Pro Bono Lawyer Fights C&D With Humor 144
Zordak writes "When Jake Freivald received a questionable Cease and Desist letter from a big-firm attorney, demanding that he immediately relinquish rights to his website http://westorage.info, his pro-bono lawyer decided to treat the letter like the joke that it was. In a three-page missive, the lawyer points out the legal, constitutional, and ethical problems with the letter that led him to conclude that the letter was a joke. He concludes, in a postscript, with an unsubstantiated demand for $28,000 in overpaid property taxes, and offers to lease the city the domain name 'westorange.gov' in exchange."
Oh my god, get the website right (Score:5, Informative)
It's westorange.info, not westorage.info. The editing is ridiculous.
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I think that 'C&D' should probably be 'S&D' also - Stand and Deliver.
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Re: Oh my god, get the website right (Score:3, Funny)
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Your money or your life.
That is obvious. I'll take your money.
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It's the usual bait-and-switch, as soon as they have the money, why not take the life as well?
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It's the usual bait-and-switch, as soon as they have the money, why not take the life as well?
If you kill a man today, he'll be dead tomorrow. But, if you rob a man today, he'll get more money that you can steal from him tomorrow.
Re:Oh my god, get the website right (Score:5, Funny)
Ah, I see you are familiar with our system of government.
Re:Oh my god, get the website right (Score:4, Insightful)
You joke but that's the entire basis for most governments!
It's still happening in modern day - a group of thugs has enough power to take money for everyone in an area - but if they take everything people will starve. As they work out the best way to keep getting money over time, and optimizing for that, they begin to look very much like any other government, as the payback for providing some basic defense and infrastructure is very real. Eventually people start expecting them to act like a real government, and if they keep power for a generation or so, they become indistinguishable from any other government.
Heck, my biggest complaint about the US government is that they've become too short-sighted - too much looting now at the expense of future growth - the goose that lays the golden egg may look tasty, but c'mon!
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S&D is Search and Destroy
Site suffering from the slashdot effect ^_^ (Score:5, Funny)
I find it ironic curious visitors are doing what the West Orange County failed to do.
Re:Oh my god, get the website right (Score:5, Funny)
It's westorange.info, not westorage.info. The editing is ridiculous.
You have unrealistic expectations. Editing here has long consisted of pressing "submit" and then spending the afternoon climbing under the desk to pick-up the Skittles that fell down there yesterday.
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Editing here has long consisted of pressing "submit" and then spending the afternoon climbing under the desk to pick-up the Skittles that fell down there yesterday.
Skittles also look an awful lot like some Methaqualone pills.
Not implying anything, of course...
nice! (Score:2)
Re: Cease and Desist letter (Score:5, Funny)
Why bother the appropriate response is:
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Re: Cease and Desist Order
No.
Regards
xxxx
Re: Cease and Desist letter (Score:3, Insightful)
They wouldn't feel nearly as stupid without biting sarcasm...biting them.
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That's not only legal but actually a job description? Wow, the times sure are a'changing!
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I imagine that's why he also sent an 'example' response to a serious letter.
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Even stupider, when they realize their efforts are being paraded for the amusement of thousands on the internet.
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Paging Mrs. Streisand for effect...
Re: Cease and Desist letter (Score:5, Funny)
Why bother the appropriate response is:
No.
I would have used two words, but, hey, that's just me.
Re: Cease and Desist letter (Score:5, Funny)
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The second word would be "off"; the first left to the imagination.
Re: Cease and Desist letter (Score:5, Funny)
Left-to-the-imagination off?
That doesn't make much sense.
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Ah, in which case you're referring him to the answer given in Arkell v. Pressdram.
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The second word would be "off"; the first left to the imagination.
No.... off?
Re: Cease and Desist letter (Score:4, Interesting)
I would have used
"I refer you to the reply in arkell vs. pressdram"
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Junk filter.
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Do they have to be kind? I'd give them something in kind, but it sure as hell would not be kind. At best, it would be "kindisch". Ahh, the wonders of how German and English often use the same word for very different meanings...
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Ah, one of those overachieving types putting forward twice the effort, are we?
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"Fuck no" is two better words under the cirsumstances.
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No it isn't. It shows you can't use your brain to think of anything original, cleaver and/or meaningful.
It means you aren't thinking.
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Disagree. The correct response is:
With regards to your recent letter, we refer you to the reply given in the case Arkell v. Pressdram.
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Re: Cease and Desist letter (Score:5, Funny)
“I'm seated in the smallest room in the house. Your letter is before me. Soon it will be behind me.” — Voltaire
That wouldn't be "pro bono". (Score:3)
An how a professional comedian does it: (Score:5, Funny)
Letter to Warner Brothers: A Night in Casablanca
Groucho Marx
Abstract: While preparing to film a movie entitled A Night in Casablanca, the Marx brothers received a letter from Warner Bros. threatening legal action if they did not change the film’s title. Warner Bros. deemed the film’s title too similar to their own Casablanca, released almost five years earlier in 1942, with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman. In response Groucho Marx dispatched the following letter to the studio’s legal department:
Dear Warner Brothers,
Apparently there is more than one way of conquering a city and holding it as your own. For example, up to the time that we contemplated making this picture, I had no idea that the city of Casablanca belonged exclusively to Warner Brothers. However, it was only a few days after our announcement appeared that we received your long, ominous legal document warning us not to use the name Casablanca.
It seems that in 1471, Ferdinand Balboa Warner, your great-great-grandfather, while looking for a shortcut to the city of Burbank, had stumbled on the shores of Africa and, raising his alpenstock (which he later turned in for a hundred shares of common), named it Casablanca.
I just don’t understand your attitude. Even if you plan on releasing your picture, I am sure that the average movie fan could learn in time to distinguish between Ingrid Bergman and Harpo. I don’t know whether I could, but I certainly would like to try.
You claim that you own Casablanca and that no one else can use that name without permission. What about “Warner Brothers”? Do you own that too? You probably have the right to use the name Warner, but what about the name Brothers? Professionally, we were brothers long before you were. We were touring the sticks as the Marx Brothers when Vitaphone was still a gleam in the inventor’s eye, and even before there had been other brothers—the Smith Brothers; the Brothers Karamazov; Dan Brothers, an outfielder with Detroit; and “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?” (This was originally “Brothers, Can You Spare a Dime?” but this was spreading a dime pretty thin, so they threw out one brother, gave all the money to the other one, and whittled it down to “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?”)
Now Jack, how about you? Do you maintain that yours is an original name? Well it’s not. It was used long before you were born. Offhand, I can think of two Jacks—Jack of “Jack and the Beanstalk,” and Jack the Ripper, who cut quite a figure in his day.
As for you, Harry, you probably sign your checks sure in the belief that you are the first Harry of all time and that all other Harrys are impostors. I can think of two Harrys that preceded you. There was Lighthouse Harry of Revolutionary fame and a Harry Appelbaum who lived on the corner of 93rd Street and Lexington Avenue. Unfortunately, Appelbaum wasn’t too well-known. The last I heard of him, he was selling neckties at Weber and Heilbroner.
Now about the Burbank studio. I believe this is what you brothers call your place. Old man Burbank is gone. Perhaps you remember him. He was a great man in a garden. His wife often said Luther had ten green thumbs. What a witty woman she must have been! Burbank was the wizard who crossed all those fruits and vegetables until he had the poor plants in such confused and jittery condition that they could never decide whether to enter the dining room on the meat platter or the dessert dish.
This is pure conjecture, of course, but who knows—perhaps Burbank’s survivors aren’t too happy with the fact that a plant that grinds out pictures on a quota settled in their town, appropriated Burbank’s name and uses it as a front for their films. It is even possible that the Burbank family is prouder of the potato produced by the old man than they are of the fact that your studio emerged “Casablanca” or even “Gold Diggers of 1931.
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I am sure that the average movie fan could learn in time to distinguish between Ingrid Bergman and Harpo. <Groucho>I don't know whether I could, but I certainly would like to try.</Groucho>
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OMG, I've wet myself.
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Unamused, Warner Bros. requested that the Marx Brothers at least outline the premise of their film. Groucho responded with an utterly ridiculous storyline, and, sure enough, received another stern letter requesting clarification. He obliged and went on to describe a plot even more preposterous than the first, claiming that he, Groucho, would be playing “Bordello, the sweetheart of Humphrey Bogart.” No doubt exasperated, Warner Bros. did not respond. A Night in Casablanca was released in 1946.
Entire exchange can be found on 27bslash6.com [27bslash6.com].
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Well-known political views (Score:3)
There's more going on here than a city semi-reasonably fighting a domain squatter.
Re:Well-known political views (Score:5, Funny)
It's political dirty fighting (Score:5, Informative)
Yup, found plenty of dirt [baristanet.com] here, no idea how true all this is but it seems to be some bad blood involved.
It does seem unusual that the town council is messing around with their own PR committee.
Plus, Freivald is/was pretty active politically [joekrakoviak.com] so that might be where he ruffled some feathers.
Re:It's political dirty fighting (Score:5, Informative)
It seems that the alternative journalist he ticked off is a volunteer member of hte same Council that he is a volunteer member of. She wrote some inflammatory things about his wife's charity group (dealing with special needs kids), he got ticked, said some things, and the journalist in turn threatened blackmail of the "stop saying bad things about me, or we'll stop covering your wife's charity in the press at all". he of course didnt take that lying down and criticized the hournalist more... ...and so now the journalist, in the name of hte council that they are both volunteer members of, contacted a lawyer and had the C&D sent.
So in the end the C&D Lawyer is a middleman in their dispute.
Now, he sent a very poorly written C&D and deserves all ridicule he has recieved on that (and failed in his own due diligence if he can so easily be trumped by such simple things as facts, as the shown in the response letter). but he was also just being used a pawn in the battle between the two individuals.
this is how it looks frm what ive found.
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also humourous of course is that the Mayor just issued some boilerplate response in defense of the council, not even aware the the gent is a (volunteer) member of that very same council.
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Ah, lovely to see tax dollars so well-spent. Or donations, or whatever that council is funded by.
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A fine piece of writing (Score:2)
This letter is a fine piece of legal writing. The only other bits of legal writing I've seen during my legal research when I went to court "in pro per" (that's Legalese for "I did it by myself") over a trifling First Amendment issue that were as funny were a couple of SCOTUS opinions written by the two acknowledged legal hacks of the court, Scalia and Thomas. The original of Scalia's was written in blood; Thomas' original was written in crayon.
I hate U2... (Score:3)
so does that make me "Anti-Bono"?
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That's Anti-Sir-Bono, to you.
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Nope , it makes you Uncle Bono, sonny.
Copyright term extension (Score:2)
Legalese (Score:4, Interesting)
As someone that's just had to write a long missive to my old car insurance company, I have to wonder why such things are even allowed to get that far without someone stepping in and saying "Hold on, that's just going to cause trouble". In legal cases, there should surely be some penalty for a false representation such as the C&D letter.
My own frustration stemmed from the fact that my insurance company changed something on my policy that I agreed to. Then the next thing I know, they've cancelled the policy because I didn't pay the difference for the change. News to me, given that I actually had two letters that said my next regular payment had been adjusted accordingly for EXACTLY that payment, and that I didn't need to do anything.
It was also quite interesting in that the envelope that the notice of cancellation was received in only arrived on my doorstep the DAY AFTER the insurance was cancelled. Pretty sure that no matter what you do there, I have a came for "untimely service" or some such.
None of that matters, though, as I can prove it all if required. What really annoyed me was the letter demanding the missing payment (the one that you didn't ask for, that you told me would be taken from my regular payments, and that you cancelled the contract - I would assert illegally - before that payment ever came due?) with threat of court action.
Needless to say my reply was significantly less polite, and less humorous than this, but probably contained a lot more legalese. I'm waiting for the 60-day offer I gave them to resolve the situation (which includes £100 payment back to myself because - even if we take that debt as valid - they incurred costs for myself by cancelling the contract illegally and in an untimely manner) before I do anything else. I think that's pretty reasonable, personally, given that I had already assumed the matter was settled without either side paying the other. My next step will be to claim for the lost day at work that it cost me, though, and that's when it gets so expensive I'm hoping they have the brains to not force me to employ the services of a lawyer or the courts to get that from them.
I did once write one of my suppliers a song, though. They'd taken forever to supply the school I worked for with a Microsoft licence, and I was literally seconds away from cancelling the order after much messing about (which, apparently, including Microsoft manually typing in my email address and not being able to spell "administrator", which is worrying in so many ways).
The school were in the middle of being closed because of the snow at the time, which gave me time to write it, and it felt quite Christmassy being in a school in the snow, so it's to the tune of "The Night Before Christmas":
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'Twas the week after purchase and all through the school,
Not a computer was stirring, not even a "machine, virtual".
The machines were hung on blue screens in their lair,
In the hopes that new Windows soon would be there,
The children nestled all snug in their homes,
While snow-days were debated and staff manned the phones,
And hoped that everyone were all travelling well,
While wishing that Microsoft had at last learned to spell.
When out in the ICT suite there arose such a clatter,
And all came running to see what was the matter.
'Twas the IT Manager with eyes full of wrath,
Melting down old Windows disks to de-ice the path.
"Don't worry," he cried as he stoked up the flames,
"A Linux disk I have, and some educational games."
Needless to say, my licence was sorted within the hour.
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I fired my last insurance company for erroneously cancelling my homeowner's policy twice. Sort of. The first time, I confess, I erred and forgot to send the payment on my car insurance in a timely manner. They did the irrational thing, and took the money from the paid-in-full homeowner's policy, and paid the auto policy. No, sorry idjits, you don't get to unpay my bills. This would have bothered me less if they hadn't sent me and my mortgage company a cancellation notice when they did it. Before someo
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I feel your pain. In a similar run, my insurance company forgot to autodraft my car insurance for a couple of months and then panicked and pulled the money for the car out of my home insurance escrow. This caused a cascading panic where the mortgage lender saw the escrow was too low to cover the insurance, and they wanted to change a whole bunch of things to fix it. I told the mortgage company to relax, and asked if I could just pay extra on my next payment, stipulated to go straight to escrow, to solve the
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As someone that's just had to write a long missive to my old car insurance company, I have to wonder why such things are even allowed to get that far without someone stepping in and saying "Hold on, that's just going to cause trouble".
Simple - 99% of the time it doesn't cause trouble. If a company sends out 1000 letters, gains a profit of $1000 for 999 of them, and then gets sued and loses to the tune of $40k on one, just what lesson do you think it will learn? Probably not the one the guy who sued them was trying to make.
Final Paragraph (Score:4, Insightful)
Risky last paragraph (Score:2, Insightful)
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When they said the first thing is... (Score:2)
...to kill all the lawyers, I think we should make an exception for Mr, Kaplitt.
Hmmm (Score:2)
blocked -help (Score:2)
Can someone post the content of the gawker site letter? blocked by corp firewall....
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I hired a Pro-Bono lawyer to sue U2 once (Score:2)
Re:County Lawyer (Score:5, Funny)
Doesn't exactly inspire confidence if his underlings can't even spell check.
It's not a typo. It's written by a lawyer. You're not supposed to be able to read it and understand it.
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Re:County Lawyer (Score:5, Informative)
Luckily, "tried" is the verb in that sentence. The "to conclusion" is an adjectival phrase.
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Re:County Lawyer (Score:5, Informative)
Adverbial, I believe, since it modifies "tried", not "bid litigation".
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Are you sure you didn't mean "preposition phrase" since it was tried "to conclusion"?
Re:County Lawyer (Score:4, Funny)
You can modify litigation now? Fuck those lawyers!
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Re:County Lawyer (Score:5, Insightful)
All told it's a vile (and very legal) sentence with no punctuation. The proof-reader in me can't find a way of writing it in a better way though (well, not without rewriting the entire sentence)
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Specifically, Mr. Trenk has recently tried , to conclusion , bid litigation involving over $100 million.
Do I win anything?
Re:County Lawyer (Score:5, Informative)
Yes, that's exactly what it's saying.
The term "tried to conclusion" means that the matter was brought to trial, and the trial has completed, as opposed to being stalled in an endless cycle of motions and counter-motions, or settling out of court, or otherwise not finishing.
Considering that some lawsuits last several decades, simply saying that he brought a particular litigation to trial isn't really enough, because it's vague as to whether the trial is still ongoing. Similarly, ozbon's proposed alteration is vague, because it leaves open the question of how the litigation was completed. It could have been laughed out of court during pre-trial.
The language used was specific, concise, and complete. Since the majority of a lawyer's work involves reading and writing legal documents that must be specific, concise, and complete, this is a good thing. Your lack of understanding is due to your assumption regarding the definition of the word "tried". If that's a significant barrier to your understanding of his website, you should probably be looking for a dictionary, not a lawyer.
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Is "tried to conclusion" lawyer speak for "lost at trail and had his appeals rejected"?
Either that or it means "Happy Ending" ...
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Yes, and it also doesn't imply whether he won or lost. What he is probably hoping is that his potential customers will read that and assume he won.
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While language is a medium of communication, jargons are media of highly specific communications between persons trained in the jargon. Jargons are not necessarily understandable by persons without the training, nor should they be. They are artificially constructed languages that say more with fewer words than could be done in the parent natural language.
Lawyer speak is one of the oldest jargons. At a guess, "tried to conclusion bid litigation" means something different to a lawyer than the meaning it sugg
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Yes, but he is Communicating in an area you are clueless in, so it doesn't make sense to you due to your ignorance.
Let's stop lowering the int elect barrier and language does to the lowest stupid denominator.
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Re:County Lawyer (Score:4, Insightful)
You're reading it as English. Don't do that. It's not English, but legal jargon. We throw our own jargon around all the time, and expect people to understand it as such and not interpret it as literal.
Proof: "Use the mouse to move your cursor on the desktop until it's over Firefox icon, then click it.". A more literal translation would be "Use a small rodent to move your sliderule part on the desk you're sitting at until it has a higher vertical height than a religious depiction of a red panda, then make it emit a sharp sound."
We use tech jargon on tech websites. He's using legal jargon on a legal website. That's wholly appropriate, and it's your job to interpret it through the proper filters.
Re:County Lawyer (Score:5, Funny)
Doesn't exactly inspire confidence if his underlings can't even spell check.
Nowhere in that sentence does the word "check" or anything remotely similar in misspelled form appear.
How you can deduce from that his inability to misspell "check" is beyond me.
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Where is the typo? Everything in your quoted sentence is correct.
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It was lacking in cromulence, So it was not perfect. But it was understandable.
Re:A good joke needs time to play out (Score:5, Interesting)
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In many ways, HyperCard grew into the web as we know it. It doesn't get nearly enough credit in that regard.