Star Wars Virgin Takes the Plunge 397
Entertainment Weekly is running a short account of one Star Wars virgin who recently sat down to watch all six Star Wars movies in their originally intended order while recording his thoughts. From the article: "So after watching the sun set on all six of the Star Wars (or sun rise, in my case), what do these movies mean to me? I have to be careful where I tread here, because people's love of these movies is passionate to say the least. (Personal note: My friends had a Star Wars-themed wedding.) The cynical and tired side of me wants to say that George wanted Episode I to be shown first because after watching 14 straight hours of Star Wars, my memories of young Anakin and Jar Jar are almost long forgotten. I've tossed them aside along with my package of caffeine pills and bottle of Coke."
Anyone... (Score:5, Funny)
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Bad News About Star Wars (Cover Your Ears!) (Score:3, Insightful)
There is one universal message in SW #4, #5, and #6. The message is that life is full of dangers, disappointments, and loss. Yet, somehow, in the end, you will find sanctuary by avoiding being suckered into evil doing. Stay true to all that is good, and the goodness shall be the force that ultimately triumphs. This path to the light is available t
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Re:Bad News About Star Wars (Cover Your Ears!) (Score:4, Funny)
Search your feelings... you know it to be true.
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Re:Anyone... (Score:5, Funny)
It seemed on-topic to me.
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Re:Anyone... (Score:4, Insightful)
Its a shame that something a bit more grown up hasn't been made in the last twenty years
Firefly was pretty good but it didn't last long...
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Re:Anyone... (Score:5, Funny)
I don't think that word means what you think it means.
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That's a totally different geek genre, get your movies straight!
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The only problem with that is that only two of those movies are good. I thought Jedi was good when I was a kid, but then I saw it again and now I realize it's only amusing. Ep.IV was an epic, Ep.V was just beautiful and the closest thing to believable that we saw through the whole thing. Ep.VI was an action movie. Episodes I-III are properly subtitled the same way Spaceballs II would be. They are crap.
Perhaps the statement should be that thinking all six movies are good automatically means your penis ha
Re:Anyone... (Score:5, Funny)
It's like the mathematical axioms -- we assume them to be true, simply because we haven't found any counter examples.
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So a male homosexual who has never had male/female intercourse but plenty of male/male intercourse is destined to be a virgin all his life?
Re:Anyone... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Anyone... (Score:5, Funny)
I think you'd get a lot of support for that idea, from the women themselves.
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And now the Mac user moniker of "gay terrorist" has a worthy challenger.
Re:Anyone... (Score:5, Interesting)
Game time started. (Score:5, Funny)
Alternatively I recommend 4, 5, 6, Backstroke of the West. BotW arguably is more entertaining than vanilla Episode 3.
Speaking of long movies... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Speaking of long movies... (Score:4, Funny)
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Off topic I know.....
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Offical Site [cremaster.net]
Somewhat sparse Wikipedia page on the topic. [wikipedia.org]
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Re:Speaking of long movies... (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Speaking of long movies... (Score:5, Funny)
Star Wars Virgin? (Score:4, Funny)
The Perfect Heckle (Score:5, Funny)
At this precise moment during the '97 special edition release of Star Wars, in a packed house (the Uptown Theater in Washington DC, 840 seats), some guy down in front yelled,
INNNN-CEST!!!!
The whole place cracked up. I wish I could say it was me, but alas, it wasn't.
Re:The Perfect Heckle (Score:5, Funny)
Darth Vader: A small rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed on Endor.
The Emperor: Yes, I know.
Darth Vader: My son is with them.
The Emperor: Are you sure?
Darth Vader: I have felt him.
(Guy in audience snickers loudly)
But that doesn't top a Star Wars virgin moment I witnessed. At the same marathon, we were watching The Empire Strikes Back about 15 years after it came out, with a friend who really was a Star Wars virgin.
Darth Vader: "I AM YOUR FATHER."
During the silence that follows, my friend is the only person in the entire theater who gasps audibly.
After which half the theater turned to look at her in disbelief...
What are you talking about? (Score:4, Funny)
That's not a "fantastic" heckle. Here's a fantastic heckle...
If you recall, the bad dudes in Battlefield Earth wore these huge platform boots to make them look taller and more menacing. Watching the movie with my brother, the part came where Forrest Whitaker was pleading for his life, saying "please, I have a wife, I have a family..." and my brother adds "...I just took out a mortgage on a new pair of shoes..."
Now that is a heckle.Re:Star Wars Virgin? (Score:5, Funny)
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How strange (Score:5, Funny)
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No, seriously, the prequels are better done than vgcats.
we all know (Score:2, Insightful)
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If he'd made episode 1 first, and it was anything like the film that was released, there would never have been more than one Star Wars film...
-JMP
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Re:we all know (Score:5, Interesting)
But he didn't make the movies in such a way that they lend themselves to watching in episodic order, either. So his wanting them watched in order is misguided.
For example, watched in episode order, the first coherent explanation of what the Force is occurs in Episode IV. The Midichlorian explanation in Ep. I would be confusing as hell since he's describing how you measure Jedi-ness assuming both the characters and the audience are fully aware of what that is, and then midichlorians are never mentioned again. The knowledge that Darth Vader is Luke and Leia's father is given away at the end of III, but revealed as plot twists in V and VI. I can only imagine how confusing Ben Kenobi's behavior must have seemed.
From the article:
"For me, the biggest problem with seeing these films in their intended order is that Episodes IV-VI offered little surprises. I know who Luke's father is; I know that the little creature is Yoda. I have to sit through that uncomfortable kiss between Luke and Leia knowing that they are indeed brother and sister. Most of the mysteries and questions that drive the plots of the later episodes are nullified by having seen the first three. I almost envied those who saw them in original order, so I too could have enjoyed the shock and surprise of some of the plot's twists and turns. Luckily I was never a fan of bellbottoms, so I will indeed stick with the intended order."
"Intended order" my ass. It's a broken order.
Of course, the real reason you need to watch them IV-VI then I-III is so that you like Star Wars enough to make it through the prequels.
Re:we all know (Score:5, Interesting)
Ok, I'm going to geek out here for a second, but I think the most unfortunate thing about all this is that they could have made the prequals to preserve a lot of those mysteries. Episode 3 could have been written so you're lead to believe that Anakin died at the end, and Padme could have been left pregnant. In RotJ, Leia says she remembers her real mother a little, and yet in Episode 3 she dies in childbirth. It isn't even coherent.
Also, Yoda could have been spoken of and referenced in the prequals, but never seen, which would have only built up suspense for the Degoba scene in ESB. And when ObiWan lies about Vadar killing Anakin in A New Hope, the audience would naturally assume that he's lying because it would be tought thing to explain, that it was he who killed Anakin. So you'd be left to think the big secret coming in ESB was that ObiWan killed Anakin, which would make the real plot twist that much more twisty.
So Lucas could have made it sensible to watch them in order, 1=>6, without destroying the plots of the original trilogy. The fact is, he simply chose not to, which is just baffling. As it is, there is absolutely no good order to watch the trilogy in, because Episode 3 ruins the surprises of 5 and 6, whereas watching the original trilogy basically lays out the story for the prequals, meaning there's no possiblity of Anakin's fall being interesting.
Re:we all know (Score:5, Interesting)
Also, Yoda could have been spoken of and referenced in the prequals, but never seen, which would have only built up suspense for the Degoba scene in ESB.
True, plus it makes no sense for yoda to go from being 880 years and fit as a fiddle to 900 and dying, though I've always told myself this was just because Yoda felt bad for fucking up so bad and decided he was done after helping Luke to fix Yoda's mess. Mostly though he was a pretty ludicrous character to have serving as a general -- it didn't fit his V/VI persona at all.
So you'd be left to think the big secret coming in ESB was that ObiWan killed Anakin, which would make the real plot twist that much more twisty.
It would be tough to make this work for the viewers while still having the prequels be about Anakin's fall. The easiest way would be to completely refrain from mentioning Vader in Ep. III, so he just looked like a random new Sith Lord in IV, though it would make Ben's blaming Vader for Anakin's death seem weird lie or not.
Re:we all know (Score:5, Funny)
Re:we all know (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:we all know (Score:5, Funny)
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He was right.
Correct order? (Score:2, Insightful)
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In fact, I'm pretty sur
Re:Correct order? (Score:5, Interesting)
Actually- we've got something similar in our own cells- Mitochondria [wikipedia.org]- a symbiotic sub-cellular life form that produces energy (chloroplasts in plants are a competing symbiotic life form that is similar). All he did was twist the word around somewhat and made them more powerful than normal.
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Then, years later, Lucas decides that an abstract concept isn't good enough for him anymore, so he changes it to some lame pseudo-biological explanation that contradicts established lore, and tries to make u
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-l
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IV
V
For the oooooh and aaaah, and the cliffhanger at the end.
Darth is Luke's... ??
Huh?
Then the explanation:
I
II
III
Ah. I see. OK. So that's what Darth Vader really is. Well what happens to him?
Conclusion:
VI
The perfect order in my opinion.
Except I'll have to find a copy of The Phantom Edit.
You know what would be kewl is if someone could take the "Original Trilogy" DVDs that Lucas put out, and the cleaned footage from the latest "Special Edition" and merge the two to have a cleaned up OT.
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It's amazing how much better a movie Episode I is when Jar Jar no longer speaka da English, as is the case in the "Balance of the Force" edit.
Really, it's just more evidence that Star Wars stopped belonging to George Lucas - and started belonging to the human race - a long time ago.
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You don't think Mr. Lucas is done milking his cash cow, do you?
Re:Correct order? (Score:4, Insightful)
Compare subjecting a Star Trek virgin to Enterprise first. Or Back to the Future with the third movie's scenes set in 1885 first! Or even recutting Memento? Chronological order isn't necessarily the best way to watch anything.
The best part of episode V was the parentage revelation, and IV is just creepy with that Luke-Leia kiss.
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Done. [eeggs.com]
There are only three Star Wars movies... (Score:3, Interesting)
When can I get the unfudged up version of THX-1138?
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Notable quote (Score:2)
LOL. He nailed it.
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MUCH more interesting topic on same site.. (Score:2)
At least... (Score:2)
Confusing headline (Score:5, Funny)
The headline made it sound like a Star Wars-loving virgin who had actually gotten laid was going to tell us what it was like to finally score.
Re:Confusing headline (Score:4, Funny)
I prefer a different ordering (Score:2)
Re:I prefer a different ordering (Score:4, Funny)
I didn't know Quentin Tarantino read Slashdot
He missed something important... (Score:2)
Han shoots first (Score:2)
Anyone who sees the movies "as George Lucas intended" is missing out.
-stormin
Han didn't shoot first, even when he shot first (Score:3, Interesting)
Star Wars wedding? (Score:5, Funny)
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Marital relations..the one instance in which 'Han Shoots First' is a bad thing.
Warssies and Warssers? (Score:3, Insightful)
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My younger sister's senior year student president (that would be high school) was one of the biggest SW geeks I've ever seen. As were many of his friends. Both he and his friends (my younger siblings included) were mostly all star wars geeks, in one respect or another. Mostly, they were just geeks - gaming geeks, photography geeks, and what have you. They were involved in hockey, basketball, drama, and what have you as well. They were
order of the films. next generation (Score:5, Interesting)
He'd seen some of the orginal trilogy before, but I don't think the story stuck with him. Anyway, we watched I-III, the Clone War Cartoons, and then IV-VI over about two weeks. When Anakin died in Return of the Jedi, he cried. It was a much different experience in chronological order.
Re:order of the films. next generation (Score:5, Insightful)
Start with Episode IV, for many reasons. It was the first film released, thus the first taste anyone got of Star Wars. It's also the most self-contained. It has all the elements that make the rest of the films impressive, but its scope is tighter and much more limited, thus it's more impressive without seeing it in the context of the much more broad visions of the other films. (Plus, as after watching the entire saga one can claim Palpatine is the true arch villain of the entire series, it's strange that he is only briefly referenced once in dialogue early in the film and never actually appears, when viewed in context of his dramatic turn in Episode III.) Move on to Episode V, so you get the huge shocker about Vader, and end on the cliffhanger about Han. Remember, audiances had to wait years for the resolution of that cliffhanger in the original release cycle.
So after Episode V, with Han carted off by Boba, Yoda mentioning "another" hope, Luke smarting after getting his ass kicked by his sociopathic dad, and with the viewer begining to see some depth to the Vader character (and without having had a real introduction to the Emperor beyond a brief hologram) we let those elements hang and linger, and go back to the prequel saga. We see Anakin grow and his backstory fills in some of the depth to Vader's character we only started to see in Episode V. Not having seen Episode VI, the viewer doesn't immediately identify Senator/Chancellor Palpatine as the Emperor/Darth Sideus, and when the little robot obsetrician announces that Amidala has twins and one gets named Leia, that's a genuine surprise to the viewer. (On a side note, that one scene where they name the twins explicitly always struck me as very very stupid fro ma story point of view if they were actually intended to be viewed chronologically. The author of the article makes a great point about how, despite Lucas's claims, the films are actually less satisfying dramatically if watched in 'chronological' order.)
Now that the backstory is filled in for the viewer, and we can see the Emperor as the true puppetmaster and Darth Vader as a manipulated, confliced tool of evil, and we can understand and empathize with Luke's desire to reason with, rather than kill, Vader; we move on to Episode VI. So the cliffhanger regarding Han finally gets sorted out (phew! More of a relief of tension watching 3 films to see that, rather than immediately seeing it resolved, even though it's one of the dumbest rescue plans ever...) and Boba Fett, with whom we have added empathy after seeing his dad raise hell in Episode II (though the vengeful undertones present in the shot where he's seen lifting Jango's severed head/helmet are never really realized, unless you count him briefly fighting Luke as some kind of anti-Jedi vengeance) meets his comically undramatic end, we move to the final set-piece. We've seen Yoda introduced as the unassuming little green guy, then saw him in his heyday, now we see him die. We saw Obi Wan as kindly Uncle Ben, then young kickass Jedi / flawed mentor, now we see him offer final advice to Luke. And when Vader meets his end and redemption, it's the culmination of it all.
This I think gives a great balance to the two approaches to the trilogy. On the one hand, all the best plot twists are preserved for the viewer, and the most limited film is seen first. On the other hand, Episode VI is truely the culmination for the viewer, and despite all the prequels' flaws, Anakin showing up as a blue force ghost in Jedi rock and roll heaven is actually more satisfying after having seen them.
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Right. That's what happens in the story. In stories, sometimes stuff that isn't nice happens. That generally makes them more interesting.
Think about it this way: By skipping that scene, what are you teaching your kid? If you don't skip that scene, what are you teaching your kid? If he complains about being disturbed by the scene, what would you then have the opportunity to teach him?
The Natural Order Of Things? (Score:2, Funny)
I argued this point for about 2 hours in a pub once, almost got kicked out. A stupid, stupid friend of ours was trying to get my girlfriend (a Star Wars virgin as well), to watch them in release order (4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3).
I nearly slit his throat, corrupting my girlfriend with wrong thinking like that. It still upsets me.
Lucas's Intended Natural Order (Score:2, Interesting)
Clearly Not Familiar With Star Wars (Score:2, Informative)
Who says that's the order Lucas intended? Plus, there were supposed to be nine movies in all; a trilogy of trilogies. AFAIK, the order that the movies were released _was_ the intended order.
It seems to me... (Score:5, Insightful)
Whatever Lucas' intentions were, I, II and III were made to be shown to millions of people who had seen IV, V and VI. The first time you see the original trilogy, it's about Luke. The second time, it's about Anakin.
Re:It seems to me... (Score:5, Funny)
I've read the headline as (Score:3, Funny)
From "Clerks"... (Score:3, Funny)
Dante: "Empire".
Randal: Blasphemy.
Dante: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.
Re:So tiring (Score:4, Funny)
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Come on, Jack, the blow-up Yoda doll does not count. And neither do those cute Ewok stuffed toys.
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I wish I could say the same. But somebody would be getting in trouble... I was six years old then.
Was ESB involved? (Score:2)
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They're giving away a bunch of crappy old titles that nobody plays anymore. They're not even including KotOR2!
They're just trying to convince you to buy a copy of SW:G and sign up for the service.
It's junk. It's garbage.
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There's a moderation switch for Original Trilogy? That's pretty cool! But I don't think it applies to your post... IMO That's more EU than OT.
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You can't moderate if you comment. How many Slashdotters are not going to want to say something about Starwars?