! Unhappiness is a tool of the commie mutant traitors! Be on your guard! Report those who are unhappy, as they could be communists!

    Thank you for your cooperation, Citizen.
  • "The beatings will continue until morale improves."
  • My personal sense is that whining is too subjective to be a legitimate contractual criterion.

    But even if we accept it for discussion's sake, disagreement and dissatisfaction can be natural and healthy in a company. It seems to me a manager's job is not to say "no one can whine" but rather to say "this whining is helping us" or "this whining is not helping us". Good QA departments, for example, are often filled with constructive whiners. The decision to blame the ousting of a non-constructive whiner on

  • by Y-Crate ( 540566 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:32PM (#13965175)
    Sam's Club/ Wal-Mart fired a woman [stpetetimes.com] who would not smile at customers as she handed out free samples of food.

    The reason she did not smile?

    Her face is partially paralyzed and is no longer physically capable smiling at anyone for any reason.
    • so what? (Score:4, Insightful)

      by YesIAmAScript ( 886271 ) on Monday November 07, 2005 @03:09AM (#13967818)
      I feel sorry for the woman. She shouldn't be discriminated against, she should be able to get any job she is capable of doing.

      But she isn't capable of doing this one.

      Equal opportunity means that. It doesn't mean a free pass for something you can't do.

      I hope they offered her other positions at the company.

      I have to say having RTFA now, it seems like they'll have a tougher time of it than my explanation makes it out. If she couldn't smile, why did they keep her on for a couple years, then fire her? But I stand by my statement that just you don't deserve compensation for being fired for not doing a job that has requirements you cannot satisfy. I mean, it is well known that people with disabilities cannot do every job able-bodied people can. If this weren't the case, there'd be no Social Security money paid to disabled people.
  • by MadCow-ard ( 330423 ) on Sunday November 06, 2005 @05:34PM (#13965182)
    The problem is actually a serious issue in Germany.

    The transition occured in the early nineties in the USA, when the last of real manufacturing went tits up for IT/service jobs (Of course that's tits up too, but that's another issue). In the US, the last of the lifetime jobs went out in the 70's, in Germany, these transitions are just now arriving. And engineering and manufacturing is part of the German image of self-worth, so it hits home particularly hard.

    The problem in German culture is that it is a change in the economy which no one wants to acknowledge, but are being forced to. The last 50 years of a boom economy after the war has now more or less come to a grinding halt. Germany is now evolving, but its eating into peoples morale. The whole country is bitching and moaning, and that in itself is pulling the economy down, not to mention an individual business as is mentioned in this report.

    I know you can't regulate someone's mood but at least they are pointing to where the country should try to go (and if anyone would try to regulate someone's mood, it would be in Germany). I applaud the idea, and laugh at the fact they are trying to regulate instead of inspire. Typcal German (and now I'm starting to "meckern").

    "To Meckern" means to bleat or baa like a goat. This is the term used to describe what Germans do when they bitch and moan. They "blaaaaa" (you need to skip on the gutoral to really get the effect). Anyway, it fits, and its a problem. Really... :-)
  • Pah! In my former employment, the one thing that united all the people in my department was their utter loathing of one of the senior managers. Without him and his horrible, rude, aggressive, belittling, vindictive and arbitrary behaviour to bring the workers together in their detestation of him, nobody would have had anything in common!
  • you have to be in the office -> on time
    to be on time, you need an ALAMR CLOCK -> worst creation ever, I mean I want to get up when my body tells me : "you got enough sleep" not when the BEEP BEEP BEEP starts.

    On the other hand, unless you are the owner of the company, who in most cases makes the most money and drives the nicest car etc.. etc.. you will in many cases feel that life sucks. You might also hate some of your daily tasks. That is a reason to whine.

    In a workplace you might not have such a c
  • Player: Doesn't the computer want me to be happy?

    GM: No. The computer *demands* that you be happy.
  • The floggings will continue until morale improves.
  • when was it (Score:2, Insightful)

    by seabreezemm ( 577723 )
    When was it that a legitimate complaint became whining? Those that keep their mouths shut get run over, used and abused.
  • Gender (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Nintendork ( 411169 ) on Monday November 07, 2005 @12:44AM (#13967305) Homepage
    "The plan was prompted by a female employee whose constant complaining prompted the other staff to complain about her complaining"

    Other than sexism, was there a reason to point out that the individual is female?

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