What Vista Is Really Like

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful? That's Vista for you.

Oh for sure.

[Anonymous Coward]

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

That happens to us all the time, and we slashdotters JUS DUN GIV A FUC. That's how badass we are.

Re:Oh for sure.

[j35ter]

No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid.
Does he jack off while using Vista?

Re:Oh for sure.

[Mr. Cancelled]

>> No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid. Does he jack off while using Vista?

Personally, I find it unlikely that many Slashdotters are waking up with women in their beds, much less dangerous, beautiful ones

And if they do, my guess is that safety & predictability will be the last thing on their minds...

A better analogy for /. would be something like "Okay, you have a beowulf cluster of drives. Now the drives are Maxtors, and they're kinda flaky and a unreliable, but -And I can't emphasize this enough - you have a beowulf cluster of hard drives!

Re:Oh for sure.

[MrAnnoyanceToYou]

Beowulf clusters aren't drives, they're for distributed processing. Bet you don't know much about beautiful and dangerous women, either. ;)

Re:

[rbanffy]

I am quite sure no Windows fanboy is waking up with women in their beds, much less beautiful ones.

As for the dangerous ones, there are always desperate guys that may give them a shot.

Vista Woman

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes, she was beautiful last night when you were pissed up on booze, but now, laying next to her, you notice how her face is covered in oozing rivers of makeup, slowly melting and running down her face. You are disgusted by her foul, pitted skin and faint moustache effect. She yawns, and your face is blasted by an unholy, eldritch gas, you recoil and wretch, struggling to keep what remains of last night's kebab and chips in your stomach.

Terrified you slowly peel back the duvet to reveal breasts that are so small that sagging should not be possible; yet sag they do, with two terrible, craggly nipples point out in unrelated directions. You begin to feel faint, your ears begin to ring, but you cannot resist scanning down her fetid, clammy belly, to see the most rotten vagina that has ever blighted this earth. With lips twisted, gnarled and gaping, the stench is unimaginable; a mixture of stale kippers, mouldy garlic and fuming sulfuric acid, you are amazed that your sheets are still in once piece. Oh yes, you grab the hot sauce alright, but only pour it in your eyes so you can no longer see what lies before you, and force it into your nose so the odour can no longer torment you.

Re:

[metroplex]

You read way too much Lovecraft. Still, I'd give you a +1 insightful if I had mod points.

Re:

[ShieldW0lf]

I just finished watching Cherry 2000 too...

That was creepy.

Re:

[darkhitman]

Objection: There is no such thing as "too much Lovecraft".

Re:Vista Woman

[Anonymous Coward]

Allow or deny?

Re:Oh for sure.

[tomhudson]

Actually, its more like "what if you woke and found a strange and bloated woman in your bed, and she was irrational, unpredictable, and dangerous... and also a control freak? That's Vista for you."

Sexual fantasies over Microsoft Windows? This guy REALLY needs to get out more ...

Waking dream??

[fred911]

It's called a wet dream....

Re:Waking dream??

[Anonymous Coward]

No, its called my PSYCHO ex-gf. Awesome in bed, but *shiver* psycho.... *shiver*
Kinda like when you've been tied up and she goes down stairs and you hear kitchen utensils rattling and this was just after Basic Instint (one, yes a long time ago).... *shiver*
Never again! I swore to myself, never again!!!! ... ..
.
Then I got married.........
*shiver*

Re:Waking dream??

[bl8n8r]

on the contrary, this wet dream can give you infections.

Cue Cheap Trick

[smittyoneeach]

"Surrender"

Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet girls like you.
She also told me, "Stay away, you'll never know what you'll catch."

Re:

[kylehase]

Actually, studies show that the dream part of wet dreams (nocturnal emission) are rarely sexual.

Hmm...

[eklitzke]

Hmm.... sounds good to me -- I'll take it!

Re:

[tverbeek]

You can have it. I'm gay, so this analogy sounds all scary and not at all appealing.

Only...

[reality-bytes]

The trouble is; she is "Britney Spears" beautiful rather than "Natalie Portman" beautiful. ...so you have to ask yourself, do I need baldilocks or do I need hot grits?

Re:

[WilliamSChips]

Natalie Portman was bald for a while for one of her movies, actually. Riddick or something like that. At any rate, if you're not Tom Morello, Patrick Stewart, or Mahatma Gandhi you probably shouldn't be going for bald as a fashion choice.

Re:

[StarfishOne]

/me adds Bruce Willis to the list ;)

Re:

[dreamlax]

She shaved her head in V for Vendetta. When she was on Letterman her hair hadn't grown back much and she still looked like a boy.

Re:

[UnxMully]

Try V for vendetta. Though Alexa Davalos was pretty hot in Riddick, I don't recall the shaven head thing. And before I get modded off topic, only on Slashdot would discussion of two foxy chicks be off topic.

Re:Only...

[Tx]

I'm a overweight computer geek happily engaged in a stable relationship with a marvellous (and believe me, very hot) girlfriend.

Post pics or STFU ;)

Re:Only...

[Cadallin]

Yeah, I'll pass on "Brittany Spears" "beautiful." I prefer something more classically beautiful than trendy white trash thank you very much.

Re:

[rishistar]

I met a very nice lady called Beryl [youtube.com] the other day...

Oh Please

[abscissa]

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

I'm gay. I'd panic.

Re:Oh Please

[Tablizer]

I'm gay. I'd panic.

Would you do Bill Gates? In his prime?

Re:

[cptgrudge]

But the question we really want to know the answer to is: Socks on or off?

Re:Oh Please

[MadJo]

He said he was gay, not desperate...

Previous versions

[hack slash]

But will she go down on you as much as previous incarnations?

Re:Previous versions

[Anonymous Coward]

I think that is concern in your eyes when she asks you if you would like to upgrade to her sister, with different capabilities, for a price. And then you realize what just happened.

Re:

[toetagger1]

And if not, I'm still quite convinced she blows just as much!

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:

[svallarian]

Well, no but at least you're still guaranteed to get screwed.

the comparison...

[User 956]

what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful? That's Vista for you.

Yeah, but the problem with women like that is that they're like chocolate. Sweet at first, then increasingly bitter.

Re:the comparison...

[mshmgi]

Personally, I like my women like I like my coffee ... cold, dark and bitter.

Re:I like my coffee

[maxume]

Lightly roasted.

Finely ground.

In puddles on the floor.

Full of milk.

Re:

[metlin]

And ground up. In the fridge. =)

Re:

[toetagger1]

I think the comparison fits quite well! Both ask the same number of pointless and stupid questions. Especially "are you sure?"

Only thing in favor for Vista is that it has an "off" button.

Btw, do you think Vista would understand my sig?

Re:

[bateleur]

Good grief. Please at least mod comments like that "Funny".

If that remark is worth a "Score:5, Insightful" I'm inclined to conclude Slashdot has become a self-parody. :-/

My experience

[Stephen Tennant]

I wake up early, on an angle, tucked into a large mass of flesh occupying the majority of my small bachelor apartment. As I look over at the walls, I see they are made of glass, and as I struggle to extricate myself from the monolith of apparent woman, so as to see the whole better, I hear a rumbling voice from within,

"DISPLAY PROPERTIES NEEDS YOUR PER-PER-PER-"

The whole building collapses.

A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer?

[smack.addict]

Why?

Re:A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer?

[gEvil (beta)]

A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer? Why?

I thought the whole thing was pretty self-explanatory...I mean, isn't bad writing why LJ exists in the first place?

Because it has something bad to say about Vista

[Sycraft-fu]

Slashdot loves that kind of story right now. If you want traffic for your site, just write up a negative Vista story that has a little different spin than the past ones and submit it. Good chance you get linked. It's just what's in fashion with the editors right now.

I figure we are going to have to put up with it for a few more months and then the newness will die down and they'll find something else to spend their attention on.

Re:

[suckmysav]

Like Vista SP1 perhaps?

I know that dream

[mustafap]

>what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous...

and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

Re:I know that dream

[Tablizer]

and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

MS Help Line: "But, Sir, that is a bonus feature. We added lots of little extras so that everyone finds what they want. You don't have to use it if you don't want."
     

Re:

[twitter]

you reach down and discover she has a dick.

When you sit up, something is sore.

Yeah. . .

[Who235]

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

Too bad she's bloated and stops you a hundred times whenever you try to do anything interesting.

Are they even trying anymore?

[tomstdenis]

Vanity article about Vista ... again ...

I'm not against Vista [though I am], I'm not for it [truth], I just don't care. Are we not yet over the novelty of Vista yet or what? It's basically Windows XP++, big deal.

Tom

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:The irony is Linux is better looking

[beelsebob]

Not really -- the prettiness in OS X is used to make the OS easier to work, the prettiness there is pretty much useless -- the only thing I see as being useful is being able to drop something onto the dock from anywhere along the bottom saves the need to be accurate. This is one reason why vista got it wrong -- Exposé goes out of it's way to show you lots of stuff at the same time so you can make an informed choice. Flip 3D in the mean time may be prettier, but it goes out of it's way to hide everything except for one window -- it can't be used to make comparisons, it can't be used anywhere near as fast as Exposé to change windows. Bob

Re:

[stubear]

But flip 3d was never intended to offer the same functionality as Expose, it merely presents the standard alt-tab in a differnent perspective. The biggest advantage of Flip 3d over the standard alt-tab is the size of the window preview. Your argumetn is more akin to me bashing the Apple menu in OSX not offering the ability to launch programs. The Apple in OSX was specifically designed to not do this (anymore) so it's not a good comparison. The Start menu and Apple menu both preform different functions (

Re:

[peterpi]

If it really was a couple of simple add ons, why post it on YouTube?

I'm guessing, but I reckon there was a lot of compiling and tweaking to get that up and running.

'tis gorgeous though :)

Re:

[Colin Smith]

No compiling. You can tweak to your heart's content though.

http://wiki.beryl-project.org/wiki/Install_Beryl_o n_Ubuntu_Edgy_with_XGL [beryl-project.org]

FYP

[tshak]

A couple of simple add ons to Ubuntu and you can easily make Vista and OSX users insanely unproductive in their working environment.

No, not really

[Sycraft-fu]

How much effort it would be to set up aside, that's a great example of flash over substance. A lot of pretty effects that don't help usability or worse yet, hamper it. A good example is when they sit there stretching the corner of the app window and making it bounce back. What's the achieve, other the show off an effect? That's not a real expected behaviour for grabbing an app, nor a real useful one. However right in the next sequence we see that for all the niftyness, there's problems with normal ops. You

Re:

[delire]

Nice but I've seen Beryl videos that make that look pretty pale, at least where aesthetic [youtube.com] ambitions [youtube.com] are concerned:

What's with the aqua scroll-bar rip-off? One thing I find refreshing about returning to Linux after spending time working on a Mac for work is not having to look at a blue and brushed aluminium environment (what's with the metal metaphor?), let alone the default dock-like clone, which is simply annoying on OS X until moved and scaled down. The white-blue-metal-ethericwallpaper combination i

Hi I'm Windows Vista and I ..

[mochan_s]

Since we are anthropomorphizing and all ..

I'd say Vista is like a fat ugly lady dressed in very nice clothes. And, I'd say Vista users are like those people looking for a sugar mama going after glitz.

This is slashdot, wrong analogy

[plopez]

What you are describing is inconcievable to most of the posters. You might try: "imagaine a 16way AMD box, a real screamer for SETI, molecule folding etc., also fully modded to use the waste heat to make espresso but would randomly shock you and download kiddie pr0n without your knowledge'.

That might be something a slashdotter understands.

I'm from Utah...

[SammysIsland]

I have many partitions.

I'd like to trade!

[Courageous]

So. I have Vista installed on my home computer.

Can I trade it for that beautiful and dangerous woman you are talking about?

Re:

[MarkRose]

One would think you'd be Courageous enough to find one on your own...

Re:

[dangitman]

One would think you'd be Courageous enough to find one on your own...

One would also think that your use of Capitalization is Bizarre.

Re:

[$RANDOMLUSER]

Notice the GP's nick?

Re:

[dangitman]

The use of all-lowercase or all-uppercase usernames is entirely conventional. Capitalizing random words in an English sentence is not. There are rules about how to capitalise in an English sentence. There aren't for usernames. Well, there are rules on different servers/systems, but they aren't consistent. Some systems force lowercase usernames, some prohibit spaces in a user name, some don't.

expensive whore with stds

[capoccia]

so vista is like an expensive whore with STDs?

Re:

[BiggerIsBetter]

Y'know, that's not a bad analogy either...

Re:

[ScrewMaster]

so vista is like an expensive whore with STDs?

Yes, but being a proprietary product there won't be any Open Sores on her.

Re:

[value_added]

so vista is like an expensive whore with STDs?

The problem is she's less of a whore than her sisters, but charges more.

The good part is that while she's definitely not oh so beautiful (at least any more than any other girl on your block), the cosmetic surgery she's had done has made her less ugly than the rest of her family, so you don't have to be embarrassed any more.

Sheesh..

[Dunbal]

You'd think that all these bloggers would accept the fact that Microsoft isn't giving away any more free laptops by now...

Keeping up with the Joneses

[RealGrouchy]

"The question dies on my lips as I reach the foyer. First off, my house now has a foyer. Sunlight streams in through thousands of cut facets. There is so much glass I almost wonder if there are walls. White tile stretches across the floor, forming a beautiful backdrop for stunning furniture and art. My house now has art in it."

"I aksed my neighbour, John MacIntosh, to come over to have a look. He said it looks a lot like his house did when he had it remodeled a few years back. Only his house doesn't have a

Redundancy?

[SocialEngineer]

The fact that a beautiful woman would be in ANY /.er's bed is strange by itself. We realize that. No need to emphasize the fact that she is strange, because it is plainly obvious that she is warped beyond all belief - or she is a mail order bride.

What the hell???

[IvanCruz]

No pics?????

Re:

[Yvan256]

Haven't you heard? Pics are only for ads! And articles need to be split on a minimum of 10 pages too!

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:

[WilliamSChips]

She also has multiple personalities, one of which wants to kill you.

Kinda funny, but utter rubbish

[David Horn]

Mildly funny, but why does the author go on a rant about viewing the screen resolution? For crying out loud, it's only 3 clicks away from the desktop. Ironically, exactly the same as in XP...

not that pretty

[boxlight]

As a Mac user I'm at risk of sounding like I'm belly-aching, but I really don't think Vista is that good looking.

The default color scheme, that earthy green blending in to pale yellowy blue -- it all looks kind of ... I don't know ... greasy. Like I'm looking through oily antique glass. It doesn't feel fresh and clean to me.

Also, the way that 3d window swapping thing works, with the windows flying by at an 45 degree angle from top the top left. If gives me a kind of motion sickness -- just seems l

So how was the meatloaf?

[Dracos]

I wish the author had continued his story a little further. I bet he would have discovered that the meatloaf wasn't any better than that of his previous wife, just unnervingly different... with the hot sauce.

MS Wife(C)(R)(TM) 6.0 is no better than version 5.1, except for being more attractive, and slightly psychotic about security instead of inherently lazy.

She is probably even more insistent that you use her mailbox (email), her surfboard (browser), her desk (office suite), and lots of other things sh

But aren't they all

[davmoo]

she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous

This pretty much describes most of the female population...

I'm sorry...

[SpottedKuh]

[W]hat if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed...

This is Slashdot; you've already lost us.

When she said she'd fuck you

[tezza]

... "in ways you could never imagine", you thought she meant sex [stlyrics.com].

Now all your Base belong to her and she encrypted your CD collection.

I propose a thread, OS as a woman.

[SmallFurryCreature]

Windows, pretty on the outside but further examination reveals that it is thick layer of make up applied to an old hag who there for everyone. She is set in her ways and getting her to do anything requires you to spend more money.

OS-X. Extremely pretty but deep down she is an mature lady with a lot of refinement. She however expects only the best so you better deliver. This baby is going to cost you.

Linux, the ugly duckling of the pack, yet she loves you completely without resevervation, she doesn't want your for your money or status. She is open and honest. And if you love her you can turn her into the princes of the ball but unlike the pretty windows, the linux girl stays true to you.

BSD, well, you seen dawn of the dead?

I am KIDDING!

OS/2 A loving hard working wive who raised the kids perfectly, kept the house in excellent condition and always prepared delicious meals followed by amazing sex, yet spurned for a 16 bit bimbo with 32 bit makeup.

Mainframe, you have to wait in line with the other johns, good service but you know thousands of others have been there before you.

Okay, I am out, your turn.

Re:

[SocialWorm]

Ha. This whole story reminds me of the OS-tan phenomenon [wikipedia.org].

Re:

[oGMo]

Linux, the ugly duckling of the pack, yet she loves you completely without resevervation, she doesn't want your for your money or status. She is open and honest. And if you love her you can turn her into the princes of the ball but unlike the pretty windows, the linux girl stays true to you.

Given things like Enlightenment [enlightenment.org] and Beryl [biodesign.com.ar], Linux is only as ugly as you let it be. And E (preceded by fvwm-xpm) has been around for just around 10 years now, so it's not anything new, either.

Linux is more like the

How much???

[russotto]

...did Microsoft pay for this "story"? Wake up with an evil Bond girl in your bed, you might enjoy your last few minutes on Earth. With Microsoft products, it's just torture for the rest of your life.

What Vista is "REALLY" like?

[suv4x4]

I'm reading this attempt of an article and wondering.. did someone change the meaning of the word "really" overnight and forgot to tell me?

It's a piece of shit. Neeext.

[Werrismys]

It's a piece of shit. Neeext.

What Vista is really like

[Orion Blastar]

Vista is really like Rosie O'Donnell, fat, lazy, foul-mouthed, lesbian man-hater, ugly, eats too much, and has a loud mouth.

But Vista comes with beer goggles so that while it is Rosie O'Donnell it looks like Marilyn Monroe, and even though you know that is impossible, the beer goggles make you accept it anyway.

Not only that but Rosie O'Donnell came with an iron clad contract so you cannot fire her or use a different OS or use her in a virtual machine, in fact you signed it because it is the EULA and you thought it was harmless at the time, but now you are forced to have her running your life for you and accepting her upgrades (service packs) even if they continue to pack on the pounds on her and cause her to take up more room.

You think you got Marilyn Monroe, but you are stuck with Rosie O'Donnell.

Re:A beautiful woman?

[Dunbal]

The fact that she's crazy can be overlooked

      I wouldn't be so sure [wikipedia.org] about that...

Re:A beautiful woman?

[SCHecklerX]

Not to mention that vista is not beautiful visually or functionally.

Re:This description is far too vague

[Dunbal]

Does this mean we'll have to RTFA?

      Of course not. That would be cheating.

Re:

[VertigoAce]

Guess what? Firefox does the exact same thing: "Firefox prevented this site from opening 2 popup windows" in a light yellow bar at the top of the page with an X on the right side to close it. "Only Microsoft" indeed.

I imagine the information bar increases the usability of websites that still require pop-ups for users who wouldn't otherwise know that their browser is blocking these windows. An icon in the status bar at the bottom of the window is too subtle for some users.

Re:

[linuxci]

I think the poster was actually commenting on this feature http://browserden.co.uk/news/a-week-with-ie7/using / [browserden.co.uk] (bottom of the page). Where IE shows you a dialog 'Did you notice the Information Bar' every time it shows an info bar until you turn it off. Of course turning this pop up off is easy, but it's typical of the MS shove everything in your face style.

Re:

[jpardey]

Well, both are plastic, but the apple babe is more easily scratched.

Re:

[ColdWetDog]

Yeah, but you've still got to be careful.

Trojans don't work at all....

Re:

[kj_in_ottawa]

New MS Office - 35% easier to use

New MS OS - 15% easier to use

Being Flamebait on Slashdot - Priceless

Slashdot posts like this prove you are a Troll. For everything else, use made up statisitcs.

Re:

[guruevi]

No, Vista is more like the ugly fat mother (constantly nagging, no you can't do that or are you sure you want to do that or I'll tell that to your father (Balmer) when he gets home) trying to seduce YOU who are dating the far hotter, younger daughters (Linux & OS X). You don't want her, and anytime she tries to get your attention, it either induces a vomit-like nuisance or it's just plain annoying.