Rediscovered Lucas-Commissioned Short "Black Angel" Released On YouTube 121
eldavojohn writes: Youtube now offers Black Angel, a short film shown in UK theaters before ESB. What was once thought lost is now found; enjoy. This may be the best half-hour you spend today, even if you must "set your clocks back 34 years," as writer and director Roger Christian advises. (Christian is also known for directing 2000's Battlefield Earth .)
Battlefield Earth sucked (Score:2)
Re:Battlefield Earth sucked (Score:5, Insightful)
What do you mean, one of the worst movies ever made?
It's the worst movie ever made!
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Worse than Bride of the Monster or Space Mutiny? Wrong again, Ratbrain!
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Alien Apocalypse, with Bruce Campbell and Renée O'Connor, made for the Syphilis Channel's movie of the week. So bad even Bruce Campbell couldn't make it so bad it was good.
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Well, now that I know he's in it, I have to watch it!
Re:Battlefield Earth sucked (Score:4, Funny)
Don't say I didn't warn you. I won a bet on that, on Usenet, with a guy who claimed that it wasn't possible for Bruce Campbell to make a movie so bad it was just bad, since he's the all-time master of so bad it's good. I sent him a copy of the DVD from Amazon[1], on the condition that he watch every frame, and write us a review. His review started, "Wow. I was wrong. Bruce Campbell made a movie so bad it was just bad."
[1]My personal Scale of Suckage for DVDs is a fraction, the bottom of which is the retail price on Amazon for a brand new copy, and the top of which is the cost of shipping. When that number exceeds one - the shipping is more than the price of the DVD - you know you have a real turkey. It's also a bad, bad sign when used copies are selling for more than new copies.
Also, I'm told Man with the Screaming Brain, made with the same people at the same time, is actually worse, but Alien Apocalypse aired first, and my momma didn't raise that big a fool.
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Rubber. It's on Netflix, if you've not discovered it.
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I just watched "They" (also on Netflix) the other night and hated it waaay more than Rubber.
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Showgirls had the best epilepsy scene. Or was it a sex scene? I'm not really sure. However Showgirls is just so bad that it's actually amusing again and fun to watch just for the comedy value. The trouble is so many movies on the "worst of all time" list fall into that category. A truly awful movie is one that's so bad it's painful to watch, but not so bad that you laugh at it when drunk.
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Six words: Star Wars Holiday Special.
It was bad, but it wasn't a movie.
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The 'Star Wars Holiday Special' is that little deformed child that the rest of Star Wars keeps locked up in the attic. .
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I'm so meta, even this acronym.
Re:Battlefield Earth sucked (Score:5, Informative)
Not according to IMDB [imdb.com].
It's 88th.
I've actually seen R.O.T.O.R (the 70th worst of all time) -- trust me, it outsucked Batlefield Earth by a long shot. I've seen Leonard Part 6, number 59 on the list, and it was atrocious.
Hell, the 6th ranked "The Hottie and the Nottie" has Paris freakin' Hilton in it (who has 2 of the top 20). Fortunately I've not seen that.
You should really never underestimate how many absolutely terrible movies have been made.
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Does the IMDB takes the actors and budget into account? BFE has to have the worst ratio of all movies ever made.
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LOL ... I thought that was Waterworld.
They only spent $44 million on BFE, after all. But, it might be the highest budget in the list of stinkers.
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I don't know, something about his character seemed a little fishy...
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Why should they take those things into account? Bad is bad. Not everyone deserves a ribbon in the race.
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Without excellent actors and a budget counted in millions, even relatively bad movies could be counted as "they did okay with what they had".
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When Brain Smasher: A Love Story gets rated so much higher, then there's a problem with the ratings system. They knew the thing was bad, so bad, they skipped editing/post-production. The wires on the ninja are clearly visible, and other obvious "we know this is crap, so we aren't spending any more in post-prod" evidence.
The ratings system misses when a movie is so bad it's good. There should be negative stars for a movie that's unintentionally good. When they miss the
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Hard to believe but there are far worse.
Today you can watch BE in context and it's pretty funny. A lot of the dialog and plot is 'good bad' to the point of being laughable. You can see places where there are honestly good actors and directors working around such an unbelievably shit script written to promote the CoS cult's agenda and the result is.. Funny.
A lot of the FX is pretty good for the era and a lot of the visual concepts are at least interesting. I love how the alien's tech is almost sort of future
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Zardoz, The Room, Birdemic...
Re:Battlefield Earth sucked (Score:4, Interesting)
zardoz is great and a critically acclaimed success.
and it has some deep things to say about quite a few things, like punishments, ai, immortality and what have you..
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What do you mean, one of the worst movies ever made?
It's the worst movie ever made!
It surely deserves a place in the pantheon of bad movies, but to be exceptional, I think a bad movie has to be "so bad, it's good." That means it has to demonstrate a certain kind of ineptness that elevates it to a cult-classic of entertainment. The ineptness can be unintentional (Reefer Madness) or intentional (Attack of the Killer Tomatoes) but the ineptness has to be at the level of tragedy instead of mere lousiness.
And let's not forget the acknowledged master of bad movies Ed Wood, and his most celebrat
Four words (Score:2)
Star Wars Holiday Special.
That is all.
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Go to Red Letter Media (of the Mr. Plinkett Star Wars prequels reviews fame [redlettermedia.com]) and check out their Best of The Worst episodes. [redlettermedia.com]
Or just check out the Things [redlettermedia.com] review.
Battlefield Earth is Oscar-worthy compared to some schlock out there.
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Or the ancient fighter jet that flies with no maintenance. I'm sure he just skipped the part where the hero read a book on aircraft maintenance and fuel and rebui
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not really, to fly a harrier you have to be trained to fly... a harrier.
It is primarily a STOVL, second to being able to hover and land vertically. Generally it has to use a short runway or ramp to takeoff since it'll invariably be laden hence too heavy to lift on corner jets alone. As it's a single engine aircraft, the corner jets are gimballed giving it a far different control behaviour than a helicopter (which has three points of yaw authority (rotor head/rudder/tail rotor), two different points of pitch
Re:Battlefield Earth sucked (Score:4, Interesting)
What? I've heard this repeated many times.
The movie was awful. But it was _much better_ than the book.
The only reason I finished the book is I was very stubborn back then. Like watching a slow motion car wreck, you think 'this has to get better'. Not unlike the 'Red/Green Mars' series. They only get worse.
Re:Battlefield Earth sucked (Score:5, Funny)
Not unlike the 'Red/Green Mars' series.
How much duct tape did it take to get Red Green to Mars?
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No idea, but surely it took at least two C64's to get there.
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The book IS better... (Score:3)
You just have to read it early enough... Like when you're 11-14.
Old enough to be interested in SciFi beyond simple space opera but not yet learned enough to be repelled by bad or pulpy writing. Though Hubbard sorta-kinda covered his ass there by claiming in-universe that the book was intentionally written that way.
E.g. On the inside cover of my library copy someone wrote "money is an idea backed with confidence".
Someone found that information so novel and fascinating, they had to write it down.
On the inside
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Doesn't matter, they still sucked as hard as Battlefield Earth.
I can suspend disbelief about most things. But a Mars colony crew recruited in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead concert 6 hours after the show ended? Nope. None of them would have been on crew.
Spider Robinson wrote good books, but Kim took dad's formula and tried to put his hippie bar patrons on a NASA mission. Doesn't work. They would have died. The fact that hippies like the 'sound of it' and vote proves nothing.
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You must have loved Stargate when it came out....
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guilty.
Loved the series too, until they wrote O'Neill out as a General and got the Farscape crew in, that fucked it up completely. All they needed was that Muppet.
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Stargate has one of the biggest and most annoying technical errors ever in the more 'serious' sci-fi, it uses two versions of physics that are completely totally incompatible. In SG Wormhole gateways like the Stargates allow instant travel anywhere in time or space and Stargate ships use finite speed 'hyperdrive', but wormholes are totally incompatible with a universe where finite speed FTL travel is possible. :(
Star Trek made the same mistake in DS9 - no warp drive and wormholes...
Long distance wormholes r
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It depends on how the theoretical spaces work. You can have multiple things in the same space. Just where you're sitting, there is air, light, heat, radio waves, sound waves, gravity, probably a few neutrinos.
I just used "spaces" because I couldn't think of a more appropriate word.
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Don't worry about that.. This thing with Stargate has annoyed me for years. Have to admit that I'm actually working on the problem.. :)
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You know that Kim Stanley Robinson and Spider Robinson aren't related, right?
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Could have sworn it was his kid.
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In the book, they locked open the teleporter network to thousands of Psychlo worlds, then set a nuke off on the homeworld. The fireball washed over the teleportation fields of other teleporter platforms and ignited thousands of planets in giant nuclear fireballs.
I haven't read the book or seen the movie, but holy shit that sounds awesome.
Not quite... (Score:2)
In the book, teleporters all check in with the homeworld at a set date to send back ore and to replenish their atmosphere, food and workforce stock.
As there is no hyperspace communication or FTL travel, once the Psychlo world gets turned into a "radioactive sun", everyone just keeps checking in, one at a time, and blowing themselves up.
To clear up...
Not every planet got turned into a sun. That happens only to the main planet which had that special breathing-gas of theirs which reacted violently to uranium.
O
They used teleportation. (Score:2)
Even their aircraft worked on a form of teleportation.
As for the nukes... it was actually a case of many dirty bombs exploding under an energy shield, down through a hollowed out core of the planet which was mined for hundreds of thousands of years.
Here:
Finally they projected it. What a brilliant picture! They had thought it might be fuzzy such as you get with heat waves. But the light that had traveled for over a year was crystal-clear and straight.
There was the imperial City of Psychlo. Circular tram rails, streets down from its cliffs like conveyor belts. They even carried the idea of mining into their city design.
Huge, bustling Psychlo! The center of power of the universes. The hub of the great, cruel claw that raked the bones from planets and peoples everywhere. There was the three-hundred-two-thousand-year-old monster itself, spread out in its sadistic and ugly might!
Neither Jonnie nor Angus had ever seen a live city of that size before. A hundred million population? A billion? Not the planet, just the city above the lower plain. Look at the trams. Rails that ran in circular spirals. Cars that looked for all the world like mine cars but full of people. Mobs in the streets. Mobs! Not riots. Just Psychlos.
You ever see so many beings? Even in such a tiny size one could see mobs!
They were daunted.
They compared it to their own towns, even to their own ruined cities. These didn't measure up to it at all.
What arrogance to attack anything like that.
They were so awestruck and impressed they hadn't even been looking at the transshipment rig of Psychlo. They missed the beginning and had to track back.
They adjusted the projector lens and position to get the transshipment platform of Psychlo more centered and enlarged.
And then they saw the whole sequence, just as it had occurred right after Jonnie and Windsplitter had raced across the Earth platform.
First, there were the Psychlo workers racing out to leave the platform clear for the incoming semiannual from Earth. There were flatbeds lined up to receive coffins and personnel.
There was the first shimmer of arrival of the Psychlos Jonnie and Windsplitter had knocked down.
Then a small puff.
There were the Psychlo workmen flinching back.
A force screen had gone on! A dome over the platform had closed instantly to contain that small explosion. It could not have been an atmosphere armor cable. Some sort of shimmering, sparkling screen. Transparent but very much there.
Trucks had time to start up before anything else occurred. One huge emergency truck had lunged nearer the platform, evidently to handle the minor blast. A whole minute went by.
Then the first lethal coffin exploded!
A big âoeplanet busterâ nuclear bomb, nestled into a bed of dirty mines.
The force screen held.
The holocaust was contained. The boiling, ferocious blast had not even bulged the screen.
Then another shock as the second coffined âoeplanet busterâ went off.
The screen held! Good lord, what technology to build a screen like that. What power it must take to hold it.
Another shock inside that dome. The third planet buster. It and all its ancient, very dirty atomic bombs. The screen held.
Psychlos were racing toward it from far off. Those near the platform were flattened by concussion transmitting through the screen.
The fourth contained bomb went off. The screen still held.
But the transmitted concussion had hurled the emergency truck backward. Nearby buildings lost their glass.
The ground was shaking as though hit by gigantic earthquakes.
A nearby building suddenly dropped downward as though sucked from below. Other buildings began to go the same way.
The fifth bomb went off!
And seen in slow motion, first narrowly, then more broadly, the entire scene went into a churning, boiling mass of atomic fire.
No, something more! Molten, flaming fire was erupting in spots all over the plain.
They widened the angle quickly.
The whole Imperial City of Psychlo was sinking and all about it sprayed up rolling oceans of molten fire.
The circular trams, the mobs, the buildings, and even the towering cliffs were drowning in a tumult of liquid, yellow-green flame.
They hastily widened the view.
And they saw the entire planet of Psychlo turn into a radioactive sun!
The recording ended. They sat limp. âoeMy god,â said Angus.
Jonnie felt a little sick. Psychlos or not, he had just watched the end product of all their planning and risk a year ago, and he was hit with a feeling of guilt. It was not easy to take responsibility for that much destruction.
He had thought the bombs would wipe out the company headquarters and perhaps the imperial City. But they had created a new sun.
âoeWhat happened?â said Angus.
Jonnie looked at his feet. âoeI pulled ten tabs out of those coffins. We didn't want to set a time fuse and then have them go off on Earth. We knew the bombs were a bit contaminated. Had radiation leaks. They were old and their cases were old. We handled them in radiation suits.â
He made a dropping gesture with his hand. "In the fight, I dropped the fuse tabs on the platform. I forgot them. They must have been slightly radioactive, and when they hit the Psychlo platform, they made a small puff of explosion. They are what caused the minor recoil last year.
âoeThey triggered the force screen on Psychlo that the Chamcos mentioned. And that force screen was good enough and strong enough to contain the blasts.
âoeI read in a book Char had that the crust of Psychlo is riddled with abandoned mine shafts and tunnels, a complete sieve. They call it semicore mining. The blasts went down. One after another they pounded deeper and deeper toward the molten core of Psychlo.
âoeThe fifth explosion penetrated the core. The next five exploded in that.
âoeI think all a nuclear weapon does is simulate a chain reaction into existence. And in addition to blowing out the planet crust, the fusion continued. And is probably still going on and may well go on for millions of years.
"Psychlo is no longer a planet. It 's a flaming sun!â
Angus nodded. âoeAnd all the transshipment rigs in the whole Psychlo empire, keeping schedule, not knowing about it, fired into that radioactive sun and blew themselves to bits!â
Jonnie nodded, a bit spent. âoeJust like we did in Denver a year later.â He shuddered. "Terl fired himself into a holocaust. Poor Terl.â
That's what it took to yank Angus out of it. âoePoor Terl! After all the rotten things the demon did? Jonnie, I sometimes wonder about you. You can be cool as ice and then all of a sudden you come out with something like 'poor Terl'!'
âoeIt would be an awful way to die,â said Jonnie.
Angus straightened up. âoeWell!â he said just like he had popped up out of a dive in the lake. "Psychlo is gone! The empire is gone! And that's one thing we don't have to worry about anymore! Good riddance!â
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To be fair, they took a 1200 page book and made a movie that was an hour and 20 minutes long. How much can you really expect.
If you added up all the LOTR books together it is about the same size, and they made 3 movies that were like 12h long if you look at the extended versions.
I liked the book, the movie of course was disappointing. However as some pointed out, there are plenty of worse movies out there. However the real analysis of "Worst Movie Ever" has to be some index of Movie Budget VS Movie Suckage
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uh, where'd you get that time from? BFE is 1h58m.
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Math isn't my strong suit apparently...
I originally said 1.5h, then looked at wiki:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B... [wikipedia.org]
saw the "17min" and changed it lol... apparently my memory is better than my maths...
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I was gonna say, not only was that abortion a waste of two hours of my life, it made me think it'd taken 45 minutes I didn't have in the first place?? o.0
To borrow a colloquialism, "LOL". And "Movies so full of holes they have time warps".
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The book was good
Any idea who wrote it?
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He was quite well regarded by Clarke and Heinlein, but definitiely not in the same rank as them when it came to writing. He could churn out money making words though.
Don't actually set your clock to 1981 (Score:5, Funny)
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Ok, that is a nerd joke right there. Mod parent up!
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I have admit this was my first thought. Probably only because I had an upstream ntp server kak on me last week.
Weak "yea" I guess on this (Score:2)
Re:Weak "yea" I guess on this (Score:4, Insightful)
IMO, you won't miss much. I was bored before it actually started, by the director's monotone, talking about how wonderful a film it was, and how Lucas copied him in one of the SW movies. Yawn. Then, the opening credits took about five minutes (which is to say, five minutes of Scottish scenery, with bland music, followed by a few seconds of the title), then about five minutes of the protagonist riding his horse though Scottish scenery, with bland music. So you're nearly halfway through before anything happens at all, including dialog.
And whoever choreographed the fight scene has never been in the same room with an actual sword - they couldn't even cut the scene well enough to hide the fact that the protagonist is staring constantly as the stunt man's hands to avoid breaking his fingers.
So, as I said, you won't miss much. Unless you like Scottish scenery and bland music.
Re: Weak "yea" I guess on this (Score:2)
I would also add that this film short needs much tighter editing (my sense is that this could be cut down to 6 minutes), and a lot of the footage is dark, muddy, because there wasn't enough lighting on set.
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Re: Weak "yea" I guess on this (Score:2)
yeah, I turned it off after nine minutes and switched to Adam Savage building a Kirk chair, which was more dramatic and better-shot. The director was both disrespectful of the audience's time and too lazy to use more than one camera on any given scene, or go back and get secondary photography with the o. I was watching his long zooms and imagining all the obvious good shots he was ignoring. Poor UK folk who didn't know to show up 30 minutes late to ESB. The dude was incredibly lucky to get the opportu
Re: Weak "yea" I guess on this (Score:2)
yeah, I turned it off after nine minutes and switched to Adam Savage building a Kirk chair, which was more dramatic and better-shot. The director was both disrespectful of the audience's time and too lazy to use more than one camera on any given scene, or go back and get secondary photography with the one camera he could afford to rent. I was watching his long zooms and imagining all the obvious good shots he was ignoring. Poor UK folk who didn't know to show up 30 minutes late to ESB.
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'American Graffiti' was good, George's last good movie.
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I remember that I liked 'Star Wars.' Not enough to see any of the sequels, tho. I have a faint memory of enjoying it in the theater in 1977.
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I had a long conversation over lunch just a couple years ago with a Star Wars actress, the content of said conversation shall remain private. Jus' sayin', "I had lunch with Camie Loneozner!" :D
Battlefield Earth (Score:1)
Christian is also known for directing 2000's Battlefield Earth
Which is, among other things, a very funny movie - after i saw it, i always wondered why it is considered "one of the worse movies" (as i read about in some "lists")... people missed its humor.
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Are you sure you're not thinking about Starship Troopers? I liked the over-the-top parody of "everything is militarized" point of view from the first day I saw it.
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Are you sure you're not thinking about Starship Troopers? I liked the over-the-top parody of "everything is militarized" point of view from the first day I saw it.
I am sure i am thinking about Battlefield Earth - more sure because after i posted my comment i saw an earlier writing "Battlefield Earth... sucks"! I even double cheched in the internet before i anwser to you...
Never watched Starship Troopers - i will check it. By the way, one reason i liked Battlefield Earth was because its humor had much to do with "military relations" (i cant think a good term in English), and it reminded me many things from my own military service.
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It's the modern "Plan 9 from Outer Space": So bad it's good.
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It's the modern "Plan 9 from Outer Space": So bad it's good.
But Battlefield Earth was supposed to be funny (as it was... i think!), more of a "parodic" way, not in a ridiculous way as "Plan 9 from Outer Space" ended up to be - well, haters gonna hate...
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The funniest part about BE? The clams think it's a good book and the movie was a disappointment.
In fact the director did an admirable job of taking a total POS book and making a slightly less bad movie out of it.
The worst part about BE the book? It set the clams off on the 'Invasion Earth' series, which is EVEN WORSE. Especially the early ones L. Ron had a hand in.
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And i glad someone other than me also finds it "NOT the worst movie ever" - actually, as i said I find it funny enough!
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I thought church brass got their finger into the mix and mucked it up because they are newbies at directing and driven by ideological concerns.
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Seriously? (Score:3, Informative)
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I felt the implied recommendation was a new low for Slashdot.
About 3 minutes of story dragged out over 30 minutes.
(At least, I hope there was a story beyond just a creepy pedophile stalking a child and attempting to murder her legal guardian for reasons I prefer not to try to imagine.)
Is there a spoiler explanation somewhere ? (Score:2)
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I have watched it, and I know the story as shown, but there are a lot of symbolism which escapes me.
No there isn't. That is the movie. It really is just shit.
A half hour shot to hell.... (Score:1)
Good god. I only watched it cause I had a half hour to kill before picking up the kid from school. The time would have been better spent picking lint from my navel.
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You must have considerably more navel lint that I do.
Uh, where's Jessica Alba (Score:2)
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There is another Dark Angel, it's got Dolph Lundgren in it.
"I come in peace!"
"And you go in pieces, asshole."
Just no (Score:5, Funny)
This may be the best half-hour you spend today
Only if the other 23.5 hours were spent getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick. What a load of crap.
In other cinema news... (Score:2)
"Men's Rights Activists Call for Boycott of 'Mad Max: Fury Road,' Citing Feminist Agenda"
http://www.hollywoodreporter.c... [hollywoodreporter.com]
The real money shot of this article is this quote from the "men's rights activist":
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We didn't steal Mad Max. It is an Australian character, written by Australians, acted by Australians and directed by Australians.
Mad Max is as American as kangaroos.
Hell, even Tom Hardy the new Mad Max, is a British actor.
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Mel Gibson was born in New York, didn't move to Australia until after he had turned ten.
Jussayin'.
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Wow. That is certainly the first time I've ever seen someone describing Mad Max as "socialist". Oh, us poor men, to be duped by explosions and pretty women into watching communist propaganda! Before you know it, we'll sing the International, while embracing our inner female. Shortly after that, the USA will fall to North Korea and we're all going to be enslaved in the uranium mines...
Well, this certainly made my day! Thank you ;)
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To be fair, Australia loves to emulate the US. A lot of our car culture comes from the US with our most popular cars having big American engines that produce stupidly low amounts of power for their displacement as well as handling that wouldn't be envied by a river barge.
The Ford Falcons used in the original Mad Max were basically American designs made in Australia.
I'm kind of curious how they consider it an assault on mens rights... but I'm worried that the
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GM has shut down Holden. But as a consolation, you'll be allowed to buy the Corvette in oz now.
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No, ALL the Mad Max movies were directed by George Miller, who is Australian. The characters are all Australian. None of the Mad Max movies were made by Americans. They are all set in the Australian outback and MADE IN AUSTRALIA.
The funny thing about GamerGate is that they think they know their stuff, but really, they don't know anything about the what they claim to love.
Nope. Not eve
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The funny thing about GamerGate is that they think they know their stuff, but really, they don't know anything about the what they claim to love.
Especially integrity in gaming journalism. Man, I miss the days when I was young and Nintendo Power seemed awesome. Well, the Zelda maps were pretty cool...
Not the original title (Score:2)
It was actually called "White Angel", until 2008 when Lucas decided it wasn't urban enough, and CG'd the titular character.
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... and you're still a virgin at the end of the day. Otherwise, no.