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Internal Documents Reveal NSA Cafeteria Sucks (vice.com) 91

Posted by msmash from the ouch dept.
An anonymous reader writes: As reported by Motherboard, Emily Crose, a FOIA researcher, obtained emailed complaints showing how life at the NSA can be incredibly mundane:

"The cafe menu items and pricing are out of control! Weighing the food to get more money, the scales are not properly adjusted, ripping us off. They stopped serving fried eggs at the OPS1 breakfast bar because it's faster and cheaper to get them. Now if you go to the grill the price is inflated. What's the difference between the grilled chicken at the grill and the grilled chick at the chicken shack?"

A person who used to work in the intelligence community told that they could confirm that the NSA cafeteria is "depressingly bad." "Maybe not the worst cafeteria I've ever eaten in but worse than the time I ate at US run military base mess hall," they said, asking to remain anonymous.


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Internal Documents Reveal NSA Cafeteria Sucks More

Internal Documents Reveal NSA Cafeteria Sucks

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  • ..."Stuff that Matters".

    • Re:"News for Nerds" (Score:4, Insightful)

      by irving47 ( 73147 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @05:16PM (#61622901) Homepage

      NSA, by many many accounts is one of the biggest tech. employers anywhere.... It's every bit as relevant as the free food we've heard about for years at Google.

      • Heh. No government job, no matter if you are saving the world for freedom or whatever, is going to have 1/1000 of the perks of google, I promise you that.

        Here, you want a cup of coffee? FUCK YOU!

        normally, if an employee desires a cup of coffee during office hours the employee would be expected to provide it at his own expense. he may bring it from home, purchase it in the office cafeteria or snack bar, from vending machines, or make such other provisions as may be suitable to him and to his agency. in o

        • Coffee is for closers.

        • Re: (Score:2)

          by Bert64 ( 520050 )

          It (should be) a little different for agencies which deal with sensitive data...
          If food/drinks are not provided inside the agency, or they are overpriced or poor quality then the employees are more likely to leave the compound to seek commercial sources nearby.
          This creates inconvenience for the employees and wastes time as there are often slow security processes for getting in and out of such buildings.
          It also creates opportunities for adversaries, as they can monitor the nearby establishments where employe

          • I don't remember it as being that bad, but it was a while ago. Nothing to write home about, but they did a decent Caesar salad on occasions, and other stuff was't so bad. You just had to avoid the fry-up area, although my boss always went for that. But then again he was ex-Navy and thought sliders and bug juice were haute cuisine...
            • Read to the end and saw the mention of Sodexho, which I never knew was French despite their name being all over everything there (they were called Sodexho when I was there rather than the named Sodexo, I guess they redacted the 'h' since then). Which leads to an obvious question, why is a French company runing the kaff there?

              • US Federal cafeteria contracts (Score:1)

                by Anonymous Coward
                Sodexo seems to have a monopoly supplying cafeterias to US Federal agencies all over the DC area. I've seen them inside HHS and USDA HQs. At one of the DOJ buildings, and near the VA buildings, these cafeterias are open to the public and outside of any security zone for sure, and no doubt are merely contractual cafeterias just to 'be close' to said agencies.

                These cafeterias are open early for breakfast (thank goodness!) and then shift to lunch promptly at eleven (trust me, I'm not big on eggs). Just like

                • Re: (Score:1)

                  by Anonymous Coward
                  Also, the overpriced, mediocre menu/buffet is the same in all of these cafeterias. Go figure.

        • Here, you want a cup of coffee? FUCK YOU!

          Over here it's because of the Daily Mail factor that always has the politicians running scared.

          The EVIL government SPENT TEN MILLION POUNDS on COFFEE!!1oneomgwtfWTFoneELEVEN11!

          Byline: let the hate flow through you

          It works because people are thick and don't understand scale. They would flip their shit before realising that's 8p per civil servant per day. Maybe enough for 1 cuppa. And certainly better value providing it than essentially spending money for the employee'

    • "Stuff that Matters"

      Only nerds work at the NSA.

    • Internal Documents Reveal NSA Sucks.
      That is not a revelation, we already knew.

  • contractor sucks same one does schools & locku (Score:4, Interesting)

    by Joe_Dragon ( 2206452 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @04:52PM (#61622793)

    contractor sucks same one does schools & lockups

    • In my limited experience, food services provided by company employees ("in-house") is almost always better in cost and quality than food services provided by a contractor ("out-house").

  • Talk about slacking off. We have to hear about this from Motherboard and some random FOIA researcher? Where the fuck is Snowden? ;-)

    • Talk about slacking off. We have to hear about this from Motherboard and some random FOIA researcher? Where the fuck is Snowden? ;-)

      Eating Borscht in Russia, last I heard. I wonder it it is better or worse that the cafeteria at NSA.

  • In related news ... (Score:4, Funny)

    by fahrbot-bot ( 874524 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @04:59PM (#61622815)

    From TFA:

    "With all the problems going on with the [REDACTED] cafeteria an increase in pricing should be the last thing they are worried about," the employee concluded.

    I think "[REDACTED]" would be (or is?) a great name for their cafeteria -- or maybe their retirement plan.

  • For Pete's sake, it's not rocket science.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by Entrope ( 68843 )

      The drug sniffing dog at the gate will just eat your bologna sandwich instead. (Do they have drug sniffing dogs at the gate there?) Maybe the security guard will confiscate your dangerous apple, which contains amygdalin in the seeds, which can degrade into hydrogen cyanide!

  • It is like the airport (Score:3)

    by fermion ( 181285 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @05:16PM (#61622897) Homepage Journal
    You have to find workers that can get through security. And who knows what bribes had to be made to get the concession.

  • Eat Eslewhere (Score:5, Interesting)

    by crow ( 16139 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @05:16PM (#61622899) Homepage Journal

    What they really don't want is for their employees to go and eat elsewhere. Most companies are somewhat concerned about employees leaking confidential internal plans and such, but the NSA really shouldn't be encouraging employees to leave for lunch. Bad cafeteria food could be considered a national security issue.

    • Re: (Score:1)

      by rtb61 ( 674572 )

      Well, they are nasty pervy bastards, so perhaps they are just getting the food they deserve at a price they deserve to pay. There is a solution, I will not provide it, they are nasty pervy bastards and deserve shite overpriced food ;DDD.

    • Cafes at lunch are not a good conduit for information leakage. Get to a nearby bar shortly after work finished, spend the evening at the bar and wait for the moderately alcoholic employees to start blabbing.

    • What they really don't want is for their employees to go and eat elsewhere.

      Word is, the GRU cafe's deee-licous!

  • It could be worse [google.com].

  • When you're hungry you're hungry!

  • You Would Think... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Thelasko ( 1196535 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @05:21PM (#61622919) Journal
    You would think it would be hard to find cooks that pass all of the background checks. However, the U.S. Navy [navy.com] produces a large number of highly qualified cooks and chefs. This is because, with nuclear powered ships, the dietary needs of the crew are the primary factor limiting the ship's battle readiness. [youtu.be] I should hope a few of them could meet the requirements.

    Celebrity Chef Robert Irvine [wikipedia.org] is a graduate of a similar program for the UK's Royal Navy.

    The NSA just needs to get the Navy to operate the cafeteria.

    • but the bribes made to get in will be lost

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by tlhIngan ( 30335 )

      You would think it would be hard to find cooks that pass all of the background checks. However, the U.S. Navy produces a large number of highly qualified cooks and chefs. This is because, with nuclear powered ships, the dietary needs of the crew are the primary factor limiting the ship's battle readiness. I should hope a few of them could meet the requirements.

      Celebrity Chef Robert Irvine is a graduate of a similar program for the UK's Royal Navy.

      The NSA just needs to get the Navy to operate the cafeteria.

      I

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by dfn5 ( 524972 )

      However, the U.S. Navy [navy.com] produces a large number of highly qualified cooks and chefs.

      Jordan Tate: "You're not a cook"
      Casey Ryback: "Yeah, well... I also cook"

    • > The NSA just needs to get the Navy to operate the cafeteria.

      Nope, not even that. Just run the NSA cafeteria(s) like the Pentagon. They contract out popular food vendors, and screen their own military personnel as employees. Hell, get the military to provide the employees; they already have an infrastructure in place, and food workers are still a security issue, whether its the Pentagon or the NSA.

  • We may never know (Score:5, Funny)

    by cpt kangarooski ( 3773 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @05:26PM (#61622945) Homepage

    Too bad that no one here is likely to have a high enough clearance to find out what the mystery meat actually consists of.

  • This is gonna bite them in the ass (Score:4, Interesting)

    by Opportunist ( 166417 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @05:35PM (#61622961)

    In my work, we have top notch food at our lunch place. I wouldn't call it a cafeteria, it's more like a dining room. Great food for cheap.

    Why?

    Because they DO NOT want you to leave for lunch with your coworkers, where you could potentially be talking about something that nobody outside should hear.

    NSA? We do offer security consulting. I think you're in dire need of something like that.

  • A notable feature of the James Bond novels are the many descriptions of the spy's meals. Maybe this was because the commissary was so bland. The Bond novels are not meant to be accurate but maybe here there was something to them.

  • My personal experience is that Navy base food is very good. Probably because the Navy learned through long experience that shipboard food as an important influence on moral. Unfortunately the US Navy does not provide alcohol on their ships unlike both the British and French.

    • Re:Go Navy (Score:4, Funny)

      by ghoul ( 157158 ) on Monday July 26, 2021 @11:18PM (#61623851)
      The US Navy wants to see some initiative in its sailors. A crew that cant set up its own still will never win a fight.

    • > Unfortunately the US Navy does not provide alcohol on their ships

      Haven't since WW2, so they were probably on to something (like avoiding needless deaths from alcohol related errors). Also, I believe the Royal Navy has gone dry as well, at least in the past decade or two.

  • He compared to Military Cafeteria in article in summary, oh boy. That was some of the best food ever, and it only cost like 3-5$ per meal, practically buffet. Though it did vary a HUGELY going from place to place. Like at the same military installation one cafeteria can be 2x better than another one 5 minute walk away. Forget about Iraq/Afghanistan cafeterias at big bases.... those were literal food palaces, like Golden Corral would be sitting in the corner crying compared to that.

  • Ivy league alums with a six figure job-for-life, bonus pension, and health insurance can't have a fried egg and a toast, which take five minutes to cook, for breakfast.

  • I usually love to eat at goverment cafeterias/lunchrooms.

    They are often dirt cheap, very tasty and less crowded than public restaurants. Sure, they only have a small amount of choice per day but usually it is good enough. And in many cases they are even open to the public, they are just not allowed to advertise themselves.

    For example last month I ate at our local cafeteria at the mayor hall. They offered a pretty good greek mixed grilled meat plate for slightly more half the price of a good greek restaurant

    • I ate at the Library of Congress cafeteria maybe 24 years ago. It was open to the public, was good, and had an interesting job posting board with a position for a film archivist willing to work at a temperature of something like 40 F.

  • Imagine, if you will, a hot dog bun with one cheap fishstick and 1/4 slice of cheap pasteurized, processed, cheese food product. Cold or microwaved. Your choice.

    One place I worked at had this as a regular menu item.

    • Re: (Score:3)

      by cstacy ( 534252 )

      Imagine, if you will, a hot dog bun with one cheap fishstick and 1/4 slice of cheap pasteurized, processed, cheese food product. Cold or microwaved. Your choice.

      One place I worked at had this as a regular menu item.

      And now, forever sentenced to a life of less than mediocre culinary options, Mr. Steen will dream of leaving one place where the fishes lie down in the dog buns. "One place" that we know, as The Twilight Zone.

  • Sounds like the NSA got a School Lunch Vendor.
    If you want real food and sometimes free food, try Apple, Google, Facebook, Zynga, LinkedIN/Microsoft, Trip Advisory, Twitter, HP, and Ford.

    When the vendor is incentivized to make the most profit while providing the cheapest food to a captive audience, this is the result.

    New NSA Hiring Slogan?
    "Come work at the NSA, our food sucks but at least you can creep on your old girlfriends."

  • Right, they unquestioningly believe all that nonsense and then report it. In particular, an agency that has locations all over the country, and the world, has only one cafeteria. Yeah, right.

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