James Bond Was Going To Fight Robot Sharks With Nukes In New York's Sewers (bbc.com) 90
dryriver writes: The line "sharks with fricking lasers" was once popular on Slashdot. It sounds like a joke, but a never-made James Bond movie co-written back in the day by Sean Connery was actually going to feature robotic sharks carrying stolen NATO nukes in order to attack New York. Bond was going to stop the sharks inside the New York sewer system, waterski out of the sewers, paraglide up to the Statue of Liberty's head, then fight a Bond villain inside said head, with the villain's "blood trickling out of the Statue of Liberty's eye like tears" at the end of the fight. All this was going to happen without the consent of Cubby Broccoli, the official producer of the Bond movies. Why did the movie never get made? The producers of competing Bond movies were fighting in court over who has what rights to the franchise and characters. In the end, "Bond fights robot sharks with nukes" was scrapped, and "Never Say Never Again," a remake of "Thunderball," was made instead. This featured stolen nukes as well, but unfortunately no robot sharks or other "Austin Powers" style silliness.
Still better than... (Score:3, Insightful)
Still better than replacing Bond with a black woman.
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Can we please, pretty please, get some English speakers to write the summary lines?
I mean, I think fighting robot sharks with nuclear weapons would be kinda dangerous...
Could Mr. Bond just shoot 'em like he does with all of the other villains?
CAP === 'squeak'
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Re:Irony (Score:5, Insightful)
Which is still an insanely bad call, because whenever you hear the words "double-oh seven", is the first image in your mind not "British Playboy Secret Agent"? They've carefully cultured that reaction over the past 50+ years, and now they throw it away in the name of inclusion.
If a blockbuster movie about a black female secret agent can't stand on its own, then throwing the 007 name on it won't make it stand either.
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Re:Irony (Score:5, Funny)
Black lesbian Jemima Bond is given a mission to stop an evil white heterosexual male from taking over the world, re-introducing slavery, and avoiding paying his ex-wife's divorce settlement. Along the way she demolishes a fleet of supercars, brushes off the romantic advances of a dozen sobbing incels, and finds herself at the head of a gay rights parade. She then infiltrates the villain's underground bunker by seducing the his mistress (a closet lesbian) and finding the entry code tattooed on her backside.
Once inside she triggers the vast stock of explosives and gasoline that the villain happens to keep there. Turning up to extricate her from the collapsing structure at the last moment is a troop of heavily armed Asian sex slaves who she had dramatically released from a container ship crossing the Pacific in the film's opening sequence. These also hack the near-naked villain to death as he tries to escape with his underwear on fire.
Did I get that right? We shall see.
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This is an attempt to drum up interest through controversy since they fucked up QoS, performed what was effectively a soft reboot of the Craig movies with Skyfall, and then rather than do another movie or two picking back up the underpinning plot threads from the first two movies did the full reveal with Spectre. Unfortunately, that movie itself was sort of meh, and after the fumble that was QoS nobody really cared anymore. Thus they're aiming for something 'shocking' and 'controversial' in order to reignit
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(The movies started in the 1960s when most people had no opportunity to travel.)
As kliing and fucking...
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Do you not realise that 19xx is the 20th century?
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It was a seriously troubled production, see: https://www.ranker.com/list/wh... [ranker.com]
Would have been better than "Never Say Never" (Score:2)
Probably the worst thing Sean Connery was ever in.
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It's "Never Say Never Again," not "Never Say Never."
It's actually not that bad compared to some of the tongue-in-cheek crap Roger Moore ended up doing.
And it has one of my favorite Bond lines:
Fatima Blush [water-skiing into Bond's arms] : "I'm sorry, I got you all wet!"
Bond: "But my Martini's still dry."
Re:Would have been better than "Never Say Never" (Score:5, Informative)
Probably the worst thing Sean Connery was ever in.
That red thong in Zardoz was the worst thing Sean Connery was ever in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiMe_TYgn1c [youtube.com]
What is Zardoz? Why is it called Zardoz?
James Bond movies have always been stupid, (Score:2)
the main attractions have always been women in various stages of undressing and expensive cars, news at 11.
Slashdot, slashdot, what has become of you?
Does anybody else in here feel the way I do?
Skyfall was the best Bond film. (Score:5, Interesting)
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Re: Skyfall was the best Bond film. (Score:2)
I have to agree. I think Goldeneye was the last good Bond movie, that I remember anyway. The Daniel Craig movies just don't feel like Bond to me - like you say, they take themselves too seriously. They're too concerned with fast cuts and moody self reflection. The fun, escapism has gone.
Seen Canary will always be the best bond
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Re: Skyfall was the best Bond film. (Score:2)
Each to their own I guess. I think Sean Connery's bond was pretty dark, but obviously are from a different era. He wasn't adverse to murder or torturing women for the mission. Roger More was definitely much more cartoony.
I'm old though, I prefer old movies.
I like Bond movies (Score:2)
Most of them, anyway.
There’s nothing wrong with occasionally just turning your brain off and enjoying something that’s completely over the top.
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A lot of people pay for it.
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All in all it's just another post on the wall.
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Oh I see you only watch stupid James Bond movies.
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Guilty as charged, your honor. But I can't very well watch something that does not exist, can I?
Why is this on Slashdot? (Score:4, Interesting)
This is a really weird story to have on slashdot.
Re:Why is this on Slashdot? (Score:5, Insightful)
This is a really weird story to have on slashdot.
Are you kidding me? Weaponized sharks? The only thing missing is Natalie Portman with a beowulf cluster of hot grits.
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Because it is of interest to the Slashdot shark population, you insensitive clod!
And, of course... (Score:2)
...early in the movie, Bond was going to jump the sharks.
Civil engineering (Score:2)
Even by James Bond standards it's a silly idea. Most sewers are very small. Yes, a big city like New York has a few major ones that someone could walk in, or a shark swim in, but sewage isn't appealing to animals with only a few exceptions.
Now, sharks with frickin' nuclear weapons in the open ocean, that we could work with.
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Even by James Bond standards it's a silly idea.
Well, every movie can't be as classy and intelligent as Octopussy.
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The sharks were going to be robots, though that makes the idea only slightly less silly.