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Kim Jong Un Claims To Have Cured AIDS, Ebola and Cancer 162

jones_supa writes: North Korea has created a wonder drug which not only cures AIDS, but also eradicates Ebola and cancer — at least, according to the latest proclamation from the country's news agency. Their announcement says the miracle cure consists of ginseng grown from fertilizer and rare earth elements. The drug's website cites a medical study in Africa where the product was tested on HIV-positive patients. It records that every single participant in the trial noted an improvement, with 56% being completely cured and 44% noting a considerable improvement in their condition. Among other benefits, the North Korean scientists also revealed that the drug is capable of curing a number of cancers, but did not provide details of the medical trials which support this claim. It's also good to remember that the state has previously claimed that Kim Jong Il invented the hamburger.
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Kim Jong Un Claims To Have Cured AIDS, Ebola and Cancer

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  • This should be the theme of the next direct-to-video film
  • by Pseudonym Authority ( 1591027 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @11:51AM (#49951991)
    Unicorn blood [wikia.com] is well know to stop a person from dying, no matter how sick or injured. Pretty convient that N. Korea just so happens to invent a miracle drug just three years after finding a unicorn [theguardian.com].
    • by bondsbw ( 888959 )

      I knew I couldn't trust North Korea.

    • No. They don't use unicorn blood. The fertilizer they use is made from unicorn poop.
    • The article doesn't mention the possibility of extracting the blood without killing the unicorn. This seems like a much better approach - the unicorn can be kept penned and safe, and will provide many times the volume with a recurring extraction over the course of its life than could be taken in a single killing.

  • by rubycodez ( 864176 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @11:57AM (#49952005)

    The medicinal herb also cures diabetes and morbid obesity; just look at the chiselled energetic body of the leader!

  • by Mule Skinner ( 4031017 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @11:57AM (#49952007)

    You can get rid of all kinds of infectious diseases simply by starving your cities to the point where there aren't enough able-bodied people left to transmit the disease to each other.

    And most cancer can be cured by lowering your country's life expectancy to under the age where those cancers start to form.

    So look at the bright side, North Korea!

    • And most cancer can be cured by lowering your country's life expectancy to under the age where those cancers start to form.

      Ahhh so they'll invent the paleo diet next?

  • If I have to go to North Korea I think I'll take my chances without that drug. (That is assuming it works, And I don't think it's quite the right time for this broken clock to be right.)
  • by arpad1 ( 458649 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @12:00PM (#49952023)

    I also cured AIDS, Ebola and Cancer. What are the chances?

  • for the rest of the world
  • by zedaroca ( 3630525 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @12:04PM (#49952043)
    Actually being sold in NK. It's hard to believe they have said that and easy to picture a scam involving the three websites on the post. I give the guy no credibility, but if people continue dying after the miracle drug, how is he going to explain?
    • I give the guy no credibility, but if people continue dying after the miracle drug, how is he going to explain?

      "Ah, I see young Kim Yeongchol has passed on; this is truly a sad occurrence and all of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea is lessened by the loss, especially when they are taken so young. Well, this is just a routine investigation into the cause of death; I understand you, his family, are troubled by grief and sorrow so I shall strive to make this as quick and painless as possible. Name, tim

  • by geoskd ( 321194 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @12:05PM (#49952047)

    I wonder if his own propaganda department is trying to be insubordinate by making claims that are so fantastic and provably false. A claim like this is likely to be widely discredited within N. Korea, as everyone who dies of one of these diseases is proof against the claims. His PR people have to know that, so why make the claim in the first place? My suspicion is that they actually want The claims to be proven false, and for Kim Jong to be discredited. Active insubordination without having done anything they can, or will, be executed for.

    • by Anonymous Coward

      I wonder if his own propaganda department is trying to be insubordinate by making claims that are so fantastic and provably false. A claim like this is likely to be widely discredited within N. Korea, as everyone who dies of one of these diseases is proof against the claims. His PR people have to know that, so why make the claim in the first place? My suspicion is that they actually want The claims to be proven false, and for Kim Jong to be discredited. Active insubordination without having done anything they can, or will, be executed for.

      Nice theory, but why do you think you have to do anything to be executed in NK?

    • by mjensen ( 118105 )

      "...everyone who dies of one of these diseases is proof against the claims..."

      But can the average North Korean pay the price for the drug? Or will gullible/rich Americans pay to get a fake cure?

      • by Tailhook ( 98486 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @06:28PM (#49953587)

        can the average North Korean pay the price ... ?

        North Korea provides free health care, which they can afford because they also carefully regulate caloric intake, so there are no fat North Koreans with chronic health problems. Also, no nation on Earth does more to combat climate change; wasteful night-time lighting, for instance, is basically not used outside Pyongyang, and North Koreans citizens don't drive gas guzzling SUVs. Finally, North Korea has achieved extremely uniform income equality; except for North Korea's benevolent rulers there are effectively no rich people in North Korea at all.

        It's a liberal paradise, now with free a AIDs cure.

    • It won't be discredited anymore than any of the other miracles of religion are. For this kind of stuff to be discredited you need journalists with cameras and travel options.
    • by Martin Blank ( 154261 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @03:03PM (#49952741) Homepage Journal

      According to a few documentaries and some defectors, the degree of belief varies widely from outright contempt to complete subservience to all claims. However, determining where someone is on the scale can be extremely difficult because the habit of worshipping the Kim family (if only to not go to prison with three generations of your family) become so ingrained as to be reflexes, even if they are angry or laughing on the inside every time they bow and cry out how great the Dear Leader is.

    • by Herve5 ( 879674 )

      Remember, in NK even the radio receptors are controlled. (what they call a 'radio' indeed is an amplified loudspeaker connected to a *wire* coming to your house and bringing the only one state channel allowed. And possessing a real radio set ==> jail)
      So, this leads to a situation where you really control everything known to your popuation.
      Nobody in NK can even suspect we are having this discussion at this moment. Their only information channel tells them Cancer just has been cured, by a NK recipe, in afr

  • Here is how I would do it. First, load up several million thumb drives with movies and TV shows offering a view of life as it is lived today on the outside. Nothing American, just about how the other Koreans live in the free part of the country. The thumb drive is already established as an underground form of communication in NK, but up to now they are being smuggled a few at a time across the Chinese border.

    Now drop them into North Korean cities from high-flying, undetectable B-2s. It won't take long for f

    • by Anonymous Coward

      Thumb drive delivery using B-2s? Seems a bit excessive. If you need air delivery, balloons would probably be more cost effective.

      Or guys with backpacks. Though what they're going to watch the content on is beyond me.

      • Ballons are already being used, from South Korea. The regime knows that it survives only if the mass of people know nothing about what life is like outside, especially just outside. And yes, video content on thumb drives is a de facto standard there.

        • by Martin Blank ( 154261 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @03:19PM (#49952795) Homepage Journal

          The regime survives not because the masses don't know what life is like (there are somewhere between hundreds of thousands and millions of illicit radios, TVs, DVD players, and flash-memory-based video players in the country). It survives because the masses are incapable of fighting if for no other reason than malnutrition, let alone the fear of reprisal. Almost one in ten of the population is in the military, and the military is first in line for food. The remaining population, especially outside of the major cities, lives on subsistence food at best, often handouts from the United Nations. The average caloric intake is somewhere in the region of 2100 calories per day, but the military and the well-connected probably skew this badly. Those not connected often get far less, and those in prison camps fight over kernels of grain found in manure, and consider themselves lucky if a swarm of insects comes into the camp.

          When you barely have enough food to make it to the next day, you certainly do not have enough food to fight back. Any internal change in the regime is going to come from the military, not from the people.

    • by kesuki ( 321456 )

      no you need to go to Shenzhen order 10,000 tablets and then load the videos on TF/SD cards and then your scheme might work. assuming they can figure out how to press the start button on the tablets. hmm maybe directions too, yeah wont work without directions

    • by AqD ( 1885732 )

      Not cities, just army bases. He couldn't survive without military.

      But how would a free and united Korea help us?

  • by rebelwarlock ( 1319465 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @12:12PM (#49952085)
    At least put this story on idle or something. Some dictator claiming stupid shit is hardly new, and it's certainly not something anyone needs to concern themselves with.
  • I mean c'mon, most of the community know that the moron lie to his people all the time.

    Eventually he won't be able to hide the truth when access to communication will be more and more easily available and his "realm" will eventually revolt and head straight into a civil war. But until then, he could blather he fucked the president dog to show dominance for all I care.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    Kim Jong Un is the Hamburgler!

  • Unfortunately for him, they still haven't cured gout.
  • by Anonymous Coward

    ... the cured the sick using acute lead poisoning of the multiple entry type.

    • A cure for suicide by shooting oneself in the back ...23 times, also seems to be particularly evasive.
  • by Anonymous Coward

    Many people believe that carrot juice and fruit juice diets are a cure to cancer and other deadly illnesses.

    Maybe he just spent a little too much time on the Internet!

  • by Dcnjoe60 ( 682885 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @12:41PM (#49952195)

    And that is different than the US Congress declaring climate change doesn't exist?

    • by phantomfive ( 622387 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @01:56PM (#49952541) Journal

      And that is different than the US Congress declaring climate change doesn't exist?

      Yes, because the opposite happened [slate.com].

  • You have AIDS? You know what the punishment is, right? WOW, I feel better now. Must have been the ginseng.
  • ... just infect Kim with AIDS and Ebola, then cure him ... as for cancer, some additional radioactive contamination might do ...
    I guess once they've proved it works, they'll be able to sell it to the whole world, finally taking care of their people's hunger problem ... oh, right, they'll just spend it on their military instead ... after all, for what does Kim need a people?

  • by penguinoid ( 724646 ) on Saturday June 20, 2015 @01:36PM (#49952449) Homepage Journal

    Their announcement says the miracle cure consists of ginseng grown from fertilizer and rare earth elements.

    They misspelled "bullet".

  • by Anonymous Coward
    You have to give North Korea credit. When the US government lies or distorts the truth it is never funny. When Russia, China, the UK, and all the rest of them (except that Iraqi Information Minister - that guy was 'the bomb') lie it is likewise tragic not comic. North Korea? Comedy gold! Those guys make up some of the funniest shit. Keep it coming DPRK.
  • .... now he should turn his attention to obesity.
  • Crystal meth is widely given out (especilly in the bad years) to starving people in North Korea, often enough as a curte-all. It helps keep the hunger pangs at bay if nothing else.
  • Unfortunately the drug delivery system explodes half way to the patient... :P :P :P

  • Not drinking that KoolAid!
  • While these claims are probably ridiculous and with no merit, don't underestimate the speed at which medical research can progress under a regime which doesn't have morals holding the researchers back...
    The nazis made significant progress.

  • Soon we'll hear how North Koreans can drive the cars they don't have on water without any external energy supply. Also, they'll produce, without any energy use, a form of air that's so nutritious that there will be no need for food thus traditional agriculture will be unnecessary.

    I hate to give them any new ideas about productive research possibilities that might come from the curious US workers with garages and an advertising budget, but you never know.
  • Too bad they can't create a miracle drug for crazy dictators.
  • Conspicuously, Kim Jong-un offers no claim on how his Snake Oil affects vascular diseases leading to stroke (Kim Il-sung's demise [wikipedia.org]) or cardiac arrest (Kim Jong-il's killer [wikipedia.org]). If North Koreans (and the world) are lucky, he won't find a cure for those ailments.

  • ... efforts continue in North Korea in search of a cure for bad haircuts.

  • No, not curing it...
  • I'm not so sure a lead injection into the skull qualifies as a cure, nor as an improvement in condition.

    Try again, North Korea!

  • I think you'll find his miracle cure more closely resembles a bullet.

  • The title is wrong: It seems that North Korea do not claim Kim Jong Un himself invented it.

    This is a relevant point because propaganda previously presented Kim Jong Il as a scientist, a poet, an inventor, and whatever

  • Kin Shorty Yo Yo Pants can't be fixed. The boy not only slipped his anchor his brains obviously fell out his exit portal.
  • You don't have to invent anything. All you have to do is get the patent.

    The hamburger, or a cure for AIDS can be done by anyone, but it will end up being the property of whoever has the most lawyers and lobbyists. So who's better off, us or them?

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