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Star Wars Prequels Media Movies

Kevin Smith Previews Revenge of the Sith 621

Posted by Zonk from the do-or-do-not-there-is-no-try dept.
Eugenia writes "Kevin Smith, the well-known actor/director, was invited by George Lucas to a special advanced screening of the upcoming 'Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith' film and he wrote down his take on the movie. There are some serious spoilers in his article but it's interesting to see his reaction, as a director and Star Wars fan."
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Kevin Smith Previews Revenge of the Sith More

Kevin Smith Previews Revenge of the Sith

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  • His biggest problem with the film (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Is that Lucas serves his popcorn without butter. I mean... what the hell?

  • READ IT!!! (Score:2, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward
    If you didn't want to read the review..

    I would. It starts:

    "Revenge of the Sith" is, quite simply, fucking awesome."
    • You are the C.L.I.T. commander!

    • Re:READ IT!!! (Score:3, Informative)

      by s20451 ( 410424 )
      And it ends with "Look, this is a movie I was genetically predisposed to love." Not really an objective review. But worth reading nonetheless.

    • Re:READ IT!!! (Score:5, Funny)

      by AshFan ( 879808 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @03:12PM (#12375299)
      Good luck reading it, seems the site was "slashdotted" and is struggling to stay up. If only Kevin Smith used IIS 6... On a side note, does anyone know if Jar Jar bites it in this one? I for one am a big fan of Jar Jar biting it. And by "Biting it" I am not making an improper oral inference, I mean does he get eliminated? And by Eliminated, I do not mean excreted, I mean made to stop functioning, and not like a conjunction junction, for he has no function.

  • Spoiler (Score:4, Funny)

    by Spy der Mann ( 805235 ) <`moc.liamg' `ta' `todhsals.nnamredyps'> on Thursday April 28, 2005 @01:53PM (#12374254) Homepage Journal
    Anakin becomes Darth Vader! (GASP)

    • Re:Spoiler (Score:3, Funny)

      by HTH NE1 ( 675604 )
      Wow, what an ending! Who would have thought Han Solo was Luke Skywalker's half-brother.
    • Lucas brought in Rick Berman. Obi Wan's ship gets stuck in a temporal rift and gets hurled into the future, where he learns what Annakin turns into. Fortunately, Han Solo is able to rig R2D2's memory system to Obi Wan's ship's power drive and generate a relnaran field, sending the ship back in time so that Obi Wan can make sure to finish off Anakin, altering the timeline so that he never becomes Darth Vader at all.

  • First Jedi mind trick (Score:3, Funny)

    by worst_name_ever ( 633374 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @01:54PM (#12374258)
    This is not the story you're looking for. Move along.

    • Re:First Jedi mind trick (Score:5, Funny)

      by technothrasher ( 689062 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:46PM (#12374984)
      This is not the story you're looking for. Move along.

      Slightly off topic, but I know people reading this thread would be the only ones to understand. I swear I actually had somebody try a Jedi Mind Trick on me in real life. I had a guy come into my liquor store and when I asked for ID, he said in a perfect dismissive way, "You don't need to see an ID. You can just take this money for the beer." It was so close to Obi-Wan in Mos Eisley that I couldn't help laughing. Unfortunately for him though, it didn't work.

  • Didn't we see this already (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 28, 2005 @01:54PM (#12374259)
    Didn't we see this astroturfing "reviews" when the latest episode came out? It was supposed to the best episode ever and when I went to see it, it was fucking crap aimed at 13-year old.

    • Here's where I play Devil's advocate. (Score:5, Insightful)

      by game kid ( 805301 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @03:29PM (#12375488) Homepage
      I think Lucas really did aim it at said 13-year-olds. The Episodes were childish and mediocre, yes, but now that those 13-year-olds have seen Ep. I (at 10) and Ep. II (at, of course, 13) they are now about 16 and are a bit ready to see what finally happens to the little blond kid just before he went all James Earl Jones on us.

      I think Ep. III will profit from a nice convergence of the older fans (of the originals) with the younger guys who haven't seen Eps. IV-VI.

      That is why (IMO) Lucas put in Jar Jar and started from Anakin's little-boy days. Not to appease the adults who wanted to know about Vader's past, but to attract new, much younger fans. Now that he's attracted an extra demographic and they have grown, he can tell all of us about the Anakin->Vader metamorphosis. He didn't aim Episode I or even II at you or anyone remotely similar. He wanted an extra fanbase/profit source. This time, I think, us older fans shall be pleased, since we have lower expectations from I and II. He'd better; it's his last decent chance to. That's what I see.

  • I don't trust him (Score:5, Funny)

    by slungsolow ( 722380 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @01:54PM (#12374266) Homepage
    I can't trust a review from someone who constantly casts Ben Affleck.

    • Re:I don't trust him (Score:4, Funny)

      by mcg1969 ( 237263 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @01:56PM (#12374288)
      Nor one who constantly casts Hayden Christiansen.

    • Seriously though, even if RotS is every bit as dark and well-written (and freakin' well-acted please!) as one could hope, am I the only one who is beyond giving a damn?

      Looking at the last 2 from Lucas, it would be like having a 3-course meal where the final dish was fantastic but the first 2 gave you projectile-vomiting food poisoning. No real way to salvage the meal.

      If I do see it, it'll be the DVD rental. A $5 rental for the entire family is all I'm willing to risk.

    • He was the bomb in Phantoms.

    • Re:I don't trust him (Score:5, Interesting)

      by n0-0p ( 325773 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:22PM (#12374637)
      I'd switch that one around. Kevin Smith may be the one of the few directors who can cast Affleck well. Honestly, I've really liked the majority roles he's played in Smith's movies.

      In general though, I think I can trust Smith's take on Episode 3. The guys a died in the wool geek who's work includes writing on comics like Green Arrow and Daredevil. I'm not saying I like everything he's done, but I respect his geek cred and feel that this review is genuine. That's more than I can say for most reviews I read.
  • Since I don't like spoilers would someone be interested in reading the article and give me a basic summary (here come the spoilers). It would have been nice if the summary did as much.

  • Kevin says..over and over (Score:4, Funny)

    by cOdEgUru ( 181536 ) * on Thursday April 28, 2005 @01:55PM (#12374278) Homepage Journal
    That the movie is dark, Dark, darK, DARK..DARK..DARK!!

    I hope it aint so dark as not to see its flaws!

    *ducks*
  • How hard was to include a sentence saying if it was good or not, so that we dont have to read over the spoilers?

  • Slashdotting Clerks-style (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 28, 2005 @01:57PM (#12374301)
    The poor View Askew web server. I bet it's probably thinking to itself, "I'm not even supposed to be here today."

  • Biased review (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 28, 2005 @01:59PM (#12374331)
    I get the gist that kevin loved ROTS...

    Isn't he slated in a production role for the upcoming TV series?

    I would take the review with a few grains...

    • Re:Biased review (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward
      I would take the review with a few grains...

      My thoughts exactly. I'd treat this review with as much credit as if Lucas had written it himself.

      Hey, I got an idea! Let's get the director of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy to write a review of his movie! I wonder what he'd think of it?

  • Spoiler that eases the mind... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by riptide_dot ( 759229 ) * on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:00PM (#12374349)
    Warning - this is a spoiler. Don't read the italics if you really don't want to know what happens:

     At flick's end, Threepio and Artoo are given to Captain Antilles (with the caveat that the Protocol's memory be wiped).

    Count me as one fan that's really glad that this little detail was included - I was wondering how they were going to deal with Threepio and R2D2 not recognizing Obi-Wan and others they had met in the prequels. Kind of makes Obi's reaction to seeing the droids in EP4 seem a little more mysterious too, even though that probably wasn't the intention when EP4 was shot ("I don't recall owning any droids").

  • spoilers (Score:3, Insightful)

    by illtron ( 722358 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:01PM (#12374364) Homepage Journal
    Sometimes I wish I hadn't read every spoiler on millenniumfalcon.com. I know way more about this one going in than any of the previous prequels, but I'm still excited.

    Personally, I think most of the hate directed at the previous two, Jar-Jar comments aside, was a media invention. Things get repeated enough and people start to believe it. I'm sure the same thing will happen this time around to some degree, but this is seriously the movie that fans have been waiting for. The previous two were sort of procedural. Sure, it's great to see where Anakin comes from, but admit it -- what you really want is to see him kill children.

    • hate of eps I and II was quite genuine (Score:5, Insightful)

      by gevmage ( 213603 ) * on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:15PM (#12374533) Homepage
      Personally, I think most of the hate directed at the previous two, Jar-Jar comments aside, was a media invention. Things get repeated enough and people start to believe it.

      True in general, but in this case, it's because those films kind of stank.

      I'll list a few specifics

      • The podrace sequence that took up the middle half of the first movie. That should have been about 15 minutes.
      • Amidahla, who in Ep 1 was "queen", talking in Ep 2 about how wonderful democracy is
      • The "evil trade empire" made up of aliens with pronounced asian accents
      • The Jedi, who are supposed to be very very smart, attacking into what is completely obviously a trap
      • The dialog between Annakin and Amidalhla that left me wanting to puke.

      I'm sorry, the Geoge Lucas of the 70's knew about pacing. Episodes IV, V, and VI were very fast and snappy. Episodes I and II just dragged terribly. I'm hoping that III picks up the pace a bit.

      • Re:hate of eps I and II was quite genuine (Score:5, Funny)

        by dr_dank ( 472072 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:34PM (#12374787) Homepage Journal
        The Jedi, who are supposed to be very very smart, attacking into what is completely obviously a trap

        Remember, that was before the introduction of Admiral Akbar.
      • I'm sorry, the Geoge Lucas of the 70's knew about pacing. Episodes IV, V, and VI were very fast and snappy.

        But Lucas only directed Episode IV. V and VI were only produced by him.

      • Re:hate of eps I and II was quite genuine (Score:4, Interesting)

        by geekwithsoul ( 860466 ) <geekwithsoul@@@yahoo...com> on Thursday April 28, 2005 @03:01PM (#12375155)
        the Geoge Lucas of the 70's knew about pacing

        I've often thought the same thing. In fact in many of the "Making of Star Wars" documentaries it was pointed out how unusual it was for so much attention to detail be paid to models and special effects and then have them fly across the screen in an eye-blink. He wanted it to look cool, but not get wrapped up in pointing out how cool it looked. This definitely changed with the prequels.

        Also, I think it was a function of money and timing. There was never enough of either (until ROTJ) to really give Lucas full reign on "implementing his vision" and for the most part that actually worked in favor of the films being tight, fast-paced and exciting. Just look at what he's done with the re-releases and you'll see why sometimes being creative under tremendous pressure gets better results.

      • Re:hate of eps I and II was quite genuine (Score:3, Insightful)

        by Anonymous Coward
        To hell with that, what about the biggest fucking "drive a semi through it" plot hole of all?

        Annakin saves the queen's ass twice (first with the pod racer, then by blowing up the droid control ship). She's a god-damned queen and she never sends anyone back to Tatooine to buy Annakin's mother out of slavery? And Annakin still loves her. WTF?!

    • Absolutely Right -- Lucas Media created the Hate (Score:4, Insightful)

      by FreeUser ( 11483 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:26PM (#12374686)
      Personally, I think most of the hate directed at the previous two, Jar-Jar comments aside, was a media invention.

      Absolutely right, it is a media invention, invented by none other than Lucas when he created the two abominations that are Star Wars Episodes I and II.

      I own the Ep I DVD (stupid me for buying the thing sight-unseen despite the negative comments here and elsewhere). I was spared spending money on the second one by watching the first half hour or so on a friend's box (that person had downloaded it about a week before SW came out in theaters). It was so bad, that by the time we got to the wooden Natilie Portman talks to Annikan scene we quit watching and deleted the file.

      Last night, after watching SW Revelations, I tried watching Episode I again just for the FX eye candy. Again, the writing, acting, and storyline were so bad, I couldn't finish it. I'd forgotten how truly awful it is.

      I liked Star Wars--but not anymore. This isn't some "Liberal Media Conspiracy" any more than the exposure of Tom Delay's congressional corruption is. The hatred for the new Star Wars movies (Jar Jar included) is derived solely from the absolute feces George Lucas has chosen to foist upon his fans in place of an actual Star Wars movie. It's a shame so many fans are willing to accept such drivel, for that lowers the bar on any future SW creations (and truth be told, even at its best the bar was never THAT high to begin with)...which means we can only expect the same or worse. Fan Fiction films like Revelations excepted--that was truly remarkable: a low budget film with a better storyline, better acting, and better execution than the last two Lucas movies (FX excepted, and even there they did an excellent job).

  • mirror and comment (Score:3, Informative)

    by winkydink ( 650484 ) * <sv.dude@gmail.com> on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:01PM (#12374365) Homepage Journal
    The article is loaded with spoilers, but nice to hear that the reviewer is positive about the movie.

    The mirror is here [networkmirror.com].

  • TFA text (spoilers and all) (Score:5, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:02PM (#12374379)
    "SITH" SPOILERS

    You've been warned...

    - "Revenge of the Sith" is, quite simply, fucking awesome. This is the "Star Wars" prequel the haters have been bitching for since "Menace" came out, and if they don't cop to that when they finally see it, they're lying. As dark as "Empire" was, this movie goes a thousand times darker - from the triggering of Order 66 (which has all the Shock Troopers turning on the Jedi Knights they've been fighting beside throughout the Clone Wars and gunning them down), to the jaw-dropping Anakin/Obi Wan fight on Mustafar (where - after cutting his legs and arm off, Ben leaves Skywalker burning alive on the shores of a lava river, with Anakin spitting venomous sentiments at his departing mentor), this flick is so satisfyingly tragic, you'll think you're watching "Othello" or "Hamlet".

    I saw a gorgeous digitally projected version of the flick, and lemme tell ya': this is a beautiful looking film. The opening space battle sequence is the best in any of the six "Star Wars" movies. Grievous and Kenobi's lightsaber duel is bad-ass, with Grievous rocking four sabers. The Clone Wars end rather early in the flick (about the halfway point), leaving the rest of the film to concentrate on Anakin's turn to the Dark Side, and the resulting slaughter of the Jedi.

    Perfect example of how dark shit gets: remember the Younglings - the kid Jedis in training from "Clones"? As a result of Order 66, when Anakin invades the Jedi Temple with an army of Clone Troopers, he enters the Council room to find a gaggle of said younglings hiding behind the seats. They see Anakin and emerge, asking "What should we do, Master Anakin?" The query's met with a stone-cold Anakin firing up his lightsaber. The next time you see the kids, Yoda's sifting through their corpses on the floor.

    Yes, it's just that dark - and rightfully so. This is the birth of Darth Vader we're talking about. The only comic moments in the flick are given to R2D2, and while good, they're all pretty few and far between; the order of the day is dark, dark, dark.

    Ian McDiarmid and Ewan McGregor steal the show, but Hayden Christensen silences any naysayers who wrote him off as too whiney in "Clones". This is the flick that feels closest to Episodes 4, 5, and 6, because - for the first time since "Return of the Jedi" - there is a clear villain. And for all the shadow-play Palpatine has been upto in the last two flicks, his treachery is about as subtle as John Williams' score in "Sith." Whether he's slowly drawing Anakin toward the Dark Side during an opera/performance art piece with his promise of the Sith's power of life over death, or he's engaged in a balls-to-the-wall lightsaber duel in the Senate with Yoda, his "Little, green friend" (his words, not mine - which I kinda dug, because, interestingly, I think it's the first time anyone's acknowledged that Yoda is green in any of the "Star Wars" flicks), this is the Emperor's movie.

    The last fifteen minutes dovetail nicely into Episode 4 (or just plain "Star Wars" for you non-geeks), and the movie is full of link-up moments as well.

    - At flick's end, Threepio and Artoo are given to Captain Antilles (with the caveat that the Protocol's memory be wiped).

    - The twins, natch, are split up. Leia heads to Alderann with Bail Organa, and Obi Wan hands Luke over to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru (indeed, the closing shot is Owen holding Luke while looking out over the setting suns of Tatooine - mimicking the shot of the adult Luke doing the same in "Star Wars", complete with callback cue from Williams).

    - After he succumbs to the Dark Side, Anakin tries to convine Padme that he can overthrow Palpatine, and together, he and Padme can rule the galaxy as husband and wife.

    - Vader and the Emperor stand beside a younger Grand Moff Tarkin on the bridge of a Star Destroyer, overlooking the earliest construction stage of the Death Star.

    - Yoda telling Obi Wan that, as he heads to Tatooine to hand over Luke an

    • None Shall Pass... (Score:3, Insightful)

      by fuzznutz ( 789413 )

      the jaw-dropping Anakin/Obi Wan fight on Mustafar (where - after cutting his legs and arm off, Ben leaves Skywalker

      Did he mention anything about it being merely a flesh wound?

  • Part of the article (Score:2, Informative)

    by Ezel ( 249772 )
    Since the real article is slashdotted I went out looking on google for a mirror.

    Well, this is what I found.
    It's just the beginning of the full article but atleast it confirms wether Kevin likes or dislikes the movie.

    http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=20046 [aintitcool.com]

    Hopefully someone will have a real mirror up soon.

    Mvh: Ezel ... Malmoe, Sweden

  • Summary without Spoiler (Score:5, Informative)

    by Jaguar777 ( 189036 ) * on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:03PM (#12374392) Journal
    This is for those of you that want to know what Kevin said, but don't want to read the spoilers. Here is a brief and concise quote from the beginning.

    "Revenge of the Sith" is, quite simply, fucking awesome. This is the "Star Wars" prequel the haters have been bitching for since "Menace" came out, and if they don't cop to that when they finally see it, they're lying. As dark as "Empire" was, this movie goes a thousand times darker...

  • For those who don't want spoilers... (Score:5, Informative)

    by Paradox ( 13555 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:03PM (#12374397) Homepage Journal
    Kevin Smith liked it. He said he really liked it.

    Not only is the production quality really high, but apparently they also go retro in a few scenes so as to provide a tie in to Episode 4.

    Evidently the action and dialog run much less awkwardly than in previous movies, and the plot is extremely dark. There is less comedy and more drama. They deal with some pretty heavy subject matter.

    But let me reiterate. Kevin Smith is raving and drooling about this movie. My hopes have been suitably elevated. Now, I'm off to preorder a ticket.

    • For those who want sarcasm... (Score:5, Insightful)

      by Scrameustache ( 459504 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @03:25PM (#12375445) Homepage Journal
      Kevin Smith liked it. He said he really liked it. [...] But let me reiterate. Kevin Smith is raving and drooling about this movie. My hopes have been suitably elevated.

      So Kevin Smith, known fanboy, and in line to get the TV series writing job from Lucas, reviewed it and liked it? Well, I'm satisfied.

      I'm sure if it sucked he would have objectively told us so, without fear of reprisal from his dark master!

  • Spoiler Free Version . . . (Score:3, Informative)

    by Goobermunch ( 771199 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:06PM (#12374430)
    "SITH" SPOILERS
    You've been warned...
    - "Revenge of the Sith" is, quite simply, fucking awesome. This is the "Star Wars" prequel the haters have been bitching for since "Menace" came out, and if they don't cop to that when they finally see it, they're lying. As dark as "Empire" was, this movie goes a thousand times darker (spoilers removed), this flick is so satisfyingly tragic, you'll think you're watching "Othello" or "Hamlet".

    I saw a gorgeous digitally projected version of the flick, and lemme tell ya': this is a beautiful looking film. The opening space battle sequence is the best in any of the six "Star Wars" movies. (General Spoilers Removed)

    Perfect example of how dark shit gets: (very cool, very dark spoiler removed).

    Yes, it's just that dark - and rightfully so. This is the birth of Darth Vader we're talking about. The only comic moments in the flick are given to R2D2, and while good, they're all pretty few and far between; the order of the day is dark, dark, dark.

    Ian McDiarmid and Ewan McGregor steal the show, but Hayden Christensen silences any naysayers who wrote him off as too whiney in "Clones". This is the flick that feels closest to Episodes 4, 5, and 6, because - for the first time since "Return of the Jedi" - there is a clear villain. And for all the shadow-play Palpatine has been upto in the last two flicks, his treachery is about as subtle as John Williams' score in "Sith." (Spoilers Removed)

    The last fifteen minutes dovetail nicely into Episode 4 (or just plain "Star Wars" for you non-geeks), and the movie is full of link-up moments as well.

    (Spoilers Removed)

    Look, this is a movie I was genetically predisposed to love. (spoiler removed). Now, twenty six years later, I finally got to see that long-promised battle - and it lived up to any expectation I still held. I was sad to see the flick end, but happy to know it's not the end of the "Star Wars" universe entirely (I've read stuff about a TV show...).

    "Sith" doesn't happen; "Sith" rules.
  • Can you really spoil a movie when you can buy the book at Amazon? [amazon.com]

    Yeah, I suppose that there will be many who want to go see the movie truly not knowing what happens until they see the "one true" version of it. To my tastes you really can't spoil a movie by telling me what happens; as Roger Ebert says a movie is never about what it's about but how it is about it.

  • Bah, Kevin Smith (Score:3, Insightful)

    by realmolo ( 574068 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:11PM (#12374482)
    I like the guy, but everyone knows he's a raving Star Wars fan-boy.

    Plus, Episode I and II were so bad, if this is even halfway-decent, it's going to seem like a fucking masterpiece.

    I'm still expecting it to suck. I don't see how it can't.
  • Do we trust him? Would he have really said that it sucked?

    I'm not going to this one. Lucas keeps putting crappy movies out there, and I keep going. If I go to this one, it's over, and Lucas wins every time. This is my last chance not to fall for the same old con.

    • boycotting (Score:4, Funny)

      by The Queen ( 56621 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:31PM (#12374758) Homepage
      I'm with you.

      If one day my curiosity gets the better of me, I'm sure someone I know will have it on DVD.

      I'll have to be pretty drunk though. It's hard to watch Lucas continually bludgeon the already-dead body of my childhood fantasies. Episode 1 had way too much CG, and Episode 2 was like watching a warthog romancing a peacock.

  • I AM INVINCIBLE! (Score:5, Funny)

    by Zakabog ( 603757 ) <john&jmaug,com> on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:12PM (#12374502)
    after cutting his legs and arm off, Ben leaves Skywalker burning alive on the shores of a lava river, with Anakin spitting venomous sentiments at his departing mentor

    Anakin: None shall pass.
    Obi Wan: What?
    Anakin: None shall pass.
    Obi Wan: I have no quarrel with you, young padiwan, but I must cross this bridge.
    Anakin: Then you shall die.
    Obi Wan: I command you as your teacher to stand aside!
    Anakin: I move for no man.
    Obi Wan: So be it!

    Obi Wan cuts off Anakin's left arm.

    Obi Wan: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
    Anakin: 'Tis but a scratch.
    Obi Wan: A scratch? Your arm's off!
    Anakin: No, it isn't.
    Obi Wan: Well, what's that then?
    Anakin: I've had worse.
    Obi Wan: You liar!
    Anakin: Come on you pansy!

    Obi Wan cuts off Anakin's right arm.

    Obi Wan: Victory is mine! We thank thee Force, that in thy mercy...
    Anakin: Come on then.
    Obi Wan: What?
    Anakin: Have at you!
    Obi Wan: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
    Anakin: Oh, had enough, eh?
    Obi Wan: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
    Anakin: Yes I have.
    Obi Wan: Look!
    Anakin: Just a flesh wound.
    Obi Wan: Look, stop that.
    Anakin: Chicken! Chicken!
    Obi Wan: Look, I'll have your leg. Right!

    Obi Wan cuts off Anakin's leg.

    Anakin: Right, I'll do you for that!
    Obi Wan: You'll what?
    Anakin: Come 'ere!
    Obi Wan: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
    Anakin: I'm invincible!
    Obi Wan: You're a loony.
    Anakin: The Dark Side always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.

    Obi Wan cuts off Anakin's other leg.

    Anakin: All right; we'll call it a draw.
    Obi Wan: Come, Patsy.
    Anakin: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

  • Spoilers? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by PeterChenoweth ( 603694 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:15PM (#12374542)
    Why is everyone so worried about spoilers? What spoilers? Is there someone here who *hasn't* seen Episodes 4-6? Everyone knows what is supposed to happen in Episode 3.

    Let's see, what do we know from 4-6. Darth Vader is Luke's father, and Leia is his sister. Obi Wan took Luke to Tatooine to live with Uncle Owen after Darth Vader took out the Jedi. The Emperor is bad, and he's the one who turns Anakin into Darth Vader via the Dark Side.

    So that means in Episode 3, that there's going to be a pair of twins born, Obi Wan's going to take one of them to Tatooine, lots of Jedi will be killed, and Anakin's going to be put back together to become Darth Vader by the Emperor.

    And that pretty much sums up exactly what the review says. Basically, it would appear to completely connect what has happened in 1 and 2 with 4-6. The review does point out a couple of plot elements to show just how dark Ep3 is going to be, and how much he liked it, but I don't think they'd ruin it for anyone.

    • But the spoiler is explaining HOW (and WHY) those events you described happens! We know WHAT happens and now we will see a lot of the HOW and WHY in ROTS. And Kevin reveals a lot about the HOW (like command 66 or something) and WHY: in my book, that's a spoiler!

  • The biggest surprise... (Score:5, Funny)

    by slapout ( 93640 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:19PM (#12374583)
    ...was when George turned to Kevin and said "I am your father."

  • Nnnnnnnneeeeeeeeerrrrrrrdddssss!!!!!! (Score:3, Funny)

    by nightsweat ( 604367 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:24PM (#12374656)
    And god love you for it. I'm right there with you.

  • The Truth of the Matter (Score:3, Insightful)

    by bubba_ry ( 574102 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:29PM (#12374729)

    The truth of the matter is this:

    We're all going to go see the damn movie! Some of us will go because we like Star Wars, no matter what the plot (or lack thereof); we like shit blowing up and sword fights. And FX. Lot's of 'em. Some of us will go to see if the movie is good. Others to see if the movie sucks.

    Either way, we're all seeing the movie and Lucas hears the bells of cash registers ringing in his head.

  • A little Jedi humor (Score:5, Funny)

    by Mr.Progressive ( 812475 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @02:44PM (#12374958)
    where - after cutting his legs and arm off, Ben leaves Skywalker burning alive on the shores of a lava river

    On a bright sunny day on Mustafar, Obi-Wan Kenobi was taking a pleasant stroll around the lava river. He spots an armless and legless Anakin Skywalker and, moved with pity, he asks young Skywalker if there's anything he can do for him. Skywalker replies, 'well, I've never been hugged before'. In response, Kenobi gives Anakin a big ol' bear hug and satisfied with his good deed, continues on his pleasant stroll around the river. He come back around to the place where Anakin lay and decided to ask him if there was anything else he needed. To this, Anakin replies, 'well, I've never been kissed before'. Kenobi thinks for second, and though a little hesitant, gives Anakin a peck on the forehead. He leaves again, satisfied. He comes back around a third time and again, asks Anakin if there's anything he wants. Anakin says "well, I've never been fucked before!" and so Kenobi picks him up, throws him in the lava river and shouts 'now you're fucked!'

  • This is why I love Smith (sort of spoilers) (Score:4, Insightful)

    by jayhawk88 ( 160512 ) <jayhawk88@gmail.com> on Thursday April 28, 2005 @03:21PM (#12375393)
    ...or he's engaged in a balls-to-the-wall lightsaber duel in the Senate with Yoda, his "Little, green friend" (his words, not mine - which I kinda dug, because, interestingly, I think it's the first time anyone's acknowledged that Yoda is green in any of the "Star Wars" flicks)...

    Love his work or hate it, the man is unquestionably a true geek.

  • A blowjob from one has-been to another (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Edmund Blackadder ( 559735 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @03:27PM (#12375464)
    Imagine two people waist deep in a swamp. One of them tries to lift the other by the hair hoping that the other will eventually be able to lift him off. Meanwhile both of them tragically and comically keep sinking. This is what this review is like.

    Both Smith and Lucas once made decent movies and then were completely destroyed by their egos which were much bigger than their talents. The moment of destruction for each of them came when they thought they knew marketing.

    Lucas made some decent action flicks but then he reaslized that he made more money on toys than movies, so he decided "gee, why don't I substitute a three hour toy and video game commercial for my next movie". Never did he realize that people don't enjoy paying $10 to see a commercial.

    I used to like Smith a lot because he made good movies about teenagers, something that is very rare. But then he too decided he knew about marketing. He decided to make "grown up" movies that are more "serious" and "intelligent" so he can target a bigger demographic and get more respect in hollywood. And then, when everybody told him point blanc that his movies suck, he said : "you are so immature, why don't you like my deep intelligent movies". SOrry Kevin your movies are not intelligent, they are fucking stupid. All he does is bring up controvercial subjects (lesbians!, race !, bitchy women !, that are lesbians!) that are guaranteed to get him press without having anything remotely intelligent to say about them. Don't get me started about the whole Ben-JLo thing. Smith pretended he was an innocent victim of that disaster (counting of course on Americanss' notoriously short memories). Well I am one American that remembers shit and let me tell Smith engineered the whole fucking thing himself and then scheduled 2 movies in a way so he can take advantage of it. (afterwards when the scope of the disaster was obvious to everyone, he rescheduled the movies so they don't open within the same two month period). There he goes again thinking he knows about marketing. Thinking that he can make a huge blockbuster movie by manipulating the public perception.

    There is one thing about modern marketing -- if you are into it you must hate people. It is a requirement for the job. The premise of modern marketing is that people are dumb sheep whoose opinions can be molded like slabs of clay. And you can easily see from their movies how both Smith and Lucas hate their fans. Just watching their movies you see them talking down to you. Well George, Kevin people are sometimes not as stupid as you take them to be, and we tend to notice these things.

    And now Lucas has very little credibility left (Smith essentially has none)so now Smith tries to make himself look better by attempting to lift Lucas out of the swamp. Ain't gonna happen -- I will never see either of your movies again. There are too many good movies nowadays to waste my time on you two.

  • Calibrate the reviewer (Score:3, Funny)

    by Sloppy ( 14984 ) * on Thursday April 28, 2005 @03:49PM (#12375704) Homepage Journal
    "Revenge of the Sith" is, quite simply, fucking awesome.
    That's encouraging. Now, please answer another question, Kevin: What did you think of The Phantom Menace? Was that fucking awesome too?

  • Major Spoiler Alert! (Score:4, Funny)

    by WillAffleckUW ( 858324 ) on Thursday April 28, 2005 @06:34PM (#12377357) Homepage Journal

    Anakin becomes Darth Vader!

    Leia and Luke are twin babies of Anakin and are snuck away to separate locations far far from home.

    Anakin falls into a volcano - but lives - barely.

    And Yoda gets arthritis.

    Ok, I made that last one up ...

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