Darth Vader Robs Long Island Bank 190
Apparently the destruction of the second Death Star has stretched the Galactic Empire's coffers so thin that Lord Vader himself is robbing banks. From the article: "Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday (paywall) that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun — as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat — the fallen Jedi demanded cash."
handguns (Score:5, Funny)
Re:handguns (Score:4, Funny)
Yet more apropo, You got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? [imdb.com]
Re:bat'leths (Score:2, Funny)
http://entertainment.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/02/04/1456240 [slashdot.org]
These are not the money bags you're looking for. (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:These are not the money bags you're looking for (Score:4, Funny)
Not a bad plan (Score:5, Funny)
But I think playing the Imperial March on a portable speaker while he walked in drew a bit too much attention.
There were actually 3 robbers. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:There were actually 3 robbers. (Score:5, Funny)
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Just reread my post.
Was trying to retell a joke that Chris Rock originally did about it not being James Earl Jones in the Vader suit at the end of Ep. 6.
In hindsight, it sounded really racist. Sorry.
{funny aside, I'm black. Go figure.}
Obviously (Score:2, Funny)
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"No! Alderaan is peaceful! We have no weapons, you can't possibly... "
Re:Obviously (Score:5, Funny)
I'm sure their executives do.
Darth Vader Robs Bank (Score:5, Funny)
He'll be pretty easy to spot (Score:5, Funny)
Re:He'll be pretty easy to spot (Score:5, Funny)
No, it'll be the guy whose mom drops him off in an pimped out Escalade.
Re:He'll be pretty easy to spot (Score:5, Funny)
The police did pull over a suspicious pimped out Escalade, but according to the paperwork the driver wasn't the bank robber they were looking for.
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You insensitive clod! (Score:2)
His mother was killed by Tusken raiders.
Unusual (Score:5, Funny)
Couldn't Cheney have just gone on a lecture tour like everyone else?
"I find the lack of cash in this paper bag... disturbing."
Re:Unusual (Score:5, Funny)
A day long remembered (Score:3, Funny)
Cool (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Cool (Score:5, Funny)
Quiet, or you'll give Lucas an idea for another prequel: "Episode 3.5: How Vader Acquired Funding for the Death Star".
(Oh crap - I think he heard me.)
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No wonder he turned to bank robbery after panhandling. He likely acquired the funds enough to buy a pistol and took a leap of faith.
Sounds like a decent flick, actually. Maybe the Chad Vader guys will pick it up...
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actually what prequels were you referring to? There is only the Star Wars Trilogy.
Very Smart (Score:2)
This is actually really smart. Who knows the robber's age/weight/sex? Same logic behind dressing in Santa outfit, though Vader's a bit more suspicious.
All you have to do is literally change out of the outfit into your street clothes (maybe wear a suit and put the costume into a snazzy briefcase) and no one will know the difference.
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The same brilliant idea occurred to the KKK long, long ago... ...just sayin'
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The same brilliant idea occurred to the KKK long, long ago... ...just sayin'
Just as long as they don't build a death star.
ATM (Score:5, Funny)
"Who's gonna give me a loan, jack-hole? You!? You got an ATM on that torso lite-brite!?" - Emperor Palpatine
Free Lightsaber with every new account (Score:5, Funny)
He's heading for that small Bank (Score:5, Funny)
That's no Bank;
It's a credit union.
How I imagine the call to the tips line... (Score:4, Funny)
Operator: Hello Tip line
Caller: Yes I'm calling about the Darth Vader bank robbery
Operator: OK go ahead..
Caller: Yes the guy who did it lives in a galaxy far far away.
Operator: OK how does this help
Caller: Well it doesn't but I know he is on a large moon.. Wait that's no moon it's.. it's... massive......
Operator: Who is this?
Caller: It's Han {static}
Operator: I think we have a bad connection say again
Caller: It's Han {static} and I am near the deathstar located {static}
Operator: OK we have your location we are sending the authorities
Caller: OK can you hear me now?
Operator: Yes.
Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo
Operator: um why?
Caller: Do you want to catch the guy or not {noise in the background} hold on. SHUT UP CHEWY
{Call cuts off}
Re:How I imagine the call to the tips line... (Score:5, Insightful)
Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo
PROTON torpedo. Photon torpedos were Star Trek, not Star Wars.
Somehow, I feel ashamed to know that fact, but I couldn't let it slide. ;)
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Somehow, I feel ashamed to know that fact, but I couldn't let it slide. ;)
I wouldn't feel ashamed for knowing. I'd be ashamed for not being able to let it slide. ;)
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Photons are particles of light energy which probably wouldn't do much besides blind someone when concentrated.
Maybe you should tell that to people who have been injured by lasers or by the x-ray burst of a nuclear bomb...
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Yes, yes, and your mother was a Romulan and we're all insensitive clods...
Bank tellers last words (Score:5, Insightful)
a. May the cash be with you.
b. If you shoot me, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
c. The power to rob a bank is insignificant next to the power of the force.
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If Lucas wrote the script, it would have been:
d. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Hey man... (Score:2)
Props to Robot Chicken (Score:2, Funny)
"What do you have an ATM in that chest LiteBrite of yours?"
They can steal it back... (Score:4, Funny)
... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.
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No, it's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda at Panucci's Pizza; 1077.
Re:They can steal it back... (Score:5, Funny)
... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.
OMG that's the same combination as my luggage!
When he was... (Score:4, Funny)
I can hear it now.... (Score:2, Funny)
Luke.... I am your robber.
I guess this is why he's not invited to reunions (Score:3, Funny)
Poor David Prouse, rock bottom indeed. Kinda cool he still fits in the suit.
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Prowse, thanks.
should have used R2D2 (Score:2)
R2D2 just walks up to any ATM, opens a panel, sticks an interface in, twists a few times, and takes all the cash he wants
he's also good at shutting down trash compactors
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R2D2 just walks up to any ATM, opens a panel, sticks an interface in, twists a few times, and takes all the cash he wants
You know, R2-D2 was always kind of easy-going about how he used that data jack. He'd just stick it in any old port he could find, and give it a few turns until he got what he needed. The problem is those data-jack interfaces are very prone to viral transmission. Plus computers are becoming more and more selective in terms of what kinds of data packets they'll accept. As a result, it's becoming very rare these days to find an unprotected data port. It's not like the old days where he could find a data p
Funny... (Score:2)
From TFA... (Score:2)
Vader is described as 6 feet, 2 inches tall, also wearing camouflage pants
What the fuck is wrong with Lucas? I mean the who shot first thing was bad enough, but to put Vader in camo pants?!?
Did he copy Vader's voice too? (Score:2)
His statement upon capture: (Score:2)
When captured by the police, he let out a terrible cry: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
In other news.... (Score:2)
... LucasFilms has issued a Cease and Desist order against all criminals, past, present and future, to prevent the unlawful acquisition of monetary gains while portraying characters that are the intellectual property of George Lucas.
George has also contacted the NY criminal demanding royalties for this recent public performance...
I've heard that ... (Score:2, Funny)
... the shoe polish he uses to keep his helmet shiny costs him an arm and a leg!
Or was that an arm and two legs?
Re:WTF? (Score:5, Insightful)
The main reason is that while this world contains some wonderful things in it, it also contains lots and lots of bad stuff. Being able to find humor in bad situations can make life more bearable despite some of its horrors. Laughing at a situation or event doesn't necessarily mean that we'd chose for it to come about, it's a way of trying to enjoy life despite living in an often painful world.
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I'm so tired I initially misread the title as saying "Darth Vader robes long and black", to which my reaction was "yeah, I knew that- how's that news?". Which in retrospect was actually funny. As you pointed out, humor is a great thing, but I believe for more reasons than that given by Heinlein to "Mike", who put it thus:
"I had thought -- I had been told -- that a 'funny' thing is a thing of a goodness. It isn't. Not ever is it funny to the person it happens to. Like that sheriff without his pants. The goodness is in the laughing itself. I grok it is a bravery . . . and a sharing... against pain and sorrow and defeat."
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I, and a lot of the people I know, did.
Re:WTF? (Score:5, Insightful)
Something can be both evil and funny at the same time.
You're right that it's vile for someone to threaten another person with a gun. It's not that aspect of this which we're all laughing at. We're lauging at someone doing something grave while dressed up as a movie character, and at the irony / apropriateness / etc. of having Darth Vader perform an actual evil act.
Re:WTF? (Score:4, Insightful)
I don't think we have much control over what we find amusing. Is your concern that we're publicly making merry of this situation, and in doing so we seem to be either (a) condoning what happened, or (b) doing something that might effectivly rub salt in the psychological wounds of the bank teller?
Or are you saying that it's in poor taste that we even find this situation funny in the first place? Because I can understand applying "poor taste" to how we act, but not to what our original emotional response (amusement) is to this story. Perhaps instead of saying our feelings are in poor taste, you should say you're "disappointed" or "dismayed" that so many people had a feeling of amusement about the story?
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Well, I'm more concerned about conveying the appearance of (a) than actually causing (b), as how other people react isn't something we can have any control over, although I think everybody in society has some obligation to be respectful of the lives of other people, even those they do not personally know.
Now to address your second paragraph, yes, it would be highly accurate to say I am dismayed or disappointed at what seems to be the reaction to this story. I realize that the person's outfit, in most ot
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How about the fact that we managed to have a real discussion on /. ? That's no small miracle.
and that there were (Score:2)
no disintegrations
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I suspect you probably work for the government. Maybe the military. Probably the DMV even. Those guys have NO sense of humor whatsoever!
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Re:WTF? (Score:4, Insightful)
Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come. I'm glad that nobody got hurt, of course, but I simply cannot see this as amusing, and I find the fact that so many people apparently do (including marking me as a troll, above), to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people who could have potentially been killed.
I find your lack of perspective disturbing.
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Having your people ruthlessly exterminated by an evil dictatorship arguably isn't funny. But that didn't stop Mel Brooks (who by the way, served in the Army whilst invading Germany) from making fun of Nazis and Hitler. Sometimes, the best way you can get revenge on someone is to laugh at them--paraphrasing Brooks.
Maybe having a gun put in your face can't ever be funny for a teller. Myself, I probably would have laughed right there on the spot, having been in more bleak situations. But trying to quantify wha
Re:WTF? (Score:4, Interesting)
Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come.
Yeah for sure, but he lived, and I'm not him and don't know him.
"Comedy is tragedy plus distance" -- my high school English teacher.
or for a more twisted take:
"Tragedy is if I get a paper cut. . . . Comedy is if you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks
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"Comedy is just Tragedy plus time" - Owen
"No time has passed! I'm holding my dead mother in my arms!" - Ani
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Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come.
This wouldn't have been a problem if society hadn't become so wussy.
In the US, pretty much every bank employee before about 1900 was carrying a weapon (especially west of the Mississippi), and this is one of the reasons the very few "successful" bank robbers are now mythical figures.
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You must be really liked at parties!
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Re:WTF? (Score:4, Insightful)
I'd like to make another point. I think you're facing a dichotomy between what you think people should find funny vs. what (most) people do find funny.
In my other replies to you, I was trying to explain why I think people do find the story funny.
As to whether or not we should, that's an entirely separate ball of wax. But I for one don't have too much control over what I do find funny. I reckon that's largely part of the human condition.
Re:WTF? (Score:5, Insightful)
I'd like to make another point. I think you're facing a dichotomy between what you think people should find funny vs. what (most) people do find funny.
In my other replies to you, I was trying to explain why I think people do find the story funny.
As to whether or not we should, that's an entirely separate ball of wax. But I for one don't have too much control over what I do find funny. I reckon that's largely part of the human condition.
I think prescribing what people should find funny would lead to a very bleak world. Humour has nothing to do with morality, except perhaps when it's used as a tool to humiliate others. This is not the case here - and the guy you replied to has no way of knowing how the teller reacted or how he coped with the situation after it happened. In fact, a lot of people find humour a good way to work through traumatic experiences. Whenever I am under considerable stress, or something bad happens, sooner or later I'll find a way to look back and smile. I also think you are talking to a wall here. GP simply lacks the capacity to look at a situation from different perspectives while believing that his own perspective is morally superiour to everyone else's. A trait shared by religious zealots and fanatics, self-indignant extreme-right politicians, etc... ironically, the kind of people you and I would never describe as moral or ethical ;)
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It sounds like you consider your own perspective so morally superior to those of "religious zealots" and extreme-right politicians that you can't look at a situation f
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It sounds like you consider your own perspective so morally superior to those of "religious zealots" and extreme-right politicians that you can't look at a situation from their persepctive. Interesting.
Considering my perspective superiour and the ability to look at a situation from theirs have nothing to do with each other. They are not mutually exclusive. Take, for instance, humour. Some people get the humorous aspect of this story, others don't. While the former group is capable of looking at the story from a serious point of view (feeling sympathy for the teller in his plight for example), the latter group would always insist that THIS IS NOT FUNNY. Now I wouldn't say that my perspective is superiour (
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You are correct, I do not know what the teller thought of the situation... but the guy had a gun, presumably loaded, and could have killed anybody in that bank.. and not just the teller. Statistically, the number of bank robberies that turn violent when the teller complies with the robber's demands may be quite low, but I would not find that statistic particularly comforting had I been there thinking my own life could be in danger
O grow up, the world is a sick twisted place that none of us will escape alive. Stop being suck a whinny little bitch already...
Re:WTF? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:WTF? (Score:5, Insightful)
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Beautiful. Wish I could mod you up.
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It's amusing because when robbing a bank (or most any nefarious activity) the object is to be as nondescript as possible so as to blend in. All of this guys friends & acquaintances knew it was him the minute they saw this. I would be shocked if the Police don't already know who it is.
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"This will be a robbery long remembered..."
Re:WTF? (Score:5, Funny)
How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.
Is that you Ned Flanders?
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Part of it is funny, and part of it is bad.
People have different abilities to mental gymnastics, and apparently your ability to view a situation from multiple angles at once is not very developed. Becoming aware of this is a big advantage.
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Re:Han Solo (Score:4, Insightful)
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The joke's on them! My rate's locked in!
More like, (Score:2)
When he's arrested, he'll say "The police Force was strong with this one."
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I'd settle for a Kendo stick if he really new how to use it.
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Only because the city's trash (income level notwithstanding) keeps encroaching. Eventually all of Nassau and Suffolk are going to be one giant stinking extenstion of Queens, complete with that ridiculous pseudo-Italian "Lawn Guyland" accent.
Now get off my lawn, er, sod farm!
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Reality show in 3,2,1...