Evidence of Historical Zombie Attack at Hierakonpolis

sertsa writes "A tongue-in-cheek article just published by the Archaeological Institute of America hypothesizes that the formation of ancient Egypt is linked to recurrent Predynastic zombie attacks due to outbreaks of Solanum virus. 'From the very beginning of Predynastic research, Sir W.M. Flinders Petrie reported several headless, but seemingly intact, burials during his famous excavations at Naqada in 1895. Further excavations at Gerzeh and other sites revealed more of these curious burials, but no satisfactory explanation could be proposed at the time. More recently, excavations in the non-elite cemetery at Hierakonpolis (HK43), undertaken from 1996 to 2004, have uncovered more of these strange headless burials in addition to 21 individuals whose cervical vertebrae bear cut marks indicative of complete decapitation. The individuals include men and women ranging in age from 16 to 65. The number and the standard position of the cut marks (usually on the second-fourth cervical vertebrae; always from the front) indicate an effort far greater than that needed simply to cause the death of a normal (uninfected) person. The standard position also indicates these are not injuries sustained during normal warfare.'"

Everyone knows it was not zombie attacks

[WillAffleckUW]

The problem is that the scientist incorrectly classified these as zombie attacks.

Everyone with an ounce of scientific training can tell that these were actually attacks by ninja pirates, and that the vampire zombies were defending the inhabitants.

Re:

[ILuvRamen]

No no no, let's be logical here. It's much more likely that some idiot ruler just was afraid of zombies so he had every dead person's head cut off...by Anubis jackals with sickles like in Age of Mythology.

Re:Everyone knows it was not zombie attacks

[Anonymous Coward]

Everyone with an ounce of scientific training can tell that these were actually attacks by ninja pirates, and that the vampire zombies were defending the inhabitants.

"Ninja pirates" is an oxymoron. Ninjas and pirates mix like oil and water. Pirates are holy creatures [wellingtongrey.net]. Ninjas are devil spawn [wikipedia.org]. Pirates like water (except for bathing). Ninjas are landlubbers. Pirates say 'arr matey.' Ninjas don't say a single Goddamn thing. They are nothing alike! You could try sewing (or bolting) two together but they would soon kill each other--the pirate killing the ninja with his stench and the ninja killing the pirate with throwing stars.

Re:

[Gideon Fubar]

so in order to create a Pirate Ninja, you'd have to make them breed while vibrating in a vacuum [future.org.au], something that both pirates and ninjas should be able to survive, for at least 2 minutes (or 10, if the pirate's name is Guybrush).

Making them agree to the proposition might be difficult, unless the Ninja is a hot kunoichi and the pirate is played by Johnny Depp...

Re:

[kalirion]

Yes, a Ninja Pirate would make about as much sense as Scarran-Secabean hybrid [wikipedia.org] or something. Or maybe even a half-Shinigami half-Hollow [wikipedia.org]. Totally ridiculous.

Oh, zombies are real!

[Flumbo]

Finally, valid scientific evidence surfaces! The plague is spreading. Hurry over to IfYouWereAZombie.com [ifyouwereazombie.com] to tell your loved ones how you feel before they become a walking corpse. Because once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care...

Re:

[ZzzzSleep]

No, I think it was zombie pirates. Like this one here [flickr.com].

reminds me of.....

[edwardpickman]

It reminds me of a classic The Onion story about evidence of a race of a skeletons found all over the world. I'm sure creationist would see evidence of a race of skeletons being proof that evolution was false since there is no way a race of skeletons could evolve.

Re:reminds me of.....

[phoebusQ]

That has to be the hardest I've ever seen someone work to fit an anti-religion message into a post.

Re:reminds me of.....

[VultureMN]

Anti-creationist != anti-religion

I'm not religious, but am not bothered by people who are.

But creationists annoy the living shit out of me because of the tortured "logic" they try to use while attempting to justify their belief that the earth is only 6000 years old.

Young earth

[CustomDesigned]

6000 years != Creationist

The young earth theory isn't even classic Christianity [entouch.net], having become popular in the US in the 18th century. The church fathers had a variety of theories, and literally counting the years was a 17th century invention [wikipedia.org]. Augustine noted that time as we know it is itself part of this creation, and therefore the 6 days in Genesis 1 could not refer to time in this universe. He speculated that the 6 days were a 6 day "seminar" where the new creation was was presented and explained to the angels [rtforum.org].

Re:Young earth

[Penguinshit]

We're the result of a 6 day Powerpoint presentation??!?

That sure explains a few things...

Re:Young earth

[Opportunist]

Now everything makes sense!

I mean, look at it. First day, light and darkness, works fine. Reason? Angels were fresh and actually listening.

And from there on it went downhill, right to the 6th day with human. Now tell me, can you sit through 6 days of a boring presentation? I'm fairly sure by the end of the 5th day, every Angel was just sitting there doodling.

Re:Young earth

[OzRoy]

That does explain the dangly bits.

Re:

[Macthorpe]

Well he can't have been running it on Linux - the universe is clearly proprietary.

So many obfuscated laws...

Re:

[Gulthek]

No no, the universe *has* to be running some variant of Unix. That's why it's so difficult for us processes to analyze the box. If we were on a Windows system then we'd just be able to tear a hole in the sky and look at the code.

Re:

[genner]

The universe is open source. The API is just a bit kludgy.

WALLA!

[Doctor O]

I wonder... did said PowerPoint presentation have the obligatory last slide proclaiming "WALLA!" ?

Re:

[Bob-taro]

I wonder... did said PowerPoint presentation have the obligatory last slide proclaiming "WALLA!" ?

I thought the always ended with the bullet point: "have fun"

Re:Young earth

[CustomDesigned]

While your premise is true, you missed the point that our time is part of the creation - or in computer terms it is simulation time. Simulation time is neither longer nor shorter than time in the host machine/universe. You can run the simulation/virtual machine fast or slow or backward or forward, or restore to a checkpoint. "But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day..." (2Peter 3:8,10).

Re:

[CustomDesigned]

None. Angels are not from this universe.

Re:

[Bromskloss]

the tortured "logic" they try to use while attempting to justify their belief that the earth is only 6000 years old.

How does their argument go?

Re:

[Belacgod]

Oh please. Tortured logic? They're just waterboarding it.

Re:

[Bender0x7D1]

If you really want tortured logic, you should see the Unified Theory of Existence [iastate.edu] - it proves that creationism, intelligent design and evolution are only pieces of the puzzle. The truth is much bigger.

Re:huh?

[WilliamSChips]

No, people wanting power is the single largest cause of human suffering. Religion is merely the single largest catalyst of human suffering. There's a difference, you know.

Re:

[ThaReetLad]

The sum of thousands of years of human suffering at the hands of religious leaders can't hold a candle to the hundreds of millions of deaths at the hands of 20th century dictators, nevermind the suffering worldwide today caused by the western greed. Every single day 10 times as people die due to poverty as were killed by the spanish inquisition, when we in the west waste vast sums on skiing holidays, cosmetics and keeping our appliances on standby. That's 10 million people a year!

The single largest cause of

Re:

[Belacgod]

Religion =/= belief in god. Religion = irrational belief that you're right because you're right, rather than because of anything rational.

Stalin kept referring to how "the wheel of history" was on his side, with as little evidence as anyone who claims that God is on their side.

Re:

[smittyoneeach]

Been watching this skeleton race a real long time now.
Them bones don' be movin'.
Mebbe some more tequilya.

Re:reminds me of.....

[aled]

I'm sure creationist would see evidence of a race of skeletons being proof that evolution was false since there is no way a race of skeletons could evolve.

That's ludicrous! There's plenty of factual evidence that shows the evolutions of hominid skeleton evolution [berkeley.edu] into human skeleton. Curiously they seem to have inhabited the same places that hominid and humans, but there's not yet enough scientific evidence to prove this theory.

Re:reminds me of.....

[aled]

Go ahead, be the reproductive-system-nazi of this thread if you want. But first answer these questions: If skeletons can't reproduce, why can we find so many of them buried? Where Skeletor does came from? Army of Darkness was better than Evil Dead II?

Re:reminds me of.....

[DigitalWallaby]

Skeletons reproduce by jumping each others bones.

Re:

[TitusC3v5]

Somebody call Al Gore so we can give this man his new Internet.

Re:

[sconeu]

Are we sure that this isn't a Sluggy Freelance [sluggy.com] plug?

PLEASE!

[williamyf]

Stop taking part in intrigue campaings for the next VideoGame/Movie/Book/TVSeries

Also, no inside jokes from scientists. After Gary Larson, none of that is allowed anymore.

Mod me as you like!

hmm

[User 956]

I don't know why everyone hates on zombies. I mean, zombies were people too.

Re:hmm

[CaptainPatent]

Isn't it obvious!?

Anyone with half a brain, well...
is probably being attacked by a zombie.

Re:

[Anonymous Coward]

I hate zombies because they use phrases like "The number and the standard position of the cut marks (usually on the second-fourth cervical vertebrae; always from the front) indicate an effort far greater than that needed simply to cause the death of a normal (uninfected) person."

I mean, normal people don't talk like that.

Eh???

[Savage-Rabbit]

I don't know why everyone hates on zombies. I mean, zombies were people too.

What makes you think we hate corporate workers and civil servants??

Re:

[geekoid]

You know, I wrote 350 lines of code today, had a 4 hour meeting where we busted chops to get some programs improved, and this afternoon I get to review the results from Point to point testing.

As a civil servant, I'm supposed to be doing nothing! just ask anybody.

Yes I know someone will point out I'm on slashdot, but I do get a lunch period.

Re:

[nebaz]

Ummm...don't you know animals don't have souls? All animals are therefore zombies already.

Re:

[Torvaun]

Vampires are simple. They don't bother to bite non-humans.

Ghosts work because only sentient creatures will have the 'unfinished business' to keep them here.

Zombies? Well, how do you know there aren't lots of cockroach zombies? It takes all sorts of crap to kill them, maybe they're just already dead?

Re:

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

If vampires only bit humans we'd notice a huge surge in people wanting to work night-shifts. One vampire makes one a night, now there are two, they make one each.. and on on. We'd all be vampires. So it's obvious that vampires are real and only drink animal blood. Duh. Why do you think so many species are becoming endangered now?

Re:

[MBGMorden]

Actually, a lot of people do believe in dog ghosts. Maybe it would have to do with intelligence level, since dogs are somewhat smart for animals. Then again, if that was the case you'd expect dolphin and monkey ghosts running around too :).

Re:

[djasbestos]

...and monkey ghosts...

That's not ectoplasm on your walls...

Re:

[MBGMorden]

My problem isn't finding people willing to help, it's finding people knowledgeable enough to give good help.

The people in electronics don't know the difference between a USB mouse and a PS/2 mouse. They don't know the difference between a fullscreen and a widescreen DVD (which it seems Wal-mart is the only backwards store still carrying mostly fullscreen). They don't know the difference between an Xbox and an Xbox 360. The guys in the sporting goods don't know the difference between a baitcast and a spin

Proof?

[Enderandrew]

We all know that zombies tend to gravitate towards malls, or high school proms and such. If they found headless remains outside a prehistoric shopping mall, then I'd be convinced.

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:

[bigdavesmith]

I'm really surprised that there are so many joke comments to this, and not more posts where people are upset that this is passing for news at /.

Re:

[Dynamoo]

Funny, those were my thoughts too.. not much at the IMDB [imdb.com] apart from JMS [wikipedia.org] writing the script.

*That*, incidentally, is surely going to be one hell of an expensive film. Most zombie movies are pretty cheap to make, but World War Z is basically an entire future history made up of awesomely expensive-to-make sequences. I won't give too much away in case there are some /.ers who haven't read the book!

Lurch post

[Harmonious Botch]

This lends new meaning to the phrase "walk like an Egyptian"

Re:

[ScrewMaster]

Okay, you nailed my funnybone on that one.

Re:

[mkiwi]

Hey, they could have been doing the Thriller dance.

Preceding the zombie attacks

[Anonymous Coward]

Was a mass distribution scrolls that promised a nude painting of Cleopatra, but was merely a tax bill infected with a virus.

French Revolution

[Aaron Denney]

Hey, I bet this could also explain the heavy use of the guillotine during the French revolution.

Re:

[Boronx]

You got to love a front page post on Slashdot making light of mass executions.

I for one . . .

[GwaihirBW]

welcome our new zombie underlings! . . . I feel kinda dirty now.

Huh?...

[schmu_20mol]

Well, just to get this somewhat straight. Solanum is a 'large' organism of a plant/vine/small tree, so we are basically talking about your run of the mill tomatoes and potatoes here (yes, I already hear those zombie biologists heaving stones towards me). So, the next question is what the solanum virus would be ... fiction, just have a look at 'The Zombie Survival Guide' by Max Brooks. I think I'll just have to get me some strong liquor and reread that story again ... kind of, hilarious.

Re:

[Khyber]

Considering the next closest relative of a tomato or potato is the poisonous nightshade plant (another Solanacae,) I'd well wager the 'virus' was actually a dose of Solanacae poisoning, throwing those affected into a delirious state, making them act zombified, which prompted people to kill them off.

Hey, it's plausible.

TFA is hilarious

[steveha]

If you enjoy understated, dry humor, go read the article. It's wonderful.

"While it is an attractive idea, no serious archaeologist would hang their fedora on it without further evidence." Sure; every serious archaeologist wears an Indiana Jones hat, goes without saying.

"Overall, those with cut marks represent less than 4% of the cemetery's population. Thus, one might suggest that the threat of zombification was relatively low, and those manifesting the disease were dealt with swiftly (though in some cemeteries evidence for cannibalism has also been found suggesting that one or two got a good meal first)." It goes on to suggest that the need for swift anti-zombie action may have led to the early invention of government by kings.

If zombies re-emerge as a threat in modern times: "Almost certainly the first sign of infection will come from the Hierakonpolis team. [...] The unfortunate side effect of the infection starting within this specialized group of researchers is that they are generally the least squeamish about decapitation duty. I know for a fact that Sean Dougherty, a physical anthropologist with extensive experience at the site, wouldn't hesitate to lop off the head of any member of the team at any time, and for any reason."

Go read it!

http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/hierakonpolis/zombies.html [archaeology.org]

steveha

Missing brainzzz...

[flyingfsck]

"So I saw the fictitious Solanum virus in the missing brain of a headless mummy." Said the blind man to his deaf daughter standing in the corner of the round hut.

Oi! I'm not a virus!!

[solanum]

Cheeky sods.

Re:

[EvilIdler]

Yes, just like the article says :)

Re:

[db32]

Sounds like someone didn't RTFA. We really need a -1 Well Duh.

Re:

[MaskedSlacker]

Just so you know your signature is not in fact ironic. Well, except for being ironic in the sense that it isn't. Also con air reference.

Re:

[db32]

5. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.

In fact it is ironic so long as you don't accept the notion that all anti-gay Republicans are in fact gay. Now...it is less ironic now than it was originally because 2 more Republicans have gotten busted soliciting gay sex in the last 2 months or so. So you could argue that the outcome of events IS what is expected now. Either way it is still damned funny that each one of the clowns voted to make discriminating against gays A-OK

Re:

[jonfr]

Zombies took over the White House in 2001.

Re:I read this in the Zombie Survival Handbook

[mrt181]

you are wrong, oil-thirsty vampires took over the white house in 2001

Re:

[mcpkaaos]

Judging by the way W handled Harkin Oil, I have to disagree with the thirsty part.

Re:I read this in the Zombie Survival Handbook

[Opportunist]

Hey, just because a zombie is a brainless being doesn't mean every brainless being already deserves being called a zombie!

In the name of our zombie brethern I resent them being lumped together with the bunch that currently runs the US! They already got so much bad press, they really don't deserve that.

Re:

[tgrigsby]

True, the current administration is beyond simple brainlessness mixed with darkest evil. Don't you miss the days when the only thing the Zombie In Chief tortured was the English language?

Re:

[mcpkaaos]

GP is probably in a different time zone.

Re:

[Belacgod]

The takeover took place in 2000. The occupation took another month after that--if you'll recall, there were some delays in getting out of Florida.

Re:What's the deal with this?

[Dunbal]

Plus the site TFA is hosted on is apparently a publication from The Archaeological Institute of America...??

      October, Halloween. Even archaeologists have a sense of humor. Get one today!

Re:

[necro2607]

I definitely have a sense of humour, don't worry. The thing is, Halloween was over a week ago, and there's no indication at all in the article that it's actually supposed to be funny. I'm reading this article, wondering how in the hell editors at Archaeology magazine are actually cool with publishing an article rambling on and on about zombies!

Re:

[ben0207]

Well, of course the article is a bit old. They are an Archeology Magazine, after all.

Re:

[geekoid]

A) It's Zombies
B) There have been several Zombie books of some geek notoriety
C) (this one might be hard for you to grasp) some people where just having a good time and being a little silly. It's almost like there was some event that involved monsters and zombie around this time of year.

Re:

[Not_Wiggins]

I can see why you're offended.
With a handle such as "necro2607," you must be one of the undead insulted by this fiction about your heredity.

Zombies are all around us. I see them all the time working at the local movie theaters taking tickets, making telemarketing calls about vitamin supplements, or even working diligently in bureaucratic jobs (such as secretaries in college financial-aid offices).

Be dead! Be proud!
   

Re:

[jamrock]

Uhh, am I just missing something here?

Your sense of humor, apparently. Lighten up, Francis.

Re:

[necro2607]

No man, I actually have a pretty huge sense of humour, but... the whole article both in the Archaeology magazine and on Slashdot are both written in a fully serious tone with no actual indication that it's a joke. The fact that the article itself is long as hell is pretty amazing considering the detail they go into, rambling on about pure nonsense. 100% Onion material, not the kind of shit I'd expect to find in the latest issue of Archaeology magazine.

Re:

[jamrock]

I was just funnin' witcha, man. Point taken, and frankly, I do agree with you about Archeology magazine's foray into poker-faced humor, what with April 1st well in the past.

Re:

[dameron]

Lighten up Nancy, with a name like necro2607 [slashdot.org] (771790) you're not fooling anybody...

You're prolly knee-deep in the juju swapping war stories with the Dru Naju.

Re:

[FleaPlus]

Is there some kind of long-running inside joke about this fictional "solanum" virus?

It might be kind of obscure, but "solanum" is a reference to the fictional Solanum virus in the Zombie Survival Guide [wikipedia.org] by Max Brooks. It's also alluded to, but I don't think is explicitly named, in the quasi-sequel World War Z [wikipedia.org]. Both are awesome books, btw, and I highly recommend reading them.

Limits of Scientific Humor

[First Person]

I would like to offer the proposition that scientific humor is targeted for a limited audience and that the form of the publication often parodies that of field-appropriate journals. This later point often makes the joke difficult to translate. It's like having a punchline in a monologue where the timing is badly off. Other elements often depend on an understanding of subtle word play or field specific terminology. This is not to say that scientific humor cannot be understood by non-scientists, but mere

Re:

[First Person]

Three additional quick comments.

• The name 'Hierakonpolis' or 'Here a con polis' where 'polis' means city basically is announcing 'This is a fake city'.
• The diyttrium potassium article was actually original research and mildly interesting at that.
• "The researchers wish to point out to their dean and department head that only 12 hours of supercomputer time were spent on the analysis." This did not appear in the Science article from what I recall.

Re:

[Belacgod]

Hierakonpolis [wikipedia.org] definitely exists.

Re:

[First Person]

How amusing. Thanks for the correction.

Re:

[Lehk228]

this is no joke. head for the motherfucking hills we have fast zombies everywhere.

Re:

[KefkaTheMad]

Uhh, am I just missing something here? Is this article a joke? Why is this posted on Slashdot?
by necro2607 on Thursday November 08, @06:00PM (#21288405)

Doesn't it seem strange that the only guy bashing the articles goes by the name necro2607? Methinks he must be part of the zombie cover-up conspiracy, trying to keep their plans a secret while they raise their unholy army of the dead to conquer the world.

Re:What's the deal with this?

[evilviper]

Uhh, am I just missing something here? Is this article a joke?

No, it's not a joke. It's 100% serious. That's why it was posted under the category "It's funny. Laugh." and the first few words of the summary are "A tongue-in-cheek article".

That's the sign of a dead-serious story right there.

Re:

[necro2607]

I was talking about the Archaeology magazine.

Everything is it's Opposite..

[zippthorne]

Who are you, The Sphinx?

Re:

[PPH]

Remove the head or destroy the brain!

That doesn't always work. Karl Rove is gone and yet our administration still lurches along.

Re:

[glittalogik]

You must be new here.

Re:

[necro2607]

Yeah, apparently I'm not the only one continuously thinking "what the f?" while reading this article, despite peoples' insistence that I just have no sense of humour. Sorry, it's just not funny when it's completely portrayed as some fucking factual scientific article, and is getting reposted in the Science section of other websites as though it's some worthwhile read. :P

Re:

[EvilIdler]

The references to the Zombie Survival Guide weren't enough?
OK, then look at the choice quotes of a poster just below:
http://science.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=354929&cid=21289339 [slashdot.org]

Re:

[DeepHurtn!]

Wait a second: you post an incoherent comment with sub-literate style and filled with grade three level spelling mistakes and you're attacking others for daring to "open there mouths"?

Somehow I doubt the Archaeological Institute of America is too worried about their acreddidation with you.

Re:

[aonifer]

Are you from Digg or YouTube?

Lots of boogymen have historical/medical roots

[phorm]

I can't remember the exact name of the condition, but there is one that causes an extreme reaction to sun, as well as other symptoms such as receding gums (making teeth appear longer etc). Those who "die" are actually sometimes just torporous, and have recover to some extent for awhile. This explains many vampire myths. I've head supposition that the lack of certain key blood cells also may have led those suffering from this syndrome may also find a taste for blood to replace their own lack, but this may be

Re:

[WilliamSChips]

Actually, there are girls on Slashdot. Most of them pretend to be guys.

Re:

[TheRaven64]

This makes Slashdot anti-IRC. If Slashdot and IRC ever collide they will annihilate emitting enough raw productivity to cause the Internet to collapse.